Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

Do you have pics of "C"? I know a guy who goes by that name and has a skeletal issue as well.

I forget the name of whatever syndrome he has but it affects the bones in the hands/body and also causes facial...different-ness.

 

[Dio Brando]

I forget the name of whatever syndrome he has but it affects the bones in the hands/body and also causes facial...different-ness.

You have any more funny stories about these people? I think this is just what I need to cure my BJ withdrawal

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

You have any more funny stories about these people? I think this is just what I need to cure my BJ withdrawal

I pretty much summed up everything, but there was my interaction with her in Creative Writing Club (basically how I first came to know her). She used to bring in her horrifyingly Mary Sue-like Soul Eater fanfiction, even though it was kind of an unspoken rule that fanfiction was not allowed since it's hard to critique something without knowing the context and of course not everyone reads Soul Eater. It was mostly just romantic fluff crap that went into too much detail about what Maka was wearing, etc. Her grammar was really horrible and she consistently forgot the "use a comma at the end of a line of dialogue" rule, but blamed that on Microsoft Word correcting it (obviously a lie). She also used to pull Soul Eater manga out of her bag to display pictures to people which of course was awkward as hell. We flat-out banned fanfiction eventually, but that didn't stop her. She started writing fanfiction of herself. This was when she was dating C and had her little FBI fantasy, so she wrote a story about an FBI agent with her exact same name. In the story her daughter gets kidnapped by some serial killer or something, but she basically showed the same emotion about it as she would if a fancy lamp was stolen. It was Chris-Chan level self-glorification. Of course we ripped it to shreds as nicely as we could. Eventually she stopped attending, but would still go to these after school "open mic" nights that Creative Writing Club used to host before the school stopped letting us use the auditorium. Basically, it was supposed to encourage students to come up and share poetry, a brief story, or a skit that they had put together. Inevitably there were a couple of people who would bring a guitar and sing, and someone did the Cups song, but that was supposed to be the extent of the music. I used to do famous bad fanfiction readings that would go over well. This weebchild though. Apparently the first time she went to one, she stood up and started with "Who here has experienced heartbreak before?" and then started bitching about her imaginary boyfriend until the club president eventually told her to get off the stage. When I first saw her "perform", though, she got up and sang the entire Black Butler opening theme song. In fucking Japanese. Without musical accompaniment. Nobody could understand what she was saying, it was off key, and it dragged on for years. Another time she brought a friend who didn't even go to our school, and this person just stood up and read a "scary story" from some website off of her phone, trying to be funny by inserting comments but really just confusing everyone since we didn't know what was part of the story and what was her attempt at comedy...
I'll have to shoot my best friend a message to see if she has any horror stories I didn't mention. She's a year younger than me just like weebchild so she was in the same classes as her for a while.

Also, some fun excerpts from C and weebchild's interactions on my friend's phone....

 

[Argonian Scum]

I had a friend through the end of high school that was a horrid mash of SJW hypersensitivity and redneck social conservatism. She hated it when people said bitch, pussy, etc but at the same time every female on the planet was doing something horribly wrong. The catch is that she'd always turn around and do the same thing, e.g every other girl was a slut and a manipulator for how they dressed, but sleeping with a friend's bf and faking a pregnancy was all in the name of true love, -obviously.-

I thought she'd grow up after graduation. She didn't. The breaking point was when she dumped and got back with her fiance no less than five times over the weekend, asked me if going after his (admittedly 10/10) best friend was a good idea, openly acknowledged that it made her a hypocritical skank, all the while staying with me because she supposedly wanted to dump said fiance but was afraid of his temper and controlling nature.

The last I heard she was engaged to a different guy and having his kid, after spending years talking shit about his entire family being white trash, teen mom drug addicts. Since SJW-ism has flourished and she used to trash bi girls 24/7, I wouldn't be surprised if she was calling herself a panromantic heterosexual demiagender-nan0girl at this point.

 

[Helisexual5]

There is one guy on a fanon wiki that I lurk everyonce in a while, who is obsessed with Dora, Elmo and Daisy. He attempted to get votes for Daisy to be in Smash 4 by going to many websites and asking people to vote for her, changed his username to Daisy4DLC and made porn of her and uploaded in r34 websites to get people to vote for her. He also drew a picture of Dora and Elmo in a bikini and once made an incredibly bizarre article about a Dora game called "Dora Tastes Meanings". He also once made an animation on Youtube with Dora in incredibly inappropriate vaguely sexy poses. Nowadays, he usually rants about some random things, like the fact that most anime girls use skirts and that the skirts in anime aren't affected by the law of gravity thus making it difficult to cosplay.
He's amazing.
EDIT: Found some art he did. It is amazing and creepy.

