Anyway, you seem very distressed by this and you will have it much better by just leaving it. It's a good thing that you have started distancing yourself, but my couch chair psychoanalysis says that you're afraid to leave cold turkey.
But in the end, this is abusive towards you and you deserve better.
His behavior doesn't make sense. I've pointed out his logical flaws many times but he doesn't change. We're both grown adults and the fact that I, someone who has struggled quite a lot and is also poorer than him, is somehow doing better when it comes to functioning and being a respectful and good person is insane.
Edit to add something: A slight powerlevel but I also have a condition that also greatly impacts my functioning so that is why I compared myself to him.
I had a nightmare a few days ago where she came back and knocked on my door, admitted she fucked up, etc...but she'd had facial, top, and bottom surgery. I love her but I couldn't do that.
Edit to add something: A slight powerlevel but I also have a condition that also greatly impacts my functioning so that is why I compared myself to him.
Like I said, I've fallen into the trap of long-distance HELPING before. There's some kind of idiot optimist in me that I can't manage to kill. I have a half-second where I have that that inner "oh no that's terrible let's look for a solution," before I catch on, realize someone is scamming me (consciously or un-) and get annoyed at myself for falling for it again.
It's easier to catch this in meatspace; online you're missing all the nonverbal cues, conversation can be asynchronous, you unconsciously fill in gaps in data with assumptions.
I think most people can look back on a rough period of their own life and think how it would have been nice if a friend had "snapped them out of it," or if they'd just known about a certain resource a month earlier. It's really easy to project that on someone else's situation that you're seeing from outside. If someone had told you-of-ten-years-ago that your girlfriend was toxic or that you weren't cut out for real estate, would old-you have listened to them?
Another thing to watch out for: is the person telling you that the established resources cannot help them, for really stupid reasons or no reason at all? There are resources with funding, physically in the same area, staffed more hours than just you by your computer, with the right contacts and knowhow. It's easy to believe that you are the only one who can/will help! This is human compassion, but this is also why they send personalized form letters to grandmas telling them Jesus and/or Trump and/or PBS needs their money.
Having just said that you can't assume other people will take the advise you wish you'd been given years ago, I attach some of my own stupid past experience:
I had a girl telling me she wasn't going to leave her horrible family to join the Armed Forces like she'd planned any more because of her identity as a proud bisexual (who only has lots of sex with men), and then her identity as a proud transman (who presents as a woman who has lots of sex with straight men). Huh, I said naively, I get that army's a big deal, what about Americorps for learning a skill and stuff. Noooo... they'd make her share a room with people, and that made her feel unsafe.
She told everyone she'd decided to be homeless instead, so it became our group chat's responsibility to help her find resources in her area if we, that she usually shot down because they were, without explanation, transphobic. It was distressing; you could feel the waves of B-flavored crazy coming off her, but this was a human we'd come to know over years. Some people wanted to help out of friendship, some out of performative allyship, and the latter would jump in when the more practical lady shut-ins suggested she consider keeping the "trans" thing under her hat while she looked for gainful employment.
This is ridiculous in retrospect, but especially when there are a lot of people trying to help, or just spectating, it takes guts to speak up and say "look, a group of people hundreds of miles away can't do anything but Google solutions; if you refuse to take advantage of your resources or do any legwork, it's on you." Especially because you'd have to say that again, and again, and again, every time she started it up again.
Later we did manage to bully someone else into going to the dentist. A cranky op told her that she was distressing everyone by constantly complaining about her tooth but not doing anything about it, when she had admitted she had a car and dental insurance, and we'd ban her from the OOC channel if she kept it up. This person couldn't trans-shield, though, and wasn't as manic.
Like I said, I've fallen into the trap of long-distance HELPING before. There's some kind of idiot optimist in me that I can't manage to kill. I have a half-second where I have that that inner "oh no that's terrible let's look for a solution," before I catch on, realize someone is scamming me (consciously or un-) and get annoyed at myself for falling for it again.
It's easier to catch this in meatspace; online you're missing all the nonverbal cues, conversation can be asynchronous, you unconsciously fill in gaps in data with assumptions.
