I can't stomach the monkey torture, but I want to help, so I dug into Paul Hughes. Unfortunately (fortunately for the monkeys), he doesn't appear to be an actual zoosadist. I can't prove a negative and say he's 100% not involved, but his ifihadamonkey site looks like sick humor akin to bonsai kittens.
Resurrender.net (Wayback) - His central base of operations until December 2006 (a). Nothing of note other than links to his growing network of sites.
Resurrender.com (Wayback) - His personal site. Monkey-related references include a local news article where he talks about being obsessed with them, a journal with a reference to the "monkey page," and a craptastic narrative outline for a monkey alien screenplay (no monkey sadism).
Dyingdays.com (Wayback) - A maudlin literary-style e-zine. Paul was the editor. Went offline the end of 2003. Nothing of interest.
Silverthought.com (Wayback) - Independent publishing company that Paul founded. Still online. It has a Facebook page and Twitter account. Hasn't been updated since 2016. He used it to publish his own books and a couple others. Part of the screenplay about the monkey is in the Wayback snapshots.
Illout.com forum for Resurrender (Wayback) - None of the actual threads have been archived, only the thread subjects. He posted as x0phugh and Paul. A subforum existed for ifihadamonkey between June 2003 and April 2004, but then it disappeared.
Singingsaints.org (Wayback) and Singingsaintsalumni.org (Wayback) - Men's a capella group from St Lawrence University. Boring.
Timeforkink.com (Wayback) - Not kinky. A bunch of spergs posting lame takes on topics like Chef Boyardee and Nigerian scammers. Paul wrote an interesting article reminiscent of monkey torture called "This Baby Ewok Looks Cute Enough to Eat!" (a).
Thestillness.com (Wayback) - A tribute page to a friend who committed suicide. Boring.
Paulevanhughes.com - Already documented in this thread.
Offensemechanism.com (Wayback) - Started as an Illout forum to ostensibly discuss art. He eventually added a bunch of art in various media. None of it is especially disturbing or violent, but I'm interested in The Lonely Bear videos. Wayback didn't cache them. The titles sound sketchy.
Thelonelybear.com (Wayback) - Briefly hosted the videos mentioned above. The archive is sparse, but the videos contained stuffed animals. The associated forum wasn't very active.
Other than that, there's the Twitter account that was already listed, an Amazon author account, and a Facebook account. (I can't get the FB profile to archive. If anyone can recommend tools, please do!) He posts mostly pics of his family.
Resurrender.com (Wayback) - His personal site. Monkey-related references include a local news article where he talks about being obsessed with them, a journal with a reference to the "monkey page," and a craptastic narrative outline for a monkey alien screenplay (no monkey sadism).
the site has become something of a cult hit here on campus. it used to be just because of the saints page and the monkey page, which people love because my humor apparently makes them laugh. but now the site is a hit because of the deconproj and the little black book.
Full Treatment: “Of Monkey and Manny” by Paul Hughes.
Manny, a clerk at the local Quik-E-Mart, goes to work in his ancient station wagon. From the shrubs in front of his house, two beady black eyes gaze. Blink blink… Over the opening credits we have a montage of images: Manny greeting customers, selling cigarettes, methodically opening and eating a candy bar. One of the customers accidentally tips over a large display of grape jelly. The jars fall in slow motion and shatter on the floor, creating a large purple mess over which the title is superimposed. More images: hands: Sheila drying an old woman’s newly-blue hair, Harrigan zipping up his gorilla suit, a big grin on his face, Cat putting bullets in his revolver, growling at the camera, government agents testing their earpieces, aliens putting on rubber gloves, getting ready to “probe” another abductee. Manny sighs and gets out a mop, begins to clean up the grape jelly mess.
At Manny’s house, a paperboy rides by on his bike and expertly throws Manny’s paper onto his front step. The neighbor’s dog immediately rushes over and urinates on the paper. There is a rustling sound from the bushes and the dog whimpers, runs away. First shot of a black limousine driving by slowly.
As he finishes mopping up the mess, Manny leans back on his mop and daydreams of his girlfriend, Sheila. It is a lovely dream: Manny and Sheila laughing and holding hands as they run through the park, finally falling down onto the grass and embracing each other. Summer Serenade in the background? Very corny. The smile on Manny’s face and his closed eyes indicate that he is in a world other than the store. Perhaps some animated songbirds flying around his head… Ah, Sheila.
The “old woman” who “accidentally” tipped over the display has returned to the scene of the accident. We see that she looks impossibly masculine from this angle: beard stubble along with hideous red lipstick and an unconvincing wig. She is holding a large can of baked beans, with which she promptly hits Manny. Taken by surprise, Manny is knocked out cold.
Cut to a small salon where Sheila is shampooing a client’s hair. The door opens and five men in black coats enter, ask for Sheila. She introduces herself, excuses herself from her client as another hairdresser takes over. The men in black escort her to their limousine, parked outside the salon. They show her photographs: Manny, Manny’s house, Las Vegas, a blue van, a man in a gorilla suit. You do know Manny, don’t you, Sheila? This is a matter of national security…
Manny’s store: The wall explodes as a pickup truck slams into it. Thugs jump out and chain the ATM to the truck’s trailer hitch. The old lady pulls off her wig and picks up one of the unbroken jars of grape jelly, saying something suitably nasty to the unconscious Manny. Decidedly unladylike. The truck speeds away, dragging the ATM in a trail of sparks. The cautious but curious faces of a group of Japanese tourists peek into the hole in the store wall, snap a few photographs of the prone Manny.
Back to the limousine interior: men in black interrogate Sheila further: We have evidence that suggests that Manny has been in contact with individuals who are working to undermine the government. They may have passed him an item of great importance, and we need you to retrieve it from him. What is it? She does not look very impressed or convinced. She knows Manny better than anyone does. He’s too boring to be involved in any of this. But what is he supposed to have been given?
Manny’s house: two small hairy hands are attempting to open the brass doorknob. They are unsuccessful. At the sound of an approaching car, the hands disengage from the doorknob and we see the bushes move again. A large blue van parks in front of the house and a cat stares out the passenger’s side window. It is not a nice looking cat. The van pulls away and parks a short distance down the street.
Limo interior: Sheila: “A what? I’m a hairdresser, not a veterinarian!” The agents convince her that in the interest of national security, and because Manny has been brainwashed by the man in the gorilla suit, Sheila will help them get the item back. Because Manny is extremely dangerous right now, they will have to fake Sheila’s death and give her a new appearance so that she can follow him in secret. How? Well, we have a dump truck ready. Cut to shot of dump truck outside the salon, bored-as-hell dump truck driver smoking a cigarette, leaning against the side of the truck. He checks his watch and yawns. Just one little thing: we need to implant this “communication device” into the base of your scull. Don’t worry. It’s hypoallergenic. We’ll send you a signal when it’s time. Sheila goes back to work, ready for the signal. The limo drives off.
