I fucked up, I admit. I want to get better, really bad. I don't know why I've crashed and burned like this.
Here's a concept: You don't need to get better, you need to DO better.
If you already think you know the answers and have decided you
need the HRT, then fuck off, because everyone here disagrees. At this point, you're just here because you're lonely. If you think your answer is correct and the RIGHT one, then shut your mouth and try it already, but I guarantee it's gonna go as well as every other decision you felt was the best one in the past, LOL. Behaviors and decision-making choices are seriously cyclical habits that must be improved constantly to do better, else your standard of life stagnates or decreases. Again, do better, not get better. Don't get me wrong though, there's probably a pill you could use for your natural imbalances that would help if you want that set of pros and cons.
Look, everyone is born to make choices, and if you make bad ones consistently, you are a loser. My stance is that you should stop making the decisions of a loser -- an unhappy person who feels victimized by life itself due to the fact they cannot manifest their will whatsoever -- and instead make the decisions of the winner -- as in, someone who can overcome their challenges in the least self-destructive manner possible for maximum benefit -- and if you don't wanna do that, then fuck off because you're wasting everyone's time trying to convince you otherwise despite your mind being made up. For the record, I think Gender Dysphoria is a very real phenomenon, but people like you don't have it but instead another mental illness you can conceptualize as Gender Dysphoria because you do not understand how your own mind works. I do not understand what would drive a person to so greatly gaslight themselves into thinking that being another gender will help them feel more comfortable (instead of a much simpler solution, which is why I think GD does exist, because there are very occasionally people who genuinely feel better, even if their quality of life doesn't improve otherwise) when all it does is burn out your brain's chemical receptors and make it more susceptible to mental illness. The only exception is for the concept that you are not happy with your progress as a person and believe this misdiagnosis' prescribed remedy may ease your day to day discomfort, but the chances of that are statistically
very unlikely -- not a lot of people really have true DSM-based Gender Dysphoria. Maybe you do have it, but honestly, if you actually wanted to be a man, you probably would have taken care of your body. Most medically diagnosed cases of GD that are truly discomforting tend to have put some work in as far as diet and exercise for their body, because it is the thing they obsess about. Do you really think the hormones will help? Don't you think there might be another underlying problem? I'm curious, but you don't have to answer those questions to me, because I don't need to know the answer so I don't care. It is incredible to me how often young people
our age nowadays underrate introspection and understanding themselves, because those are the only real ways to become comfortable in life. It gets easier as you grow and understand, you see.
I say all of this not to talk down to you, but because you have attempted to reach out in good, if murky, faith, even if it is on Kiwi Farms where the whole website is dedicating to documenting people reaching out to make bad decisions and defend them, LOL. I think you tend to overcomplicate life greatly for both personal reasons and those beyond your control, which is one of the reasons you do not understand these things we have been saying. Life isn't about coasting and being comfortable, it's about doing the best you can, and if you don't want to do that, good luck, but this conversation's not gonna do you any good.
In short,
we can not give you the solution, we can only give you the information you need to
solve the problem for yourself, and the onus is on you to figure out the best
long term solution. That's the true secret ultimate purpose of Kiwi Farms, I think. It serves as a record of mistakes an embarrassing, forward person makes that can lead them to improve once they realize the reasons they did those things and why they feel bad about it. Don't bother responding to me, I've done more than my fair share to help by saying these things you needed to hear, and I don't care about what you have to say, honestly. I don't think you really need to hear anything else, because everyone else has covered all of the bases.
Cheers.