I think most people can look back on a rough period of their own life and think how it would have been nice if a friend had "snapped them out of it," or if they'd just known about a certain resource a month earlier. It's really easy to project that on someone else's situation that you're seeing from outside. If someone had told you-of-ten-years-ago that your girlfriend was toxic or that you weren't cut out for real estate, would old-you have listened to them?
Another thing to watch out for: is the person telling you that the established resources cannot help them, for really stupid reasons or no reason at all? There are resources with funding, physically in the same area, staffed more hours than just you by your computer, with the right contacts and knowhow. It's easy to believe that you are the only one who can/will help! This is human compassion, but this is also why they send personalized form letters to grandmas telling them Jesus and/or Trump and/or PBS needs their money.
Having just said that you can't assume other people will take the advise you wish you'd been given years ago, I attach some of my own stupid past experience:
I had a girl telling me she wasn't going to leave her horrible family to join the Armed Forces like she'd planned any more because of her identity as a proud bisexual (who only has lots of sex with men), and then her identity as a proud transman (who presents as a woman who has lots of sex with straight men). Huh, I said naively, I get that army's a big deal, what about Americorps for learning a skill and stuff. Noooo... they'd make her share a room with people, and that made her feel unsafe.
She told everyone she'd decided to be homeless instead, so it became our group chat's responsibility to help her find resources in her area if we, that she usually shot down because they were, without explanation, transphobic. It was distressing; you could feel the waves of B-flavored crazy coming off her, but this was a human we'd come to know over years. Some people wanted to help out of friendship, some out of performative allyship, and the latter would jump in when the more practical lady shut-ins suggested she consider keeping the "trans" thing under her hat while she looked for gainful employment.
This is ridiculous in retrospect, but especially when there are a lot of people trying to help, or just spectating, it takes guts to speak up and say "look, a group of people hundreds of miles away can't do anything but Google solutions; if you refuse to take advantage of your resources or do any legwork, it's on you." Especially because you'd have to say that again, and again, and again, every time she started it up again.
Later we did manage to bully someone else into going to the dentist. A cranky op told her that she was distressing everyone by constantly complaining about her tooth but not doing anything about it, when she had admitted she had a car and dental insurance, and we'd ban her from the OOC channel if she kept it up. This person couldn't trans-shield, though, and wasn't as manic.
You have to be careful with these types of females if you are male or I guess women too these days probably should watch out, because their go-to when they get fed up with you and dump you to the down side of their splitting mechanism is to accuse you of sexually creeping on them. I think it is an ego-sparing feature on their end ("he is evil but not so evil as to be unbeguiled by my all-encompassing attractiveness!") but who knows. The narrative I had turned on me was "you only pretended to be friendly to me to groom me for sex!" and this coming from a person I had never been remotely interested in let alone ever touched or asked to touch or anything, who had been a peripheral part of one of those abominable "friend groups" and worked her way to the center with her constant medical psychiatric emergencies and all of us being problem solving sorts who kneejerk into troubleshooting mode. If you are lucky you have an alibi and it remains mere crazy words making everyone in "the group" side eye you for a time. If you are unlucky they find a way to bring it irl.
But yes, those key traits of "no solution that works for mere mortals will work for MY special problems!" and such. And the indignance that you would even suggest it. What got shunted me onto the down side of the split was explaining something a doctor said was nothing to be terrified of, but in fact reassuring news- she wanted to be terrified, she wanted to be "dyyyinnnnnggg" and I fucked it all up.
You have to be careful with these types of females if you are male or I guess women too these days probably should watch out, because their go-to when they get fed up with you and dump you to the down side of their splitting mechanism is to accuse you of sexually creeping on them.
I think accusations of transphobia/not an ally also occur in this context. You were a white knight and savior as long as you gave them attention, so when you flip in their mind to evil, they pick the most evil thing they can think of. If you're a woman who is not known in your group for being a hopeless coomer, it has to be something other than grooming. (And when they remember you having said "maybe you should also look into your history of sexual assault while you investigate trooning out," transphobia is a slam dunk.)