The store: Manny holds a package of frozen succotash to his bruised forehead as he dials a number on the rotary phone. 911. Dizzy. He stumbles, almost knocks another display over: the rubber stand. That would have been an embarrassing mess… Japanese tourists snicker and take more pictures. The police are on the way. He dials another number: Sheila. He tells her what happened, and she is frantic. She says she’ll come right over. The police arrive, question Manny. His manager arrives, furious that Manny let the criminals get away with the ATM. A verbal fisticuffs ensues. Manager fires Manny. Insensitive, says Manny, who kicks the display of grape jelly over again. He takes off his Quik-E-Mart vest and throws it at the manager. I didn’t want to work here anyways. I have a dream: Sheila. He walks out the front door, and almost an omen, Sheila runs to him from across the street. Manny smiles widely, says out loud so that the whole world can hear: At least I’ll always have Sheila! The tourists applaud.
A dump truck speeds around the corner and slams into Sheila, who is tossed into the air. The whole accident looks extremely fake to the casual observer, but it is enough to convince Manny. She lands conveniently out of Manny’s vision. Government agents help her out of the harness that carried her through the air and rush her away. Manny runs to Sheila’s body, actually a mannequin, but he is led away quickly by government agents dressed as common passersby. Paramedics and police converge on the scene of the accident, making sure that Manny never sees that dead Sheila is actually a mannequin. They take away the body, and send Manny home. He of course is resistant, but they ensure him there is nothing he can do. Sheila is dead. Um… We’ll call you about the funeral arrangements. Go get some rest. You’ve had quite a morning, Manny.
Manny walks home dejectedly, helpless. His world has been destroyed. He was assaulted with a can of baked beans, he lost his job, and his girlfriend was hit by a dump truck. What could possibly happen now? Arriving at his modest home, he walks up the front steps. He bends down to pick up his newspaper, which Monkey holds out to him. The neighbor’s dog has urinated on it again. Manny looks across the street, where the neighbor dog sits quietly on his master’s front porch. He stands and wags his tail. Manny frowns and shakes his head. He reaches down and takes the paper from Monkey, unlocks the door, and goes into the house.
The door shut behind him, Manny sits on the bench beside the door, calmly and methodically unlaces each work shoe and slips on his comfortable slippers. He puts on a comfy cardigan sweater from his closet, goes to his favorite chair in the living room. He sighs, opens the wet paper, then suddenly closes it, frown… Monkey? He turns, opens the door. There is a small monkey sitting on the front step, a monkey smile on his monkey face. Manny looks around, sure that he is on camera. . He does not notice a black limousine drive by slowly. There is a note tied to Monkey’s tail: “Please return this monkey to Las Vegas or YOU WILL DIE.” This cannot be real. Monkey scampers past Manny and goes to the kitchen, where he starts setting the table. Manny sits and watches as the monkey cooks him some corn meal mush.
The monkey watches him closely.
After washing the breakfast dishes, the monkey calmly and politely asks Manny if he is going to take him to Las Vegas. Manny is terrified by the fact that the monkey is talking to him, and he passes out. Monkey holds Manny’s head in his lap and slaps his face. Manny comes around, and jumps up at the sight of the talking monkey. He runs to a corner of the room, but Monkey follows after. Manny does not believe that this is happening to him and suspects that it is all a dream. Monkey insists that this is all too real: a situation of life-or-death importance. There are forces at work here that Manny cannot possibly comprehend, but needless to say, if he does not take Monkey to Vegas, he will suffer the consequences. Why me? Because you’re a good person, Manny, and I think I can trust you. Who put the note on your tail? Why Vegas? How can you talk? I don’t know, Manny… I have a bit of amnesia, so I can’t remember right now… Manny is suspicious of Monkey’s amnesia, and feels that he may be hiding something. Manny agrees to take the monkey to Vegas. Manny goes to pack some things, his world feeling very surreal and fuzzy. Sheila has been taken from him, but Monkey has entered his life. A fair trade? Monkey dances with happiness because Manny has agreed to take him.
Outside the house, the black limousine drives by. It is passed by another black car going in the opposite direction. A black helicopter flies overhead. Monkey stands at the kitchen window, notices the number of black vehicles and men in black suits on the street so early in the morning. Manny remarks that it must be recruitment time for the religious folk again. Monkey notices one of the men in black place his hand to his ear and walk toward the house. Monkey pats the small monkey-sized revolver that he carries in secret. Monkey suggests that they get on the road quickly to avoid the morning rush hour. Manny insists that there is no such thing as rush hour in Nebraska. As they walk to Manny’s old station wagon, Monkey notes to himself with some trepidation that the street is now completely empty. Monkey and Manny depart. Monkey plots a course on a stack of road maps. He has difficulty holding the maps as he uses a compass and a ruler to do some complicated monkey-math. If only I had thumbs… Manny chews obsessively on a red stir straw as he drives, Herb Alpert his road music of choice. The rapport begins: Could you drive a little faster, please, Manny? I’m driving fast enough! You drive like my mother. Your mother drives? She’s a monkey!
From several streets away, a man wearing a gorilla suit in a large baby blue truck watches the departure of Manny and Monkey from a large set of binoculars. Beside him is a skinny orange cat, who blinks slowly at the sight of the Monkey’s departure and growls. The man, Harrigan, pets the cat, Cat, to calm him down. Cat hates Harrigan with a passion, and attempts to bite him, but is restrained by a special seatbelt, which he begins to gnaw on. Harrigan, oblivious, starts the truck and watches Manny’s car through the binoculars. Cat pulls a small knife from his satchel and begins to cut through the seatbelt. Harrigan, still looking through the binoculars, instinctively reaches over and attempts to take the knife away, but not before Cat stabs the thick gorilla paw of the suit with it. The tiny knife sticks there, and Cat growls. He reaches for his cat revolver, but Harrigan again reaches down without looking away from the binoculars and moves Cat’s revolver out of his paw’s reach. Cat gives up on trying to kill Harrigan this time and instead gets out his notebook computer, which he uses to email an update to his superiors. They follow Manny’s car. As they really get out onto the open road, neither Monkey nor Manny notices the large blue truck following them.
A motorcycle pulls out of a rest area and drives after the blue van and Manny’s station wagon. On it is Sheila. She is wearing a leather biker’s suit that looks suspiciously like it came out of Evel Knievel’s closet. It is a huge motorcycle. She feels ridiculous, but if this is what she must do to save Manny from the clutches of the evil brainwashing, then she will do it. She guns the engine and falls in line behind the blue van. Cat growls as he looks into the rearview mirror. Harrigan notices nothing.
