Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[ZipDisk]

How much of a lie is the "I haven't had biscuits/pancakes" line?

This motherfucker cut butter with scissors!
Honestly, if he'd kept using the scissors for the rest of the video, I'd be impressed. instead, floppy world.
Get some nice sillic-slime in there, and make sure to keep the apple watch on for extra grime.
His biscuits look about as bad as usual.

 

[Dondeld Dock]

What in the good God damn is with that mirror cam? Wouldn't it just have been easier, cheaper, and better production value to point the camera down instead of getting a mirror, not bothering to clean it, and rigging it as shitty as Jack did?

Holy shit I just now realized thanks to you, that there is indeed a mirror that the camera is pointing at! I quickly watched it and thought only about the weird angle he shot it from, but oh no no no: he used a dirty mirror to get the overhead shot and filmed the mirror instead. Thank you, you just made my day way better.

 

[captkrisma]

This motherfucker really just watered down a bunch of redi-whip?

No wonder these biscuits look like ass.

 

[TurdFondler]

Why not just use the redi whip? There's nothing to be gained from adding water to it and it'll incorporate fine as it is.

 

[Laughingjoke2]

Clever of the organizers to assign him potato salad. It's not meat that he can ruin or under cook in his filthy smokers. Since potato salad isn't something that'll trigger his he-manly posturing, he'll probably just buy a tub at Sam's Club and call it even.

Too bad potato salad isn't keto. I want to see him try to make a keto friendly version using white shreddy cheese and mayo.

Well there are low carb versions some assholes make where they replace the potato in POTATO Salad with Cauliflower.

 

[rubytintedchix]

New video. Wearing the bucket hat. The heavy cream replacement is a classic Jack moment.

He used a mirror to do the overhead shot, but didn’t bother framing the shot to get the frame of the mirror out of it. My thought with this shot also is that he’s shooting it on his iPhone and not the normal DSLR camera. I THINK he maybe is flipping the image also on his phone in addition to the wonky mirror shot. Remember how he loves doing that to give the illusion of driving in JOTG videos.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

"Professional chef" uses shears to cut butter

Uses the same shears to stir

 

[Charlie Delicious]

Why not just use the redi whip? There's nothing to be gained from adding water to it and it'll incorporate fine as it is.

It's worse than that

The recipe called for heavy cream
Not sugar filled whipped cream + water

This


Isn't this

 

[John Carmack]

 

[Jack of the Lantern]

Archive (720p):
View attachment 3458701

This idiot wants to LARP as a true American southerner, but doesn't know that butter in biscuits has to be cold and can't even guess as to why that's suggested? I doubt he has a ton of circulation still flowing even in his "good" arm, but the way he mixed and fondled that biscuit dough is going to warm the butter up, melting it and incorporating it more completely into the flour (and don't get me started about his piss-poor charade of "cutting" the butter into the dry ingredients). It wouldn't have completely saved his biscuit structure (enzymatically carb-stripped flour probably interacts unusually even with perfect technique), but he should have put that dough into the fridge for at least 20 minutes to firm up whatever pockets of butter he still had. There's a reason that recipes will often suggest freezing and grating butter before mixing, because full, cold pockets of butter will create steam that lifts the biscuit and keeps the butter from melting too early and leaking out into your oven. But, I know that Jack needs food NOW NOW NOW, so taking time to do the basic due diligence just isn't in the cards.

 

[Phil Ken Sebben]

Found it! It was frogs legs not crawfish

Him dragging his gimp leg across the lawn will never be not funny.

New video. Wearing the bucket hat. The heavy cream replacement is a classic Jack moment.

Has this faggot never made biscuits before? I mean the key thing I learned when making them is your butter needs to be cold. That's part of what makes them so flaky. Warm butter would make them tough. Hell some recipes say you need to freeze your butter and then grate it into the mixture. But of course this is Mushbrain we're talking about and it's not about the finished product but just getting as many calories into his mouth as soon as possible which is why he said his Yorkshire Pudding recipe was "perfect" when they looked like blond hockey pucks.

And fucking kitchen shears to break up the butter? Then a little more to "incorporate" leaving huge fucking chunks of it there. I mean a pastry cutter or fork I can understand but shears?

