Times you accidentally went shitposter in real life - When that smart mouth of yours outruns the part of your brain telling you to shut up

[BlaireWhitesBottom]

a buddy said he was going to France, so i told him "better brush up on your arabic"

 

[Manul Otocolobus]

I was once driving through a small town on a trip with a few friends friend and I said "Man, what a one horse town" and my friend looked at me and said "I was born here".

Another time someone was talking about carpeting in bathrooms and I said "That sounds disgusting" and a different person looked at me and said "My bathroom is carpeted"

I am well known in my family for shit like this.

 

[Vingle]

someone was talking about carpeting in bathrooms and I said "That sounds disgusting" and a different person looked at me and said "My bathroom is carpeted"

That's not shitposting, wall-to-wall carpeting in general is plain disgusting. Imagine everything you can't clean out of it, you spill red wine and leave a big stain.

 

[PaleTay]

Probably over 10000 times by now. I've called a lot of people fat fucks and troons, used to be able to say nigger and faggot more often too. I've made elephant gestures with fat people.

The weird kids were at the front of the school once and I said to a girl "let's get out of here before the shooting starts", she laughed, called me an asshole but left with me to the nearby park because it seemed like a good idea.

With family I've gotten into trouble with recently because there was a fat black woman singing the national anthem on a sporting event, I said it looks like she's sexually attracted to fried chicken and watermelon.

 

[Haint]

I don't have enough time in the day to describe the times my smart ass takes the lead. It's a daily struggle to not be a smart ass.

 

[Steven Aryan Universe]

When I worked retail, if a customer got mad at me and demanded my name I told them my name was Andy Warski

 

[( . Y . ) ԅ(´ڡ`ԅ)]

Got told I was meeting a blind person, asked if they knew sign language.

 

[Vingle]

I was laughing openly at a troon at a gay bar, which I really don't like in the first place. Because there are always freaks there, but my friend dragged me there.

 

[Xir Majesty]

I was talking with my wife's classmate and her boyfriend and mentioned the Friend Zone and they got pretty weirded out. Lesson learned, don't use the online lexicon with normies.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

I was talking with my wife's classmate and her boyfriend and mentioned the Friend Zone and they got pretty weirded out. Lesson learned, don't use the online lexicon with normies.

Don't talk to Normies.

 

[Pringles Can]

I was once with my aunt who told me she lost her baby on Thanksgiving day.

My retard mouths first words after were "well where did you put it?"

I'm pretty sure the whole room wanted to kill me after that.

 

[please]

I recently got a gf and sperged out about troons and pride month/relationships with big tech, and a couple other things. By the time I realized I was weirding her out with my long tangents about the moral decay of society and what the information age has to do with it, it was too late and i made a lasting impression.

Oddly enough she's still dating me and is head over heels it seems. We'll see how long that lasts. I've been more careful since. She's one of those "I don't see how it's hurting anybody" types that doesn't like to read too much into things. Probably smarter than me for it, tbh.

Do not bring up fringe sociological theories in front of the hoes.

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

I'm pretty sure the whole room wanted to kill me after that.

They fucking should've

 

[Ron Jeremy Stan Account]

Apparently calling trans people troons and saying I don't think children should take hormone blockers means I'm possessed by an alt-right demon or something.

A close IRL friend of mine is a huge Metokur fan and a Farms lurker: he unironically uses "troon" in casual conversation when we hang out.

 

[Carlos Thin]

How did you get to be their friends in the first place? Are you just a cow magnet?

I used to live in a very left leaning small town. With nothing to do and everything to fight about.

 

[Russian Bot]

Another one at the pub. Dude was talking about his fat ex and said about her weight "she fluctuates". I said "no man, she fluctuEATS"

 

[Seora]

This one lecture I attended was so inaccurate and conglomerated with the trendiest ideas surrounding western civilisation and namely whitey that I couldn’t help but ask “difficult” questions. It gave me a bit of a chuckle especially with the fumbling and stuttering it caused. They used Beyoncé as an example by analysis of the music video ‘Formation’ and intersectionality. Load of tosh and utter nonsense.

 

[Scalar wave Physicist]

When I was around the age of 15 I got invited to a birthday party of a former "friend" of mine. That guy had absolutely no sense of humor and was extremely easily offended so I always used to make fun of him supposedly being poor because he was half-greek (he was actually upper middle class) or fuck with him in other ways like stealing and hiding his Ravenclaw-scarf (he was a huge Harry-Potter-fan, don't know if that is still the case considering he's gay and pro-tranny now). But because he invited me I decided to be nice to him just on that day and I held myself back fairly well until the end came around. First off, we had a kurdish migrant in class at that time, let's call him Muhammed. So just as I and a few other friends were about to leave my "friend" said: "Sorry that the party wasn't that bombastic...", to which I automatically replied "Well, you didn't invite Muhammed". Just when I realized what I just said a slap landed in my face, followed by the guy screaming for his parents: "MOM, DAD, SCALAR WAVE PHYSICIST IS BEING RACIST AGAINST MIGRANTS AGAIN!". His parents stormed to the door, asking what is wrong and he just repeated what I said, hic voice trembling with disgust. His parents then started to give me weird looks so I just excused myself and told them I had to leave. That was the last birthday of his I got invited to.

In retrospect, I really don't know how I managed to stay friends with this guy for about 3 years.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Oddly enough she's still dating me and is head over heels it seems.

This just means you have a big dick. Nice.

 

[Niobium]

got pissed off at my teacher when i was in middle school and i told her to take her prozac