The Great Gunt Bounty Hunt - Ethan Ralph is on the run like a greased pig telling everyone they will never find him. Inevitably, they will. Post clues and speculation here.

[Burd Turglar]

If only Zed was still around, we wouldn't even need this thread.

 

[AnOminous]

I would absolutely love it if everybody stopped talking about shit openly and smartening Ralph up on what he needs to do to keep his opsec pure if they actually want to find his address.

The usual rule is to take stuff like this to a PM thread to avoid exactly that or the usual DFE but in this case who cares? One, he's not big on this, and the other is it doesn't even matter if or when he's found. If he's found, a big L for his boast about never being found. If he isn't and he's reading this thread, imagine him bringing a box cutter everywhere to open every package he gets, freaking out when he drunkenly fucks up his green screen or whatever, and otherwise cowering under the ground like a trembling, fearful pigworm.

Bonus points if he ends up a fugitive from both Virginia and California courts, facing bench warrants in two states.

(Seriously though if you are planning something super cringy, please do it on some gay Discord and not here and do not boast about it.)

No shit? Do you remember what page? That thread is eternal.

It's way back in the early days. Search didn't work for any reasonable terms, but it's semi-broken. It's from around the same time as TUG's mailbox saga, where he had an already completely broken mailbox that fell over, probably under its own weight, and he claimed that it was KV that had, somehow, broken it even more or something.

It was pretty obvious bullshit.

You called your best friend someone whose name you wouldn't know if not for the blackmail folder you had on him for when he finally slighted you) and now he's the one hiding like a bitch.

Gunt's Law: the Gunt never accuses anyone of something he hasn't done himself, usually even more shamefully.
Gunt's Corollary: if the Gunt ever does accuse someone of something he hasn't done himself, he WILL do it in the future, INFINITELY more shamefully.

He accused Jim of being a coward for. . .living in his own home.

Meanwhile he has fled his pigsty for who knows where, cowering in a hole in the ground, trembling in fear, shitting himself as his shivering sets off seismic waves in his Gunt.

 

[Procrastinhater]

Doxed by plate gang

Here's what you do:
You make a nice novelty gift like, say, a custom Ethan Ralph bobblehead. Then you modify it to put a GPS tracker or an Apple AirTag or something in it and box it back up and mail it to the PO Box. The Gunt will think a fan sent it to him and bring it right back to the studio and happily display it on camera. He'll tap that bobblehead every day and smile - little does he know, however, that it's sending his exact address to aylawgs.

A lot of these better ideas would have a good chance of working.
If people weren't posting them in a thread Ralph reads all day.

 

[genericwhitemale]

Doxed by plate gang

Here's what you do:
You make a nice novelty gift like, say, a custom Ethan Ralph bobblehead. Then you modify it to put a GPS tracker or an Apple AirTag or something in it and box it back up and mail it to the PO Box. The Gunt will think a fan sent it to him and bring it right back to the studio and happily display it on camera. He'll tap that bobblehead every day and smile - little does he know, however, that it's sending his exact address to aylawgs.

Better yet, get another Joshua Conner Moon is a KID DIDDLER hat and put a tracker inside of it, so everywhere he walks he'll be broadcasting his location.

 

[TriggerMeElmo]

A lot of these better ideas would have a good chance of working.
If people weren't posting them in a thread Ralph reads all day.

Spergs always blow their wad at the first given opportunity. Plus don't we have the no trolling plans rule? Not that I care since it's not my subforum, not my broom so yeah let's all just come up with absurd ways to find out how the damn dirty KarenFarms can smuggle a fragmentation grenade into his dog's asshole to kamikaze Ralph when he goes to pet it.

Retarded shit aside, since his move, what has happened to his pets? Are Tug, Cleo and Smoke accounted for? Is he paying someone to take care of them at the old crackshack? Did May absorb the burden of taking care of them?

 

[AnOminous]

Plus don't we have the no trolling plans rule?

They'll janny it up if you report it and it's really breaking that rule.

 

[Procrastinhater]

yeah let's all just come up with absurd ways to find out how the damn dirty KarenFarms can smuggle a fragmentation grenade into his dog's asshole to kamikaze Ralph when he goes to pet it.

Ok which one of you assholes talked?
This plan was supposed to be AphariusPregnantTrout level Secrecy, I'm incredibly disappointed...

 

[NicoFountaine]

...You make a nice novelty gift like, say, a custom Ethan Ralph bobblehead. Then you modify it to put a GPS tracker or an Apple AirTag or something in it and box it back up and mail it to the PO Box.

