Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[p1138]

They're putting up Christmas decorations NOW?

There's a month to go before Christmas. I get it maybe starting a week or two before if you're pushing it but a month early is just... crazy. Unless you're like Target or Walgreens or something because they're already decked out with Christmas stuff and playing Christmas music in their stores. But that's a marketing thing. It's to sell stuff.

There's a lot of people who do that. First weekend after Thanksgiving, you get people putting up lights, buying Christmas trees(which will of course be dried out and brown by Christmas), etc. They're also usually the obnoxious types that will actually play the same shitty Christmas music for an entire month, get Christmas cards in the mail before Dec. 1st, etc.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

There's a lot of people who do that. First weekend after Thanksgiving, you get people putting up lights, buying Christmas trees(which will of course be dried out and brown by Christmas), etc. They're also usually the obnoxious types that will actually play the same shitty Christmas music for an entire month, get Christmas cards in the mail before Dec. 1st, etc.

There might be a lot of people that do that but I've never actually met one.

The Scalfatties are definitely the obnoxious types though.

 

[ZipDisk]

I didn't catch the "strabocks "in the lemon loaf video the first time because I watch the videos at 1.5 scale.

Add it to the Jacktionary.

Strabocks - *Angrily* - domt pay them any money, make it at home!

MARRY BISTRO from tge Sclafanis

Welcome the long hanging Christmas ribbons to the show, hope for a kitchen blaze up.

You can't get that at strabocks!

 

[captkrisma]

They're putting up Christmas decorations NOW?

There's a month to go before Christmas. I get it maybe starting a week or two before if you're pushing it but a month early is just... crazy. Unless you're like Target or Walgreens or something because they're already decked out with Christmas stuff and playing Christmas music in their stores. But that's a marketing thing. It's to sell stuff.

Eh...it's a family tradition for us. Dudes go out doing Black Friday shopping and the women stay at home putting up the tree and decorations.

It's not too crazy for them to be putting shit up now.

 

[salmonellajack]

Assholes. No stocking for Garett.

 

[ZipDisk]

TamHam has made it very clear in the past that Garett is not welcome in her house.
It was originally to keep Jr. from being anything other than a Jack clone, but I'm sure it also gave her a perverse joy.

Remember, the original plan was to force Garett to experience homelessness. And they got super angry when the grandparents took him in.
Some bizarre "take your medicine" shit.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

It's not too crazy for them to be putting shit up now.

If I’m not mistaken, they replace Halloween decorations with Xmas stuff straight away on November 1st

 

[captkrisma]

If I’m not mistaken, they replace Halloween decorations with Xmas stuff straight away on November 1st

If that's the case, then it's just plain weird. Imagine how awkward a thanksgiving at the Scafani's would be. Looking around a house decorated like presents already, a dog that is aggressively disobedient, a manchild that keeps making dirty jokes about a turkey that's not even cooked properly, and blesses Trump for "owning the libs" during grace.

I halfway think Brianna got the cancer to avoid Thanksgiving with the family.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

HOPE was probably trying to get out of that goddamn harness. Looks like she actually succeeded because it’s literally the only time I’ve seen her without it in over six fucking months.

 

[Null]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

 

[rubytintedchix]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

I’m guessing it was the “August the Duck” YouTube channel you watched maybe.

1. Yes, he’s the self-proclaimed “lazy man”
2. It’s dead from stroke #2 or #3 depending on how you are counting it. He also maybe as recently as November 17th had another ischematic incident which he’s dismissing as “being stressed” (he’s literally a disabled man who spends his days yelling at people online and watching blues clues, what is there to be stressed about?). He would rather try to pray his arm to start working again rather than putting the work for PT.
3. Yes. He incinerates most food he makes on the stove top because his cranks his flame to full blast.
4. The word on the street is he got C&D’d from Snap Inc. (who owns Bitmoji) and he’s no longer allowed to sell merch with their IP, but he bought some before the takedown happened I guess. His merch store has replaced all of that with Microsoft Word Art tier graphics. See for yourself (it’s pretty funny): https://cooking-with-jack-merch-store.creator-spring.com/

Would love if you featured him on MATI sometime. Jack’s been pretty boring lately, unfortunately, so not much to talk about (except the stroke and the freeze dried thanksgiving for a servicemen stationed overseas).

