Prison Letters (6/13/22) - New Chris Jail Letter to Helena - Bella was possessed by demons and had a "pedo scheme", Helena attempted to collaborate with Chris as he's creating a new book, Soul Bonding is now just holding hands

[unattractive_truth]

Does anyone actually believe the summary that this guy provided? If there is anything I've learned, it's that Chris's orbiters are lying, attention-seeking, faggots. Nothing is to be trusted.

So until the actual letters are posted, it may as well be an empty envelope.

 

[Rupin]

I for one want Chris out of jail and back in the (Barbie-chan free) house to live off from weens and lgbtpedofiles.

Letters are getting boring. I want him to make a Sonichu out of his turds in the lawn or something new.

you can have him out of jail, I think 14 Branchland is out of the question right now. He’ll probably end up in a halfway house for awhile.

 

[The Dude]

In the end it always comes down to two things, time and money. Chris has been a waste of both for a year. To drag this case out any longer while keeping him locked up would only waste more. The Teflon tard gets off by virtue of being difficult to deal with and more trouble than he's worth.

I would put forth the argument that Chris was a waste of time and money from the day he was born.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

The taxes will not stop flowing, and I’ve honestly never heard of anywhere in the US that taxes stop because you aren’t living there currently.

It actually goes the other way. Some places have a homestead exemption on property taxes where a certain amount of the value isn't taxed.

Look on the bright side! New comics!

Chris hasn't finished a new issue since 2018. I doubt that's going to change anytime soon.

 

[BigTubboWithLittleChina]

Maybe Chris feels that Cole is derelict in his duty as a son by not helping with the raping of Barb, forcing Chris to do all the work.

No, you're missing the obvious. Chris doesn't care about Cole. He cares about Cole's money.

He seems to labour under the delusion that Cole, rather than being solvent and financially okay, is actually as rich as Croesus (remember the cartoon where, according to Chris, Cole has actual skipsful of money to just piss and burn?).

Chris sees Cole as his financial lifeline and eternal monetary bail-out, I'm genuinely sure, and he expects Cole to see himself as such an entity as a matter of great personal honour. High Priest of the Goddess CPU Jesus, or some such shit.

 

[Pointless Sperg]

He seems to labour under the delusion that Cole, rather than being solvent and financially okay, is actually as rich as Croesus (remember the cartoon where, according to Chris, Cole has actual skipsful of money to just piss and burn?).

In comparison to Chris, Cole *is* wealthy. Of course that's mostly because Chris and Barb pissed and burned the money they had, a fair amount of which was free money for Chris. One of Chris' biggest problems is that he sees being a tard as some sort of gainful employment.

 

[Optimus Prime]

In comparison to Chris, Cole *is* wealthy. Of course that's mostly because Chris and Barb pissed and burned the money they had, a fair amount of which was free money for Chris. One of Chris' biggest problems is that he sees being a tard as some sort of gainful employment.

He really did latch onto Bob saying that the tugboat would get Chris more money than if he worked a job. He's clung to it quite dearly over the years.

 

[A-№1]

The idea of Chris making a "great sacrifice" is absurd in and of itself.

I will be amazed if this "sacrifice" is anything of actual import.

Whatever it is, it will be an inconvenience for any normal person. Chris tends to exaggerate his "suffering", and then believe his exaggeration.

A normal person would be upset by not being allowed to return to a house that isn't theirs and they can't afford to keep or upkeep and have to move into a care facility that serves their physical and mental needs (for a given definition of "serve"). To Chris it's a Huge Tragedy and a Great Sacrifice to lose even one plastic toy in 14BLC.

But then a normal person would not be in Chris' situation.

That was taxes, not for the mortgage.

Regardless, someone is paying it, and if the taxes are being paid, we can assume the mortgage probably is as well.

The question is why? Why keep a money pit that she can't return to?

Because it's better than losing it outright to a foreclosure or tax auction.

Lol at Chris still pining for Cole though.

