Null invited you to a shady strip club to talk. What does he tell you?

[King Fructose]

 

[Tims]

Hey, you're pretty cute, a bit on thin side though... Eat this 3ft sub that with banana peppers that I lovingly cultivated, that will fatten you up nicely!

 

[Reverend]

"When you told me not to buy Supermicro, I did anyway cause it was totes cheap and I needed the horsepower. After that Mikrotik was a sure bet on what is best cause price and all that jazz. I was on a budget you know as I had to pay for 3 buffetts a day for my darling Chantel. Yes the servers did crash, yes the network did grind to a halt but really was it the fault of the servers or the TroonIlluminati? You still got that line on those Enterprise servers?"

I'm about a pitcher of Long Island's in and he's drinking Mai Thai's.

 

[draggs]

He tells me I'm the only one who can find Lowtax's hidden treasure of pills before Ralph does and gives me half a treasure map

 

[Samson Pumpkin Jr.]

Joe Rogan tells me that he was invited to a shady strip club by Null and that he was told to talk. He says that the place is full of drugs and prostitutes, and that it's not safe for me to be there.

 

[Table Country]

He takes off his shirt to reveal he has three nipples, then launches into a protracted discussion about the meaning of horror.

 

[Overcast]

"Where's my money, Overcast? The last time you donated to this site was almost a decade ago. I didn't give you that True and Honest Fan tag just so you can leave me high and dry. Times are tough right now. Everything costs more now. Those Coke Zero boxes and fat hookers don't pay for themselves you know. You have three days to cough up some more money or else I'll tell everyone about your degenerate fetish for holding hands and kissing ladies on the lips. And then, if you don't learn your lesson then, I'll find you, I'll break your knee caps. And if you STILL haven't learned your lesson, I'll arrange a little get together with you and Mr. Cement Shoes.

Have a nice day. Drinks are on me."

 

[Swingletonthesimpleton]

"They keep the neko shotas in the backroom"

 

[I've Seen Some Shit]

"You hear how SpotemGottem got arrested?"
"Why do you smell like acetone-"
"That nigga has been on my mind. No cap, I been thinking about that time when I barebacked him raw in a Boca Raton Air BnB. That shit had to be the tightest, blackest, wettest boy pussy I've ever laid pipe into. I swear to God, the most heavenly high is gargling that wonderboy's nuts while going fist deep into his shitter. I had Spotemgottem screaming in the sheets with head too ridiculous to ignore. That nigga frotted my cock until he busted on my mouth, I had to return the favor. That nigga Spotemgottem and I been fucking non-stop ever since, but keep that shit on the DL. He does that shit for free. If you're gonna ask me how to "long" Spotemgottem, I'll be deadass. All you gotta do is ask, be straight up, and get physical real quick. Touch his nuts, get on ya knees, talk your shit. He doesn't play around with no pansy-ass niggas either. He likes his men manly, and his dick thick. Dark skin, 6'5 is the minimum and I ain't talking about height boy. That nigga Spotemgottem stole my heart and drank my seed."

 

[zero-who]

"You need to stop making so many lolcow.email throwaway accounts. You're eating up all my fucking bandwidth."

 

[White_N]

"They're growing so fast. My little pigeons left me all alone. I need vodka. How about you?"

 

[Harvey Danger]

"Did ya get that thing I sent ya?"

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

I don't know. I was too drunk to pay attention.

 

[Boss Hawg]

"Among dis pipo di UK dey deport na gay pipo wey say dem escape from dia home kontris wey fit send dem to jail sake of homosexuality.
According to Shola, di plan to deport dem don start since 2010 sake of say she no get papers, and dis situation wey she find herself dey give am mental health issue.
'No paper wey I never show dem, dem just dey cancel am. E dey cause mental disturbance for me, all di illness wey I no get before, I don dey get dem,' Shola tok.
Shola say she don spend over 25 thousand pounds sake of say she won get her papers and pipo just dey extort am instead of helping her to get her papers.
She also tell BBC Pidgin say notin dey for am for Nigeria as na ontop her deportation case her mama die wen di tin first start.
Shola say all di men wey she date for UK subject her to domestic violence sake of say she no fit complain as she no get papers."

 

[trailcamwhore]

"So are these actual prostitutes, or—?"
"I don't know."
"How much do you think I need to spend to find out?"
"[autism]"

 

[Chocolate Wombat]

"You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it? Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs. You got to starve the pigs for a few days, then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig shit, now do you? They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

 

[Blobby's Murder Knife]

Hey, you're pretty cute, a bit on thin side though... Eat this 3ft sub that with banana peppers that I lovingly cultivated, that will fatten you up nicely!

TURKEY HAM

 

[ChaosReignsOnSomeSaturday]

He just starts speaking perfect Mandarin and goes on about how the 20 year glorious plan to brainwash gwilo into being autistic online is going perfectly and soon the west will be too weak to defend against the glorious CCP.