Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[Bungleboy]

Okay so this is probably going to be powerlevel as fuck but whatever.

This one dude is a friend of a friend. We all frequented the same forum and he wanted to talk about his experiences at Wayforward, the video game studio. This was about the same time Skullgirls came out so we were definitely interested. We all exchanged skype names because there really wasn't a place on the forums for people to talk at length about this kinda thing. And then it turns out the guy is assblasted as fuck.

For fucking years on end he would not shut the hell up about Wayforward screwing him over, Alex Ahad personally trying to keep him from getting work, how his art style is too good for him to sell out and draw smut, how he had no place in an industry that sold out. Everything coming out of him was bitter buttrage to the power of asshurt. And when any of us gave him advice, like asking him to sign up for freelancer sites or start a webcomic or do anything to get his name out, he would dismiss it and continue with the sob stories. He asked for help but he sure never took any.

Finally; my friend, who is one of the most patient people I know, tells him to get his ass in gear. She told him in no uncertain terms to fuck off until he's done something concrete to push himself forward. Neither of us have heard from him since, I guess butthurt dies hard.

Choice quotes:

Dynamicsketch: And all I ever hear is "Sex sells... blah blah blah..."

Dynamicsketch: Yeah, because being a social pervert seems to be the norm these days...

Dynamicsketch: I'm the outcast for my ideals

Dynamicsketch: Sex sells and I my work doesn't have what anyone wants

Dynamicsketch: All why there's no demand for my style

Dynamicsketch: Why do I insist on doing this wrong?

Dynamicsketch: Wayforward sure made it clear that the way I do things in my personal work is wrong

Dynamicsketch: unless it looks like some generic anime BS, then it belongs in the dumpster

His correspondence with an acquaintance who runs an art criticisim blog

Dynamicsketch: http://tracyjb.deviantart.com/

Badartcrit: This is the woman who does Lackadaisy cats

Dynamicsketch: mhm

Badartcrit: My blog is for bad artists

Dynamicsketch: I didn't think you would find much wrong with her

Dynamicsketch: This one comes out because I've been ragged on how I draw faces

Dynamicsketch: The faces I draw are so lifeless and I should look up to this artist for improvement

Dynamicsketch: honestly, I don't like how she draws faces

Dynamicsketch: They tend to look so forced and borrowed from Disney

Dynamicsketch: have to hear BS about how I'll never get anywhere due to my attitude :p

Dynamicsketch: By that, they mean my realistic views instead of relying on idol worshipping and ass kissing

Dynamicsketch: because there is only room for sell outs and populars

Dynamicsketch: as this one guy was telling me earlier, since he's more successful than me, he can pretty much control my artist career

Dynamicsketch: i.e. I'll never see work

Dynamicsketch: Isn't that nice of him?

This is actually how he believes the industry works.

Dynamicsketch: society is full of perverse-poisoned idiots

Dynamicsketch: I get talked down for my modest clean-minded character ideas

Dynamicsketch: like I'm the outcast

Dynamicsketch: society is too backwards

Dynamicsketch: we're living in a day where it's okay to be a perverted freak or a pedophile or something

Dynamicsketch: and yet I'm the bad guy

Dynamicsketch: like yesterday, all I'm hearing is BS about how I have to sell out and draw smut. I get it! I have to be like everyone's hero, Ahad.You understand why this shit pisses me off so much right? My creations have too much charm for such nonsense

Oldschoolartist: Wander Over Yonder pisses me off because Lord Hater looks like my Sparerib
Oldschoolartist: and his wife knows of my work
Oldschoolartist: and is a fucking hater of course

He also has a hate-boner for Craig McCracken, none of us could get a straight answer why this was out of him.

Honestly I kind of regret breaking things off with him, he could've been milked.

 

[Big Nasty]

I've spoken with his mother many times, and she's a lolcow in her own right. She may or may not be an alcoholic. It's really hard to tell. He says she is, but she denies it. At any rate, she behaves very erratically most of the time. She's very confrontational. If she's mentioned at all when in earshot, she'll yell something to the effect of "SHAT DE FACK APP YOU BASTARD!" in her middle-eastern accent. She once told me to go and rape my grandmother.