Spoiler: art

There is also a "prequel" of his Dora game. It is just as amazing as the first one.

 

[Fiddleford]

I've been debating about posting about this guy for a while. But due to what he's been doing lately I decided to anyway, even though it does make me feel a little guilty. I hope this is the right place, he's the only "lolcow" I've known personally though he's not quite interesting enough to have his own thread.

Spoiler: a bit of backstory

We met in 2013, and ended up following each other on tumblr. He was a bit...weird, but I talked to him and was polite to him because I didn't want to be mean. We ended up talking a lot, he was a bit off but he was still nice, he even had me on his "friends" page at one point. Long story short, he would confront me about everything I posted or said that he even slightly disagreed with. I don't particularly care for fighting online or in real life so I would try to just ignore him but that would make it worse. We eventually stopped talking to each other because of all the disagreements. Pretty pointless things too, things like cartoon episodes.

His name is Derek. He claims he hates SJWs - though posts about sj things a lot, blogs about his illnesses, claimed to dislike people who constantly crave attention. But he throws tantrums. Crytyping, attention-seeking dramatic "I'm going to kill myself" tantrums, almost weekly. He is obsessed with the talking dog from Bojack Horseman, Rick from Rick and Morty, and another talking dog from some old Flash cartoons called Alfred Alfer. Alfred was his biggest obsession when I knew him but he's shifted to Rick, mostly. He would also call himself a deer, but in a semi-ironic quirky kind of way. But, nope, now he is full-blown otherkin and fictionkin. He is fictionkin with all the characters he wants to fuck, which is a bit weird. And of course he's a furry.
In real life he was basically the same..nice, but just a bit off. I can see him having medical conditions stemming from his weight but he definitely has an issue with attention seeking. He's always talked a bit too much and a bit too loud and tries to move the conversation to be about him or his interests.

Here is the person I'm talking about:

Spoiler: face

View attachment 53615

He looks younger than he really is - I believe late teens, early 20s? As far as I'm aware he lives with his mother and claims to have a myriad of diseases, some mental but mostly physical. He tends to be vague but I believe there was an autoimmune disorder and he had to have some kind of growth removed last year? He blogs from the hospital a lot.

Here is his about:

Spoiler

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Here is his kin page (s), which he did not have when we were friends:

Spoiler: It's mostly adult swim characters

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He has a fursona OC, who he often draws pictures of.

Spoiler: NSFW

She is Rick's "mate".View attachment 53623
And they have a child together:
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He also draws porn of his OC:
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He also pulls the "I'm going to kms" card over very tiny things, case in point:

Spoiler

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All of this was pretty standard tumblr fare so I stopped paying attention to him until he showed up on my dash asking for help with money. Apparently he was having trouble affording medication? Or needed donations, something like that. The post has since been deleted. Once I clicked on his blog to see what was going on, I see this little number:

Spoiler

View attachment 53626

Followed by this:

Spoiler

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Apparently, instead of spending money on medication, he spent it on a fursuit.
Bonus: he streamed himself unboxing his fursuit (starts around 4 minutes in).

tl;dr: Furry otherkin/fictionkin spends half a grand on a fursuit instead of managing his health.

Okay, I know I posted this months ago but I'm now just realizing Derek is also the person who posted a pathetic Mr. Enter callout on his tumblr.
I can't believe I knew this person.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

I don't know if this counts but it's pretty damn funny:

 

[Bluebird]

In my math class during high school there was this skinny kid with an intensely autistic wolf fixation. He would tell stories to everybody about how he once lived with a wolf pack as their alpha and tried starting a school club for fellow wolf appreciators. A guy once drew a shitty picture of wolfkid naked getting his ass licked by a wolf to fuck with him, but he sincerely liked it. He only lasted a couple months before leaving.

 

[sm0t]

So I friended someone on Facebook that I met at work a year or so ago, that I will simply call M. I didn't know her for very long before she left for a teaching gig, and had since been having trouble finding work in her field: computer science. Not too uncommon of a situation in this current time, especially in a place like the Greater Seattle Area where there are far more people in the tech industry than there are jobs.

