Prison Letters (6/04/22) - New Chris Jail Letter - Chris Explains Soul Bonding and the Goddess Logs

Nullcifer, if you will.
If Null is Judas, does that make Bella Ciaphas? Whose Pilate? The hamburger guy? Is Heilburg Herod?

Are we in Kiwifarms the Jewish crowd shouting “let his blood be upon us?”

Just trying to figure out who fits what role in the passion narrative Chris is plagiarizing.
 
The funniest outcome would be for Chris to get released with minimal to no punishment. The reactions would be priceless and it would cause some turbo retards to go in to overdrive trying to ruin his life. Could bring some actual humor back in to this degenerate circus.

Free Chris chan. Free Bill Cosby.
 
No problem. I wish that issue didn't occur.

There are ways to get around it, but it's a pain in the ass.

Chris could have potentially gotten out. Chris fucked it up.

Had Chris, when asked about his release plan, replied, "I'm going back to 14BLC and my fuckmommy," the judge would have agreed? I doubt it.

This trial is de novo, so it basically becomes like the bench trial never happened and everything starts over again from scratch.

I believe Heilberg could also use it as an out. He did his part in the J&DR case, and the court would have to find new representation for Chris.

Heilberg could volunteer to stay on, but would he?

And this is one of the strongest arguments against there being cheap guns.

I don't think a gun could be made cheap enough that Chris would prefer it to some lego.

The biggest argument against cheap guns is they are crap guns, more a danger to their user than to the target. Google "zamak pistol" some time (Yes, they actually tried to make guns out of pot metal). This safety issue, of course, is not a concern with Chris.

He did buy pepper spray after all.

There's also his vorpal pocket knife. Point is, neither of those cost more than $5. Can you even get a lego set these days for $5? And any gun you might buy for $5 would likely blow off your hand. (Again, not a concern with Chris.)


and drive around all day.

Not at $5+ for a gallon of gas he won't.
 
that was the other way around wasn't it.
sodom and gamorroh were turned to salt, then his daughters got him drunk and raped him.

Lot's wife was turned into salt because she looked back.

But yes, fair enough, the sex wasn't really Lot's fault. Still, that's even more relevant to Chris. The Bible is okay with raping your parents.
 
The funniest outcome would be for Chris to get released with minimal to no punishment. The reactions would be priceless and it would cause some turbo retards to go in to overdrive trying to ruin his life. Could bring some actual humor back in to this degenerate circus.

Free Chris chan. Free Bill Cosby.
Actually that's be kind of interesting since Chris is still fucked even if the court somehow lets him walk with time served. Namely - he no longer has a motor vehicle, the van was totaled in the crash that's left Barb AWOL for months. Sure, he could get another loan, but then that'd be more trouble given how the last one worked out with him having to sell the broken car to get enough money at auction.
 
Barb is not even the victim in the eyes of the law, incest is viewed as a crime against society.
I think it depends on the people involved. Consensual incest, absolutely. Non-consentual there is a victim.

Even if Chris were released with no charges what then? He's well spent up and has practically burnt any good will he had from his ironic fanbase with Barb likely on death's door any moment.
There are big enough faggots around to keep him alive for lolz and minute donations. Andy Dick gets transferred between rape RVs regularly but he's still alive and fed and accessing drugs.

I hope they stick him in section 8 so he has to live like a normal person for once and live by a budget and not be able to splurge on toys he desperately wants and cant because he has to chose between Food and Pony / Leg / Sonic toys.
Unless his necessity payments are forcefully withdrawn from his tugboat before it goes to him I don't see it. "Rent? That's the end of the month. Today is the 10th. Time to ebay toys"

Remember him begging and forcing barb to beg because everything was past due. I believe the mortgage was 2 months behind at one time. He still took a substantial portion of that grift money for toys instead of getting them a little ahead instead of always behind.

What is the purpose of coaching him to be competent at trial? I thought the consensus around here was that he would not see a courtroom. Is this just a formality?
Speculation but I think it could even be just to not tard out at a plea hearing. He already did in August so it could be a reasonable suspicion of theirs.

And @Null didn't betray Chris. He saved Ruckersville.
You know he's gonna be a character in one of Chris's fantasies. I'm really hoping Chris crucifies Null in a drawing. I'll settle for drawing and quartering too.


I really hope that we one day get to see interrogation footage. I know it’s highly unlikely to happen, but it would be amazing to watch a cop try to tard wrangle Chris for a couple of hours.
Is that a FOIA thing?

Why is he so adamant in these past few letters that he will be going home soon? Did someone give him some indication of that or is he just deep coping after being in there for so long now?
My thoughts and seems to be shared by others is he's been advised he will be released soon (due to sentencing limitations) and automatically assumes access to 14BLCis included. It is a house of worship after all.

You'd be hard pressed to find a sect who believes Jesus was crucified for fucking his senile mother, though.
Challenge accepted. Does she have to be senile though? There has to be a feminist church somewhere that believes immaculate conception was rape so Jesus deserved it. It is 2022, and all men are trash, after all.