His mother sounds like a female version of Iron Sheik. "FACKENG BOLLSHETT!"

 

[The Great Citracett]

Here's one I just remembered from 8th grade.

One day, a new kid appeared in my science class, typically there would be an announcement of some sort that we'd be getting a new student, but this kid was just kind of there one day. He was a bit fat, but nothing else really seemed "off" about him other than he made a big point of needing to be called "Gilbert".

Gilbert was his middle name and he wouldn't tell anyone his first name. Like apparently so embarrassing the teacher wouldn't tell us either. He was cool enough, though pretty quiet, so my group welcomed him. The teacher really seemed to hate him, and he hated her just as much if not more because she'd always single him out for anything wrong in class. She was a pretty awful teacher though.

After about 3 weeks of this, Gilbert had had enough. He was working on something at his desk when a paper ball came flying from the back of the room and hit the teacher's desk. It was pretty obvious it was the big asshole troublemaker in back, and not Gilbert who threw it, and I'm sure the teacher knew. (Gilbert sat dead center of the room, paper ball came from the far left.)

"Gilbert!" She yelled, "I have had enough of your disrespect! Go to the principal's office! NOW!

Without saying a word, he stood up in the center of the class, looked her straight in the eye with the most deadly serious piercing hate glare I've ever seen.

He calmly reached into his bulging pants pocket and pulled out a large bottle of that clear Herbal Essences shampoo. He unscrewed the cap, and that tubby fucker proceeded to chug the entire thing like it was water as the whole class watched in disbelief.

This whole time, he did not break eye contact with the teacher. Only after he calmly lowered the bottle did he blink. Because he fell to the floor. Was like it all happened in slow motion. Still staring daggers, he dropped the bottle, his knees buckled, and he crumpled like a ragdoll.

He was rushed to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. He transferred to a different school and never came back.

This was when Herbal Essences was a brand new thing and came in like a 32oz bottle. He obviously had put a lot of thought into this and was just waiting for the opportunity. He just guzzled the whole damn thing like he didn't even taste it, then laid on the floor drooling bubbles until the ambulance got there.

He was at the school for maybe a month, but became almost mythical.

Also, it turned out his first name was Houston.

 

[Count groudon]

Here's one I just remembered from 8th grade.

One day, a new kid appeared in my science class, typically there would be an announcement of some sort that we'd be getting a new student, but this kid was just kind of there one day. He was a bit fat, but nothing else really seemed "off" about him other than he made a big point of needing to be called "Gilbert".

Gilbert was his middle name and he wouldn't tell anyone his first name. Like apparently so embarrassing the teacher wouldn't tell us either. He was cool enough, though pretty quiet, so my group welcomed him. The teacher really seemed to hate him, and he hated her just as much if not more because she'd always single him out for anything wrong in class. She was a pretty awful teacher though.

After about 3 weeks of this, Gilbert had had enough. He was working on something at his desk when a paper ball came flying from the back of the room and hit the teacher's desk. It was pretty obvious it was the big asshole troublemaker in back, and not Gilbert who threw it, and I'm sure the teacher knew. (Gilbert sat dead center of the room, paper ball came from the far left.)

"Gilbert!" She yelled, "I have had enough of your disrespect! Go to the principal's office! NOW!

Without saying a word, he stood up in the center of the class, looked her straight in the eye with the most deadly serious piercing hate glare I've ever seen.

He calmly reached into his bulging pants pocket and pulled out a large bottle of that clear Herbal Essences shampoo. He unscrewed the cap, and that tubby fucker proceeded to chug the entire thing like it was water as the whole class watched in disbelief.

This whole time, he did not break eye contact with the teacher. Only after he calmly lowered the bottle did he blink. Because he fell to the floor. Was like it all happened in slow motion. Still staring daggers, he dropped the bottle, his knees buckled, and he crumpled like a ragdoll.

He was rushed to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. He transferred to a different school and never came back.