Harrigan’s blue van, Sheila’s motorcycle, and a line of black government cars follow Manny’s car. Cat finishes his email and closes his computer. His superiors are concerned: who is this woman on the motorcycle? Could she also be following Manny and Monkey? Cat nonchalantly turns around and looks out the rear window, at which point Sheila, who has been looking directly at Harrigan and Cat, looks away awkwardly. The government agents in the cars behind her also all look away suddenly. Not suspicious at all. Cat tries to summon Harrigan’s attention to the cars following them, but to no avail. Noticing that Cat is meowing frantically, Harrigan gives him back his satchel and reaches down to pet him. Harrigan wonders aloud about Cat’s thumbs, which are somewhat disturbing. Cat draws his cat-sized pistol and threatens Harrigan. Harrigan daydreams about the good old days at Darwin Multinational, the research corporation that he and Cat work for, before they discovered how to make monkeys talk and give cats thumbs. Cat at the same time daydreams of the many ways he would like to torture and kill Harrigan.
Manny must use a restroom so he pulls over at a rest area. The rest of the convoy pulls over, each trying not to look suspicious. As he goes to the men’s room, Monkey approaches a prostitute and takes her back to the car. After finishing his business and returning to the car, Manny finds Monkey smoking in the back seat of the station wagon, and the prostitute walking away from the car stuffing a $20 bill into her purse. Manny confronts Monkey about his indiscretion and it is revealed that Monkey enjoys the finer things in life, namely booze, smokes, and hookers. An argument ensues, but Manny agrees to take Monkey to Vegas as long as his vices do not get them into trouble.
At the end of the day, Manny and Monkey get a room at the Lazy Lodge. Monkey enjoys the vibrating bed. Manny struggles to comprehend his life. Sheila and several government agents all spend the night in the Lazy Lodge, each attempting to hide from the others. Midnight snack runs and skinny dipping in the pool make the hotel stay a game of cat and mouse as Manny, Monkey, Sheila, and the Government agents all try to remain secretive about their presence. Manny reprimands Monkey for skinny-dipping with a “hooker,” who just happens to be a disguised Sheila trying to capture him. Manny does not recognize her, or the other “hookers” around the pool: several government agents, each doing their best to look like busty easy women. Some even have beer and smokes. Monkey is reluctant, but he follows Manny back to the room, bidding the ladies a good night. The ladies respond, “Good night, Monkey,” mostly with their terrible falsetto voices. In the room, Manny feeds a quarter to the vibrating bed and they lay down, side by side to assess their situation. Monkey suspects that they are in danger, but Manny calmly suggests that it is all just a game. Monkey reminds Manny that his life is on the line, and that this is far from a game. Manny laughs this off because he still thinks this is a dream.
Harrigan and Cat have decided to spend the night next door to the Lazy Lodge, at the Lover’s Retreat Bed and Breakfast. The establishment is run by Ned and Frieda, two ancient hicks from the sticks who are very suspicious about why a man would take his cat on an overnight stay at a bed and breakfast, but they do not ask any questions because Harrigan’s money is just as green as anyone else’s. Harrigan asks for and gets the room that directly faces Manny and Monkey’s room window at the Lazy Lodge next door. Shots of Harrigan and Cat enjoying the vibrating bed cut to shots of Manny and Monkey enjoying their vibrating bed: Ahhh… Chaos ensues during the night as Harrigan attempts to construct a ladder system across the lawn to the Lazy Lodge so he can sneak across and steal Monkey. He carries a large bunch of bananas, and halfway across, the construction starts to fall apart, mostly because Cat is on one end jumping mercilessly up and down. Just as the ladder falls apart, Cat jumps off into the safety of his room. Harrigan falls quite some distance and lands roughly on the unkempt grass. Bananas everywhere. Hearing the commotion, Ned runs outside in his wifebeater and tighty-whities, a shotgun held before him. Seeing Harrigan in his gorilla suit flailing around on the ground, he mutters something about the sasquatches coming out of the forest again, and he starts to shoot at Harrigan, thinking he is a Bigfoot. Cat dances with glee in the window above. At the sound of gunfire, Monkey and Manny slip out the back entrance of the Lazy Lodge to get a jump start on the day’s travels. There is a beeping sound and Cat walks from the window to activate his notebook computer. Incoming transmission from Darwin Multinational: Get me zat monkey or you vill die! Cat nods and shuts off the computer.
Harrigan slips back into the Lover’s Retreat and hides under the bed. He falls asleep. He wakes to find Cat feebly trying to strangle him with his cat-hands. He locks Cat in his cage and goes back to sleep, only to dream about the development of the Thumb Serum and the Evolution Pill that Darwin Multinational had developed. Images of scientists, lab animals, and experiments. Cat dreams happily of torturing Harrigan. Each torture fantasy becomes more inane: death by marmalade, death by cheese grater, death by rhinoceros…
Nighttime travel with Manny and Monkey: the haunting lines speeding by on the road, AM radio blare, Manny chewing obsessively on a red stir straw. Time to bond. Any special ladies in your life, Manny? Hands tighten on the steering wheel. Just Sheila. Well, not anymore. She was hit by a dump truck yesterday. Oh, how terrible. Conversation continues. We learn more of Manny and Sheila’s past: high school sweethearts, staying in the small town after college, always together but never making it official. Scene cuts from Manny’s dreamy teary eyes to scenes of high school: nerdy Manny with braces working at the Quik-E-Mart as young ugly Sheila in pigtails and huge glasses comes in to buy tampons or something suitably embarrassing. Manny keeps talking as we see shots of a drive-in, where a large station wagon that we could mistake for Manny’s rocks up and down to the throes of adolescent passion. We pan right to find Manny and Sheila sitting on the roof of Manny’s station wagon innocently playing with a Rubik’s cube and watching “Superman II” or something equally hideous. Cut back to teardrop running slowly down Manny’s face. So, anyone special in your life, Monkey? No. No? No. I’m a monkey. I like hookers. They drive into the night, thoughts of Sheila still torturing Manny. An large bang: a flat tire. So much for the head start.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I mean at the Lazy Lodge, Sheila is abducted in her sleep by a group of aliens that look like chimpanzees in lab coats. They reveal that the government has been lying to her and that she must work for them to retrieve Monkey from Manny because the government has brainwashed Manny and arranged for the Las Vegas rendezvous. The government wants Manny to take Monkey to Las Vegas so that he can be placed in the secret government labs beneath the city and studied. The aliens want Monkey for themselves because he is the only being that can lead them in a revolt against an evil race of thumbed cats that has taken over the alien homeworld. Sheila is torn, but she agrees to get the monkey for the aliens because they have promised to reverse Manny’s brainwashing and make everything better again. And at least they aren’t Democrats. Sheila voted for Perot. The aliens kind of remind her of Perot. The aliens return Sheila to her hotel room.
