- Joined
- Jul 1, 2017
"Wait quietly for the knock, stalker." - Pat to his toilet after he calls the plumber after it's clogged from an unspeakable mixture of Hooligans meatloaf and pepperoni.
Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter
- Thread starter Caverlock
- Start date
I'd keep it to the point. The guy is insane and none of your buddies should try to deal with him since if they get drawn in they'll get the full fatrick experience, tiny baby child stalkers and all.
Just sit back and laugh.
- Joined
- Aug 7, 2021
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2021
Just play Josiah5 in its entireity i think that accurately summarizes the Fat Rick "Patrick" Tomlinson experience.
Edit: Just lightly perused the other forum and here he is hawking his book @ 4:07 he calls himself an academic
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- Joined
- Apr 22, 2019
They're your contacts in the industry. You owe it to them to give them the information they need to make good choices. Of course if you give too much information, that could lead them to the farms and you could end up outing yourself. I would tell them about his frivolous lawsuit and how he cost the Swfa $100,000 and couldn't even come up with the name of one person to sue.
Edit: And why isn't he pitching is Christmas Carol bloodbath? He hasn't given up on that one already, has he?
Second edit: fixing stupid auto-correct error
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BoomerSperg1922
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2021
I like this idea.
"Isn't that the guy who lost 100k of the SWFA's money suing internet trolls?"
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
What another brilliant "but in SPAAAAAAAACE" idea. I'm sure it'll be a bestseller.
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2020
Just before this the caller says that he has a cold calculating anger. Holy shit is that wrong. Everytime I hear him speak in anger he is shouting at some saying they are a child and to never speak.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
He has a womanish (in the worst sense), hysterical, out of control, about to start literally bawling anger.
He literally is incapable of self control and is extremely autistic. No one can tell him anything.
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2020
Fatrick's version of The Night Before GenCon:
'Twas a few nights before GenCon, when all through a half house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse;
The Negroes were hung by the grinder with care
In hopes that the pep-spice soon would be there;
The stalkers were childed in all the text threads,
While visions of lawsuits danc'd in their heads,
And Niki with fart wind, and I in my cap,
Had just wanked to nog trains before a long summer's nap-
When out near the car port there arose such a clatter,
I remained in bed drunk, and releasing my bladder,
Police grenade through the window it flew like a flash,
Tore open my bathrobes, exposed Niki's gash.
The moon of my ass to the broken window,
Gave the luster of mid-day to police below;
When, what to my drunken slit eyes should appear,
But a bunch of rascals and Kiwi-fags that were near
With an a-log police gal, so lively and quick
I was hand-cuffed and naked, right out in the street.
More rapid than rascals, Alivia came,
Recorded a voice memo attached to my name:
"Now, Rascals, now! A-lawgs now! Stalkers and children,
Norm McD, parents of sacrificed children;
"To the top of the twitter! Please upvote me now!"
"Now leave here now, leave here now, don't return, waughh!"
As dry as Nik's coochie when nog blasts don't fly,
when I meet with an obstacle, "Stalker child, why?"
So up to the Farms, the brothermen they flew,
With a shit-ton of screen-caps, Null got involved too:
And then in a twinkling I heard on my phone
A text message notification and a familiar drone
Down the chimney @John Andrews Stan came with a bound:
Taking photos to shop and post to the Farms
A bundle of Rascals jumped onto their phones
Texting me, "Fat faggot", while I'm naked at home
The eyes, how they twinkled, the rascals so merry
The Kiwi-Farms laughing while I stood out there naked
My droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
While the rest of my body, a fat naked sow:
The stump of my peener held tight in my teeth,
And the fart-smoke from meatloaf 'round my head like a wreath.
I have a broad face, and big fat old belly
That shakes when I cry like a bowl full of jelly:
I'm chubby and plump, an unsightly fat elf,
And I cry when I gaze in the mirror of self.
A wink of my eye, and my finger to forehead
That's the picture I want to be known as when I'm dead.
I spoke not a word, after all of the hollering,
but went back to twitter to craft a victim narrative.
And laying my finger aside of my nose
After childing the rascals, I suddenly froze
Was this the first moment of self and awareness?
Nah, I went to GenCon and fucked all the fat bitches.
Happy fucking Fatmas to all and to all a good night. Kiwis, rascals, brothermen... Thank you all for everything. If this is too long and annoying I'll spoiler it.
'Twas a few nights before GenCon, when all through a half house
Not a creature was stirring, except for my mouse;
The Negroes were hung by the grinder with care
In hopes that the pep-spice soon would be there;
The stalkers were childed in all the text threads,
While visions of lawsuits danc'd in their heads,
And Niki with fart wind, and I in my cap,
Had just wanked to nog trains before a long summer's nap-
When out near the car port there arose such a clatter,
I remained in bed drunk, and releasing my bladder,
Police grenade through the window it flew like a flash,
Tore open my bathrobes, exposed Niki's gash.