This was when Herbal Essences was a brand new thing and came in like a 32oz bottle. He obviously had put a lot of thought into this and was just waiting for the opportunity. He just guzzled the whole damn thing like he didn't even taste it, then laid on the floor drooling bubbles until the ambulance got there.

He was at the school for maybe a month, but became almost mythical.

Also, it turned out his first name was Houston.

That's not a lolcow, that's a damn American hero.

 

[Trans Fat 41g]

Houston, you gotta problem. Nah not really.

 

[Darwin Watterson]

Back with more on Khalid. So, like pretty much every lolcow, he's got an obsession with some sort of art form and believes himself to be a prodigy of it despite being total shit. Since, as I mentioned earlier, his writing's actually not bad, that's not it. Because he's basically the gay version of an edgelord (that is, someone who claims to be gay in order to go "against the grain"), he's got a lot of stereotypically "gay" interests. Among them is theater. I've never seen him act in a play, so I have no idea what his ability is in that regard (though, as I met him when he was under a false identity, it's probably reasonably good).

But I have heard his singing...it's fucking atrocious. There's one thing I neglected to mention about him: his voice is fucking grating. It doesn't even really sound like a regular person's voice. If I were to describe his voice to somebody, I'd probably say that it sounds like an even more cartoony version of Spongebob Squarepants. If you heard him talk, you'd probably think that his regular speaking voice is him doing a silly voice. That reminds me of another story, actually. Sorry, a bit of a side tangent, but he decided to be a "shock jock" last year. Fortunately for the general public, he never actually managed to follow through with it, but if he did it would've been a disaster. He's got a good voice for a wacky side character, but his intention was to be the main DJ. I asked him to give me a sample of his "radio voice," and he started talking in an exaggerated low pitch which, with his goofy voice, sounded completely ridiculous. He sounded like Spongebob doing an impression of a person with severe mental retardation. So, plan B. I had him read me a sample of what he'd planned. He had planned to comment on news stories with off-color jokes. However, all he really did was read from a news website in another stupid voice. I told him that his first radio voice sounded stupid, so he made a second attempt at it by reading with an exaggerated style kind of like a black preacher or something. However, he just ended up sounding extremely drunk and couldn't even come up with any jokes. Luckily, his radio career was killed in its cradle when his dad told him he wasn't allowed to do it. Despite being in his 20's, he's a huge fucking manchild. So, he ended up not doing it.

But I got a little off track there. I was supposed to be telling you about his singing. Well, despite never having even one minute of voice training in his life, he thinks he's a gifted prodigy. During group Skype calls, he'll randomly (and annoyingly) burst into song, nearly always singing a song totally inappropriate for his voice range. The best example I can think of off-hand was the time he sang "Old Man River." If you've never heard that song, take a listen:

You don't have to listen to the whole thing to gather that it's meant to be sang by somebody with a very low voice. He...doesn't have a low voice. He just ended up sounding like a retarded Spongebob like his "radio voice" did. Lately, he's seemed to have gotten the message that he can't sing for shit, because he hasn't done so in a while. But he still does every so often.

 

[Fiddleford]

I've been debating about posting about this guy for a while. But due to what he's been doing lately I decided to anyway, even though it does make me feel a little guilty. I hope this is the right place, he's the only "lolcow" I've known personally though he's not quite interesting enough to have his own thread.

Spoiler: a bit of backstory

We met in 2013, and ended up following each other on tumblr. He was a bit...weird, but I talked to him and was polite to him because I didn't want to be mean. We ended up talking a lot, he was a bit off but he was still nice, he even had me on his "friends" page at one point. Long story short, he would confront me about everything I posted or said that he even slightly disagreed with. I don't particularly care for fighting online or in real life so I would try to just ignore him but that would make it worse. We eventually stopped talking to each other because of all the disagreements. Pretty pointless things too, things like cartoon episodes.

