Prison Letters (06/27/22) - New Chris Chan Jail Letter - Eels and the Eggman talk about OCs to Chris, Helena will supposedly work with Chris on Sonichu, Chris claims that Heilberg confirmed his returning to 14BLC and that he was never attracted to Bella

Boner Pill said:
He's going to get out eventually. The question is whether he'll ever return home, which I doubt. The property isnt fit to be lived in and he's not capable of making it fit to live in. He'll be released with conditions into a halfway house and (hopefully for his sake and societies) end up in a group home or something similar.

What he did is disgusting and unnatural and probably should warrant a very harsh sentence but the reality is its not the kind of thing they lock people up for life for. Given his advanced retardation I don't think he'll ever be released without conditions, and he's probably also not capable of complying with those conditions so (imo) he's likely going to be in and out of jail for some time.

I'm looking forward to the homeless saga.
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What he did is the sort of thing that prompts the neighbors to burn your house down if they think you might be returning to the neighborhood. The classier neighbors may even let you get out first.
 
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Got Milk! said:
"Mary Sue and Gary Stu"
Is that from something or did he just choose the first names he could think of that rhymed with Mary Sue?
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Chris stanned IHeartKimPossible (one of the Brony Analysts)'s Pony OC, Mary Sue, without fully understanding the meaning of Mary Sue. He created Gary Stu as a Pony OC of his own, presumably in an attempt to suck up to her. He'd probably heard the phrase Gary Stu (it's a commonly-used term for a male Mary Sue) somewhere, but that lack of understanding cropped up again. Most people who use the phrases use them to take the piss out of ridiculously OP OCs. Chris, being Chris, views being ridiculously OP as A Good Thing and uses the terms without even a glimmer of awareness of this.

Perhaps pertinently, his most recent use of Mary and Gary in the pages of Sonichu has them defeating Jakoba/Sockness and becoming supreme deities of all Creation - temporarily, anyway, until Chris is presumably fully empowered to take their place.
 
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BigTubboWithLittleChina said:
Chris stanned IHeartKimPossible (one of the Brony Analysts)'s Pony OC, Mary Sue, without fully understanding the meaning of Mary Sue. He created Gary Stu as a Pony OC of his own, presumably in an attempt to suck up to her. He'd probably heard the phrase Gary Stu (it's a commonly-used term for a male Mary Sue) somewhere, but that lack of understanding cropped up again. Most people who use the phrases use them to take the piss out of ridiculously OP OCs. Chris, being Chris, views being ridiculously OP as A Good Thing and uses the terms without even a glimmer of awareness of this.

Perhaps pertinently, his most recent use of Mary and Gary in the pages of Sonichu has them defeating Jakoba/Sockness and becoming supreme deities of all Creation - temporarily, anyway, until Chris is presumably fully empowered to take their place.
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I'm sure he read the CWCKI articles on his self-inserts Reginald, Robbie and Sonichu mentioning them all as Gary Stus and either blew a raspberry at the pages or pretended to Thanos Snap the webpages away from existence
 
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We don't even know that they were able to prove that he did anything. AFAIK there wasn't any physical evidence besides Chris just running his mouth.

It's a pretty lame way for this SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS to end, honestly.

Do we know if his shit is still in the house or did it get thrown out?
 
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KuwabaraTheMan said:
We don't even know that they were able to prove that he did anything. AFAIK there wasn't any physical evidence besides Chris just running his mouth.
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They found enough to justify keeping him locked up for a year.

KuwabaraTheMan said:
It's a pretty lame way for this SHOCKING TURN OF EVENTS to end, honestly.
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That’s Chris for ya.

KuwabaraTheMan said:
Do we know if his shit is still in the house or did it get thrown out?
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We don’t know.
 
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Big Buns said:
Zero. No one is going to jail for Barb’s honor.
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Come on now, just imagine somebody dressed as an 18th century french noble walking up to him , slapping him across the face with a glove and saying you have defiled the honor of barbiechan! I challenge you to a duel - pistols at dawn on the steps of the temple. The winner will become the new incarnation of the goddess

Tennis-Ball-Tony said:
Chris skates on mother fuckery, and winds up getting the taxpayers to pay for his house. That sounds like something he'd luck into.
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Twist ending, he gets declared semi incompetent and placed in an assisted living facility which turns out to be......lucas werner's roommate at mallon place, leading to spaz fights between the goddess and super atheist lucas until the wern gets pepper sprayed - lucas being even more upset about the whole situation upon finding out chris did what lucas always wanted to...fucked his mom

Angel Dust said:
The pets were rehomed
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Ten bucks says they still carry the essence of the goddess within them. No way a mother fucker didn't start out as a dog fucker

Please god let there be someone to document the tardrage chimp-out when he finds all his Horde in the dump.
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Perhaps he'd see such a situation as the dump being consecrated as a new temple to the goddess, and would end up moving there to rule his garbage kingdom. I can imagine it going much like this:

Mariposa Electrique said:
Nobody has bought up the fact that Barb's brain was confirmed by Chris to have been turned into a raisin, which ultimately means she could NOT consent.
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So if his avatar is sonichu does that mean barbs avatar is some kind of mystical california raisin?

