I could see Kev-Kev getting shot, but not by accident.
Phil turned his head and looked off across the wasteland and up the desolate slopes of the Tenacious Unicorn Ranch. “We gonna get a little place,” Phil began. He reached in his side pocket and brought out his trans-friendly sidearm; the safety was off, because Earl was EVERYWHERE. He looked at the back of Kevryn’s head, at the doughy place where his lardy spine and massive primitive skull were joined.
“Go on,” said Kevryn. “How’s it gonna be. We gonna get a little place.”
“We’ll have a lolcow,” said Phil. “An’ we’ll have maybe a shiteater an’ some starving chickens.... an’ down the desert we’ll have a.... little piece alfalfa—”
“For the alpacas,” Kevryn shouted.
“For the alpacas,” Phil repeated.
“And I get to fuck the alpacas.”
“An’ you get to fuck the alpacas.”
Kevryn giggled with happiness. “An’ live on the fatta the GoFundMe.”
“Yes.”
Kevryn turned his massive head.
“No, Kevryn. Look down there acrost the dung piles, like you can almost see the place.”
Kevryn obeyed him. Phil looked down at the gun.
“Go on, Phil. When we gonna do it?”
“Gonna do it soon.”
“Me an’ you.”
“You.... an’ me. Ever’body gonna be nice to you. Ain’t gonna be no more trouble. Nobody gonna misgender nobody nor inflate their tires.”
Kevryn said, “I thought you was mad at me, Phil.”
“No,” said Phil. “No, Kevryn. I ain’t mad. I never been mad, an’ I ain’t now. Except about them bitch cunt terfs. Fuck those whores. That’s a thing I want ya to know.”
Kevryn begged, “Le’s do it now. Le’s get that place now.”
“Sure, right now. I gotta. We gotta.”
And Phil raised the gun and steadied it, and he brought the muzzle of it close to the back of Kevryn’s big fat head. The hand shook violently, but his face set and his hand steadied. He pulled the trigger.
And nothing of value was lost.