Chris is desperate for a savior at this point, and will blame anyone for not rescuing him.

got rehomed to foster families

I sincerely hope that's what happened, but I'm not so sure. None of those pets were house trained, and the neighbor's patience would grow increasingly thin. Unfortunately we don't have any information either way.

If there's really only 90k left on the mortgage, even if Barb was way behind on payments they could still walk away with a chunk of change

That all depends on how they dispose of the property. If they let the bank foreclose, Barb could easily end up with nothing.

Mannnnnnnn, if they had just put Chris into a normal jail cell with other prisoners, then none of this shit would had happen. Chris would had gotten his first proper ass beating of his life time for being annoying, and snap his ass back to reality.

Nobody at Greene County wants that liability, especially for someone as worthless as Chris.

 

[King Kiwi]

You can only rape with your hands?

Well that technically is still sexual assault.

 

[ToroidalBoat]

I just don't see anyway he sees the inside of the Temple again legally with maybe the exception of a supervised visit to collect his junk.

All Chris had to do to avoid the Jail of Fail was not put his bent duck where it shouldn't go. That's all he had to do.

 

[Tennis-Ball-Tony]

All Chris had to do to avoid the Jail of Fail was not put his bent duck where it shouldn't go. That's all he had to do.

Not even that. All he had to do was not run his damn mouth about it, but again, Chris just had to brag about how much of a stud he was. How womanly.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

He seems to labour under the delusion that Cole, rather than being solvent and financially okay, is actually as rich as Croesus (remember the cartoon where, according to Chris, Cole has actual skipsful of money to just piss and burn?).

If anyone hasn't seen this drawing yet here it is.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

All this conjecture about the house makes me sad. Barb should just sell this shit shack, cut her losses, and use whatever she has left to support herself. She probably thinks Chris will return, and maybe she even thinks she needs to tolerate the rapes to be happy.

 

[GypsyBard]

If anyone hasn't seen this drawing yet here it is.

Sometimes Chris creates unintentional gold

 

[ToroidalBoat]

Not even that.

Either way, the 3 biggest trolls of his fat ego, bent libido, and stupidity got him where he is today.

I think if even just one of those were removed, Chris wouldn't be Chris. Like a slow guy with an ego, yet also a dried up libido.

 

[Hopkinsville Goblin]

Sometimes Chris creates unintentional gold

It really is one of my favorites of Chris's artwork.

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

It really is one of my favorites of Chris's artwork.

Nah, I'm saving that title for Chris' early death. He lived like a cow, and he'll go out like one.

 

[A-№1]

All Chris had to do to avoid the Jail of Fail was not put his bent duck where it shouldn't go. That's all he had to do.

Technically all he had to do was NOT talk about it.

Other criminals come up with complex and devious plans to get away with their crimes. All Chris had to do was keep his damn mouth shut. He couldn't even do that.

Not even that. All he had to do was not run his damn mouth about it, but again, Chris just had to brag about how much of a stud he was. How womanly.

This.

If anyone hasn't seen this drawing yet here it is.

That Chris sure does like burning his bridges, doesn't he?

All this conjecture about the house makes me sad. Barb should just sell this shit shack, cut her losses, and use whatever she has left to support herself. She probably thinks Chris will return, and maybe she even thinks she needs to tolerate the rapes to be happy.

Barb could be past the point of being able to make those decisions. It's quite possible that's Tom and Harriet's plan, but they need to get the right paperwork filed etc. before they can sell the house out from under Barb to put her in managed care somewhere.

 

[Intimate Secretary]

Is Model Magic able to be kiln hardened? Post-Immolated Chris Sonichu Medallions might have some value.

homeless saga is too predictable, definitely hoping for the pompeii saga tbqh

 

[Mariposa Electrique]

homeless saga is too predictable, definitely hoping for the pompeii saga tbqh

I for one look for the school shooter saga where only Chris is shot by officers when trying to enter a school and no one else is harmed.