His name is Derek. He claims he hates SJWs - though posts about sj things a lot, blogs about his illnesses, claimed to dislike people who constantly crave attention. But he throws tantrums. Crytyping, attention-seeking dramatic "I'm going to kill myself" tantrums, almost weekly. He is obsessed with the talking dog from Bojack Horseman, Rick from Rick and Morty, and another talking dog from some old Flash cartoons called Alfred Alfer. Alfred was his biggest obsession when I knew him but he's shifted to Rick, mostly. He would also call himself a deer, but in a semi-ironic quirky kind of way. But, nope, now he is full-blown otherkin and fictionkin. He is fictionkin with all the characters he wants to fuck, which is a bit weird. And of course he's a furry.
In real life he was basically the same..nice, but just a bit off. I can see him having medical conditions stemming from his weight but he definitely has an issue with attention seeking. He's always talked a bit too much and a bit too loud and tries to move the conversation to be about him or his interests.

Here is the person I'm talking about:

Spoiler: face

He looks younger than he really is - I believe late teens, early 20s? As far as I'm aware he lives with his mother and claims to have a myriad of diseases, some mental but mostly physical. He tends to be vague but I believe there was an autoimmune disorder and he had to have some kind of growth removed last year? He blogs from the hospital a lot.

Here is his about:

Spoiler

Here is his kin page (s), which he did not have when we were friends:

Spoiler: It's mostly adult swim characters

He has a fursona OC, who he often draws pictures of.

Spoiler: NSFW

She is Rick's "mate".

And they have a child together:

He also draws porn of his OC:

He also pulls the "I'm going to kms" card over very tiny things, case in point:

Spoiler

All of this was pretty standard tumblr fare so I stopped paying attention to him until he showed up on my dash asking for help with money. Apparently he was having trouble affording medication? Or needed donations, something like that. The post has since been deleted. Once I clicked on his blog to see what was going on, I see this little number:

Spoiler

Followed by this:

Spoiler

Apparently, instead of spending money on medication, he spent it on a fursuit.
Bonus: he streamed himself unboxing his fursuit (starts around 4 minutes in).

tl;dr: Furry otherkin/fictionkin spends half a grand on a fursuit instead of managing his health.

 

[Elijah]

I got one. We'll call him Jim. Jim is a tall, African American individual with a very small head. I mean his head vaguely resembled an anencephaly baby. He was in the special needs class in high school, I remember seeing him sulking around the track with me in gym class. Most of his communication consisted of dagger-stares and short, poorly enunciated sentences.

A while ago, he added me on facebook, and proceeded to creep me out. He started off by saying "Hello", and then "mm you are very smart good look sexy" Here's a "poem" he wrote for me.

Spoiler: puncuation

Here is the letter I wrote you I wrote it from the heart being your boyfriend is awesome I'm proud to be your boyfriend and I'm happy to be with you being with you is cool and you are a good boyfriend I wouldn't change anything about you because to me your perfect I want to be with you forever and have a future with you I care a lot about you I would do anything for even if it ment taking a bullet for you I would do it I know we are getting to know each other and I said the L word to soon but in my heart I want a chance to love you because there is something special about you and your special a lot when I said I ment it I want our relationship to last I want you to know that I am not playing any games messing around or taking you for granted I'm only with you and you mean the whole world to me and I wouldn't cheat or do anything to hurt you your the one and only person that I will be with and will be honest and truthful to I promise there is no one amazing hot smart sexy and has the greatest looks as you do

His favorite color is "red green blue" and posted to his girlfriend "Yes bab we could never break apart because of the true love we have for each other and I truly love you with all of my heart" shortly after contacting me. He also wants to get "pre engaged with me". He's my lolcow because he's obsessive, clingy, incredibly creepy, and honestly thinks we're going to be together forever and he's going to marry me and all that jazz when I have absolutely no idea who he is.

 

[vertexwindi]

Oh hey, this thread is still up. That's cool.

So an update on my story right here. A lot of things happened with me since then, but that's whatever, this isn't a blog. Let's talk about Emma. I recommend reading that first post up there for proper context.