Apparently after over 100 interviews over the span of 2 years and moving between three different states (according to her) she has not been able to support herself and currently lives in her car in CA. While most people in that sort of situation would buckle down, stay focused, and do everything one could to stand out amongst the other applicants while also taking care of oneself, M on the other hand seems to really enjoy throwing the race card around and blaming white and Asian men for taking all the tech jobs and leaving none for her. At least when she's not begging for convention money on GoFundMe.

Spoiler: Rallying for diversity in the tech industry, but not for those damn whites and asians.

At one point, I guess her distaste towards Asians in particular had driven her to becoming more politically involved. She's a strong supporter of H1B reform, to make it harder for immigrants to come to the US and terk her jerbs.

Spoiler: Says she's unfairly discriminated against for her African background; supports Trump.

She had also attempted to gather signatures to petition to Microsoft and Facebook to make it easier for women and minorities to get hired.

Spoiler: Someone else also tried to make an attraction sign of sorts...

Spoiler: She also wrote to the state's senators begging for a job. She also seems to have at least one ass-patter.

So with all of her computer science chops that she likes to brag about, why is she having trouble finding work? Her email conduct might have something to do with it, judging by this screenshot she shared of an email she received from Amazon explaining why she was turned down for a job.

Spoiler: Original email, with a comment that I assume she added above.

Spoiler: And her reply. Love the recruiter's response to it.

Not to mention that whenever someone does offer some advice and hard truths, she continues to prattle on about how much a martyr she is for being a woman of color in the tech industry.

Spoiler: The final comment from her completes this whole thing.

 

[MarvinTheParanoidAndroid]

So I friended someone on Facebook that I met at work a year or so ago, that I will simply call M. I didn't know her for very long before she left for a teaching gig, and had since been having trouble finding work in her field: computer science. Not too uncommon of a situation in this current time, especially in a place like the Greater Seattle Area where there are far more people in the tech industry than there are jobs.

Apparently after over 100 interviews over the span of 2 years and moving between three different states (according to her) she has not been able to support herself and currently lives in her car in CA. While most people in that sort of situation would buckle down, stay focused, and do everything one could to stand out amongst the other applicants while also taking care of oneself, M on the other hand seems to really enjoy throwing the race card around and blaming white and Asian men for taking all the tech jobs and leaving none for her. At least when she's not begging for convention money on GoFundMe.

Spoiler: Rallying for diversity in the tech industry, but not for those damn whites and asians.

At one point, I guess her distaste towards Asians in particular had driven her to becoming more politically involved. She's a strong supporter of H1B reform, to make it harder for immigrants to come to the US and terk her jerbs.

Spoiler: Says she's unfairly discriminated against for her African background; supports Trump.

She had also attempted to gather signatures to petition to Microsoft and Facebook to make it easier for women and minorities to get hired.

Spoiler: Someone else also tried to make an attraction sign of sorts...

Spoiler: She also wrote to the state's senators begging for a job. She also seems to have at least one ass-patter.

So with all of her computer science chops that she likes to brag about, why is she having trouble finding work? Her email conduct might have something to do with it, judging by this screenshot she shared of an email she received from Amazon explaining why she was turned down for a job.

Spoiler: Original email, with a comment that I assume she added above.

Spoiler: And her reply. Love the recruiter's response to it.

Not to mention that whenever someone does offer some advice and hard truths, she continues to prattle on about how much a martyr she is for being a woman of color in the tech industry.

Spoiler: The final comment from her completes this whole thing.

This isn't as lolcowish as you might think it is; it's really common place. Blaming race on one's failures is as mundane as dirt. You see it all the time when it comes to politics; the argument that a person's race or creed as a prerequisite to how they'll perform in a power role is one of the most generic arguments on the planet. What if both candidates are white, straight, men? You still have a choice between red and blue, dontchya?