On the road the next day, Harrigan and Cat report in to Darwin Multinational as Manny and Monkey stop at a convenience store. Although they had a considerable head start, the flat tire cost them, and Cat and Harrigan have finally caught up to Manny and Monkey. Their superior at Darwin is a strange little man named Claes Hamburg who dresses in black leather and has a patch over his right eye. He speaks and acts disturbingly like the stereotypical Hollywood Nazi. His message is simple: Get me zat monkey or you vill die! The transmission ends, and Cat growls. Harrigan is visibly scared of Claes. If they can’t get that Monkey before the Government does…
At the convenience store, the clerk overhears Monkey talking, arguing a heated debate with Manny about beer and smokes. The clerk presses a red button underneath the counter. The government vehicles surround the store and agents storm in with guns drawn. Monkey and Manny are about to be captured when Harrigan realizes what is going on and rams his truck into the government limousine. Cat leaps out and attempts to tie up Monkey, but Monkey and Manny slip out the back door of the store. Running to the station wagon, shots being fired from all directions, a motorcycle pulls up and Sheila grabs Monkey by the tail and speeds off into the desert, monkey screaming the whole way like a little schoolgirl. Harrigan and Cat are involved in a firefight with the government agents as Manny drives after Sheila. He does not yet recognize her. An unexpected visitor: an alien spacecraft, looking especially fake and tacky, veers over the convenience store and starts blowing up the government agents’ cars with a Death Ray. Screaming, running, shooting, utter chaos. The gunshots eventually stop as everyone continues the pursuit of Monkey into the desert, even the spaceship. The cars plow over dunes and cacti.
Sure that she has lost her pursuers, Sheila and Monkey stop for the night. Monkey cooks some beans. Sheila reveals why she kidnapped Monkey from Manny, and why she must give him to the aliens. Monkey reveals that he is not sure if the aliens or the government are telling the truth, because Manny does not appear to be brainwashed to him, although he does not seem to be the brightest of fellows. Monkey does not know how he was given the gift of speech or why he would be regarded as a savior, but he agrees to help the aliens in their war against the thumbed cats. He pulls out a bottle of champagne and pops the cork, pours two glasses.
Harrigan and Cat have stopped for the night. Cat has tied Harrigan up in his sleep and he is trying to set him on fire. Harrigan is perturbed, but he easily pulls off the strings and makes a remark about how you can give a cat some thumbs, but you can’t give him the sense to tie a good knot. Harrigan finds that his gorilla suit is on fire, and after he puts out the flames he answers Cat’s questioning eyes with the tale of why Darwin Multinational developed the Thumb Serum for cats to make them more useful pets, and how they developed the Evolution Pill so that we could give monkeys that little nudge they needed to bump themselves up the evolutionary ladder and talk to us. The Company was working on a time-travel machine before it mysteriously disappeared. Harrigan suspects the Government. Cat growls with agreement. Harrigan reveals that he is wearing the gorilla suit so that he can try to communicate more effectively to Monkey when finally they capture him. They need that monkey or else they’ll get fired… or worse. It’s their fault he escaped. Cat and Harrigan were watching wrestling instead of watching the lab animals like they were supposed to be doing. Then the monkey was gone. Claes was furious. Something about that monkey being their hope for the future… There is an explosive sound. Was that a bottle of champagne? Seeing headlights and a campfire on the distant horizon, Harrigan and Cat walk through the desert in silent pursuit.
Manny pulls up to the fire in his station wagon. Monkey and Sheila are drinking champagne, and Monkey is a little too close to Sheila for comfort. Sheila? Manny? Monkey? Monkey is startled. This is Sheila? Your Sheila? Manny gets angry. Was Monkey trying to seduce Sheila? And Sheila, well, she’s supposed to be dead, but even so, why was she drinking champagne with a monkey? Because I am a wonderful lover and I know how to treat a lady. Manny is confused beyond confused. Sheila is wary because of Manny’s “brainwashing,” and Manny is wary because he saw Sheila get hit by a dump truck. Monkey explains that he thinks both of them have been lied to and manipulated by the government, Darwin Multinational and the aliens. It seems that his amnesia is finally clearing up. You see--
Harrigan and Cat approach the campfire, and Cat wrestles with Monkey as Harrigan draws his gun at Sheila and Manny. Harrigan knew it was a bad idea to tamper with Mother Nature’s handiwork, and the wrestling match between the talking monkey and the thumbed cat is evidence enough of that. There is a gunshot and Harrigan drops his gun. Headlights surround the campfire as government cars and agents close in. Nowhere to run, the assemblage surrenders. Agents shackle Monkey and begin to escort him away.
Lights pour from above as the alien vessel hovers over the campfire. The government agents all drop their weapons and fall to the ground in pain. One of the aliens descends to the ground on a beam of light, and releases Monkey’s shackles. There is a flash of lightning, signaling the activation of Sheila’s government mind chip. She stumbles around beyond her control and attacks the aliens. Monkey leaps on her and bitch slaps her as the aliens calmly deactivate the chip. As if coming out of a dream, Sheila runs to Manny to be comforted. The alien asks Monkey to come back to the homeworld to end the war against the thumbed cats. It seems that Monkey was a test animal sent into the future. He accidentally fell back through time when the government started using the stolen Darwin Multinational time travel device. He remembers nothing because of this traumatic experience. All he had was a note tied to his tail and directions to Manny’s house, given to him by his friends, the Talking Monkeys From the Future, which are not really “aliens” at all. Harrigan realizes that the Company’s new time-travel system, which the government stole and placed in the Las Vegas lab, could indeed have triggered the war. The alien agrees, revealing that the government agents also stole the formula for the Thumb Serum and the Evolution Pill, and when they had sent Monkey into the future, his genetic material accidentally caused the evolution of cats and monkeys and a great war between the species. This led to the extinction of humanity and such great films as “Planet of the Apes.”
Monkey is about to leave when there is another gunshot and Claes Hamburg limps out of the shadows with a contingent of his elite thumbed cats. He demands that Monkey come back to Darwin with him, and when Monkey refuses, there is a Braveheart-type melee. Harrigan lead the fight against Hamburg’s forces, because he is still very angry at him. Eventually the cats are all subdued, and Claes is held down by Harrigan. Let’s see who was behind all of this. He pulls off Hamburg’s eye patch and mask to reveal Danny Bonaduce or some other suitably terrible child star-gone-bad. The aliens take Danny with them onto the ship. We have to probe this evil man for information. Heh heh.