So this one is a kind of short story but still pretty amazing; one time I was talking with a counsellor downstairs and I asked him if he wanted to play some Sm4sh with me later because Smash is fun and he puts up a decent fight. Really cool counsellor, by the way, one of the most well-liked people working there. Even though he doesn't own Sm4sh he plays a good Mega Man, but anyway. Ellen was there too at the time.

Emma waddled downstairs to eat lunch or whatever and suddenly brought up that she wanted to hang a katana on her wall when she first arrived but the counsellors told her no. This was more than a year after she first arrived so I was kinda baffled that she would bring that up right out of nowhere, so I said to her that it's pretty obvious why they wouldn't because it'd be dangerous. Yeah no but this katana was dull so it wouldn't be a problem, blahblah and then she starts bitching at the counsellor about it. The counsellor who only started working there a few months after she started living there and had nothing to do with that decision.

I kid you not when I say it took a half hour, I listened to the bitchfest for fifteen minutes before I said fuck it and got upstairs to hook up my Wii U to the big TV in our group's living room. The counsellor arrived fifteen minutes after that. Poor guy. To this day I sometimes say shit like "that was a sharp comment... sharp like a katana" to Ellen and she cringes and laughs at the same time. She sat through the entire bitchfest too, bless her soul.

Another great story was the time that Emma got on her period or something. Emma was busy being a cunt and putting the volume of her TV to 11 all the time. It was so loud that people outside couldn't hold a conversation (her room was on the first floor overlooking our fuckhuge garden, right across a couple of benches where the smokers tend to... well, smoke).

So this new girl arrived not too long before this started happening, let's call her Mel. Mel hates Emma with a passion for a variety of reasons and is very... upfront with her feelings and a bit confrontational at times. Still nicer than a bunch of others who live there but you know, autism, it can be a hell of a drug. But anyway.

Mel was uncharacteristically patient with Emma's horseshit for the first couple of days. She simply knocked on Emma's door and asked her to lower the volume, which I have to admit surprised me because from everything I know about Mel she would've just rammed the door down. Which she did a few days later when she got tired of Emma's shit. She rounded up a bunch of people including me and the guy living right next to me, Rick, and then started pounding on Emma's door and told her to keep the fucking volume down.

To my surprise, Emma did respond; she yelled at Mel to fuck off and turned up the volume even more. Mel wasn't very pleased with that and started pouding harder for a few minutes, at which point I told her to just knock it off. Which she did, luckily, because at that point it got a bit too dumb for everyone's tastes.

Of course Emma was still being a cunthead so me and Rick went downstairs to find a counsellor but the only one available at the time was a temporary one (the kind of counsellor that only works at our location one day in a few months, they tend to move around a lot). So me and Rick got Ellen from her room and then the counsellor tried to talk to Emma while me, Rick and Ellen listened in.

It was... awful, to say the least. She launched a tirade at the poor counsellor about how oppressed she was and how Mel was the counsellors' favourite client and Ellen could listen to her music loudly without anyone complaining (Ellen uses ear plugs though). In other words, nothing fucking happened because the temporary counsellor couldn't get a word in. That's one of Emma's favourite tactics, just bitch long enough at a counsellor until they give in.

So Ellen went to bed and me and Rick started talking in the group's living room right next to Emma's bedroom. So while we were talking, we suddenly heard this loud scream out of nowhere. Needless to say we were spooked, and my first thought was to put my ear against the wall. I heard some noise coming from the television and deduced that, yes sir, Emma was at it again with the volume at fucking eleven o' fucking clock.

At that time I was pissed beyond belief. Multiple people told her to stop her horseshit and then she cranks up the volume at such an ungodly time. Me and Rick went downstairs to talk to security (at night, the counsellors are replaced by a few security guards) to ask him if he could talk to her. And God knows he tried.

He knocked on her door once while saying her name, then another time while asking if she could open the door and her response was yelling at him to fuck off. He wasn't pleased at that and asked to talk but she just yelled some more that he had to fuck off and why wasn't everyone leaving her alone, wah wah crawling in my skin my life is so tough you guys. He asked me and Rick what in the holy hell we did to her (which we snickered at) and he then advised us to leave her alone for the time being.