A sad fact of life, it is.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

Update: weebchild is officially engaged. She was "engaged" to C as well but this time W actually bought her a ring (pretty sure it's a fake and if not it was the cheapest option available). No word on how they are going to support themselves, afford a wedding, or whether or not their honeymoon will be in their parents' basement. Her mom commented "I don't see a ring" on the relationship status change, so I'm presuming that her mom also remembered the "I'm engaaaaaaaged to C!" phase and is having none of this foolishness.
I also remember hearing from some friends (who were in weebchild's grade) that she had been pretending to date a 21-year-old Italian model/soccer player when she was fifteen, and she was also "engaged" to him via a plastic ring that clearly came out of one of those 25-cent pod machines. He "died in a car crash" or "died of cancer" (I forget which one it was) when enough people started calling her on her bullshit...
I'm taking bets among my friends who know weebchild on whether or not she and C will actually have the wedding, and whether or not it'll be Black Butler cosplay themed.

 

[AnOminous]

Says she's unfairly discriminated against for her African background; supports Trump.

Trump's dumb, angry, anti-immigrant rhetoric appeals to the disadvantaged. It's not like he picked that rhetoric out of a hat. He just borrowed from a long history of populist anti-immigrant bullshit that insurgent candidates have often used in the past in murrica.

Black people are no more immune to this kind of angry idiot bullshit than the rest of us.

 

[BroccoliBrain]

My lolcows (warning, all of these are mind numbingly long and probably full of powerlevel):

Spoiler: "Rabbit Boy"

• He was the kid at school who got ostracised and bullied the most. I don't condone bullying, but watching him from afar in class was a sight to see. Rabbit always had this weird, musty/dry rot smell around him all the time, and his dental hygiene rivals the state of Nick Bate's mouth. His front teeth constantly stuck out of his mouth and they were like great canvases of brown, covered in gross plague. One of my friends told me how horrified he was when he saw Rabbit wipe his fucking teeth on his sleeve which explains what those yellowy stains were all over his blazer....
• He was quite pathetic really, his school life must've been hell because nobody wanted to be physically around him. I can't remember what his personality was like but he always managed to irritate people with this oddly haughty attitude until somebody told him to shut up.
• We sat on the same table for maths class. The girl next to me gasped his name in horror, so I looked and his gums started spontaneously bleeding. He quickly covered his mouth, the girl had to tell the teacher for him, then he left. He probably went to hospital or something since he didn't come back for the rest of the day.
• He was stupid enough to admit on Facebook that he couldn't fix his teeth with braces because his teeth were too weak to support them - if the dentist tried, they would only crumble off.
• Someone bought him a toothbrush and paste for his birthday.

Spoiler: Landwhale (warning, really long)

