Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Cornstarch Colonizer]

I just got recommended the August the Duck video.

I never thought I could ever be offended enough to actually boycott a product. But, HarvestRight, you guys did it! I can't believe you would subject an active duty serviceman to a Scalfani cooked meal. Just goddamn!

 

[Simon]

His art is universally horrific btw. His merch, channel, and video thumbnails are the laziest shit. You can just pay some dude on fiverr a pittance for professional quality art you have full copyright of. The KF logo was made by some dude in Sri Lanka for $20.

If you can believe, he's been doing this for years, now, and all of his videos just detail his journey into strokebrain. If you start at the beginning (don't) and go along, it's like a story of how one fat (semi-cogent) asshole descends into a babbling mushmouth.

 

[Adamska]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

August has a good series on him, but he's not particularly nuanced on all there is to the guy. Nice to see you found him out; if you find death fats entertaining, Jack's pretty good. Especially if you like terrible cooking channels.

1. His videos are very short and lazy,

He proudly admits to being a lazy man as mentioned by others. I'll further add that this includes his own video creation, since he films things once and then is done, no matter how shit the take is. He used to hire a guy to help him edit back when he was in California (the green kitchen period), but that stopped when he went to Tennessee. After the third stroke that took his arm, he got even lazier, since that sapped a lot of energy and fine motor skill.

Even then he never really bothered to learn any basics about lighting or camera work. I think his impromptu tripod was a Cheez-it box at one point. He's still essentially using the same shit he had at the start of his career because "why bother to put non-food money into the show".

2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,

Yep. Stroke three took that function away from him. He also refused to put it into a sling or get PT for it since he expects and on occasion demands that God will fix it. He also is very reluctant to ever admit to his strokes and health issues, since it makes him look bad in his mind. He used to for years call the stroke "the accident".

He's also prone to avoid mentioning he's type 2 diabetic. Probably because you can see how much sweetener for coffee he has in the background of his "studio".

3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),

Jack is an impatient glutton who blasts everything on the highest heat setting possible. This also means that odds are good that the center of any meat dish, like chicken, turkey, beef, pork, and what have you are still raw in the center. His most infamous video is him eating raw chicken that gushed blood, and casually referring to microwaving it to ding out the bad parts.

4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

Severe NPD combined with laziness. Jack used to use Bitmoji all the time for his logo until he was told to stop or face legal suit for it. Since he is obsessed with his own image, he then chose to use his face rather than use Fiverr for reasons known only in the scar tissue and blubber he calls a mind.

My favorite use of Bitmoji he ever did by the by was for a logo sign which stated "The Best You'll Every Taste", and it's his avatar down there going "Feed my Face!".


Also, fun fact: all of his companies are titled GIVEME. So for his shit sauce and show, it's GIVEMEFOOD. Back in the day when he was a failed DJ, it was GIVEMEENTERTAINMENT.

He feels like a comedy character, but the thing is it's genuine. This isn't an Andy Dick scenario here.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

In case you're considering doing a deep dive into Jack, I must recommend one of my favorite lolcow videos of all time. Most of Jack's content is pretty samey and doesn't stand out, even as lolcow content. However, he occasionally put's out travesties like this.

This is him doing an Arby's review mere weeks after the stroke that took his arm. Still clearly recovering and zonked out of his gourd while he stuffs obscene amounts of grease down his gullet. It's perfection.

 

[Girl Named Sandoz]

I somehow got organically suggested a YouTube drama channel video making fun of Jack Scalfani's thanksgiving and it's pretty remarkable how shit his videos are. I have near-zero prior exposure to him, but:

1. His videos are very short and lazy,
2. His deliberate actions to avoid moving his right arm are extremely distracting,
3. His food looks bad (how do you blacken a gravy made of onions and celery and nothing else),
4. Why the fuck is his merch his snapchat avatar wtf

please do a jack stream

 

[ZipDisk]

Sauce drinking jack was the best. When he drank the vinegar sauce he looked like he just drank piss.
Jack like sweet ketchup sauce, Jack no like authentic Carolina BBQ.

