I laughed at this, because it's not only true, but it's not even a threat. Lucas Roberts you will never be an Italian. as a full blooded italian myself, you're nothing but a clown who brings negativity towards Italians. Your father's side isn't Italian. You're Canadian. Not Italian. Your stupid Italian larp channel is living proof you have no idea what Italians are like.
You will never be a real Italian. You have no pasta, you have no comare, you have no paisans. You are a Canadian man twisted by autism and race-mixing into a crude mockery of Italy's perfection.
All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your Leaf appearance behind closed doors.
Dagos are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed Wops to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even Canadians who “pass” look uncanny and unnatural to a Greaseball. Your bone structure is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk guy home with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your diseased, infected hockey wounds.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight.
Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold
Lake Superior. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a Leaf is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably Canandian.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