• She was the fattest person in our year group, and sadly in my circle of friends. She always acted highly obnoxious, trying to be cutesy around guys then slapping/punching them like she was trying to be 'tsundere' (not that she watches anime). This later changed in to general anti-social moping, in our group of friends she was essentially silent and was always on the phone texting her boyfriend (more on him later...)
• She genuinely seems to like heavy/death metal, but that doesn't stop it from being cringy.
• I saw these little lines on her wrist at school (thin, 1-inch long and none crossed each other) and asked her what happened, then she mumbled that she did it with a needle? I'm not sure if she was being attention-seeking by showing them off in class by unsubtly resting her hands on the table/wearing T-shirts or if she actually had a problem due to generally being unpopular.
• Most people found it odd that her boyfriend was 5 years older than her while we were still 15. She proudly said they were going to be engaged but there's no mention of a marriage as of now. They still date, and it's been three/four years. The guy looks like a lumbering bear that's been boxed around the ears then dunked in a thin layer of grease (yes, he has a full-on neckbeard).
• We knew too much about her sex-life than we wanted to, and the thought of a 14-year old hambeast and a neckbeard bear procreating made me a little sick at the time.
• Her parents have a 15-year age gap between them, and her father was already married before leaving the ex for Hambeast's mother. That doesn't sound particularly shocking until you know...Her parents started their relationship when her mother was 15. Her dad was fucking thirty years old when he left his wife and kids for a teenager.
• She kept bragging about how funny it was that her dad had two Polish immigrants in the back of his van (he's a plumber)... I don't know whether she was just bullshitting, if he's that much of a creep, or if he was assisting illegal immigration.
• I live in the UK where the age of consent is 16, it's not really talked about but it's "okay" if you're younger than that, as long as your partner is the same age (or a 1-2 year difference?) and if you don't tell anyone lol. Speaking of which, there was a guy at my school who was in Year 11 (15 years old) who dated someone from Year 7 (an 11 year old) when I went there. He's now in his twenties and apparently arrested for pedo-activities...
• I've had the misfortune to hang out at her apartment as free teenager-sitting. The state of it was atrocious, I couldn't see one bare, clean patch of the floor. It was either covered in misc. junk or cat food smeared into it. Her mother smoked heavily, and the entire living space smelt like an unholy combination of tobacco, musk, foul bodily-odours, cat piss and stale food. I honestly don't know how one family can let their home be so disgustingly filthy and untidy, and keep it like that when they know they'll have a visitor around. The bathroom had plastic bath toys, regular toys, and random rubbish in the fucking rub? They offered me food and drink while I stayed after school a few days a week but I had the sense not to consume anything produced from that filthy hovel.
• Landwhale herself also stank. I'm convinced it must've been a metabolism problem related to her weight, since she did shower which stopped her from smelling for half a school day (returning immediately after doing sports). There's some people who, for genetic reasons, are unable to break down a common substance which their bodies then get rid of through sweat as an extremely strong-smelling compound...I think. It's been years since I actually read that wiki article, this might be pure shit (sorry). Imagine the stink of sweat after a long day. Multiply that by a thousand. Then, if you're a lady, imagine that you haven't changed your period towel for a week, and if you're a guy, add a strong hint of dick-cheese. Then, add a random scent-of-melting-plastic (!?) to the stench and that's what Landwhale's BO is like. I guessed it was 'organic' but then that fucking weird plastic note always threw me off...
• If this isn't just me channelling 'Perfume: The Story of a Murderer', you could smell her from metres away. If people weren't put off by her unpleasant, bitchy personality, then it was her odour that made people keep a 2-metre radius around her at all times. I always chose to sit as far away from her as possible since my sense of smell is too keen, but she always found her way next to me since we were in the same friend group and nobody else wanted to be her buddy...
• Two girls used to be very close friends with her, until they were freaked out by the 'hamster incident'. Basically, Landwhale used to keep a hamster, and they found it (slightly decomposed) at the back of its cage while at her apartment. I vaguely recall some drama around what she did (animal abuse by neglect?) and people were irritated by her constant melodrama over missing the pet. Then she got a new one four days later after they discovered the body.
• Despite moaning about how poor her family was, she still managed to keep five cats and two dogs in the horrifying condition of her home (and since it's a council flat, you're not allowed to have pets). She constantly replaced her personal laptops getting broken all the time, her family had a few Nintendo DS's each, they were somehow on benefits despite both of her parents working (and her dad had two jobs), so that is a lot of income for someone too poor to do this or that... (oh, and said cats weren't neutered because 'they couldn't afford it').

Spoiler: "Jelly"

