I'll just do some brief runthroughs on the meatloaf and the tacos.
Meatloaf Madness
1. Jack's wearing the long lost Tangerine, Orange Idiot Cap, and anal grease and Cafe Sign are still up.
2. Julia recommended and preferred mixing her beef with turkey. Of course Jack instead wanted pork because it has more fat and Julia Childs did state it was an alternative you could use.
3. In all honesty his ingredients barring his obsession with using fucking shreddy cheese and nuclear garlic is right; you don't use the rice if you use pork.
4. I strongly suspect Jack has confused Julia with Paula Dean due to stating she always used butter. Strokebrain strikes again.
5. Jack gets angy due to forgetting about two ingredients in the list and loud talks about them. He is genuinely enraged that he fucked up in not introduced them due to his virulent and severe narcissism.
6. So Jack on the onions hideously goddamn failed due to being too lazy to mince, and due to being a retard who only sees the range top on the oven in two states: Off and Max Heat.
6b. Onions are way too big for the meatloaf and you're just going to get horkin' chunks. My family recipe meatloaf actually doesn't mind having larger bits, but still they'd need to be halved and quartered.
7. So anyways Jack burns them since he doesn't understand that "softening until they just start to brown" is different from "sautee until they char".
8. And yes, the others were right and Jack did speed up the music when he was mixing this shit together. What only one seemed to have caught was he was a moron who did not crush his atomic garlic into a paste so you didn't get full chunks of that shit in your mouth.
9. "I mixed it... I stuffed it..." ~ Jack on meat twinks
10. Jack actually gets the internal reading wrong on when you pull out the loaf; he says until its 165, but actually the magic number is 155. This is because if you let it cool down, the internals will rise to the proper heat level.
10b. She also provided times so you could just set them to be done in like an hour and twenty minutes. Since Jack went hard on the temp and given what it looks like when it's done, I strongly predict he put the thing in the oven at a hotter temperature and lied about that.
11. Jack rationalizes that he didn't need to put in any rice into it. He says it's because you use pork instead of turkey... I say it's because he is scared of the concept of having more yucky not-meat in the food.
12. Final result looks over done on the top but edible on first glance, which to me is a case of either higher heat or him being retarded and putting it near the broiler.
12b. Also the reason you would probably have it on a pan? Because it allowed all parts of the exterior barring the bottom develop that patina.
13. Jack says it looks beautiful, I think he needed to let it rest a bit more. Also that horkin' chunk of garlic is gonna fuck with the flavor profile.
14. "It's just fallin apart literally" ~ A sign he over cooked it or needed more binders
15. Jack had to fade-cut because he hated it, and then after trying to hype this event just barely remembered he needed to protect his ego and lie about how he totally nailed it by pretending his sense of taste works.
So yeah, good job dumbass you fucked up one of the easiest recipes already. Anyways, I promised two so here's the diagnostics for:
The Taco Terror
1. Jack's wearing a new shirt. In honor of
@Jack of the Lantern , I'm dubbing it the Panhead since Jack is subnormal. Orange Idiot cap is still on, the Cafe sign and bacon grease still out.
2. Jack is desperately trying to hype and sell his dead channel to an audience of none; his desperate need for adoration is not being met.
2b. Jack end the desperate cry for help by blatantly goddamn lying about watching Julia Childs. I don't think he ever did given he only got into cooking to sell his scam sauce.
3. So Jack's using pre-seasoned steak for this. They're covered with rosemary and pepper, the former of which I'd not use for tacos at all.
4. Jack shockingly is right about how indirect heat doesn't always mean smoking. In this case though we'll need to see if he actually knows where to put the steak though.
5. Jack of course is going to eyeball the amount of seasoning for this shitshow, meaning he'll want a big goddamn pile of it.
5b. You know what I do? I season the meat in the mix I make as I go, since I can tell by density of seasoning when I'm good. Any excess I just keep or toss depending on how much I've made and how much I've used.