But yes, those key traits of "no solution that works for mere mortals will work for MY special problems!" and such. And the indignance that you would even suggest it. What got shunted me onto the down side of the split was explaining something a doctor said was nothing to be terrified of, but in fact reassuring news- she wanted to be terrified, she wanted to be "dyyyinnnnnggg" and I fucked it all up.
Bless this anonymous forum of hate and stalking, I have had the exact same experience! One of the funnier instances was when a person was hemming and hawing about how she was AFRAID to take the "pain pills" she was prescribed because she didn't want to get addicted, but her pain was SO GREAT that even her HIGH THRESHOLD couldn't take it.
"Pain pills" turned out to be 600mg ibuprofen.
I was helpfully reassuring her that the only difference between that and taking 3 of the OTC 200s was dosage and that the doc probably wrote a script so her insurance would pay. That went over like a lead balloon. Luckily, some of the lesser troon/munchie/attention whores (you know, IRC fulla young women) jumped in behind me at that point and started dickmeasuring about their own prescriptions.
When I need a thought-stopping cliché, one I find helpful is "don't borrow trouble." The Talking Heads also wrote a good song about it:
What are you, in love with your problems?
I think you take it a little too far
It's not so cool to have so many problems
But don't expect me to explain your indecisions
If someone had told you-of-ten-years-ago that your girlfriend was toxic or that you weren't cut out for real estate, would old-you have listened to them?
Actually yes. Roughly ten years ago, I once had someone try to date me and less than two hours in the relationship, I had conflicting emotions. I imagined that if my loved ones heard about my position, they would have told me the person wasn't worth my time and I should leave them. So I did. Best thing I did and it was great.
If my loved ones told me I wasn't cut out for a certain life, they would actually sit me down and talk to me about it. As I was growing up, I had been told to get a job that I liked but also can make money. If, for example, I wanted to go into real estate and sucked at selling houses and such, they would have told me to try to do other things so I can make money.
I listen to my loved ones because I trust them and they care about my wellbeing and such and I do the same in return.
But you see, most people outside of my family don't have that bond and unfortunately, we're quite rare.
Another thing to watch out for: is the person telling you that the established resources cannot help them, for really stupid reasons or no reason at all? There are resources with funding, physically in the same area, staffed more hours than just you by your computer, with the right contacts and knowhow. It's easy to believe that you are the only one who can/will help! This is human compassion, but this is also why they send personalized form letters to grandmas telling them Jesus and/or Trump and/or PBS needs their money.
At this point, I just think he's genuinely retarded and lacks frontal lobe development. He was doing vigorous cardio one time and he showed a graph of heart rate and how much calories he burned and it seemed quite a lot. Everyone thought he was doing too much and then I basically said "Don't you have a heart issue?" and he got quiet because I think he forgot that his heart has issues or he just tried to forget about it.
Like for example with his job's shitty insurance: he knows his brain is fucked up. He applied for the job. He got the job. But then for some reason, he doesn't look at the insurance the job gives him in depth even though he needs brain meds and therapy. So he just gets the insurance and then realizes "Oh wait, I can't get a psychiatrist and I can't do an online appointment through my insurance."
Then what does he do? He doesn't pay out of pocket for the psychiatrist that he'll only need to pay to talk to every three months or so. He doesn't try to use coupons like goodrx does that will give him his adderall for $18 bucks. He goes to a dealer and gets street adderall for $50.
Quotes aren't working for me today but my personal troon is definitely also fighting some mental processing issues that are a combo of ADHD, OCD, BPD, trauma, and probably skitsophrenia. He can't think consequentially, or linearly - which I hear are side effects of schizophrenia, and at this point I'm pretty sure something's broken in his brain - although I don't know if he broke it with malnutrition and hormones or if he was genetically doomed. It's pretty sad. I don't know what to do.
Quotes aren't working for me today but my personal troon is definitely also fighting some mental processing issues that are a combo of ADHD, OCD, BPD, trauma, and probably skitsophrenia. He can't think consequentially, or linearly - which I hear are side effects of schizophrenia, and at this point I'm pretty sure something's broken in his brain - although I don't know if he broke it with malnutrition and hormones or if he was genetically doomed. It's pretty sad. I don't know what to do.
