Crime Ece Tan designs sex toys for cows to make farming practices more pleasurable - A huge, ribbed dildo is designed to fit around the artificial insemination guns that are used by farmers to impregnate cows... latex examination gloves used for veterinary checks and during artificial inseminations are reimagined with added texture....

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An insemination dildo and an udder massager feature in the Happy Cow collection of conceptual sex toys, which Central Saint Martins graduate Ece Tan has developed for bovines based on common farming tools.

At face value, the three products in the collection were designed to make invasive yet routine practices in the dairy industry, such as milking and artificial insemination, more pleasurable for the cows.

But rather than being intended for actual use, Tan says the toys are meant to serve as "critical and provocative tools" to remind desensitised consumers of the range of emotions that animals can feel.
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Happy Cow is a collection of speculative sex toys for cows
"The project was influenced by research on other species experiencing pleasure," she told Dezeen. "I think pleasure has mostly been conceived as a uniquely human experience."

"So it was really interesting to find out that all mammals have the potential to experience sexual pleasure."
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Included in the range is an artificial-insemination dildo
The vast majority of people in the UK, around 86 per cent of the population, support the introduction of a law recognising animals' sentience – their capacity to feel a gamut of positive and negative emotions from joy to fear and pain.

But all too often, Tan argues, consumers are able to disassociate from their empathy for these emotions when it serves their needs.
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The Happy Cow teat massager is attached to a milking machine pump. Photo is by Ece Tan
Happy Cow crosses the familiar, silicone-laden design language of sex toys with the clinical industrial tools used in farming, in a bid to cut through this apathy and highlight the cruelty of industrial farming practices, which Tan says are "at the very least discomforting, if not painful" for the animals.

"The visual and material language of these adult toys is recognisable to humans, making the experiences of the cows somewhat more tangible for us," she explained.

"By removing the distancing, this project aims to bring the experience of cows to a human level of understanding."
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The dildo is designed to be slipped over an artificial insemination gun
Each of the toys is based on a procedure that cows are subjected to at a typical dairy farm and the relevant tool needed in the process.

A huge, ribbed dildo is designed to fit around the artificial insemination guns that are used by farmers to impregnate cows.

This involves semen being collected from bulls using electro-stimulation or an artificial vagina, before being injected into the females to keep them consistently pregnant and producing milk.

To make the milking process itself more enjoyable, Tan has designed a teat massager that can be attached to traditional vacuum pumps to provide a gentler sensation and protection for the udder.

Finally, the latex examination gloves used for veterinary checks and during artificial inseminations are reimagined with added texture, ribbed – much like condoms – for added pleasure.
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Latex examination gloves are reimagined with ribs. Photo is by Ece Tan
"If these products were to be adopted at face value, there would definitely be a risk of justifying industrial farming practices or even making them trendy," Tan said. "I could imagine a new 'pleasure-certified farming' label to assuage people's guilt."

"On the other hand, we are already justifying these practices, so maybe it wouldn't be so terrible to make them more pleasurable if we will continue as we are. It is an ethical pickle."
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All of the products integrate silicone in a nod to traditional sex toys
Happy Cow is among a number of projects from the Material Futures course at London's Central Saint Martins to be featured on Dezeen.

Other recent graduates from the course include Mireille Steinhage, who has created an "affordable and sustainable" solar blanket, and Arina Shokouhi – creator of the low-impact avocado alternative Ecovado.
 
Or maybe, and work with me on this, you just use a bull?
Bulls can only do so much fucking in a day. Much more efficient to pay some kid to hold the not-so-pocket pussy and use that to breed 100 cows a day.

Bulls with good genetics are expensive and have a tendency to hurt themselves and others, escape, kill the neighbor's bull, and/or fuck his cows. It's multiple choice but the end goal is always the same.
 
Bulls are incredibly dangerous to a heifer. If he decides he doesn't want to hump her then he'll probably decide to kill her.

Exactly. Cows operate purely on instinct. They're not like dogs or cats. Bulls need to be kept away from any living thing that you don't want dead, because they attack everything they see. They're fucking stupid.

Bulls can only do so much fucking in a day. Much more efficient to pay some kid to hold the not-so-pocket pussy and use that to breed 100 cows a day.

Bulls with good genetics are expensive and have a tendency to hurt themselves and others, escape, kill the neighbor's bull, and/or fuck his cows. It's multiple choice but the end goal is always the same.
Ah. I didn't realize bulls were that dangerous even to their own kind. Artificial insemination makes a lot more sense now in that light but that still doesn't explain the need for livestock dildos.
 
