Grand Jury speculation thread

[ToroidalBoat]

I just want more crazy Chris Chan content.

Like that exceptional "Goddess Log" he's been derping about?

 

[A New Kiwi]

I'm personally on the fence about Barb, if she was able to understand what was going on. She may or may not have dementia, but we also know she's a manipulative and creepy whore.

I wish we knew about Barb's and Bob's life stories in the same detail that we know Chris's. I bet they'd be just as interesting.

 

[TayandYou]

Like that exceptional "Goddess Log" he's been derping about?

I can't wait for that to be published lol.

 

[Flavius Anthemius]

What time's the hearing guys?

Don't think we have any set time for the hearing, the court would know for sure but I don't think they're going to give that info up to any random that phones in.

Maybe by mid-day the hearing might conclude, possibly soon after that Chris might get access to a smart phone again and we can hear from the grace of god himself (or uhh, herself).

 

[I swear she's 18]

Chris back tracks and claims he did not do it, then cries when the rape kit they done on Barb states there was his semen inside her. We all laugh and Geno can prepare for his nervous breakdown after this part of his documentary.

"I did not fuck her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not fuck her! I did not! Oh hi, Mark." -Jesus Christian Johnny Weston CPU goddess Chandler Sonichu

 

[TheMāoriOne]

That's not how you do it....

The Gunt's Prayer (King Jim Version)

Our fatty who art in hiding,
Ethan Ralph be thy name,
As my shekels come,
Let my will be done,
In the world as it is on the internet.
Give us this day our daily lulz
and don't forgive us our trespasses
as you are fat, arrogant, and stupid.
And lead us not into boredom,
but deliver unto us much merriment,
For thou art the poverty,
the incapable, and the infamous,
for ever and ever.

are men?

 

[TheMāoriOne]

.
The first one held post covid no less, and with a boyfriend free girl who wasn't a dried up 80 year old husk

Could have spent the whole trip in the presidential or at the very least a high end suite at the Seattle the four seasons with that kinda scratch. I said it a year ago, and it bears repeating as we approach his judgement day. Chris is the modern Greek tragedy of Icarus who flew too close to the sun with a hint of Oedipus.

Yeah, Yeah.. the way Jamaican food has hint of thyme....

 

[TheMāoriOne]

So I am in the southern hemisphere, on the far side of the dateline. I believe the sun is coming up in Virginia but my 28 july is almost over. How did I get here? Staying up all night as if it's "Live Aid" or something, eagerly waiting to see the outcome of todays developments in a courtroom halfway across the planet?
As messed up as this is, it sure beats paying for a streaming service.

 

[TayandYou]

Don't think we have any set time for the hearing, the court would know for sure but I don't think they're going to give that info up to any random that phones in.

Maybe by mid-day the hearing might conclude, possibly soon after that Chris might get access to a smart phone again and we can hear from the grace of god himself (or uhh, herself).

I wonder if any weens will be waiting for him outside, or if Chris is now too horrific for normies.

 

[Trigger Me Timbers]

I wonder if any weens will be waiting for him outside, or if Chris is now too horrific for normies.

Everyone who likes Chris enough to IRL ween are not old enough to drive a car or are not mentally sufficient to hold a license.

 

[Cherenkovblue]

"I did not fuck her, it's not true! It's bullshit! I did not fuck her! I did not! Oh hi, Mark." -Jesus Christian Johnny Weston CPU goddess Chandler Sonichu

"YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, BARBARA!!!!"

 

[FamicomGorby]

I wonder if any weens will be waiting for him outside, or if Chris is now too horrific for normies.

There will be people, tons of weirdos showed up to the motel he was staying at when he got arrested. But even if Chris gets a plea deal he might not get out today, so probably not a ton of people if it happens at this hearing. If a Chris release date is confirmed today then I'm sure some swarm of weens will descend upon Ruckersville to try and get into Christory.

 

[Philosophy Phil]

There will be people, tons of weirdos showed up to the motel he was staying at when he got arrested. But even if Chris gets a plea deal he might not get out today, so probably not a ton of people if it happens at this hearing. If a Chris release date is confirmed today then I'm sure some swarm of weens will descend upon Ruckersville to try and get into Christory.

Can confirm, outside the courthouse now with my spear of Longinius and a sponge dipped in fanta.

 

[Deborah "Debbie" Grayson]

And South Park. That definitely had something to do with it.

Definitely. He’d see Cartman acting the way he does in combination with Chris’ ‘tism preventing him from actually understanding the meaning behind (i.e Cartman isn’t meant to be a good guy nor his behavior to be emulated).

 

[Joe Cool]

Chris may think that if he can raise a large sum to pay off at least a nice chunk of the house that he may have some ground to stand on in his attempts to wrestle ownership of the house.

He would need to get legal guardianship over Barb to do that. I doubt he would be deemed mentally competent enough to be given that kind of power.

 

[TheRealMcCoy]

I don't know if this is supposed to be Steve Bannon or OPL, but the timing couldn't be more impeccable.

 

[BabyStomper]

"YOU'RE TEARING ME APART, BARBARA!!!!"

-chris, as he tore apart barbara ann's barbussy

 

[TheScooper]

So what is the chances it will be a continuance again?

 

[Homer Jay]

There will be people, tons of weirdos showed up to the motel he was staying at when he got arrested. But even if Chris gets a plea deal he might not get out today, so probably not a ton of people if it happens at this hearing. If a Chris release date is confirmed today then I'm sure some swarm of weens will descend upon Ruckersville to try and get into Christory.

I keep seeing this "IF he gets out"
I'm confused..hasn't he been in jail for a year? And even if they convict him I was under the impression he there's a max sentence for this of only around a year right? Won't they HAVE to let him go even if he's found guilty on account of time served? Or am I just wildly misinformed?

 

[Rukario]

I keep seeing this "IF he gets out"
I'm confused..hasn't he been in jail for a year? And even if they convict him I was under the impression he there's a max sentence for this of only around a year right? Won't they HAVE to let him go even if he's found guilty on account of time served? Or am I just wildly misinformed?

Technically he has four days left of the maximum sentence, and the judge could deduct the time he spent in a mental hospital. But if Chris took a plea bargain, its likely the judge will ignore the other four days as it would be too much effort and cost too much money to get Chris booked into state prison for less than a week.

Of course if Chris makes a fool of himself or the charges get upgraded, he could be spending even longer behind bars.