I can't do this anymore.
I've tried therapy, I've tried every anti-depressant available in Japan, I've erased my entire internet presence back in July. I've tried everything, but nothing works. I can't stop having panic attacks. I can't stop feeling humiliated. I can't stop spending every hour of my life worrying about what your users are going to do next to me or my friends both onsite and off. It's been a three-year nightmare for me.
I know I'm different, but I've tried my best to be a good person. To learn from my mistakes and not repeat them. To help others wherever I could. But I've always been ridiculed for being different. It's been a constant my entire life. It's unbearable.
I can't live like this any more, it has wrecked my entire life. I really can't explain why this hurts me so deeply, and I know it's irrational. I can only tell you that I can't handle this anymore. "byuu" is all I have. I have no real-life friends, no identity off the internet, this is it. There's no other reason for my being but to try and emulate game consoles for people. I put my entire life into this.
So I'll give you the choice.
If you'll take down my thread, I'll offer you my entire life's savings: $120,000 USD, as much of that as you want, however you want it. I'll further offer you my services as a 20-year software engineer, free of charge. I've done my best the past three years to better myself and make changes for every point criticized there. I'm not involved with the fandom or non-binary scene and haven't been for years, I was just desperate to fit in somewhere. My politics are centrist and kept to myself, my social media accounts are all long-gone. You won't hear of me again, I'll just post emulator releases and that's it, absolutely no internet presence otherwise, on my word. And I'll keep going to therapy to try to get past this. This is me just outright begging you with everything I have. Please give me the chance to get through this. You won, a thousand times over already.
If not, then I'll reply with my dox: a scan of my passport, a recent photo, and proof that it's mine, for confirmation. And then I'll hang myself. I live alone, I've tested my setup with a slipknot on a solid climbing rope over a door frame, I've spent weeks doing my research on this, it works. I can nearly pass out with little effort or discomfort, the carotid arteries are easily compressible. A kick stool should be all that's needed. It won't fail, but if it were to, I live on the 14th floor and have a balcony. On my reputation and honor, having had no history of ever threatening this nor of being untruthful in my 20+ years online, I give you my word that I'm serious. You can post this e-mail if you choose. I won't make a big fuss about it online though, don't worry. It doesn't matter anymore.
I really tried to avoid getting to this point, but every day has been worse than the last for too long now. Those two weeks were the only time in the past few years where I felt any happiness at all. So it's up to you. Let me know what you decide please, or if you want anything else from me.