Edit: a word

 

[Gloria The Glorious]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

Cooking with Jack. The God Of Grease. The Entity Of The Inedible. The Zeus Of Salmonella.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

He's blowing all his family's money on kitchen gadgets, cutlery sets and grill/smoker sets he reviews once and never touches again; he can't handle any criticism from anyone whatsoever and goes on regular tantrums; his primary channel has no organic engagement and his other channel is just a chronicle of times he's acted embarrassing in public; his professional failures with the Sauce and the West Texas Investors Club are preserved on the internet forever; he got kicked out of his church which was led by a guy who literally decapitated a woman... Jack is kind of a slow-burner for being a lolcow: he really tries to come off as a generic middle America simpleton, so you have to watch a lot of his videos for the hilarious details of his sad life to start coming into focus.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

1. His videos are very short and lazy,

He does market himself as a "lazy man" as a lot of his recipes are of the lazy variety.

2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,

He lost that in a stroke a couple years ago, supposedly his second or third one. His right leg also doesn't work properly so often he cuts out the part where he's hobbling back and forth on it.

3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),

Yeah he's a terrible cook who's stove top only has two settings. It's either off or full blast.

4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

He's only recently moved to putting his face on his merch or just having some aspect of his name like JOTG for "Jack on the Go" when he does his fast food / restaurant "reviews". It seems Bitmoji told him he can't make money off their product and he had to redo his entire line.

 

[Null]

His art is universally horrific btw. His merch, channel, and video thumbnails are the laziest shit. You can just pay some dude on fiverr a pittance for professional quality art you have full copyright of. The KF logo was made by some dude in Sri Lanka for $20.

 

[Mundane Ralph]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

One of these days you should do a deep dive stream on Jack. He will bring you more joy than you could imagine.

 

[rubytintedchix]

His art is universally horrific btw. His merch, channel, and video thumbnails are the laziest shit. You can just pay some dude on fiverr a pittance for professional quality art you have full copyright of. The KF logo was made by some dude in Sri Lanka for $20.

RUA OR MAN? is my favorite one.

Also this one:

https://cooking-with-jack-merch-store.creator-spring.com/listing/new-it-s-candy-for-your-meat-a?product=2126

It initially said “CANDY FOR YOU MEAT” before some douchebag on his private Facebook group pointed out his spelling error and he fixed it. It was funnier without the R.

Let’s not forget, TJ Services’ strong suit is not “graphic design” as demonstrated by the below pie chart. Even lower? Video production and whatever the hell “YouTube training” is.

 

[She Brings The Rain]

His art is universally horrific btw. His merch, channel, and video thumbnails are the laziest shit. You can just pay some dude on fiverr a pittance for professional quality art you have full copyright of. The KF logo was made by some dude in Sri Lanka for $20.

Why spend twenty big ones on professional art when you can use the same amount of money to buy three burgers from Arby's?

 

[charlesdickens]

Jack's also racist as hell. There's no way he'd let a brown person design his "online identity".

 

[Dead Air]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

I'm pretty surprised by this since you like the deathfats. Scalfani may not be constant drama like Amber but it's close. He tries to put on this air of being a caring, lovable family man but constantly shows how petty, angry, abusive, selfish, and gluttonous he is. He has eaten himself into two major strokes and likely countless smaller events; he's lost major use of his right side, and still buries his head in the sand in regards to the cause of it so he won't have to stop eating. He fakes sponsorships on his show to make it seem like his dying channel is popular. He's been "cooking" on Youtube for like 15 years but has learned nothing about technique or even temperature control. Fats that have a low smoke point (like butter) are put in a pan on full blast and burn/turn black (like your number 3). Chicken that bakes at 350 for half an hour Jack doesn't have time for, so he will bake at 475 for 10 minutes and the outside is burned but the inside is raw. He does this *constantly* and never learns. He rates restaurants he goes to by the quantity of food they give him, not the quality. Every burger he's ever eaten is compared to the baconator from Wendys. He went on a weight management plan called Profile by Sanford and managed to visibly gain weight somehow. Jack is a absolute train wreck of a human being and I cannot look away.

Edit: https://youtu.be/IchzyDuIa3M or https://youtu.be/JH7q-A9YjNw are perfect examples of Jack kitchen fuckery without going into what we would call the "classics"