The moon of my ass to the broken window,
Gave the luster of mid-day to police below;
When, what to my drunken slit eyes should appear,
But a bunch of rascals and Kiwi-fags that were near
With an a-log police gal, so lively and quick
I was hand-cuffed and naked, right out in the street.
More rapid than rascals, Alivia came,
Recorded a voice memo attached to my name:
"Now, Rascals, now! A-lawgs now! Stalkers and children,
Norm McD, parents of sacrificed children;
"To the top of the twitter! Please upvote me now!"
"Now leave here now, leave here now, don't return, waughh!"
As dry as Nik's coochie when nog blasts don't fly,
when I meet with an obstacle, "Stalker child, why?"
So up to the Farms, the brothermen they flew,
With a shit-ton of screen-caps, Null got involved too:
And then in a twinkling I heard on my phone
A text message notification and a familiar drone
Down the chimney @John Andrews Stan came with a bound:
Taking photos to shop and post to the Farms
A bundle of Rascals jumped onto their phones
Texting me, "Fat faggot", while I'm naked at home
The eyes, how they twinkled, the rascals so merry
The Kiwi-Farms laughing while I stood out there naked
My droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
While the rest of my body, a fat naked sow:
The stump of my peener held tight in my teeth,
And the fart-smoke from meatloaf 'round my head like a wreath.
I have a broad face, and big fat old belly
That shakes when I cry like a bowl full of jelly:
I'm chubby and plump, an unsightly fat elf,
And I cry when I gaze in the mirror of self.
A wink of my eye, and my finger to forehead
That's the picture I want to be known as when I'm dead.
I spoke not a word, after all of the hollering,
but went back to twitter to craft a victim narrative.
And laying my finger aside of my nose
After childing the rascals, I suddenly froze
Was this the first moment of self and awareness?
Nah, I went to GenCon and fucked all the fat bitches.
Happy fucking Fatmas to all and to all a good night. Kiwis, rascals, brothermen... Thank you all for everything. If this is too long and annoying I'll spoiler it.
- Joined
- Feb 10, 2020
If this is the caliber of performance on display at GenCon, then it is small wonder the organizers feel it sensible to have Pat talk about the proper use of social media (Credit to Antsucks over on the OnAForums for providing the timecode)
Warning: Heavy cringe, and I rarely use that term, but jesus christ.
Warning: Heavy cringe, and I rarely use that term, but jesus christ.
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- Joined
- Jul 8, 2020
At least in space you can't salt the earth. You can however still build a backwards fence.
- Joined
- May 7, 2021
Holy shit, no hyperbole here. Jesus wept.
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2019
The video won’t play for me either here or on YouTube. Giving me atalker blue balls.
@Boston Brand keep doing whatever you need to do to find out more about his plans. See if you can meet him and let us know if he smells like niggeroni, meatloaf farts and impotent fury.
@Laquisha Guntermensch thanks for the immortalization; I’ll have your masterpiece read at my funeral.
- Joined
- Sep 24, 2021
The "it's Malcolm in the Middle...in space!" jokes are so funny - to hear that he's still talking like that, adding in the female thing now because he knows no one wants to publish anything by someone with his demographics even if they're good so he has to cast his books like they're HBO Max shows in order to pander, and that he genuinely pitches to editors like that...no words. He's a living parody.
He probably feels that his Tiny Tim all grown-up novel is too highbrow for genre publishers, that's his big literary breakthrough that will get him interviewed by Terry Gross. Of course it's a piece of shit, but I'm just trying to get in his head. I'm getting out now, I'm starving and feel the urge to get rammed by a lady with an adam's apple, child. Child, child, child...too late!!!
Must...argue...with...toilet!!!
He probably feels that his Tiny Tim all grown-up novel is too highbrow for genre publishers, that's his big literary breakthrough that will get him interviewed by Terry Gross. Of course it's a piece of shit, but I'm just trying to get in his head. I'm getting out now, I'm starving and feel the urge to get rammed by a lady with an adam's apple, child. Child, child, child...too late!!!
Must...argue...with...toilet!!!
- Joined
- Sep 17, 2021
I hope all these Gen Con shenanigans haven't distracted people from the fact that Patrick S Tomlinson is fat. Upsettingly so.
- Joined
- Nov 7, 2017
How the hell do you stay sane in that industry?
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2022
“I hear he has a very active following online.”
“His Dickens project got a lot of interest from certain quarters.”
“Wasn’t he involved in a lawsuit with some internet trolls or something? Something about a radio show? I don’t remember what exactly, it was kind of bizarre.”
- Joined
- Apr 28, 2019
You really need to let them know just how fat he is. Yes, he is a faggot. Yes, he has bitch tits. All great points, but you are doing them a great disservice if at the end of your next meeting they don’t understand just how fat he is.
Seriously, fat as fuck.