Prison Letters (5/8/22 + 6/1/22) Two New Chris Jail Letters from Helena Fiorenza

Every stupid ween thinks that the ultimate Chris troll will be the one that gets him to kill himself.
I think weens usually want to be the new Clyde Cash who brings "Classic Chris" back. Seems Kengle is no exception.

If the '00s "Love Quest" run-ins or "meltdowns" at the places that banned him happened in the 2010s, there easily could've been people recording them and uploading to YT.
 
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working into her 70s
Chris: Hey Ms. betty. I hear you're a decade younger than my last heartsweet :tomgirl:

The court is already referring to Chris as Ms. Christine Chandler,
Only because they have to as dictated by Biden's america, Everyone involved with this case would give anything to be able to call Chris by his dead name and male pronouns without the risk of having the baying masses of sheep brow beating them into losing their jobs and livleyhoods over it.
 
I think weens usually want to be the new Clyde Cash who brings "Classic Chris" back. Seems Kengle is no exception.

Meanwhile we want to be the new David Attenborough, following Chris everywhere with a camera crew and a telephoto lens, documenting his every move without interfering.

Or, better yet, get the actual David Attenborough to do it. If only the BBC would greenlight this…
 
Only because they have to as dictated by Biden's america, Everyone involved with this case would give anything to be able to call Chris by his dead name and male pronouns without the risk of having the baying masses of sheep brow beating them into losing their jobs and livleyhoods over it.
He legally changed his name to Christine. I would expect a judge to use the legal name. It is not unlawful to change your name to a similar name that is typically assigned to the opposite gender. This has nothing to do with the president.
 
I get the sense Helena is not particularly bright.

That she's writing to Chris is usually a good sign. At least she didn't "accidentally" put a stamp on a letter she "never intended" mailing to Chris.


Everyone involved with this case would give anything to be able to call Chris by his dead name and male pronouns

@Ophelia has it right: Christine is his legal name¹. I think it would be more amusing for the court to call him Mister Christine Chandler for maximum kicking of the autistic.

the risk of having the baying masses of sheep brow beating them

I would welcome that, actually. And respond with: "Stop for a moment and look at him. Do you really want THIS to be the poster child for your movement? Seriously?"


This has nothing to do with the president.

Except that the president (and not just the current one) is symptomatic of how politically retarded the entire country has become. I mean I've survived a lot of presidents, but the last few decades have been ridiculous. The response to Nixon and Carter should not have been "challenge accepted".


¹ I'm still surprised Chris bothered to change it legally instead of just assuming he's a higher authority and declaring it changed.
 
I feel bad for the nurse, or anyone who's simply living their lives and contributing to society that gets pulled into this autistic vortex of terror and tragedy. It's bad enough now that these retard illuminati groups on Discord have her info let alone the distinct dishonor of Chris actually bothering to remember her name. They deserved better than to cross his path.
May the odds be in their favors, I’m sure they have protocols for dealing with tards ,like not using their real name on social media’s.
 
I personally think David Bellamy would be better.

Werner Herzog.

He did a pretty good job on Tim Treadwell, who would have been a Top Tier Lolcow if the bears hadn't gotten him first.

Or maybe Ken Burns is more suitable for the documentation we have on Chris.

Should Chris be an episode of Nature or Nova or American Experience? Or Monsterquest?
 
Should Chris be an episode of Nature or Nova or American Experience? Or Monsterquest?

He should be a stand alone documentary with a title like "Gaze upon the hell what you have wrought" and it touching on why mental health institutions being closed on mass was a bad idea and how gerriatric people should not bear children or be responsible for there upbringing.
 
Every stupid ween thinks that the ultimate Chris troll will be the one that gets him to kill himself. But they're wrong. The Ultimate Chris Troll will be the one that tells him no, triggers a tard temper tantrum, and then holds him down and records his autistic screams. We have been blue balled from this precise scenario for decades now- we know it happens, we have Chris recounting the multiple times it's happened (from 4th grade to the mall incident to now) but we never get to actually see and document it ourselves. Stop trying to get Chris to fuck Barb or kill himself, stop roleplaying with him and sending him money, stop trying to get him to add your gays ideas to Sonichu, just do the thing that Bob for all his talk about "cuttin down the Internet" never actually did and actually discipline Chris- on film- and you will be the God of Chris-chan Trolls.
In my opinion the ultimate troll would be someone who could convince Chris to make his delusional rants and angry tirades in video form again, the letters and tweets lose 90% of the charm for me.

I bet Chris being held down screaming is more interesting in theory, in video form it’d just be sad and pathetic like the footage of his ‘Hedgehog Defence Position’.
 
But it will be filtered through his own comprehension. Then we all get to play: "What the fuck is fatty actually talking about?"
The thing with Chris though is that whenever he brings up something bad that happened to him, you can safely assume that's true, since he's loathe to bring that sort of stuff up about himself.