Whipped cream instead of heavy cream? This is a joke right? Nobody can be this fucking stupid.

And the end result looks like dog shit. But did anybody expect anything less?

Why not just use the redi whip? There's nothing to be gained from adding water to it and it'll incorporate fine as it is.

He's an idiot. All he's doing is watering it down and of course he didn't use enough of it. Whipped cream... well maybe not that fake stuff in the can... is just cream, sugar and air. That's it. Adding water just reduces the fat content and because it takes up more space he winds up using less liquid than it asked for. I mean he failed spectacularly on this step.

 

[Joe Mayo]

I figure I may as well go and share these here. Inspired by the likes of RodDangerous, Hord Grylls and Jack Vlogs, I decided to go ahead and make some meme/YouTube Poop-type videos featuring Jack. Most of them are crap or are in-jokes made to amuse friends of mine on Discord, so I'm only going to post the best ones here.

 

[Whatthefuck]

This idiot wants to LARP as a true American southerner, but doesn't know that butter in biscuits has to be cold and can't even guess as to why that's suggested? I doubt he has a ton of circulation still flowing even in his "good" arm, but the way he mixed and fondled that biscuit dough is going to warm the butter up, melting it and incorporating it more completely into the flour (and don't get me started about his piss-poor charade of "cutting" the butter into the dry ingredients). It wouldn't have completely saved his biscuit structure (enzymatically carb-stripped flour probably interacts unusually even with perfect technique), but he should have put that dough into the fridge for at least 20 minutes to firm up whatever pockets of butter he still had. There's a reason that recipes will often suggest freezing and grating butter before mixing, because full, cold pockets of butter will create steam that lifts the biscuit and keeps the butter from melting too early and leaking out into your oven. But, I know that Jack needs food NOW NOW NOW, so taking time to do the basic due diligence just isn't in the cards.

No muthafuckin' buttermilk? The way he did the butter is ok, I guess, but it needs to be rock hard frozen. Why not use a fork or a dough blender? Both of those only require one hand. The texture of the flour and butter should be like pebbles or sand. Then you add fucking buttermilk and a bit of oil and an egg (I use a couple of TBSP of Crisco mixed with my butter) to bring it into a shaggy dough. You can add cheese only if you get everything else correct. I fucking can't. It's offensive. It may taste OK, but that texture is going to be rock fucking hard. Bless his heart.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Bless his heart.

Please don't, let the poor thing give up early and stop making it suffer this abuse.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

Found it! It was frogs legs not crawfish

I’ve seen this video before but never noticed how short Jack actually is. He must be at most 5’6”.

 

[Jack of the Lantern]

I'd literally have now seen. Jack's out here inventing new verb tenses.



No doubt Jack has an exclusively giant food-related bucket list.



Uh...Hope? Run. Run as far and as fast as you can.



He might be joking, but I wish fiery torment on him for making me have to think about this:

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

Found it! It was frogs legs not crawfish

I’ve noticed that on the rare occasion Jagoff is caught on film walking moving from one spot to the next, he needs to make these weird 90degree turns.

That’s because he blew off the effort of rehab and is now left with basically needing to throw his hip into each and every L or R of what normally should be subtle, natural movement.

So, dude comes off moving around our planet as if he’s some 5 foot tall space creature that’s just landed from a distant star system

 

[Joe Mayo]

I'd literally have now seen. Jack's out here inventing new verb tenses.

View attachment 3459753

Me fail English? That's unpossible!

No doubt Jack has an exclusively giant food-related bucket list.

View attachment 3459761

I'm getting bean salad flashbacks.

Uh...Hope? Run. Run as far and as fast as you can.

View attachment 3459749

Jack would know all about that considering what a lazy hunk of fat he is.

 

[Blasterisk]

So, dude comes off moving around our planet as if he’s some 5 foot tall space creature that’s just landed from a distant star system

Whereas, in actuality, he is a planet from a distant star system.

 

[PeckingOrder]

Jack looks so stupid with that bucket hat. I hope he wears it often from now until his inevitable fourth stroke so we have many chance to point and laugh at it.