Yes, though Chris would have to cooperate since he wouldn't be a prisoner, and he'd be free to seek other accommodations and fuck the whole thing up. They're required to *help* Chris, but they're not required to force him to accept help.
Idk 100% so I'm partially asking here but couldn't they say he has to stay the prescribed course or back to AdSeg/medical for him? Like a probation with terms kind of thing? I understand it would probably require threatened increased charges but theres so many possibilities here, I wonder if this is one.

You're right. However, my point still stands with a bench trial. Dragging Barb into court when it is not necessary makes the prosecutor look like an asshole, and it is to the prosecutor's advantage to avoid looking bad in front of a judge or a jury.
Given the venue (county) I would suspect the prosecutor and judge have probably crossed paths at least a few times before. Which is to say the judge probably already has a preconceived notion about the prosecutor that isn't likely to be swayed by one trial but I could be wrong.


I can assure you no police station will give a fuck about you enough to bring you a doughnut or tendies, or a cup of soda. He might have been given some water.... As a token gesture.
Bit of PL but when I use my desktop I usually have some long form stream on. Usually Jim or MATI but sometimes it's long police interrogations. In almost every one they offer something to the person being questioned. Usually it's at least water/soda and a vending machine level snack. Sometimes it's like full on fast food or other take out. So it's not necessarily outside the realm of possibility.


My point still stands, I was saying he was concerned with worldly matters at that moment. If he can snap G5 pony figures out of existence with his mind, he surely could teleport toys home from a hotel room. Chris knows he has no divine powers though and thus why he expressed worry about his valuables being out of his reach. To me it's a snapshot into his ability to pivot when it benefits him.
Does he know that though? He said in one letter that his physical form was bound here but he could travel to his other dimension anytime. I'm not saying you're wrong but I wonder if he looks at stuff like that as a limitation of earth instead of a limitation of Jesus Christ Chan Ricardo Christian Christine Stephanie Bustcakes Chandler Sonichu.


I would advise against that. Don't want him to accidentally impregnate his daughter with residue left on the toys.
You've put out into the ether a reasonable excuse (to Chris) as to why his daughter could be pregnant. God help us all if he has a daughter with a street walker he fucked for 2 packs of ramen and a Hershey's bar. You will have blood cum responsibility on your hands.


I know you're making a joke here, but you might get the living 500ft from schools thing. It's possible. If the McDonalds has a play place (those are getting rare), he'd be banned from "loitering" there, but he'd still be allowed in to just buy food and eat it. This would be very distressing for Chris as loitering in McDonalds is a pastime of his.
There's a nonzero chance they would install one specifically for that purpose. They may even offer to have a daily kids story time (sans drag queens) if they could get permitted to keep offenders to drive through only because of it.


I never understood the point of the Alford plea or nolo contendere in a criminal case. You either did it, or you didn't. Any other option and you open the door to appeals. I guess you can say "I didn't do this, but I don't have enough evidence to refute the evidence against me to mount a competent defense or rebuttal". But that'd mean you're guilty.

I don't know. I don't live in a Commonwealth state. Maybe they do things different in Commonwealths.
So I don't live in a Commonwealth but I can give an example of a time a nolo would be the way to go. When synthetic drugs were hot shit, many were sold in convenience stores and even marked legal for sale. In the statutes it was often written that if the package was marked as legal for sale, they would consider that prima facie evidence of guilt. So if you're some unsuspecting fuck who bought it thinking it was legal, a nolo would be the way to go if you got popped. Basically, "the law was written to fuck me over, but I didn't know any better". You're really not guilty but also can't prove "innocence" based on the language of the law.

Not at $5+ for a gallon of gas he won't.
Yeah exactly. I presume he would park somewhere central to his "needs" and loiter in places for AC and power. Only to move his car when the jerkops tap on his window at 3am and tell him to move on.
 
The funniest outcome would be for Chris to get released with minimal to no punishment. The reactions would be priceless and it would cause some turbo retards to go in to overdrive trying to ruin his life. Could bring some actual humor back in to this degenerate circus.

Free Chris chan. Free Bill Cosby.
Chris is probably far away from the sights of the State, honestly speaking. He got a stellar lawyer and he is clearly mentally underdeveloped, even a place like Ruckersville has far worse criminals than simply Chris around. Pending July, odds are he will be simply set free after serving the time for his misdemeanor, if they were trying to bump it into a felony it would have happened by now, the prosecutors wouldn't spend almost a whole fucking year trying to negotiate this even when dealing with a guy like Heilberg, who already came on record talking about how Chris' history is a sign of failure by the State to provide adequate Mental Care for it's citizens, meaning he is clearly motivated to work with passion on this case and not simply phoning it in!

"please Chandler I'm begging you as your attorney and a friend! Just take the deal and accept that you'll be put in a special needs home and plead guilty!" said between sobs of misery and swigs of strong whiskey.
Chris has shown respect for Heilberg before, which is frankly amazing considering his narcissism and his history of behaviour on public settings. Odds are, if Heilberg speaks, he'll listen and take his advice, which won't make it any easier for Chris to accept his new reality. It's a bad outcome, but frankly, it would eventually boil down to Chris becoming either homeless, stuck at the mercy of some asshole who sees him as a Personal Jester or a Cash Cow, or a similar awful fate. Chris having some sort of care would be a winning deal compared to either of those options!
 