For instance, Chris's graduation. We all thought, from the way he described it, he was upset and just stomped across the stage, grabbed his diploma and ran off the cry, making his parents upset. Just in the last few years, when he reminisced about it again, he let slip the fact that when his principal went to shake his hand, Chris slapped it away. He has no reason to make that up, or misremember, because it's a puzzle piece that fits in with the official story, about how Bob was really disappointed in him.

The Nathanael Greene tard-correction gets another little tidbit of information from Chris in these letters as he vents, that a teacher put him in a choke hold and how this recent event was much like that. This gives huge amounts of credence to the theory that Chris went violently insane, needing multiple teachers to hold him down and one to put him in a choke hold most likely to prevent him from attacking someone. If Chris was just uncooperative or even just yelling and screaming, I highly doubt it would have blown up into the big thing it did and I highly doubt Chris would just invent something like that since it doesn't make him look good.

...or even his classic Target freakout, where it took multiple police officers to pin him down, hogtie him and carry him out of the store. Chris has a very distinct history of flipping the fuck out, and while a habitual liar, he's not a very good liar, so time removed from these events means Chris will lose the narrative that makes himself look good, and will yammer on, occasionally admitting to getting into that situation due to his own, really asshole decisions.
 
In my opinion the ultimate troll would be someone who could convince Chris to make his delusional rants and angry tirades in video form again, the letters and tweets lose 90% of the charm for me.
Or someone who could tell him to get off his lazy ass, hold down some sort of a job (doubtful but this would prove this troll's worth) and somehow convince to his "fans" that he had been messing with the haters for years and will live out his life as a pioneer of unironic artist worship, and capitalise off his infamy once and for all, like he once did briefly in 2010 and when he was making those shitty overpriced amiibos, the a-logs would be in shambles and the regular trolls wouldn't have any major hook to "troll" him with, so it wouldn't be fun to poke a stick at him anymore (unless this new reformed Chris still managed to hold onto some of his delusions, which I guess could still be possible in this scenario, but then this master troll would have failed on that part).

For this to play out though, it would have to entail Chris admitting not only to his followers but to himself he's a massive screw up, which is pretty much his Achilles' heel, in spite of his overwhelming ego and attitude, he's ultimately too stubborn to admit his faults and wrongdoings to himself and not act on the basis of what his ego tells him to do, throughout his entire life that will always hold him back, and will forever hold him back.
 
Werner Herzog.

He did a pretty good job on Tim Treadwell, who would have been a Top Tier Lolcow if the bears hadn't gotten him first.

Or maybe Ken Burns is more suitable for the documentation we have on Chris.
What about John Waters?

Really the only way left for Chris to snap out of his delusions and entitlement is ass whooping.
This is grossly overestimating the effectiveness of beatings.

Jail didn't work, mental health facility didn't work,
He’s not in jail to become less entitled and he didn’t visit the loony bin to stop pretending things to make him feel better about his shitty life. Both places have served their purpose.

If Chris was just uncooperative or even just yelling and screaming, I highly doubt it would have blown up into the big thing it did and I highly doubt Chris would just invent something like that since it doesn't make him look good.
He might invent it because it shows how mean people have been to him. It makes him the put-upon underdog hero even while he portrays himself as an all powerful deity.

...or even his classic Target freakout, where it took multiple police officers to pin him down, hogtie him and carry him out of the store.
Did this actually happen? Do we have verification that this went down like Chris claims?
 
Anyone know what happened to that tard who decided to send him a letter and got dunked on? Did he actually get a response? I'm curious, srry if this is a bit off topic
 
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that a teacher put him in a choke hold and how this recent event was much like that.

Except it's highly unlikely it was an actual choke hold, given the actors involved. More likely it was something like a full nelson, intended to control Chis, not choke him out. Chris, misinterpreting the situation, calls it a choke hold, leaving us to work out what he's actually talking about.


What about John Waters?

Another good choice, especially for Chris' more recent years.

Whatif Chris starred in the remake of Hairspray?

This is grossly overestimating the effectiveness of beatings.

Hunger will be more effective.


Did he actually get a response?

It's too soon to know.
 
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Maybe I'm putting too much faith in the words of a crazy person, but it really does sound like Heilberg is really working the 'it never happened' angle. Those feel far too 'legal' for Chris's own fantasy land and Heilberg did say in his only public statement that online trolls would play a part, although we dismissed that as meaningless talk at first. It seems like that may actually play a part in discrediting any third parties' statements
Would be good to hear the local legal eagle kiwi's opinions on this. Would this be a viable line for a legitimate Lawyer to follow? Would it even be necessary to pursue any particular strategy apart from getting Chris out on time served come his next court date?
 
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