• She claimed to strongly hate yaoi and yaoi fangirls, calling them all 'dumb bitches' and putting effort into being angry at them... then bragged to me about her old yaoi collection which she said took up a whole hard-drive of space (either on a USB or I think she used an old laptop to store them on). I don't care if anyone likes yaoi, just be honest about it.
• She had two anime 'boyfriends', not at once, but one character from a series would be her major obsession for a while, until she moved onto the next one. I won't say who the character is, but she made everything in her life about him. His personality would be her personality, his world view would also become hers. His colour scheme would be what she painted her bedroom. Jelly proudly showed me a massive image file where she compiled every single panel this character showed up in. I think she'd make herself get upset so she could literally cry about him to me. There's another character who he's frequently shipped with, who Jelly hated with a passion. She's sent me many (lost) recordings of her voice screaming and ranting about how she hates this fictional girl and spent a lot of hours in her life compiling reasons that the ship would never exist (you can just... like him and ignore it? None of this is even real).
• She wrote a really dumb fanfic where a female character exists solely to be attracted to him as Jelly's "rival". The character was an antagonist so by plot alone, that's why she loses and Jelly wins the affection of her bishounen guy. The whole plot revolves around her and him and this poorly-written love triangle.
• Weird, but hilarious was a time when she convinced herself that he must've visited her at school, because she "felt a presence" like a gust of wind behind her, and when she turned around one of the chairs had moved. She told me when she touched it, it was warm, and wished really hard that it was him...
• She's wasted several days worth of my life ranting about how she'll die alone or that he's her greatest love, and she's saving her virginity for him even though he's fictional (oh don't worry, she knows that, which gave her more reason to act upset).
• Hated other girls, bragged about being strong/doing masculine things all the time, said multiple times she doesn't like being friends with girls because they're "over-emotional and bitchy" and liked to see herself as a pure non-slutty virgin for not losing it yet. Ended up losing it to a pasty nerd from Europe who barely spoke (even online), had 0 friends and spent all of his spare time indoors playing COD. He ended up being her boyfriend and she quietly dropped her anime boytoy. This isn't an exaggeration since I talked to him over Skype and that was what he said about himself (he comes across as very creepy and spineless since he's spent hundreds in plane tickets for her to see each other and generally kisses her ass, doing whatever she says. He's spent entire evenings on the phone telling her how much he loves her...)
• Is a fairly good drawfag, but most of her art tries too hard to be edgy.
• "Hates" anime, loves Naruto and Bleach. Still slags off her friends' common interests right to their faces. Draws fanart to this day, but it's mostly Western comic art (because her best friend liked it).
• Jelly would paradoxically brag about how she knows what it's like to be high, then she would talk shit about her other drug-using friends and how glad she is that she's gotten over her 'addiction' (tbh, I think it was more like smoking weed at the park with friends since she was 13 and younger when she did the drug stuff).
• Hated black people even though she is half-black. Kept making fun of their noses, lips and unintelligence...even though one of her closest friends is black. She once showed me pictures of her when she was little, and was really pleased to talk about her extremely pale skin tone - she's pretty tanned now and this seemed to upset her.
• Her greatest hobby (apart from loving her favourite character) was probably talking shit about the black friend. She laughed to me about his pubic hair (because of the afro-texture??), complained about his smell and how black people smell in general, then made fun of his sex-life. That's pretty horrible, since he's gay and trusted her as a friend enough to tell her something as sensitive as that, and she was honestly disgusted about anal sex and joked about him getting anal-prolapse/AIDS. She once sent me a picture of a dildo he apparently has that has rubber spikes all over it.
• He went round her house once, and accidentally left a USB stick there. It had his exam work on it, making it really fucking important, and Jelly kept it. She told me he deserved it if he was "stupid" enough to leave it there, then deleted everything off of it (can't remember if GSCE or A-level coursework) and kept the expensive item for herself, never telling him.
• She made up a lot of random illnesses like a "painless lump" on her arm which she spent hours on hysterically telling me it could be cancerous. Giving sympathy, I told her to see the doctor but she kept saying "it wouldn't help". She never went to the doctor about it and roughly a year later, when I brought it up in conversation, she told me wtf I was on about and laughed it off like it never happened.
• Another friend of mine, who has legitimate skin problems, has put up with all of this as well as Jelly complaining for hours about her normal-level teen-acne. Said friend can't eat spicy foods, remarked on this once, then Jelly exploded at them that they were insulting her dad's cooking because he makes a lot of spicy dishes...
  
• Every time I've said "hours", I literally do mean hours, sometimes spanning across several days since we were around her every day and if the topic wasn't anime/laughing at fantards, it was about any of the above.
• Jelly dragged all of her friends, including me, into an FPS game. We never played before, and we didn't know each other so it was awkward and uncomfortable. It wasn't enjoyable since my screen was partially broken and everyone's connection was shit, but that didn't matter because Jelly had the most fun with her cash-items and hacks turned on. Bragged about her madhax to one friend, then told me she was just that good and would never use a dirty hacking program to win the game.
• She was your typical misanthropic person, hating "those humans", talked eugenics because hating disabled people is 2edgy4u.
• Kisses Richard Dawsons ass, making tweets like "I wish I was drinking a cup of tea with him this morning" and loving the work of Charles Darwin even though I doubt she's actually read all of the books from them that she says she has (is stuff from Charles Darwin even in print anymore? I'd guess they're horribly expensive/hard to get). She does love to appear as an intellectual, and hates/mocks religion (specifically Christianity/Islam/monotheism) with a passion. She also shares posts about generic science articles on Facebook when she's never actually showed an interest in it and very nearly dropped out of school at 15 for doing so poorly/not turning up.
• Moaned about how poor she was, but lives in an expensive area, while living with her parents, spent £1000+ of her own money on a gaming laptop. Her bedroom is also pretty nice, and she has a lot of anime merchandise (plushies, statues, posters)... On her Steam account, she has also has nearly 200 games despite not actually liking any of them until she tries being friends with someone who is. All of her games only have about 30 or less hours on them so I have no idea how she manages to get them yet still be "poor".
  
