Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"

who the hell is that lmao. looks like he could be Joe’s younger brother

That looks like Chris Stroop, a prominent exvangelical who morphed into "Chrissy" shortly after the Trump election & the ascendance of Resistance Twitter. Being part of the exvie crowd, he got congratulated to no end for the brave/stunning transformation which appears to have consisted of a diminutive added to his name and slightly longer hair. Seems he traded religion for a new cult.

Did anything interesting come of the "Empty the Pews" event with him & Mallory or did they just bitch about Brio Magazine (benign '90s teen mag that was the evangelical response to Sassy) the whole time?
 
lmao no "Hollywood" types would eat trix yogurt and hamburger helper to stay thin. The snackwells things and shitty "no guilt" desserts were such a fad with the thickening post-80s-binge boomers, there's a whole Seinfeld ep about it with Rudy as a cameo.

It's just normal middle class family with kids food from back then. Malady or whatever the fuck her name is- she's just a snob, spending money like some kind of gauche fool to try to keep up with her pervert pretentious boyfriend, and she feels shame about having come from a very normal, not British, not "classy" middle class home.
 
Mallory's insistence that her childhood was universally dismal and awful sounds so, so teenager-moves-to-art-school. There's a real maturity problem in the transitioning community. She still thinks it's so hip to trash your normal middle-class upbringing as hopelessly clueless and stupid.

This is the first move of any small-town kid who moves to the big city. It's as close to a 100% tell of a recent city-mover as anything can be.

People who've lived in the city a long time but came from Elsewhere talk about how they still crave some food their mother cooked, the very way they cooked it. Rice-a-Roni but only if it's made with Country Crock, or the cans of chow mein with the little can of noodles on top, covered in too much soy sauce.

Once you have been long enough in the city that most people you know are from the city, for a person with normal ego and socialization, your upbringing becomes a tiny bit exotic, something you can talk about casually in its good and bad aspects.

When you're pushing 40, mocking your mom's best efforts to put food on the table is pathetic. If you can't look back on where you came from with any shred of affection or love, it's not because there's something wrong with the place. It's about who you are as a person, and the way you look at things in your life. People from fucking Somalia can think of things they miss and love about where they grew up, but Mal can't find any gratitude for her life in a suburb that even today, many Chicago kids would gnaw off their arm to live in so they could get a real education and a safe journey to/from school.
 
What is supposed to be abusive/horrifying/in any way notable about any of this?

I mean yeah it's not gourmet. And by Current Year standards, it's not "healthy eats." But by the standards of middle class shmoes circa 1993 this is all very normal and typical.

It doesn't read like some kind of over the top diet or unusual in any way to the time and place.
Hamburger Helper=ABUSE shitlord!
 
I just don't have enough information on the food situation. Moms wanting their kids to eat healthy and trying to get those habits started early is normal and good. Any good thing can become counterproductive if it's pushed too hard. Deciding what to eat can be as much about offsetting a family history of heart problems as avoiding weight gain. While Mal's retelling of the lipo incident does give off a stage mom vibe, I also can't trust that she's being accurate.

My family lived in the northwest suburbs of Chicago, roughly equidistant between a Piggly Wiggly and a Jewel-Osco supermarket, which supplied my parents with sufficient material to feed us regularly and, I have no doubt, with the best of intentions. This meant skinless chicken breasts, sometimes with and sometimes without a sheet of Coca-Cola–colored teriyaki sauce blurted over them; Hamburger Helper (usually the beef stroganoff variety, but on at least one memorable occasion the cheeseburger macaroni made an appearance); massive and perpetually out-of-season raspberries in plastic clamshells; blue glasses of skim milk; foil-skinned triangles of Laughing Cow cheese; steamed broccoli; jealously guarded green boxes of SnackWell’s diet devil’s food cookie cakes and Healthy Choice diet ice cream; Trix pink-and-purple-swirl–flavored yogurt; a newspaper-clipping recipe for coffee cake; Jif peanut butter (smooth, always; the primary texture of my childhood was smoothness); Little Caesars pizza on Friday nights; Oroweat whole-grain bread; a tusk-colored tub of Country Crock margarine; Eggo mini waffles on Sundays, two flats apiece, each flat containing four mini waffles, for a total of eight mini waffles per person, with Log Cabin maple-flavored syrup, microwaved for 15 seconds before pouring.

I do just want to say I hate that particular paragraph of writing and anything that sounds like it. The eyes glaze. The amount of wordy detail is all for nothing. The only purpose a list this long could serve would be to emphasize how MUCH food they were given, but the focus instead seems to be on just Mallory remembering things and dumping the details so she can make them sound lyrical and doesn't have to edit and pick images that actually tell us ... something. (As others have said, I don't know the theme here. It's not healthy food because none of these are that. It's just supermarket food that isn't interesting enough to list out individually.) Who the fuck has a problem with smooth peanut butter, Mal??? What does that mean.
 