So she was the one constantly provoking people by turning up the volume way too loud even after being asked to lower it multiple times, and she still managed to turn herself into the victim in her mind. I have to admire her talent for consistency.

I did talk with a counsellor about all of this because the situation sucked big cocks but she kept interrupting me and telling me that I should've talked with the counsellors sooner. That confused the hell out of me because I was trying to handle this responsibly, first trying to solve the issue myself and only asking for help when my efforts turned out to be unsuccessful. That was the point of me moving into a house full of Autists in the first place, to become more responsible and learn how to integrate into society successfully. I don't know anyone who would immediately call the police if their neighbours are playing their music too loud if it's the first time it ever happened, for example.

But like I said, a lot has happened since then and those two stories pale to the biggest and shittiest story of them all: I'm living with the bitch now! I swear to God. My personal counsellor said to me, hey yo b-boy we acquired a new house for three peeps here, you get to go there. So now I live in a much smaller house with a much smaller garden, it's a normal-sized house now. I get to live with this cool guy, let's call him Mark, who hates Emma as much as I do and we're decent friends now. That's pretty sweet. Living with Emma isn't pretty sweet though.

Incredibly lazy with getting groceries or cleaning, keeps leaving candy wrappers in the bathroom (yes, really), never uses the toilet spray when she's been (and you notice quite strongly when she has), and is now stealing food as well. My box of cereal went mysteriously missing last week, and with mysteriously I mean yesemmaIknowitwasyou, which is weird considering the box only had enough cereal for one bowl, but whatever Emma isn't very bright anyway so I got a new box. On Friday I went out eating with Ellen and the next day I woke up to pour myself a bowl only to find the sink in the kitchen full of cereal. The exact same kind of cereal I always get. My new box was untouched so three guesses where the cereal came from and the first two don't count.

And of course she still didn't clean the sink two days later. Watching anime and playing video games just keeps her so busy.

 

[MasterDisaster]

I worked with a guy that always 'needed' to go home early, everyday. He'd bitch about getting work down fast so he could clock out and get going as soon as possible; thing is his girlfriend sat in the car all night during the shift. Yes, you read that right; his girlfriend was sitting out in the car the entire shift. Every break we got he'd run out there and even sometimes when we weren't on break. Of course the place was lax as hell about rules and protocol as long as the job got done (Cause it's run by greedy Italian coke heads) so he basically got away with this shit all the time. Sometimes he'd be missing for up to half an hour before he'd come back in and we all knew he was out there smoking crack cause he'd come up pumped and then start dying down in about an hour when he needed another 'break'. Well one time the supervisor on the nightshift, tired of his constant bitching, decided to tell him that he wasn't leaving the warehouse to go back out to his car until we we're all done working. This guy gets pissed as hell and ten minutes later tells our supervisor he absolutely has to leave because he just shit his pants...and when my boss called shenanigans on it the guy unbuttons his pants and pulls the down to show his tightey whities with a pantsload of chili cheese in front of all of us. This fucker literally crapped himself to get out of work. So my boss sends him home and this guy comes back the next day acting like nothing happened, as if he didn't just shit himself the night before. When someone brought it up he said accidents happen and to shut the fuck up about it.
Needless to say he did it again the next week as well. This time my boss told him not to come back.

 

[Big Nasty]

This guy gets pissed as hell and ten minutes later tells our supervisor he absolutely has to leave because he just shit his pants...and when my boss called shenanigans on it the guy unbuttons his pants and pulls the down to show his tightey whities with a pantsload of chili cheese in front of all of us. This fucker literally crapped himself to get out of work.

So, it appears that Shaner is not the only one making use of that tactic...

 

[vertexwindi]

At least he didn't use that crap to masturbate like Sick Nick.

... I can't believe I know these things.

 

[Meatman]

View attachment 53619

If I recall, Alfred Alfer is a mentally ill dog that is also a necrophiliac.
That's not a good person to be.