Manny shakes Monkeys hand. Will I ever see you again, Monkey? Monkey smiles and gets into the spaceship. Maybe, Manny. I love you. Tearful farewell. Corny.
Goodbye, Monkey, goodbye!
Monkey and the Future Monkey return to the alien vessel to repair the damage done to the future. Cat shoots Harrigan in the knee. The government agents pass out the cyanide pills. Sheila and Manny drive off into the sunrise on Sheila’s motorcycle. They pass a road sign that says “Welcome to Nevada.” End credits to some bad Tom Jones song.
Manny, a clerk at the local Quik-E-Mart, goes to work in his ancient station wagon. From the shrubs in front of his house, two beady black eyes gaze. Blink blink… Over the opening credits we have a montage of images: Manny greeting customers, selling cigarettes, methodically opening and eating a candy bar. One of the customers accidentally tips over a large display of grape jelly. The jars fall in slow motion and shatter on the floor, creating a large purple mess over which the title is superimposed. More images: hands: Sheila drying an old woman’s newly-blue hair, Harrigan zipping up his gorilla suit, a big grin on his face, Cat putting bullets in his revolver, growling at the camera, government agents testing their earpieces, aliens putting on rubber gloves, getting ready to “probe” another abductee. Manny sighs and gets out a mop, begins to clean up the grape jelly mess.
At Manny’s house, a paperboy rides by on his bike and expertly throws Manny’s paper onto his front step. The neighbor’s dog immediately rushes over and urinates on the paper. There is a rustling sound from the bushes and the dog whimpers, runs away. First shot of a black limousine driving by slowly.
As he finishes mopping up the mess, Manny leans back on his mop and daydreams of his girlfriend, Sheila. It is a lovely dream: Manny and Sheila laughing and holding hands as they run through the park, finally falling down onto the grass and embracing each other. Summer Serenade in the background? Very corny. The smile on Manny’s face and his closed eyes indicate that he is in a world other than the store. Perhaps some animated songbirds flying around his head… Ah, Sheila.
The “old woman” who “accidentally” tipped over the display has returned to the scene of the accident. We see that she looks impossibly masculine from this angle: beard stubble along with hideous red lipstick and an unconvincing wig. She is holding a large can of baked beans, with which she promptly hits Manny. Taken by surprise, Manny is knocked out cold.
Cut to a small salon where Sheila is shampooing a client’s hair. The door opens and five men in black coats enter, ask for Sheila. She introduces herself, excuses herself from her client as another hairdresser takes over. The men in black escort her to their limousine, parked outside the salon. They show her photographs: Manny, Manny’s house, Las Vegas, a blue van, a man in a gorilla suit. You do know Manny, don’t you, Sheila? This is a matter of national security…
Manny’s store: The wall explodes as a pickup truck slams into it. Thugs jump out and chain the ATM to the truck’s trailer hitch. The old lady pulls off her wig and picks up one of the unbroken jars of grape jelly, saying something suitably nasty to the unconscious Manny. Decidedly unladylike. The truck speeds away, dragging the ATM in a trail of sparks. The cautious but curious faces of a group of Japanese tourists peek into the hole in the store wall, snap a few photographs of the prone Manny.
Back to the limousine interior: men in black interrogate Sheila further: We have evidence that suggests that Manny has been in contact with individuals who are working to undermine the government. They may have passed him an item of great importance, and we need you to retrieve it from him. What is it? She does not look very impressed or convinced. She knows Manny better than anyone does. He’s too boring to be involved in any of this. But what is he supposed to have been given?
Manny’s house: two small hairy hands are attempting to open the brass doorknob. They are unsuccessful. At the sound of an approaching car, the hands disengage from the doorknob and we see the bushes move again. A large blue van parks in front of the house and a cat stares out the passenger’s side window. It is not a nice looking cat. The van pulls away and parks a short distance down the street.
Limo interior: Sheila: “A what? I’m a hairdresser, not a veterinarian!” The agents convince her that in the interest of national security, and because Manny has been brainwashed by the man in the gorilla suit, Sheila will help them get the item back. Because Manny is extremely dangerous right now, they will have to fake Sheila’s death and give her a new appearance so that she can follow him in secret. How? Well, we have a dump truck ready. Cut to shot of dump truck outside the salon, bored-as-hell dump truck driver smoking a cigarette, leaning against the side of the truck. He checks his watch and yawns. Just one little thing: we need to implant this “communication device” into the base of your scull. Don’t worry. It’s hypoallergenic. We’ll send you a signal when it’s time. Sheila goes back to work, ready for the signal. The limo drives off.
The store: Manny holds a package of frozen succotash to his bruised forehead as he dials a number on the rotary phone. 911. Dizzy. He stumbles, almost knocks another display over: the rubber stand. That would have been an embarrassing mess… Japanese tourists snicker and take more pictures. The police are on the way. He dials another number: Sheila. He tells her what happened, and she is frantic. She says she’ll come right over. The police arrive, question Manny. His manager arrives, furious that Manny let the criminals get away with the ATM. A verbal fisticuffs ensues. Manager fires Manny. Insensitive, says Manny, who kicks the display of grape jelly over again. He takes off his Quik-E-Mart vest and throws it at the manager. I didn’t want to work here anyways. I have a dream: Sheila. He walks out the front door, and almost an omen, Sheila runs to him from across the street. Manny smiles widely, says out loud so that the whole world can hear: At least I’ll always have Sheila! The tourists applaud.
A dump truck speeds around the corner and slams into Sheila, who is tossed into the air. The whole accident looks extremely fake to the casual observer, but it is enough to convince Manny. She lands conveniently out of Manny’s vision. Government agents help her out of the harness that carried her through the air and rush her away. Manny runs to Sheila’s body, actually a mannequin, but he is led away quickly by government agents dressed as common passersby. Paramedics and police converge on the scene of the accident, making sure that Manny never sees that dead Sheila is actually a mannequin. They take away the body, and send Manny home. He of course is resistant, but they ensure him there is nothing he can do. Sheila is dead. Um… We’ll call you about the funeral arrangements. Go get some rest. You’ve had quite a morning, Manny.
Manny walks home dejectedly, helpless. His world has been destroyed. He was assaulted with a can of baked beans, he lost his job, and his girlfriend was hit by a dump truck. What could possibly happen now? Arriving at his modest home, he walks up the front steps. He bends down to pick up his newspaper, which Monkey holds out to him. The neighbor’s dog has urinated on it again. Manny looks across the street, where the neighbor dog sits quietly on his master’s front porch. He stands and wags his tail. Manny frowns and shakes his head. He reaches down and takes the paper from Monkey, unlocks the door, and goes into the house.