Not completely on topic, but worth a mention - When I was a kid there was a real 'horror but for kids'-book boom in my country, and a lot of those books were very good (often a bit more hardcore than something like Goosebumps, although I loved Goosebumps too). Looking back as an adult, those books were pretty empowering for awkward little girls (and boys) - by their nature the stories were often about facing scary things, not being believed or not fitting in, and finding courage to rise above yourself and taking control of your own life. There were plenty of bad endings too, which come with a whole other lesson. I wish kids today had more good horror.
Oooh, Like Christopher Pike? I loved his books as a teen, and I think he's about to have a renaissance, as Netflix have adapted Fear Street and The Midnight Club, which I believe were both his, and the latter mini-series is being directed by Mike Flanagan.
In 2017 my sister decided to troon out and things have only gotten worse. Ever since she joined the cult, she's stopped almost all forms of personal hygiene. She's become more depressed, gained weight, showers maybe two times a week at most. A year ago she started sperging out about our family not referring to her by her "chosen" name, and went as far as to say she would distance herself from us.
My mom and dad especially are hurt. They feel betrayed that she wants to undo the name they chose for her, and erase all of the things they did to raise her to be a decent person. Losing someone to transgenderism is something I legitimately don't wish on anyone.
I still blame her friends for making her buy into this shit.
Transitioning is a massively selfish thing to do, and troons don't realize how much of an effect it has on people around them.
My sister now thinks she's a man. Wears a pronoun badge on her work uniform with her pronouns, and put up a few papers on the bulletin board explaining her sexuality and gender for some reason. Says her period "triggers her dysphoria". Our family is Christian, and we try to pray for her, but I'm genuinely starting to lose hope.
I have someone I've been friends with for about 3 years online now. Say what you will about online friendships, but we're very close. She thinks she's a man and mentioned to me how "the right wants to kill" her, and how evil Florida man laws are hurting her (she's not even in Florida.) Mentions how kids should transition and how her not transitioning gave her PTSD, major depressive disorder and anxiety. Pretty sure she hates me now for not agreeing and sticking by my beliefs.
I don't think I would wish this on anyone. The feeling of having a friend or loved one hate you because you're not delusional is one of the worst feelings.
God I'm sorry. It is awful. My friend is really going through it with a 14 year old daughter, who suddenly wants to troon-out. My friend is a normal person but is being pumped full of fear that if they don't let their daughter go on hormones, she'll kill herself. It's fucking madness. My friend isn't sleeping and looks like shit.
God I'm sorry. It is awful. My friend is really going through it with a 14 year old daughter, who suddenly wants to troon-out. My friend is a normal person but is being pumped full of fear that if they don't let their daughter go on hormones, she'll kill herself. It's fucking madness. My friend isn't sleeping and looks like shit.
I can't blame him, I would feel the same. I fear that if I criticize my friend or sister they'll hurt themselves. I can't help but draw parallels to abusive relationships where someone says they'll kill themselves if you leave.
That's exactly what it's like. The whole idea of troonism has basically handed this girl full control of her own family. They have to 'give in' to every demand.
I fear that if I criticize my friend or sister they'll hurt themselves. I can't help but draw parallels to abusive relationships where someone says they'll kill themselves if you leave.
I mean, just say sure and walk away. Kids act that way, don't teach her that it's okay for her to act like one.
Giving in to her abusive behaviour will just make it worse.
So basically, they are just kids that never grew up. Which is hilarious in its own way.
All of your advice seems to boil down to just leaving people. You ever been in a committed relationship, helped your family through shit, stuck by someone or w/e? If someone's been important to you for a long time, you don't just go "oh well, time to burn that bridge" mate.
She like a stereotype checklist - anime, very-online, socially awkward, peer group of similar girls. Twenty years ago, she would have just been a goth.
![LinkinParkxNaruto[AMV]](http://uploads.kiwifarms.st/data/avatars/l/61/61177.jpg?1699571951){kind=avatar}