• She's now in her twenties, and still acts like an intellectual edgelord. Last time I checked, she's made a comment somewhere asking for otherkins to talk to her about their experiences because she's never felt like a "normal" human...
• Her newest creation is an original graphic novel that is essentially "20-somethings get experimented on by evil scientists, get super powers, save the world" under a thick layer of grit and edge. Except they don't save the world, because she leaked the ending and said the world is destroyed anyway. Her self-insert looks exactly like her with no attempts to hide it, shares her height/weight, birthday, blood type, the university she attends, and the degrees she is doing (plus a made-up science degree, lol). The romantic subplot in the story is with her self-insert and the main protagonist who is based off of her boyfriend. All of this she said herself in comments. The graphic novel's been in the making for three years and none of it has been released, and I don't think it'll get off the ground due to the bad writing not to mention she doesn't know anything about sequential art/writing dialogue/graphic design/writing in general *art sperges*

I'm sorry this last one had a lot of powerlevel since it was one of my ex-friends, I hope it's okay for this thread though?

Spoiler: Hygiene-cow

• I used to be neighbours with a girl so naturally we became 'friends'... The first time we visited her home, the moment she opened the door and we stepped in, the wall of smell hit us like a hammer to the nose. It was just like Landwhale's house, except even worse because the walls were in terrible condition with peeling wallpaper and crumbling paint, and there was a new stench in each room more horrible than the last. They've lived in that house for five years at that point.
• Her mother literally looks like Jabba the Hut and I have no idea how any man (let alone two) would have children with her. She's oddly tall, and wider than she is tall which means you could probably make all the tents for Glastonbury out of one of her dresses. All around her neck and face were these gross, dark moles that varied a lot in size (from centimetres to multiple inches). Her hair was long, unkept, the colour of pissed-on straw and very greasy. Somehow this woman has had at least two husbands and a family with both.
• Her dad was your average middle-aged British bloke with a shaved head and Adidas shoes and I have no idea what he sees in her.
• The girl herself was quite odd, extremely unintelligent and needed my help with all of her school work. She was very immature and childlike, and cried really easily in front of the whole class at times (and everyone found that uncomfortable). In music class, we sat in a circle and each had to do a drum beat solo. It got round to her, and she kept shaking her head because she didn't want to do it until she suddenly broke down.
• We did basketball PE (physical education). The point was to practise jumping then throwing the ball to get extra height. Somehow she was too stupid to do something as simple as jump then throw at the same time and whined at me like a 5 year old for making a throw she couldn't catch.
• Her group of friends consisted of two other girls who were just as stupid and immature. They were in the class of lowest ability and all of them talked and had the sort of interest I think a 10 year old would be interested in? They thought they'd grow to to be "popstars and famous" while liking boybands and pop music while telling other girls "you can't be my friend".

 

[John Doe]

My brother has always had some lolcow tendencies but they seem to have been turned up to 11 this past year and a bit.

It all started when he became infatuated with a girl over the internet. Now I'm not against people meeting up after knowing each other online but I think you have to do the crucial meeting up part before you decide you're romantically involved, which they have not. His "girlfriend" lives in New Zealand and he lives in the UK which would be hard enough to cope with if they were both emotionally and mentally stable…which really, they aren't. My brother has Aspergers Syndrome (surprise, surprise) and from what I know about his girlfriend, she's known to be moody and depressed and gets really clingy and jealous if she sees my brother interacting with another girl online in a purely friendly manner. Though he has had a history of complimenting women on their physical features in an attempt to get them to notice him so her behavior could be justified.

His biggest blunder was when he got a £700 rebate and he promised his girlfriend that he would save up his money to go and meet her in NZ. My brother is terrible with money and spends it as soon as he gets it. Needless to say, he spent all the money on himself (mainly junk food and vidya) within a short period of time and kept telling her he had it saved up. He eventually admitted that he was completely flat broke but the kicker is that even though she was angry at him for lying to her, she still wants him to come over to NZ to meet up.

Why she can't come over to the UK to meet him is usually met with the excuse that she doesn't have any money and she has absolutely no interest in getting a job. My brother has expressed interest in being a voice actor and I managed to coach him into recording some audio books at a youth club, but he pretty much pissed on his chips by throwing a tantrum on the day he was supposed to do the recordings because he didn't feel like doing it that day.