Blue Miaplacidus said:
How does chris lying mean barb was manipulating the audience? Chris lies, badly. He also very clearly coaches barb what to say on camera, I mean you can literally hear him whispering to her what to say. If that's what you believe than fine, but I think there's zero evidence circumstantial or otherwise to imply she's a mastermind grifter. Only speculation, there is however plenty of evidence to suggest she is in declining health and a poor mental state. Regardless, since she let her retarded son fuck her and is now being cared for by family who had written her off, I'm inclined to believe she's not well.
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On that note, i've worked with enough dementia patients to recognize the spacy deer in the headlights stare that they all get eventually as their condition deteriorates. That doesn't preclude being manipulative as well - I had one absolute bitch of a patient who knew full well she had dementia but would play it up (for a few months until it got to the point where she was legit getting worse) to get away with trying to fuck with people. She'd randomly try to push other seniors out of their wheelchairs, try to hit them, hit people when she didn't get what she wanted or because she was feeling malicious. and then she'd smirk about it if they gave a reaction she wanted to get out of them. Hell she went so far as to fake 'accidently' shit herself and walk down the hallway like that just to piss the staff off and make them give her attention. Point is its not necessarily mutually exclusive that shes got dementia and has enough mental capacity to exploit it. At least for awhile. But at the very least she's got something going on neurologically, as that spacy look she has is a very common symptom of neurological degeneration. So I wouldn't assume how much she may or may not have been playing it up or what she might say to the cops about the whole situation

Mariposa Electrique said:
I've always said, Chris is the combination of an actual caveman and an imitation lesbian.
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The term you're looking for is neadertroon

Cheerleader-in-Chief said:
From memory:
  1. 18-21 (but aged up per year)
  2. Must be white for Crystal
  3. Must be educated
  4. Must be employed
  5. Not Autistic, no mental ailments
  6. Slim/Curvy
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[/quote]
Add fecund ovulator in there and it would be eerily similar to the werns requirements as well

Pickle Inspector said:
New letter where amongst other things Chris wonders how good a kisser Null is
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If that horrifying moment ever actually happened it would break null and drive him completely mad. His immediate reaction would probably be to start making a video attempting to put the horrifying incident into words, only to crack moments later and end up like this



After all, no mere mortal can handle the kiss chan of chris chan. The power of the goddess is too strong and too autistic
 
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KuwabaraTheMan said:
Do we know if his shit is still in the house or did it get thrown out?
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I honestly hope it is, If Chris manages to skate free and jump back to bed to reclaim some of that sweet puss and he see's all his shit, all his games and toys gone and never to be returned he's gonna have the biggest of all meltdowns, I hope his brain explodes from it.
 
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WonderWino said:
Ten bucks says they still carry the essence of the goddess within them. No way a mother fucker didn't start out as a dog fucker
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This has been discussed at length. We'd know about it. Chris can't keep a secret. While he might not post about it publicly, he has to *tell people*, and for some reason he still expects other people to keep his secrets.

Or to put it another way, if he can't help talking about being a motherfucker, he wouldn't be able to help talking about being a dogfucker. Chris has always been happy to talk about his perversions to anyone with a vagina who says "you can trust me".
 
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Got Milk! said:
I think there was a reporter in the hearing where he sperged about being willing to cooperate with the court if he could secure his toys. Hopefully that guy will show up if it's closed to the public so we can get some insight again.

As for the latter part... If I was the judge/DA/even Heilburg tbh, I'd leave that fucker in there as long as possible. Even if the case was they all knew when he finally did get into court that they would drop it (not saying that's the case, just an example) but he can be held until that date, I'd do it too. Afaik, if it didn't happen in court or on paper there is no way Chris could prove otherwise. Once he gets to court, they can say "lol insufficient evidence. Have a good year Faggot?" And send him on his way.
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If this truly is what happens that might just be the single funniest thing to have ever happened in the universe. A tard rapes his dementia-addled, geriatric mother and then the state steps in. He is housed, feds, and protected on the taxpayer's dime for an entire year, and then given a nice bonus at the end in the form of his backlogged tugboat that he is still technically owed. Then proceeds to blow every dime of that on toys, vidya, and McDonalds.
 
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