I just don't have enough information on the food situation. Moms wanting their kids to eat healthy and trying to get those habits started early is normal and good. Any good thing can become counterproductive if it's pushed too hard. Deciding what to eat can be as much about offsetting a family history of heart problems as avoiding weight gain. While Mal's retelling of the lipo incident does give off a stage mom vibe, I also can't trust that she's being accurate.



I do just want to say I hate that particular paragraph of writing and anything that sounds like it. The eyes glaze. The amount of wordy detail is all for nothing. The only purpose a list this long could serve would be to emphasize how MUCH food they were given, but the focus instead seems to be on just Mallory remembering things and dumping the details so she can make them sound lyrical and doesn't have to edit and pick images that actually tell us ... something. (As others have said, I don't know the theme here. It's not healthy food because none of these are that. It's just supermarket food that isn't interesting enough to list out individually.) Who the fuck has a problem with smooth peanut butter, Mal??? What does that mean.
The smooth pb thing is the kind of melodramatic and pompous analogy that would have drawn the full fury of my 8th grade English teacher's red pen to rally. "Like Franz, our upbringing was mostly white bread. Like Jiffy, everything was smooth- no bumpy, enriching textures of homosexuality or Jewishness. I envied the crunchy, pumpernickel existence of Lisa Stein, who sat kitty-corner from me at lunch, her bumpy nose cartilage and caramel rye hair suggesting a world of queered wonder I could only imagine."
 
Out of context, I’d just assume that food paragraph was to evoke a pleasant nostalgia in 90s kids. It’s completely unremarkable for families in that era. She really, really wants her family to be seen as abusive, because it makes her seem more interesting? Kind of like how Joe is desperate to make “trans” as this deep, poetic, and intellectual enterprise, when in reality it’s just buying expensive (and hideous) woman’s clothes, and giving himself an endocrine disorder.
 
The same women will harp about a fair wage, while criticizing how their moms kept house or cooked food (for free). The same women will talk about women being used by men while literally complaining over their mom not being good, giving, and game enough around the house. Those traitorous daughters internalize all the judgment our society places on women and give it, sometimes solely, to their own mothers. Mallory’s mom is apparently a bitch for providing her plastic surgery. But Mallory supports “gender affirming care” for kids and young people. Fucking inconsistent.

This actually makes a lot of sense to me. In Joe and Mal's worldview, the true determinator of sex is gender roles. If you fail to meet up to those standards, or feel constrained by them, the right and proper thing to do is opt out of the label of man or woman: transition, or at least declare yourself non-binary and get a shit haircut. Meanwhile, Mrs Ortberg had the gall to be a woman, but not meet up to Mal's standards of what a woman should be. The bitch.

The smooth pb thing is the kind of melodramatic and pompous analogy that would have drawn the full fury of my 8th grade English teacher's red pen to rally. "Like Franz, our upbringing was mostly white bread. Like Jiffy, everything was smooth- no bumpy, enriching textures of homosexuality or Jewishness. I envied the crunchy, pumpernickel existence of Lisa Stein, who sat kitty-corner from me at lunch, her bumpy nose cartilage and caramel rye hair suggesting a world of queered wonder I could only imagine."

Oh my God, is that a real line? If not, kudos, your voice is on point.
 
Even kids who grew up in the city occasionally ate garbage. My childhood involved many Stouffer's dinners and Cup O' Noodles. Is the assumption that a 90's latchkey kid in the city could just pop down to the local sushi joint for an early dinner?

Sounds more like hidden class hatred than geographic hatred.
 
wtf how did so many of you end up with the impression that the Ortbergs are a normal white trash family (that's not normal middle class food guys, if that's what you ate growing up you were not middle class)

During Mallory's upbringing, John Ortberg upgraded his megachurch gig from suburban Chicago to *Menlo Park.* He is the author of multiple evangelical bestsellers. He is a celebrity. His family is part of that.

 
wtf how did so many of you end up with the impression that the Ortbergs are a normal white trash family (that's not normal middle class food guys, if that's what you ate growing up you were not middle class)

During Mallory's upbringing, John Ortberg upgraded his megachurch gig from suburban Chicago to *Menlo Park.* He is the author of multiple evangelical bestsellers. He is a celebrity. His family is part of that.


That's what I was curious about as a non-merican. From outside this feels like something I would come up with if I was forced to describe a nineties-kid American diet, based purely off some import sitcoms and BuzzFeed nostalgia articles.
Hard to say exactly what's off about it but it all seems so phony and generic.
 
wtf how did so many of you end up with the impression that the Ortbergs are a normal white trash family (that's not normal middle class food guys, if that's what you ate growing up you were not middle class)

During Mallory's upbringing, John Ortberg upgraded his megachurch gig from suburban Chicago to *Menlo Park.* He is the author of multiple evangelical bestsellers. He is a celebrity. His family is part of that.