In weird sort of way, they're a match made in lolcow heaven.

Wow, I remember your brother... he used to be on Youtube as 2funnyversioniv. I see that now he's back, this time uploading GoAnimate videos and ass-kissing bitter MGTOW users like scotty3861.

He's actually friends with MylarBalloonFan, right?

 

[Miss Rat]

So, I mentioned this dude in the Assigned Male thread. I will probably unfriend him, but I noticed this thread and decided to give you lovelies some content. I met him in a group that turned out to be very SJW-ish. Many of my friends from that group have varying degrees of SJWism, but not to this guy's level.
(I only have a few quotes from him, because most of his content is him sharing posts from stuff like Everyday Feminism and Assigned Male.)

 

[ILoveMylarBalloons]

Wow, I remember your brother... he used to be on Youtube as 2funnyversioniv. I see that now he's back, this time uploading GoAnimate videos and ass-kissing bitter MGTOW users like scotty3861.

He's actually friends with MylarBalloonFan, right?

 

[Staffy]

I had to block your godawful gif.

Also.. I remember a fat metal loving neckbeard in the I Hate Justin Bieber FB page who really hates Justin Bieber and his fangirls. He'd defend the page from upcoming annoying preteen girls and post a long, angry wall of text with his rant about the said girl who posted something nonsensical.

Basically his rants will go like this:

"Mandy you have no life and you like poor music such as Justin Bieber and other crappy boyband songs. You are a piece of shit. You beliebers are fucking stupid and this is a hate page, not your fanpage! I hate Justin with a passion and nobody cares about what you say! MANDY I FUCKING HATE YOU!!"

He flipped out when a fanpage decided to spam the hate page he mostly goes into, and whatever the fanpage spams out he posts something opposite in return and he got angrier, and angrier. Then he decided to just forget it until the fanpage said that Justin Bieber will delete the hatepage himself and he sprung back to action again.

He got trolled pretty hard in that page and he had lots of fake profiles and pages impersonating him. Most of them were taken down but this one survived: https://www.facebook.com/Mailiw-Norab-561322480597748/

He's your stereotypical pop-hating metalhead gone wrong. Dunno about him right now but last time I saw him he decided to shut himself off from the internet for good and seeing his relatives I think he had gotten some help afterwards.

 

[John Doe]

I had to block your godawful gif.

Also.. I remember a fat metal loving neckbeard in the I Hate Justin Bieber FB page who really hates Justin Bieber and his fangirls. He'd defend the page from upcoming annoying preteen girls and post a long, angry wall of text with his rant about the said girl who posted something nonsensical.

Basically his rants will go like this:

"Mandy you have no life and you like poor music such as Justin Bieber and other crappy boyband songs. You are a piece of shit. You beliebers are fucking stupid and this is a hate page, not your fanpage! I hate Justin with a passion and nobody cares about what you say! MANDY I FUCKING HATE YOU!!"

He flipped out when a fanpage decided to spam the hate page he mostly goes into, and whatever the fanpage spams out he posts something opposite in return and he got angrier, and angrier. Then he decided to just forget it until the fanpage said that Justin Bieber will delete the hatepage himself and he sprung back to action again.

He got trolled pretty hard in that page and he had lots of fake profiles and pages impersonating him. Most of them were taken down but this one survived: https://www.facebook.com/Mailiw-Norab-561322480597748/

He's your stereotypical pop-hating metalhead gone wrong. Dunno about him right now but last time I saw him he decided to shut himself off from the internet for good and seeing his relatives I think he had gotten some help afterwards.

This guy in a nutshell.

 

[RepQuest]

This guy in a nutshell.

soulbrotha himself is one of my favorite cows, ironically enough.

 

[Korilakkuma]

that military obsessed brony who's in my college class bought some radiation detector from amazon and he went around all day marking down how radioactive everything in the department was instead of doing his work....

we went out last week to pick up crickets for the bearded dragon and he bought himself meal worms and he went again proudly declaring how much protein they have and how he was planning on eating them for dinner that night....he even bragged to the poor check out girl about it! for like 10 minutes! like he thought it would impress her!
he put them in his bag in the van and that's how i found out he carries a proper army gas mask in his backpack at all times