Null invited you to a shady strip club to talk. What does he tell you?

King Fructose

King Fructose

hello fren
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
May 29, 2021
stripnull.png
 
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"Buddy, friend... you know I see you as a brotha and all, I really want what's best for ya. But this 'Pineapple Farms' business needs to end. Ya see, you're encroaching on my territory, and my territory ain't big enough for the two of us. Now, we either do this the easy way, you scoot along and take that webzone off the internet like a good little champ, or...

"We do this the hard way."
 
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"Do you know what a duvet is? A comforter. It's a blanket. Just a blanket. Why do guys like you and I know what a duvet is? Is this essential to our survival in the hunter-gatherer sense? No. What are we, then? We're consumers. We are by-products of a lifestyle obsession. Murder, crime, poverty. These things don't concern me. What concerns me are celebrity magazines, television with 500 channels, some guy's name on my underwear. Rogaine. Viagra. Olestra. Martha Stewart. Fuck Martha Stewart. She's polishing the brass on the Titanic. lt's all going down. So fuck off with your sofa units and Strinne green stripe patterns. I say never be complete. I say stop being perfect. I say let's evolve. Let the chips fall where they may.

"But that's me, and I could be wrong."
 
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When I started playing Genshin Impact I told myself that I would only pull for the female characters I really like, since thats what I mostly play Gatcha games for, to enjoy the aesthetics of beautifully designed female characters while slaughtering monsters to the calming background music. What brought me into Genshin Impact, to be frankly honest was Monas and Keqings character design, Monas ass to be specific, I saw a youtuber showcasing the characters and thats when I made the decision : Download Gneshin impact and aquire Mona and Keqing at all cost. I never knew they were standard banner characters and obtaining them would be difficult, but to my suprise Keqing was my first five star I got when i tried pulling for Venti,which gave me the motivation to continue playing. Yes i tried pulling for Venti because I thought Venti was a cute chick, and it took me about 3 patches to come to the acceptance that he was a boy, after Keqing I eventually got Venti in the same 1.0 patch Fast foward to the liyue story quest; When we went to the teahouse with childe, I met Zhongli for the first time, to my suprise it was a really strange feeling, he was handsome, his mysterious looking eyes that looks like he knows everything, his silky smooth eng va voice, the perfectly tailored suit he wore, wow, his eye liner, the way he carried himself, and his persoanlity ,wow zhongli was hot, like I fell in love with him, it was like love at first site but with a character, I loved the way zhongli would grunt every normal attack in his english voice, and everytime he kicked his spear it would send shivers down my spine. This would eventually lead me to question my sexuality for the first time, which im certain im straight. There was just something about Zhongli that made me fall in love with him as a character, I instantly knew i was going to pull for him, which i eventually did during his first banner that came out in 1.1, since then zhongli has not left my party and he always in the first slot, on his first rerun banner i even went alll out to c6 zhongi, which was a surprise cause i told myself Id only pull for female characters Now fast foward to Ayato, why I really like is Ayato design, Ayato is hot like i mean really hot, Im straight but i swear Ayato is better looking than a majority of female characters in this game. Ayato hit me different than Zhongli, while I fell in love with Zhongli for every aspects he had such as his personality, voice, his eye and even kit, the only thing that pulled me towards ayato was his looks, i didnt care about anything else, it was really strange it would get to the point I'd have short daydreams of kissing and making out with ayato , even thou Im straight. I lusted over Ayato just cause of his look. Even till this day my favourite character in the entire game is Zhongli overall. But when it comes to hottest character in the game, i would have to say its Ayato I honestly wouldnt mind making out with Ayato even thou im straight, for some reason I find him more attractive than Ayaka Wanted to add, the reason I even wrote this post is because I was watching Ayato trailer again this morning, when it gets to the part that Ayato uses his elemental skill and says ; Kenei yo at 1;03 in his silk japanese voice it just makes me feel? I just get a strange feeling, but the cheery on top of Ayato trailer is when he uses his elemental burst and the camera pans over his beautiful face, it makes my heart skip a beat, like Id rewatch that part multiple times..Ayato facial design is really attractive,his eyes look so soft, his long lashes, his eyeliner around his eyes thats slightly protrudes under his bottom eyelashes, the mole under his lip, his face is just relaxingly warm ....Ayato has the best facial design in Genshin Impact, imo....I just wanted to lets this out. Ive never felt this way for any guy irl or in live action movies/tv shows, so I'm pretty certain im straight.
 
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The Kiwi Kultists need more milk, they're becoming restless, see to it that they don't get any bad ideas.
 
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:null: "BONE_Buddy, you've been with us how long now?"

"Well, about three years, sir."

:null: "I see, AnOminous tells me you have been very hard for us in the "Banana Pepper" side of the business. That's good, but we all know why we hired you. It's time to step up to the plate old son. There is this schmuck called @Skitarii who is attempting to challenge us at out own game. We need you to show him who the real big swinging dick is around here. "

"What do you want me to do, sir?"

:null: "I need you to make his life miserable, and then I need you to make sure he has no life at all. Real public, make an example. If the Police Chief turns out to be too much trouble, tell him the "Keeper of Records sends Kind Regards". Do this for me, and you'll get your 30 pieces of silver, and be made a real True and Honest man."
 
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