We are critiquing her writing and choice of images because they convey nothing about her family. The food is not overly healthy or overly priced or overly granola or overly lower class. "Generic," as @2525ABC said. Knowing the Ortbergs, I would expect them to be more precious about their food than this. So whatever Mallory is trying to convey about them is not working.

Having now read the full article, I think she is attempting to give the "bland," "commercialized," "generic" food of her childhood the same treatment as you would find in high fantasy novels, the big feasts at the end of Lord of the Rings. That's the kind of food she wanted, the kind that you slave away in the kitchen all day to make and share with the community after slaying a dragon. ("the dizzying array of savory pies available to Bilbo Baggins and the mice priests of Redwall, which often melded together into a single feast in my imagination." - Mallory)

She then says the reason she enjoyed fantasizing about these foods is that you make them yourself, little cheese sandwiches that you carry around in your pocket all day: "To be responsible for one’s own coziness was the most ambitious promise of these books, to store up one’s larder with future treasures, to catalog and memorize the scale and remit of all future meals in a fat lump wholly unrecognizable to the carefully apportioned, managed, and throttled allowance of pleasure of a SnackWell’s cookie."

The Medieval Times is what she wants, and she associates good food with "leaving home": "I knew then, and tucked the knowledge safely away, that there was glory and satisfaction to be wrung from the world, if only for those willing to leave home in order to find and eat it. There were a thousand SnackWell’s cookies to be chewed through first, but I had strong teeth from all that skim milk and could already see my way through to the other side."

This does sound to me like she's mad at modern American food culture, which is highly processed, and within that, she is mad that her mother chose somewhat safe, bland, "healthy" options sometimes, like the SnackWell's, and didn't buy whole cakes directly from the bakery. The portion control comes as much from her mother as it does from American branding and packaging, but there's not really any critique of mass food production, just her mother's refusal to stock an old-fashioned pantry and spend hours at the stove.

It does explain for me why she swallows down Joe's insane recipes, lmao.
 
That's what I was curious about as a non-merican. From outside this feels like something I would come up with if I was forced to describe a nineties-kid American diet, based purely off some import sitcoms and BuzzFeed nostalgia articles.
Hard to say exactly what's off about it but it all seems so phony and generic.
there are two things going on in the piece - there's the processed food, but what's actually more telling about the household dynamics is the portion control. Portion control + a bland processed food diet that includes diet foods being given to children is a dead giveaway of obsession with appearance.
 
I read the same books she did where children were able to sneak down to the larder and get half a ham and three pies and a baked chicken and a loaf of bread and a bag of oranges for a day spent roaming the English countryside.

That's all well and good, but there is no space for that shit in an American refrigerator with 18 cubic feet of space, and cooking like that more than once a week makes no sense for an American family with 4 people.

There are reasons other than your parents being declasse that this never happened when you were a kid.

I mean, if you look at Victorian cookbooks, they're all recipes for how to cook a joint (!) or a whole turkey (!) or a whole ham (!) because the average upper middle class household had something like 8 people who needed to be fed every day and one of those people's wholeass job was cooking for them. Wholeass, dawn-to-dusk, standing over a hot fire so the rich little faggots upstairs could make off with enough food to feed two poor families for a day of fucking around doing nothing.
 
I read the same books she did where children were able to sneak down to the larder and get half a ham and three pies and a baked chicken and a loaf of bread and a bag of oranges for a day spent roaming the English countryside.

That's all well and good, but there is no space for that shit in an American refrigerator with 18 cubic feet of space, and cooking like that more than once a week makes no sense for an American family with 4 people.

There are reasons other than your parents being declasse that this never happened when you were a kid.

I mean, if you look at Victorian cookbooks, they're all recipes for how to cook a joint (!) or a whole turkey (!) or a whole ham (!) because the average upper middle class household had something like 8 people who needed to be fed every day and one of those people's wholeass job was cooking for them. Wholeass, dawn-to-dusk, standing over a hot fire so the rich little faggots upstairs could make off with enough food to feed two poor families for a day of fucking around doing nothing.

you can have a roast chicken or some nice fried fish or a pot roast. there is a whole lot of culinary ground in between "whole ham" and "snackwells." (it's not even hard to cook a joint or roast a whole ham though, that's pretty easy. all day Victorian cooking is more like making aspic.)

you guys have a missed an entire opportunity to bash on Mallory's spotty education and inability to actually understand the past. the imagined Narnian food orgies are direct result of the impact of rationing on the writer's mind.

here's a piece from the toast on a related subject that doesn't suck

 
Joe gives a shout out to another professor at Princeton who helped him through "one of my periodic professional crises."
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Website: https://english.princeton.edu/people/meredith-martin
Twitter: @mmvty
Mastodon: mmvty@mastodon.social

Her Twitter is just posting academic job openings, wringing her hands about Elon, and occasional interactions with Mallory. Couldn't find anything related to Joe's problem.

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