The door shut behind him, Manny sits on the bench beside the door, calmly and methodically unlaces each work shoe and slips on his comfortable slippers. He puts on a comfy cardigan sweater from his closet, goes to his favorite chair in the living room. He sighs, opens the wet paper, then suddenly closes it, frown… Monkey? He turns, opens the door. There is a small monkey sitting on the front step, a monkey smile on his monkey face. Manny looks around, sure that he is on camera. . He does not notice a black limousine drive by slowly. There is a note tied to Monkey’s tail: “Please return this monkey to Las Vegas or YOU WILL DIE.” This cannot be real. Monkey scampers past Manny and goes to the kitchen, where he starts setting the table. Manny sits and watches as the monkey cooks him some corn meal mush.
The monkey watches him closely.
After washing the breakfast dishes, the monkey calmly and politely asks Manny if he is going to take him to Las Vegas. Manny is terrified by the fact that the monkey is talking to him, and he passes out. Monkey holds Manny’s head in his lap and slaps his face. Manny comes around, and jumps up at the sight of the talking monkey. He runs to a corner of the room, but Monkey follows after. Manny does not believe that this is happening to him and suspects that it is all a dream. Monkey insists that this is all too real: a situation of life-or-death importance. There are forces at work here that Manny cannot possibly comprehend, but needless to say, if he does not take Monkey to Vegas, he will suffer the consequences. Why me? Because you’re a good person, Manny, and I think I can trust you. Who put the note on your tail? Why Vegas? How can you talk? I don’t know, Manny… I have a bit of amnesia, so I can’t remember right now… Manny is suspicious of Monkey’s amnesia, and feels that he may be hiding something. Manny agrees to take the monkey to Vegas. Manny goes to pack some things, his world feeling very surreal and fuzzy. Sheila has been taken from him, but Monkey has entered his life. A fair trade? Monkey dances with happiness because Manny has agreed to take him.
Outside the house, the black limousine drives by. It is passed by another black car going in the opposite direction. A black helicopter flies overhead. Monkey stands at the kitchen window, notices the number of black vehicles and men in black suits on the street so early in the morning. Manny remarks that it must be recruitment time for the religious folk again. Monkey notices one of the men in black place his hand to his ear and walk toward the house. Monkey pats the small monkey-sized revolver that he carries in secret. Monkey suggests that they get on the road quickly to avoid the morning rush hour. Manny insists that there is no such thing as rush hour in Nebraska. As they walk to Manny’s old station wagon, Monkey notes to himself with some trepidation that the street is now completely empty. Monkey and Manny depart. Monkey plots a course on a stack of road maps. He has difficulty holding the maps as he uses a compass and a ruler to do some complicated monkey-math. If only I had thumbs… Manny chews obsessively on a red stir straw as he drives, Herb Alpert his road music of choice. The rapport begins: Could you drive a little faster, please, Manny? I’m driving fast enough! You drive like my mother. Your mother drives? She’s a monkey!
From several streets away, a man wearing a gorilla suit in a large baby blue truck watches the departure of Manny and Monkey from a large set of binoculars. Beside him is a skinny orange cat, who blinks slowly at the sight of the Monkey’s departure and growls. The man, Harrigan, pets the cat, Cat, to calm him down. Cat hates Harrigan with a passion, and attempts to bite him, but is restrained by a special seatbelt, which he begins to gnaw on. Harrigan, oblivious, starts the truck and watches Manny’s car through the binoculars. Cat pulls a small knife from his satchel and begins to cut through the seatbelt. Harrigan, still looking through the binoculars, instinctively reaches over and attempts to take the knife away, but not before Cat stabs the thick gorilla paw of the suit with it. The tiny knife sticks there, and Cat growls. He reaches for his cat revolver, but Harrigan again reaches down without looking away from the binoculars and moves Cat’s revolver out of his paw’s reach. Cat gives up on trying to kill Harrigan this time and instead gets out his notebook computer, which he uses to email an update to his superiors. They follow Manny’s car. As they really get out onto the open road, neither Monkey nor Manny notices the large blue truck following them.
A motorcycle pulls out of a rest area and drives after the blue van and Manny’s station wagon. On it is Sheila. She is wearing a leather biker’s suit that looks suspiciously like it came out of Evel Knievel’s closet. It is a huge motorcycle. She feels ridiculous, but if this is what she must do to save Manny from the clutches of the evil brainwashing, then she will do it. She guns the engine and falls in line behind the blue van. Cat growls as he looks into the rearview mirror. Harrigan notices nothing.
Harrigan’s blue van, Sheila’s motorcycle, and a line of black government cars follow Manny’s car. Cat finishes his email and closes his computer. His superiors are concerned: who is this woman on the motorcycle? Could she also be following Manny and Monkey? Cat nonchalantly turns around and looks out the rear window, at which point Sheila, who has been looking directly at Harrigan and Cat, looks away awkwardly. The government agents in the cars behind her also all look away suddenly. Not suspicious at all. Cat tries to summon Harrigan’s attention to the cars following them, but to no avail. Noticing that Cat is meowing frantically, Harrigan gives him back his satchel and reaches down to pet him. Harrigan wonders aloud about Cat’s thumbs, which are somewhat disturbing. Cat draws his cat-sized pistol and threatens Harrigan. Harrigan daydreams about the good old days at Darwin Multinational, the research corporation that he and Cat work for, before they discovered how to make monkeys talk and give cats thumbs. Cat at the same time daydreams of the many ways he would like to torture and kill Harrigan.
Manny must use a restroom so he pulls over at a rest area. The rest of the convoy pulls over, each trying not to look suspicious. As he goes to the men’s room, Monkey approaches a prostitute and takes her back to the car. After finishing his business and returning to the car, Manny finds Monkey smoking in the back seat of the station wagon, and the prostitute walking away from the car stuffing a $20 bill into her purse. Manny confronts Monkey about his indiscretion and it is revealed that Monkey enjoys the finer things in life, namely booze, smokes, and hookers. An argument ensues, but Manny agrees to take Monkey to Vegas as long as his vices do not get them into trouble.
At the end of the day, Manny and Monkey get a room at the Lazy Lodge. Monkey enjoys the vibrating bed. Manny struggles to comprehend his life. Sheila and several government agents all spend the night in the Lazy Lodge, each attempting to hide from the others. Midnight snack runs and skinny dipping in the pool make the hotel stay a game of cat and mouse as Manny, Monkey, Sheila, and the Government agents all try to remain secretive about their presence. Manny reprimands Monkey for skinny-dipping with a “hooker,” who just happens to be a disguised Sheila trying to capture him. Manny does not recognize her, or the other “hookers” around the pool: several government agents, each doing their best to look like busty easy women. Some even have beer and smokes. Monkey is reluctant, but he follows Manny back to the room, bidding the ladies a good night. The ladies respond, “Good night, Monkey,” mostly with their terrible falsetto voices. In the room, Manny feeds a quarter to the vibrating bed and they lay down, side by side to assess their situation. Monkey suspects that they are in danger, but Manny calmly suggests that it is all just a game. Monkey reminds Manny that his life is on the line, and that this is far from a game. Manny laughs this off because he still thinks this is a dream.
