- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud
- Thread starter BILLY MAYS
- Start date
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2017
I think people are missing the point of the ad. It IS supposed to parody 3a infomercials. Tess just lacks self-awareness to see how fucking hilarious it actually is.
Also, her agent didn’t book this for her, nor was this the agent’s idea. It’s a collaboration with her friend Nadia again to fulfill her sponsorship — and they thought they’d be LOL SO FUNNY to make the post a riff of As Seen on TV shit.
Also, her agent didn’t book this for her, nor was this the agent’s idea. It’s a collaboration with her friend Nadia again to fulfill her sponsorship — and they thought they’d be LOL SO FUNNY to make the post a riff of As Seen on TV shit.
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2018
At least ThisAss is covered. That's a lot for Messy Tessy. Frankly, I'm shocked that ThisAss isn't dangling out for all to behold like udders at the county faire.Ugh she dressed like that for her kid’s party
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2020
You can't possibly be surprised? Bowie is her accessory. I'm shocked she didn't dress up like some Harry Potter mermaid hybrid dragon from the Goblet of Fire with her areolas on display. Because fuck my beauty standards.Ugh she dressed like that for her kid’s party
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
- Joined
- Apr 6, 2019
I think they meant that if she gets a small cut or scrape from dragging her feet, she could end up losing the foot since diabetics can have their feet literally rot off from very minor injuries.
For all things holy, tell me this is not the dolly tattoo on her fucking arm. Don’t know what it looks like but sure as fuck not dolly. Another gal that apparently loves the gays but also loves the Harry Potter and Rowling. Shocking.
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2020
Dolly is on the other side of her arms
That one is Divine
Lower part of her arm are Ms Piggy and Mae West
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2021
Imagine being so fat that you get a life-size tattoo of Divine on your arm... and then gaining so much fucking weight that your arm fat starts sagging downwards enough that the fat ends up looking like a tubby, poorly drawn version of amy winehouse instead.
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
TESS DON'T WANNA GO TO WEIGHT WATCHERS
OH NO NO NO!
Oscar Winner
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 25, 2021
BigFig huh? Glad they realised calling it something completely unrelated to what it is, is better than calling it 'Fucking Big Bariatric Mattress'.
Also, looolll, with their customer base, I'm betting they'll never have to worry about a claim on that TWENTY YEAR warranty. “Our mattresses will outlast you” kinda takes the shine off.
Also, looolll, with their customer base, I'm betting they'll never have to worry about a claim on that TWENTY YEAR warranty. “Our mattresses will outlast you” kinda takes the shine off.
TheGoodNamesHaveBeenTaken
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2022
It's OK if her tat doesn't look like Divine anymore.
Tess is pretty much a Divine cosplay at this point.
Anyone else suspect that Hogwarts shirt isn't a belly shirt, she just has gotten to the point a normal plus size shirt wont cover her gunt?
Can you imagine being that fat yet thinking "Muh belly is sexy. I will expose it and people will like it"?
One more thing, anyone else suspect all she got for doing that ad was the mattress?
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- Joined
- Oct 8, 2019
The Tess Loch Monster wishes she looked like Divine.
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2017
- Joined
- Nov 12, 2021
I’m not surprised, just feel bad for Bowie.
- Joined
- Sep 12, 2018
"Hogwarts alumni"
The millennial Bible wasn't a thing until this cow was in high school.
The millennial Bible wasn't a thing until this cow was in high school.
TheGoodNamesHaveBeenTaken
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2022
She doesn't strike me as much of a reader, particularly back in high school.
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2018
I've never understood why Tess dumped Rylee on an ex partner/not his biological father. Can someone explain the logic?
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
Rylees father was a one night stand back in Mississippi, when Ryann Hoven was a Walmart cashier. She tried and failed to baby trap the dude, and thus Rylee has never had any relationship with his father or dad's blood relatives.
When Ryann moved to Seattle, she met and dated this John guy, and they moved to LA together before breaking up. Their relationship lasted at least several years, and began when Rylee was somewhere around 3-4. Ryann called John Rylee's dad. He was probably around longer than the Holliday fellow.
When Tess met Nikki, he made a big whoop about being Rylee's dad until the anchor baby arrived. Nikki took off less than 3 years after moving to LA to be with Ryann.
Nikki skipped town while Ryann was in London, leaving both kids alone with Jolene as the Holliday clan had been evicted from their rental for nonpayment and the parents were nowhere to be found.
Jolene OK'D Ryann and Bowie temporarily crashing in her one bedroom apartment while they got on their feet, but I guess Rylee was a bridge too far. So he was kicked out of the house at age 13 and sent to live with John, his mom's ex boyfriend.
Rylee is now 16 and still doesn't live with his mom, despite her apartment having more bedrooms now (2) than the apartment he once shared with his mom, Nick, his brother, and Nana Beth (they all loved in a one bedroom together).
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
Because Rylee was asserting his independence and stopped agreeing to be Tess' prop whenever she wanted to show off what a great MAWM was on social media. He reached the age where his peers could go online and see photos of him standing next to his mother dressed like a truck stop hooker with her mouth open and ready for Cake John loads, and it must have embarrassed the living shit out of him.
Since Rylee declined to be her prop, she decided to dump him on the first person to take him in, and concentrate on making sure that Bowie stays her little