An insemination dildo and an udder massager feature in the Happy Cow collection of conceptual sex toys, which Central Saint Martins graduate Ece Tan has developed for bovines based on common farming tools.
But rather than being intended for actual use, Tan says the toys are meant to serve as "critical and provocative tools" to remind desensitised consumers of the range of emotions that animals can feel.
In other words, this is some loser "artist's" performance art.
 
Ah. I didn't realize bulls were that dangerous even to their own kind. Artificial insemination makes a lot more sense now in that light but that still doesn't explain the need for livestock dildos.
You don't need them, that's not the point even in the text. The lady is trying humanize cows with dildos. It's basically jus another crazy vegan story about chiken holocaust.
 
Ah. I didn't realize bulls were that dangerous even to their own kind. Artificial insemination makes a lot more sense now in that light but that still doesn't explain the need for livestock dildos.
They aren't. Or they GENERALLY aren't.

Kiwi Farmer Farmer here. We have five bulls in a beef operation of 150 to 200 cows. They are effectively herded by retiree aged farmers and women. They only get aggressive with other bulls, and even then most of that is wrestling for dominance with their heads that leaves neither bull injured unless they accidently bang into something else in the course of the wrestling match. But you NEVER want to try to interrupt one of these dominance wrestling matches.

Normal well socialized bulls aren't violent toward cows either. The only time we've had a bull injure a cow was when we had a huge slightly lame bull try to mate with a small framed cow, and the problem was she was in heat so she tried to mate with HIM, and didn't slip away from under him.

Bulls can get more aggressive over time. You do need to keep your eye on them, because there's a very small, but very dangerous, chance one will snap and go after you. We've had to cull certain bulls when they start acting up. But they're a domesticated animal BRED to be able to be handled by humans. Insanely aggressive MURDEROUS behavior toward people, other cows, or even bulls they're familiar with is the exception not the rule.

Dairy bulls can be more aggressive since they're raised closer to humans and stop seeing them as potential predators.

Bulls are huge, need to be fed a ton, a even calm ones are hard on equipment and facilities, and they can only service so many cows at one time. Beef farmers use AI when they want to buy bull juice from an animal MUCH NICER than they could actually afford to own and when they're wanting a group of cows/heifers to all calve at almost the same time. They usually put their AI'd animals in with a clean-up bull afterward anyway.

Dairies are similar, but with the added incentive that they're already handling the cows a lot, so it's easier to get them AI'ed. They've even developed ways to sex semen to make sure cows get pregnant with more heifer calves than bulls.

Cattle do mount each other outside of heat, especially when you get them anxious or excited. Steers in a feed lot will mount each other, and will do it more often in the presence of heifers in heat.

That thing looks NOTHING like a bull dick.

AI is done with a thin straw by hand. I don't know why this dumb bitch thinks a cow would prefer a giant rubber sausage.

This lady is FUCKED UP.
 
Kiwi Farmer Farmer here. We have five bulls in a beef operation of 150 to 200 cows. They are effectively herded by retiree aged farmers and women. They only get aggressive with other bulls, and even then most of that is wrestling for dominance with their heads that leaves neither bull injured unless they accidently bang into something else in the course of the wrestling match. But you NEVER want to try to interrupt one of these dominance wrestling matches.
Bulls that are used to being around other bulls have always been way less of a problem in my experience. It's the one bull put out with 20 open cows that's nothing but headaches and heartache.
That thing looks NOTHING like a bull dick.

AI is done with a thin straw by hand. I don't know why this dumb bitch thinks a cow would prefer a giant rubber sausage.

This lady is FUCKED UP.
All of this is also true.
 
Bad dragon got a new rival. Cows may not care, but every troon's anus just dilated at the sight.
 
Bulls can only do so much fucking in a day. Much more efficient to pay some kid to hold the not-so-pocket pussy and use that to breed 100 cows a day.

Bulls with good genetics are expensive and have a tendency to hurt themselves and others, escape, kill the neighbor's bull, and/or fuck his cows. It's multiple choice but the end goal is always the same.
How do I get a job extracting bull cum all day? Asking for a friend...
 
Wouldn't this be rape?
Isn’t farming animals slavery? I mean we rape them either way might as well let them get a whoohoo out of it.

Except you damn well know this will blur the lines between medical procedure for profit and…FETISH.

UGH NO WE CANNOT GO THERE.
 
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