Harrigan and Cat have decided to spend the night next door to the Lazy Lodge, at the Lover’s Retreat Bed and Breakfast. The establishment is run by Ned and Frieda, two ancient hicks from the sticks who are very suspicious about why a man would take his cat on an overnight stay at a bed and breakfast, but they do not ask any questions because Harrigan’s money is just as green as anyone else’s. Harrigan asks for and gets the room that directly faces Manny and Monkey’s room window at the Lazy Lodge next door. Shots of Harrigan and Cat enjoying the vibrating bed cut to shots of Manny and Monkey enjoying their vibrating bed: Ahhh… Chaos ensues during the night as Harrigan attempts to construct a ladder system across the lawn to the Lazy Lodge so he can sneak across and steal Monkey. He carries a large bunch of bananas, and halfway across, the construction starts to fall apart, mostly because Cat is on one end jumping mercilessly up and down. Just as the ladder falls apart, Cat jumps off into the safety of his room. Harrigan falls quite some distance and lands roughly on the unkempt grass. Bananas everywhere. Hearing the commotion, Ned runs outside in his wifebeater and tighty-whities, a shotgun held before him. Seeing Harrigan in his gorilla suit flailing around on the ground, he mutters something about the sasquatches coming out of the forest again, and he starts to shoot at Harrigan, thinking he is a Bigfoot. Cat dances with glee in the window above. At the sound of gunfire, Monkey and Manny slip out the back entrance of the Lazy Lodge to get a jump start on the day’s travels. There is a beeping sound and Cat walks from the window to activate his notebook computer. Incoming transmission from Darwin Multinational: Get me zat monkey or you vill die! Cat nods and shuts off the computer.
Harrigan slips back into the Lover’s Retreat and hides under the bed. He falls asleep. He wakes to find Cat feebly trying to strangle him with his cat-hands. He locks Cat in his cage and goes back to sleep, only to dream about the development of the Thumb Serum and the Evolution Pill that Darwin Multinational had developed. Images of scientists, lab animals, and experiments. Cat dreams happily of torturing Harrigan. Each torture fantasy becomes more inane: death by marmalade, death by cheese grater, death by rhinoceros…
Nighttime travel with Manny and Monkey: the haunting lines speeding by on the road, AM radio blare, Manny chewing obsessively on a red stir straw. Time to bond. Any special ladies in your life, Manny? Hands tighten on the steering wheel. Just Sheila. Well, not anymore. She was hit by a dump truck yesterday. Oh, how terrible. Conversation continues. We learn more of Manny and Sheila’s past: high school sweethearts, staying in the small town after college, always together but never making it official. Scene cuts from Manny’s dreamy teary eyes to scenes of high school: nerdy Manny with braces working at the Quik-E-Mart as young ugly Sheila in pigtails and huge glasses comes in to buy tampons or something suitably embarrassing. Manny keeps talking as we see shots of a drive-in, where a large station wagon that we could mistake for Manny’s rocks up and down to the throes of adolescent passion. We pan right to find Manny and Sheila sitting on the roof of Manny’s station wagon innocently playing with a Rubik’s cube and watching “Superman II” or something equally hideous. Cut back to teardrop running slowly down Manny’s face. So, anyone special in your life, Monkey? No. No? No. I’m a monkey. I like hookers. They drive into the night, thoughts of Sheila still torturing Manny. An large bang: a flat tire. So much for the head start.
Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I mean at the Lazy Lodge, Sheila is abducted in her sleep by a group of aliens that look like chimpanzees in lab coats. They reveal that the government has been lying to her and that she must work for them to retrieve Monkey from Manny because the government has brainwashed Manny and arranged for the Las Vegas rendezvous. The government wants Manny to take Monkey to Las Vegas so that he can be placed in the secret government labs beneath the city and studied. The aliens want Monkey for themselves because he is the only being that can lead them in a revolt against an evil race of thumbed cats that has taken over the alien homeworld. Sheila is torn, but she agrees to get the monkey for the aliens because they have promised to reverse Manny’s brainwashing and make everything better again. And at least they aren’t Democrats. Sheila voted for Perot. The aliens kind of remind her of Perot. The aliens return Sheila to her hotel room.
On the road the next day, Harrigan and Cat report in to Darwin Multinational as Manny and Monkey stop at a convenience store. Although they had a considerable head start, the flat tire cost them, and Cat and Harrigan have finally caught up to Manny and Monkey. Their superior at Darwin is a strange little man named Claes Hamburg who dresses in black leather and has a patch over his right eye. He speaks and acts disturbingly like the stereotypical Hollywood Nazi. His message is simple: Get me zat monkey or you vill die! The transmission ends, and Cat growls. Harrigan is visibly scared of Claes. If they can’t get that Monkey before the Government does…
At the convenience store, the clerk overhears Monkey talking, arguing a heated debate with Manny about beer and smokes. The clerk presses a red button underneath the counter. The government vehicles surround the store and agents storm in with guns drawn. Monkey and Manny are about to be captured when Harrigan realizes what is going on and rams his truck into the government limousine. Cat leaps out and attempts to tie up Monkey, but Monkey and Manny slip out the back door of the store. Running to the station wagon, shots being fired from all directions, a motorcycle pulls up and Sheila grabs Monkey by the tail and speeds off into the desert, monkey screaming the whole way like a little schoolgirl. Harrigan and Cat are involved in a firefight with the government agents as Manny drives after Sheila. He does not yet recognize her. An unexpected visitor: an alien spacecraft, looking especially fake and tacky, veers over the convenience store and starts blowing up the government agents’ cars with a Death Ray. Screaming, running, shooting, utter chaos. The gunshots eventually stop as everyone continues the pursuit of Monkey into the desert, even the spaceship. The cars plow over dunes and cacti.
Sure that she has lost her pursuers, Sheila and Monkey stop for the night. Monkey cooks some beans. Sheila reveals why she kidnapped Monkey from Manny, and why she must give him to the aliens. Monkey reveals that he is not sure if the aliens or the government are telling the truth, because Manny does not appear to be brainwashed to him, although he does not seem to be the brightest of fellows. Monkey does not know how he was given the gift of speech or why he would be regarded as a savior, but he agrees to help the aliens in their war against the thumbed cats. He pulls out a bottle of champagne and pops the cork, pours two glasses.