6. Anyways, Jack's seasoning shit he's supposedly making into taco meat with steak/barbecue rub rather than actual taco seasonings like chili powder, paprika, cumin, and oregano as examples.
7. Jack uses way too goddamn much of the rub mix in the bowl, since he's a special needs person who needs to cover the bottom to feel like it's enough.
8. After using what seems to be 1/5th a whole fucking container of steak rub, he puts on Anti-Tammy hot seasoning and lies about caring about if others think it's too hot, FUCKING SWEETENER ON THIS FUCKING THING TOO AAAAAA-
8b. No, seriously. He puts a fucking sweetener on the meat. I've used sugar before, but if this is for tacos, it's fucked. Hell, if you're expecting it to be a good barbecued meal you're fucked with these flavors.
9. Jack can't be arsed to fucking mix the powders together and half-assedly swirls them together. Ironically, this is where I uses a fork since it helps blend them together.
10. The entire hunk of tri-tip is DROWNING in the seasoning. Goddamn it already looks terrible.
10b. "It looks beautiful" ~ A retarded narcissist who is lying about the chunk of lignite he extracted from a mining pit
11. Jack has confused this tri-tip for beef brisket. Strokebrain is strong today.
12. Jesus Christ that hot stone is the filthiest fucking thing I've seen besides that smoker's lung Jack is trying to cook. Fuck me, I'd rather eat out from a dumpster than from that horrid thing.
13. Jack actually doesn't know how you do indirect heat and tries to blather through explaining it. It's actually dirt simple: you start your grill and then you kill the fire in it and cover what you're cooking inside so the heat is retained.
14. Jack intentionally took Hope outside just so he can get a shot of her in a desperate attempt to get some usage out of her as a prop. What an asshole.
15. And Jack screwed up. Indirect heat means the grill is not actively on but nice and hot. Good jerb.
16. By the way, it's super obvious he grills so rarely with anything not a pellet smoker that he's not sure quite how to do it. And this idiot wants to LARP at being a pitmaster...
17. Jack is amazed that charcoal is hot and cooks much better than pellet cooking.
17b. "It's the real deal guys" ~ A manchild who hoards a dozen smokers and grills and almost never uses them
18. So poor Hope is sad that she isn't getting walks or play time, and Jack, asshole that he is, films despite her crying audibly.
19. Jack tries to justify putting bacon in this "cilantro-lime dressing". We all know it's just because he wants maximum MEAT.
20. Jack laughs at his decision to add spices and lard to the dressing, the former ensuring Tammy won't eat HIS PRECIOUS.
21. And of course Jack doesn't show us him emulsifying and blending the components together. God forbid you show us the amounts and how that doodad works.
22. Homoerotic Jack wants us to take a peek at his meat. I wanna die.
23. The final result looks burned to shit and back. It looks like an infected lung, it really does.
24. Jack meat worships for a bit and then fade cuts to him pretending that he actually ate it. He does not actually show himself eating this so he is blatantly and retardedly lying.
25. Oh damnit he actually is making this a taco. Welp, fuck this then. Also, you probably want the meat bits more finely chopped to be honest.
25b. Not that it matters, this is fucked from the flavor profile and overseasoning he pulled.
26. "If this is good-" Fuck off with this lie Jack. We KNOW you're going to say it's good anyway. You are mechanically incapable of admitting fault because you have an excess in pride brought about by your cluster B personality disorder. You literally cannot admit something tasted bad it makes you think you look bad.
26b. Besides, you intentionally seasoned this so Tammy'd hate it. She hates spice, and likely hates cilantro. Fuck off you idiot.
27. Again, Jack proves hes a narcissist. He already is proclaiming it's worth it despite not eating it yet. This is the second time this video he has blatantly lied about something he allegedly did not eat yet.
28. Jack is so impatient with shoving that taco down his throat he partially missed his own mouth and had to turn it to ensure he got some more tortilla.
29. Jack makes up tasting anything out of that cacaphony. Not that his sense of taste works after the three strokes he's had.
So yeah this one was amazingly bad.
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