 

[Inquisitor_BadAss]

I worked with a guy that always 'needed' to go home early, everyday. He'd bitch about getting work down fast so he could clock out and get going as soon as possible; thing is his girlfriend sat in the car all night during the shift. Yes, you read that right; his girlfriend was sitting out in the car the entire shift. Every break we got he'd run out there and even sometimes when we weren't on break. Of course the place was lax as hell about rules and protocol as long as the job got done (Cause it's run by greedy Italian coke heads) so he basically got away with this shit all the time. Sometimes he'd be missing for up to half an hour before he'd come back in and we all knew he was out there smoking crack cause he'd come up pumped and then start dying down in about an hour when he needed another 'break'. Well one time the supervisor on the nightshift, tired of his constant bitching, decided to tell him that he wasn't leaving the warehouse to go back out to his car until we we're all done working. This guy gets pissed as hell and ten minutes later tells our supervisor he absolutely has to leave because he just shit his pants...and when my boss called shenanigans on it the guy unbuttons his pants and pulls the down to show his tightey whities with a pantsload of chili cheese in front of all of us. This fucker literally crapped himself to get out of work. So my boss sends him home and this guy comes back the next day acting like nothing happened, as if he didn't just shit himself the night before. When someone brought it up he said accidents happen and to shut the fuck up about it.
Needless to say he did it again the next week as well. This time my boss told him not to come back.

I don't even . . . I cant't even . . . What the hell!

 

[Ho Mo for Women]

I've been debating about posting about this guy for a while. But due to what he's been doing lately I decided to anyway, even though it does make me feel a little guilty. I hope this is the right place, he's the only "lolcow" I've known personally though he's not quite interesting enough to have his own thread.

Spoiler: a bit of backstory

We met in 2013, and ended up following each other on tumblr. He was a bit...weird, but I talked to him and was polite to him because I didn't want to be mean. We ended up talking a lot, he was a bit off but he was still nice, he even had me on his "friends" page at one point. Long story short, he would confront me about everything I posted or said that he even slightly disagreed with. I don't particularly care for fighting online or in real life so I would try to just ignore him but that would make it worse. We eventually stopped talking to each other because of all the disagreements. Pretty pointless things too, things like cartoon episodes.

His name is Derek. He claims he hates SJWs - though posts about sj things a lot, blogs about his illnesses, claimed to dislike people who constantly crave attention. But he throws tantrums. Crytyping, attention-seeking dramatic "I'm going to kill myself" tantrums, almost weekly. He is obsessed with the talking dog from Bojack Horseman, Rick from Rick and Morty, and another talking dog from some old Flash cartoons called Alfred Alfer. Alfred was his biggest obsession when I knew him but he's shifted to Rick, mostly. He would also call himself a deer, but in a semi-ironic quirky kind of way. But, nope, now he is full-blown otherkin and fictionkin. He is fictionkin with all the characters he wants to fuck, which is a bit weird. And of course he's a furry.
In real life he was basically the same..nice, but just a bit off. I can see him having medical conditions stemming from his weight but he definitely has an issue with attention seeking. He's always talked a bit too much and a bit too loud and tries to move the conversation to be about him or his interests.

Here is the person I'm talking about:

Spoiler: face

View attachment 53615

He looks younger than he really is - I believe late teens, early 20s? As far as I'm aware he lives with his mother and claims to have a myriad of diseases, some mental but mostly physical. He tends to be vague but I believe there was an autoimmune disorder and he had to have some kind of growth removed last year? He blogs from the hospital a lot.

Here is his about:

Spoiler

View attachment 53616
View attachment 53617

Here is his kin page (s), which he did not have when we were friends:

Spoiler: It's mostly adult swim characters

View attachment 53619
View attachment 53620
View attachment 53621
View attachment 53622

He has a fursona OC, who he often draws pictures of.