I dunno man, even when you blew it up by stating it here outright there are a couple of reasons why this is a bad Idea. First off, it could be illegal and not worth the trouble given how Ralph will be doxxed some other way in the end. Second, Ralph doesn't really get fan mail, it's so obvious shit he sends himself to dab on the ayylogs is shit he sends himself, like the Kid Diddler hat. So, a gift made in good faith, even if you hadn't blown it away, would immediately feel off for him.

It'd be funnier if you guys got Ralph to dox himself accidentally by continuing to press him on proving he's got no AIDS. Chances are, in a fit of rage he will forget to censor his address from the negative lab results. I'm not concerned with him reading this because even if he is made aware of this possibility. Nothing triumphs his urge to respond to someone talking shit about him, that's how the world found out about the Memphis micro; he just couldn't withstand Faith's ex talking shit about him, how dared he claimed he hadn't fucked Faith? He needed to be proven wrong right then and there, fuck consequences, he is just that fucking retarded and cannot think farther than his immediate physical urges.

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

Spergs always blow their wad at the first given opportunity. Plus don't we have the no trolling plans rule? Not that I care since it's not my subforum, not my broom so yeah let's all just come up with absurd ways to find out how the damn dirty KarenFarms can smuggle a fragmentation grenade into his dog's asshole to kamikaze Ralph when he goes to pet it.

Retarded shit aside, since his move, what has happened to his pets? Are Tug, Cleo and Smoke accounted for? Is he paying someone to take care of them at the old crackshack? Did May absorb the burden of taking care of them?

The pet situation is concerning. White trash are famous for moving and leaving the pets at the house along with their trash and filthy furniture. (Lots of the feral cats are the result of assholes abandoning unfixed pets who then breed.)

The move was fast and seemed to be unplanned for so finding a house that would also accept three pets would make much harder. Lots of rentals will not allow pets or allow one. Given Gunt’s history with dogs it’s a major worry. Someone needs to ask about the animals. I only hope since Pantsu and the baby left Gunt would want to keep the pets for company.

 

[AIM Henchman]

What must it be like to live in abject fear?

Not the everyday variety. Life is hard, and we’re all scared, to some degree. Sickness, death, birth, life…the mysteries of existence. These things have torn at the psyche of great (and lesser) men since time began.

Fear itself is not new.

What I’m talking about is a different kind of fear. One that keeps you from leaving your house. One that causes you to change the address you were living with. One that pushes you into neglecting your family into the nightmare of family court.

All because, at your core, you are a scared, old man who’s simply afraid to be found.

You’ve never had any real convictions your whole life. You’re proud of that, even! Or, so you say. In reality, you are a scared child praying, hoping, wishing that you could escape your just rewards. You’ll do anything, suck off any one, to avoid it. You simply can’t live as you have portrayed yourself. It’s too much! You cry about it in Twitter dm’s, you whine to your discount Black prostitutes ….but deep down, you know this is what you signed up for.

And you can’t fucking stand it.

You entire life is a fabrication. You duck and dive and do whatever you possibly can to avoid the piper getting paid. You put your own family at risk. You do anything, anything at all, to avoid simply owning up to your deeds. You have no core whatsoever, and what you do claim as personality traits are simply things you read on a fan fiction forum.

Most people would see this as a hellish existence…because it is.

There are mistakes I have made, to be sure. But I could never, and would never, live like a fucking bitch. Scared to leave my house…scared of the home my Daddy gave me…scared of fucking alogs…scared of anything and everything.

It’s all terror to you when the microphone is off.

We all know it, too. It’s very easy to see a scared old man, belching up one of his last breaths in between lame monologues that weren’t even funny 2 years ago, much less now.

I literally would have rather died in the street the other day here in Lisbon than live like a fucking coward, if you can even call what I described above as “living.”

Some people are fine with the delusions. They are comforted by them, even. I understand! I, too, used to love the thought of Santa Claus, or the Easter Bunny, or the Tooth Fairy. But there comes a time when childish delusions about a child abandoning loser must come to an end.

It’s the natural course of life, you see.

Well, if you actually live life. If you live like scared, old, bitch…well, maybe you continue on in your delusions.

I won’t hold it against you!

The Emperor has no clothes, he has no children, and he has very few white blood cells left (allegedly).

Maybe, in another life, he wasn’t such a pussy.

 

[HarrySachz]

The best part of this shit like HWNDU right now Ralph is hiding in some dirty basement fearing that there's some autist outside looking for him, he's not man enough to own that he's just a little bitch hiding in a corner until the eventual day that people find him.

fuck people found that flag looking at shadows in the wall in a video feed if they really wanted the pig then is just a matter of time, keep hidding Ralph, you can only blame yourself for all of this.

 

[Mr. Manchester]

Fatty is even stuck having to do his own laundry.