It wouldn't work, Chris doesn't have integrity or friends.
Friend as in fair weather one... Said to help get him to trust him more. In reality I think hielburg is the only one who wants this case over with more than we do. Just to put Chris behind him and get on with his life. His booze budget must be completely tapped for the next year or more from dulling the pain of dealing with Chris.
 
Friend as in fair weather one... Said to help get him to trust him more. In reality I think hielburg is the only one who wants this case over with more than we do. Just to put Chris behind him and get on with his life. His booze budget must be completely tapped for the next year or more from dulling the pain of dealing with Chris.
At what point does one switch from MacAllan 18 to Dewar's white label to preserve their budget and sanity?
 
I called it before and everyone called me crazy so I'm calling it again

Chris will get out with a slap on the wrist and go back to normal life
I know people on here will tell me I'm wrong the judge will tell him he can't go back home but the fact is I believe he will eventually be back home with his mother in his room

The Teflon tard strikes again

You can screencap this to mock me if it doesn't come true
 
I called it before and everyone called me crazy so I'm calling it again

Chris will get out with a slap on the wrist and go back to normal life
I know people on here will tell me I'm wrong the judge will tell him he can't go back home but the fact is I believe he will eventually be back home with his mother in his room

The Teflon tard strikes again

You can screencap this to mock me if it doesn't come true

Oh that's what's going to happen in comparssison to what should happen to him, I was just holding out hope that for once he'd feel real consequences for his actions as for Chris a year is nothing - I'm just hoping that post prison life isn't comfortable for him and he can't coast along like he has done for the last 40 years.
 
I’ll never understand how anyone could call a year locked up as “a slap on the wrist.” Even if Chris doesn’t mind it as much as we would, it’s still worse than a knuckle rap.

Because if it was any other person he would be treated far harsher for his actions, particularly in this case - Chris hasn't got a life outside of his fantasy world inside his head, no job, no friends, no hobbies he's missing all his friends are in there with him for lack of a better term, he's getting fed and has a place to sleep and some measure of creature comforts, he's just missing his toys and games.

A year out of your life to most people is horrorfying, and will act as a wakeup call to most to stop doing whatever you did to wind up in Jail, to Chris it's nothing and he seems to have enjoyed it for the most part, or atleast not hated it like we guess he would being seperated from all his comforts because he has had a small measure of them and regular if not erratic communication with the outside world with a lot of people continuing to enable him and his delusions.
 
said between sobs of misery and swigs of strong whiskey.

He'll probably look down at his watch and count the seconds until this whole Chandler shit show is over and he can go back to representing drunk drivers.


There are YouTube channels that specialize in police interrogations. They're masters at eliciting confessions. Chris wouldn't last three minutes.

On the contrary, Chris can babble on about magical cartoon hedgehog pokemon fairies for hours.

Interrogations happen in English, but Chris only answers in crazy.
 
Because if it was any other person he would be treated far harsher for his actions, particularly in this case - Chris hasn't got a life outside of his fantasy world inside his head, no job, no friends, no hobbies he's missing all his friends are in there with him for lack of a better term, he's getting fed and has a place to sleep and some measure of creature comforts, he's just missing his toys and games.

A year out of your life to most people is horrorfying, and will act as a wakeup call to most to stop doing whatever you did to wind up in Jail, to Chris it's nothing and he seems to have enjoyed it for the most part, or atleast not hated it like we guess he would being seperated from all his comforts because he has had a small measure of them and regular if not erratic communication with the outside world with a lot of people continuing to enable him and his delusions.
A year locked up is still objectively not small potatoes, no matter how Chris reacts to it. Most punishments Chris would actually feel are illegal, so what are authorities supposed to do?
 
A year locked up is still objectively not small potatoes, no matter how Chris reacts to it. Most punishments Chris would actually feel are illegal, so what are authorities supposed to do?

Stop treating him with kid gloves and treat him like an adult, I know he's got mental health problems and retardation but that's besides the point in crimes of this nature it should be taken into account but it's getting him constant light touch treatment that doesn't work.

I agree that the effective punishments for Chris would be illegal but if you make him uncomfertable and let him know that the world wont always treat him nicely or conform to his wishes he will be more hesitant to break the law again, or atleast in such a serious way.
 
Why is he so adamant in these past few letters that he will be going home soon? Did someone give him some indication of that or is he just deep coping after being in there for so long now?
Simple answer
He is stuck in a room for almost a year and that is the only thing he's holding on to.
Every day he sits in his cell thinking about going home
At this point if he found a genie in a bottle in the genie gave him a wish that is what he would wish for
Not money not power not a girlfriend but she simply go back to normal life
If he gets out and is unable to go home it will absolutely crush him
But as it stands the only thing really keeping him together is the thought that eventually he will get to go home
 
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