Harrigan and Cat have stopped for the night. Cat has tied Harrigan up in his sleep and he is trying to set him on fire. Harrigan is perturbed, but he easily pulls off the strings and makes a remark about how you can give a cat some thumbs, but you can’t give him the sense to tie a good knot. Harrigan finds that his gorilla suit is on fire, and after he puts out the flames he answers Cat’s questioning eyes with the tale of why Darwin Multinational developed the Thumb Serum for cats to make them more useful pets, and how they developed the Evolution Pill so that we could give monkeys that little nudge they needed to bump themselves up the evolutionary ladder and talk to us. The Company was working on a time-travel machine before it mysteriously disappeared. Harrigan suspects the Government. Cat growls with agreement. Harrigan reveals that he is wearing the gorilla suit so that he can try to communicate more effectively to Monkey when finally they capture him. They need that monkey or else they’ll get fired… or worse. It’s their fault he escaped. Cat and Harrigan were watching wrestling instead of watching the lab animals like they were supposed to be doing. Then the monkey was gone. Claes was furious. Something about that monkey being their hope for the future… There is an explosive sound. Was that a bottle of champagne? Seeing headlights and a campfire on the distant horizon, Harrigan and Cat walk through the desert in silent pursuit.
Manny pulls up to the fire in his station wagon. Monkey and Sheila are drinking champagne, and Monkey is a little too close to Sheila for comfort. Sheila? Manny? Monkey? Monkey is startled. This is Sheila? Your Sheila? Manny gets angry. Was Monkey trying to seduce Sheila? And Sheila, well, she’s supposed to be dead, but even so, why was she drinking champagne with a monkey? Because I am a wonderful lover and I know how to treat a lady. Manny is confused beyond confused. Sheila is wary because of Manny’s “brainwashing,” and Manny is wary because he saw Sheila get hit by a dump truck. Monkey explains that he thinks both of them have been lied to and manipulated by the government, Darwin Multinational and the aliens. It seems that his amnesia is finally clearing up. You see--
Harrigan and Cat approach the campfire, and Cat wrestles with Monkey as Harrigan draws his gun at Sheila and Manny. Harrigan knew it was a bad idea to tamper with Mother Nature’s handiwork, and the wrestling match between the talking monkey and the thumbed cat is evidence enough of that. There is a gunshot and Harrigan drops his gun. Headlights surround the campfire as government cars and agents close in. Nowhere to run, the assemblage surrenders. Agents shackle Monkey and begin to escort him away.
Lights pour from above as the alien vessel hovers over the campfire. The government agents all drop their weapons and fall to the ground in pain. One of the aliens descends to the ground on a beam of light, and releases Monkey’s shackles. There is a flash of lightning, signaling the activation of Sheila’s government mind chip. She stumbles around beyond her control and attacks the aliens. Monkey leaps on her and bitch slaps her as the aliens calmly deactivate the chip. As if coming out of a dream, Sheila runs to Manny to be comforted. The alien asks Monkey to come back to the homeworld to end the war against the thumbed cats. It seems that Monkey was a test animal sent into the future. He accidentally fell back through time when the government started using the stolen Darwin Multinational time travel device. He remembers nothing because of this traumatic experience. All he had was a note tied to his tail and directions to Manny’s house, given to him by his friends, the Talking Monkeys From the Future, which are not really “aliens” at all. Harrigan realizes that the Company’s new time-travel system, which the government stole and placed in the Las Vegas lab, could indeed have triggered the war. The alien agrees, revealing that the government agents also stole the formula for the Thumb Serum and the Evolution Pill, and when they had sent Monkey into the future, his genetic material accidentally caused the evolution of cats and monkeys and a great war between the species. This led to the extinction of humanity and such great films as “Planet of the Apes.”
Monkey is about to leave when there is another gunshot and Claes Hamburg limps out of the shadows with a contingent of his elite thumbed cats. He demands that Monkey come back to Darwin with him, and when Monkey refuses, there is a Braveheart-type melee. Harrigan lead the fight against Hamburg’s forces, because he is still very angry at him. Eventually the cats are all subdued, and Claes is held down by Harrigan. Let’s see who was behind all of this. He pulls off Hamburg’s eye patch and mask to reveal Danny Bonaduce or some other suitably terrible child star-gone-bad. The aliens take Danny with them onto the ship. We have to probe this evil man for information. Heh heh.
Manny shakes Monkeys hand. Will I ever see you again, Monkey? Monkey smiles and gets into the spaceship. Maybe, Manny. I love you. Tearful farewell. Corny.
Goodbye, Monkey, goodbye!
Monkey and the Future Monkey return to the alien vessel to repair the damage done to the future. Cat shoots Harrigan in the knee. The government agents pass out the cyanide pills. Sheila and Manny drive off into the sunrise on Sheila’s motorcycle. They pass a road sign that says “Welcome to Nevada.” End credits to some bad Tom Jones song.
Dyingdays.com (Wayback) - A maudlin literary-style e-zine. Paul was the editor. Went offline the end of 2003. Nothing of interest.
Silverthought.com (Wayback) - Independent publishing company that Paul founded. Still online. It has a Facebook page and Twitter account. Hasn't been updated since 2016. He used it to publish his own books and a couple others. Part of the screenplay about the monkey is in the Wayback snapshots.
Illout.com forum for Resurrender (Wayback) - None of the actual threads have been archived, only the thread subjects. He posted as x0phugh and Paul. A subforum existed for ifihadamonkey between June 2003 and April 2004, but then it disappeared.
Singingsaints.org (Wayback) and Singingsaintsalumni.org (Wayback) - Men's a capella group from St Lawrence University. Boring.
Timeforkink.com (Wayback) - Not kinky. A bunch of spergs posting lame takes on topics like Chef Boyardee and Nigerian scammers. Paul wrote an interesting article reminiscent of monkey torture called "This Baby Ewok Looks Cute Enough to Eat!" (a).
Thestillness.com (Wayback) - A tribute page to a friend who committed suicide. Boring.
Paulevanhughes.com - Already documented in this thread.
Offensemechanism.com (Wayback) - Started as an Illout forum to ostensibly discuss art. He eventually added a bunch of art in various media. None of it is especially disturbing or violent, but I'm interested in The Lonely Bear videos. Wayback didn't cache them. The titles sound sketchy.
Thelonelybear.com (Wayback) - Briefly hosted the videos mentioned above. The archive is sparse, but the videos contained stuffed animals. The associated forum wasn't very active.
Other than that, there's the Twitter account that was already listed, an Amazon author account, and a Facebook account. (I can't get the FB profile to archive. If anyone can recommend tools, please do!) He posts mostly pics of his family.
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