Washing laundry is for bitches, Ralphmales know to douse their clothes in fabreeze after a nice cry in the shower! Does that make sense to you bitch? You understand?

 

[MirnaMinkoff]

My new theory is Gunt is hiding from Baby mama #2 now too. His new place is an attempt to avoid courts and child support payments for both his illegitimate children.

 

[NicoFountaine]

The Emperor has no underwear, he has no children he cares for, and he has very few white blood cells left, because of AIDS (allegedly).

ftfy

 

[The Big Dream]

My new theory is Gunt is hiding from Baby mama #2 now too. His new place is an attempt to avoid courts and child support payments for both his illegitimate children.

The Outlaw Arc is going to be one of the best seasons of the Killstream to date. I want him to become a drug dealer who gets beaten up by crackheads rightfully judging that he's an easy mark. I want the romance plot with Shaqueesha who unwittingly becomes Baby Momma #3. I want the return to prison storyline where he joins the Aryan Brotherhood. There is so much ground left untrodden, and so little time left in his miserable life.

 

[We Wuz Kais]

The usual rule is to take stuff like this to a PM thread to avoid exactly that or the usual DFE but in this case who cares? One, he's not big on this, and the other is it doesn't even matter if or when he's found. If he's found, a big L for his boast about never being found. If he isn't and he's reading this thread, imagine him bringing a box cutter everywhere to open every package he gets, freaking out when he drunkenly fucks up his green screen or whatever, and otherwise cowering under the ground like a trembling, fearful pigworm.

Bonus points if he ends up a fugitive from both Virginia and California courts, facing bench warrants in two states.

(Seriously though if you are planning something super cringy, please do it on some gay Discord and not here and do not boast about it.)

It's way back in the early days. Search didn't work for any reasonable terms, but it's semi-broken. It's from around the same time as TUG's mailbox saga, where he had an already completely broken mailbox that fell over, probably under its own weight, and he claimed that it was KV that had, somehow, broken it even more or something.

It was pretty obvious bullshit.

Gunt's Law: the Gunt never accuses anyone of something he hasn't done himself, usually even more shamefully.
Gunt's Corollary: if the Gunt ever does accuse someone of something he hasn't done himself, he WILL do it in the future, INFINITELY more shamefully.

He accused Jim of being a coward for. . .living in his own home.

Meanwhile he has fled his pigsty for who knows where, cowering in a hole in the ground, trembling in fear, shitting himself as his shivering sets off seismic waves in his Gunt.

I wish we could get through one page of a Gunt thread without having to imagine.

 

[NoddingOut]

Hey, I respect people want a challenge. But apparently Ralph thinks this is the new battle line, as if staying hidden from a few Alogs gives him a “W.” No way. Ralph for years talked a bunch of shit about how he ain’t scared of nobody, and how he wants to fight everyone. And what was the result of that? The Aylawgs drove him insane and chased him into a spider hole. Like a bitch! Running and hiding amounts to a final and definitive Loss for Ralph. So unless he’s backing up all the shit he’s talked, I don’t really care where he is. The game is over, and the Aylawgs won. Hey Ralph, if you’re reading this, don’t ever show your ugly face in public again, pussy. You’re banned. No pigs allowed.

Bro he probably thinks of himself as Hitler hiding out in his bunker in the final days of world war Jew.

His ego and mind is so delusional it's actually unreal, even 6'4 Aryan chads with a clean life and actual achievements and a family they actually care for, don't have an ego like the guntoid.

 

[Christorian X]

Bro he probably thinks of himself as Hitler hiding out in his bunker in the final days of world war Jew.

His ego and mind is so delusional it's actually unreal, even 6'4 Aryan chads with a clean life and actual achievements and a family they actually care for, don't have an ego like the guntoid.

Guntler and Meighva Braun

 

[#KillAllPedos]

Bro he probably thinks of himself as Hitler hiding out in his bunker in the final days of world war Jew.

His ego and mind is so delusional it's actually unreal, even 6'4 Aryan chads with a clean life and actual achievements and a family they actually care for, don't have an ego like the guntoid.

When you’re as low as he is, anything feels like a win. It’s all so tiresome. It’s like the bar for a Ralphamale win keeps getting lower and lower, eventually it’s gonna go through the floor.

 

[Wodanaz]

The Outlaw Arc is going to be one of the best seasons of the Killstream to date. I want him to become a drug dealer who gets beaten up by crackheads rightfully judging that he's an easy mark. I want the romance plot with Shaqueesha who unwittingly becomes Baby Momma #3. I want the return to prison storyline where he joins the Aryan Brotherhood. There is so much ground left untrodden, and so little time left in his miserable life.

If I was capable of it, this might inspire me to write a redemption novel about a chacarter who mirrors Ralph.