There is absolutely no way pig hooves didn't hammer out this abomination of a diary article. Mock Faith's diary, at least it logically flows.
The article is about someone else, yet placed here is Gator of all people. Anyone who finished high school would be expecting the introduction to the article to... I'm not sure, introduce the person????? Or was Ralph trying to imply that this guy is synonymous with Gator? So he's using "Gator" as an adjective or what?! If so, he failed completely. Nothing says "just walk the other way" more than this:
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This introduction fails as an analogy, as a metaphor, it just fails. The rest is garbage.
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No idea Amanda (allegedly), he doesn't seem at all interested in you. You're the type of crying towel guys use when we are rejected by love interests. Yes, you're basically the male version of a friendzone and in this case, you were friendzoned by someone who was friendzoned, or at the very least, denied by a love interest.
Also, "literally" doesn't literally mean figuratively, the two are literally different words, Amanda "PR graduate" Morris (allegedly).
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"First, let me preface".
Okay, Firstly, at first, the number one point is... (the structure of this sentence is shit, it's as if it was written a child who found a thesaurus).
"retareded"
Yeah, pig hooves wrote this.