Spoiler: NSFW

She is Rick's "mate".View attachment 53623
And they have a child together:
View attachment 53624
He also draws porn of his OC:
View attachment 53625

He also pulls the "I'm going to kms" card over very tiny things, case in point:

Spoiler

View attachment 53628

All of this was pretty standard tumblr fare so I stopped paying attention to him until he showed up on my dash asking for help with money. Apparently he was having trouble affording medication? Or needed donations, something like that. The post has since been deleted. Once I clicked on his blog to see what was going on, I see this little number:

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Followed by this:

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Apparently, instead of spending money on medication, he spent it on a fursuit.
Bonus: he streamed himself unboxing his fursuit (starts around 4 minutes in).

tl;dr: Furry otherkin/fictionkin spends half a grand on a fursuit instead of managing his health.

Holy shit, I remember this person. They were the source of some huge Rick and Morty-related drama not too long ago. They went to the Twitter of Justin Roiland (the creator of Rick and Morty), and asked (more like demanded) him to publicly denounce people who ship Rick and Morty together and make them stop. Yeah, it's creepy that people ship that, but it's not like Justin has any authority over what his fans do and do not ship. Anyway, in response, Justin joked that, since the Rick and Morty that the show follows live in a huge multiverse filled with infinite Ricks and Mortys, there's probably at least one universe where they are in a relationship. In response, our lolcow here absolutely lost her shit. (Note: Considering the kind of person we're talking about here, I'd take her molestation claims with a grain of salt.)

Thankfully, Justin Roiland had a sense of humor about the whole thing, which our lolcow and her friends were none too happy about.

Oh, yeah, here's some more related to the shitstorm:

Stuff like this is why I love Justin Roiland and Alex Hirsch.
It's worth noting that all of this drama may or may not have inspired this scene from Rick and Morty (but it's relevant either way).

 

[vertexwindi]

I really need to sit down and watch Rick and Morty. I've been meaning to for ages, but considering how cool the creators are I'm feeling inspired to actually get off my ass and do it now.

 

[Fiddleford]

It's worth noting that all of this drama may or may not have inspired this scene from Rick and Morty (but it's relevant either way).

Considering the timeframe this happened in, probably not. Episodes are written months in advance.
I kind of think it was immature for Roiland to get involved with fandom drama in the first place, but that's neither here nor there.

This is what came of his plan to call Roiland out:

 

[MysticMisty]

Considering the timeframe this happened in, probably not. Episodes are written months in advance.
I kind of think it was immature for Roiland to get involved with fandom drama in the first place, but that's neither here nor there.

This is what came of his plan to call Roiland out:
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I'm surprised they didn't have a smug as fuck message about how he didn't show up because he heard about the call out and didn't have the balls to take it on.

 

[Kamen Rider Black RX]

There's this guy in the Gundam fandom who really likes Gundam SEED. I mean, really likes Gundam SEED. Here's the pattern with him.

1) Someone asks about SEED and he comes in to defend the show, saying it's great.
2) Then proceeds to call the forum an Anti-SEED circlejerk.
3) Says something along the lines of "If people would open their minds, they would see that it's great."
4) Uses the show's popularity when it aired to defend it. This is over a decade ago and he will post old reviews about how great it was.
5) He will then tell the OP to avoid Gundam fansites and blogs while looking for reviews. He urges them to stay on trusted review sites aka sites where they liked SEED and likely received money to promote it back in the day.
6) In extreme cases, will demand that we respect the show.

Every. Fucking. Time. Every.

Here's the way I look at it. Open our minds? You first buddy. Posting old reviews? The audience isn't the same as it was in 2002. Besides, look at how John Carpenter's work and see how initial success and failure are irrelevant compared to the long-term reception of a work. Avoid disagreeing voices? I thought you advocated opening your mind. Demand we respect the show? What happened to free speech.

 

[RepQuest]

Speaking of people sperging over anime, there's this one guy on /a/ and /m/ (and elsewhere) who always goes off in Eureka Seven threads, especially when the much-maligned sequel is brought up. I know I run the risk of wrongly crying "samefag," but this guy's arguments and phrasing are almost exactly the same in every post, and a lot of people have caught on. From what I gather, he's been doing this for at least three years. To be fair, the E7 fandom is composed of some of the easiest people to troll on the planet and could also be suitable material for this thread, but this level of dedication is hilarious.