 

[AnOminous]

RUA OR MAN? is my favorite one.

Also this one:
https://cooking-with-jack-merch-sto...g/new-it-s-candy-for-your-meat-a?product=2126

My favorite is when he's boasting to two women about how he tried to strangle his son. He's completely oblivious to how utterly horrified they are at his open lunacy.

 

[densedance]

He rates restaurants he goes to by the quantity of food

Well don't forget the good old

"If the Marinara/Salsa is warm, then that's a good sign. Allways check that guys!"

 

[Dave.]

I don't know how you guys can watch his videos start to finish. His nasally serial killer voice is grating as hell to listen to and it makes watching his videos even harder for me.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I don't know how you guys can watch his videos start to finish. His nasally serial killer voice is grating as hell to listen to and it makes watching his videos even harder for me.

I don't. I can only watch little bits of him at a time. Usually the bits where he tries to combine everything and the end product especially if it's on Youtube. I'm not watching the entire thing to drive up his engagement. If I do watch a video of his, it's one that's been archived. He gets no money from me hatewatching him.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

I don't know how you guys can watch his videos start to finish. His nasally serial killer voice is grating as hell to listen to and it makes watching his videos even harder for me.

It's an acquired taste to be honest. The more you watch him the more you pick up on all the subtle Jackisms that make him such a great lolcow in my eyes.

That being said, the videos that try my patience are the ones where fucking nothing is going on. The one's where he doesn't ramble about bullshit and cooks an near impossible to fuck up dish to mediocre results. Those are just dull.

 

[Adamska]

I tend to skip his "product review" videos myself, especially the recent ones because firstly they're always longer than his cooking videos. Firstly because the products are invariably cheap chinesium knock-offs that lose their effects quickly. Secondly because they're extremely boring for the most part unless he somehow almost breaks or actually breaks the product, like he did with the Magic Bullet or the Yoshiblade back in the day. Thirdly, it's because they're the same simple retarded tests that prove fuck all; he'll cut a pineapple with a knife to chase 15 year old views and use them once, or cook buttery eggs and burn chocolate in pans and gurgle how good they are to fake the sponsorship.

He does them to validate his ego by lying about sponsorships with them, show off his toys like a loathsome child does to try and win friends, and because he don't have to cook. You can tell he prefers making them when possible.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I tend to skip his "product review" videos myself, especially the recent ones because firstly they're always longer than his cooking videos. Firstly because the products are invariably cheap chinesium knock-offs that lose their effects quickly. Secondly because they're extremely boring for the most part unless he somehow almost breaks or actually breaks the product, like he did with the Magic Bullet or the Yoshiblade back in the day. Thirdly, it's because they're the same simple retarded tests that prove fuck all; he'll cut a pineapple with a knife to chase 15 year old views and use them once, or cook buttery eggs and burn chocolate in pans and gurgle how good they are to fake the sponsorship.

He does them to validate his ego by lying about sponsorships with them, show off his toys like a loathsome child does to try and win friends, and because he don't have to cook. You can tell he prefers making them when possible.

The cutting pineapple bits I will always watch because his stroke arm always flops about when he does that and it's hilarious how he tries to hide it .

 

[toilet_rainbow]

His Aunt Myrna's Party Cheese Salad was an internet meme at one point. Only the pink chicken video is more infamous.

He was also on a Shark Tank ripoff where he cried like a little bitch when the sharks confronted him about only going on the show to promote his YouTube channel.

 

[TrainWreckSpotter]

What I hate the most is when he says in a condescending voice "I want you to [blah blah blah], OK?" Even when it comes to something like mixing mayonnaise with a can of baked beans.

 

[ZipDisk]

Dave - I generally up it to 1.5x speed on youtube to speed things up, but I recently found out I was missing some of the jackisms, like "sturbocks"

A lot of joy I took in Jack vids are gone as he becomes less dexterous. He used to burn himself more, and fuck up more (because he was doing the cooking)

Seeing an arrogant person fuck up and burn themselves is a true joy.

A while back I bought a dollar store santoku, and everyone told me it would be dull within the month.

It's still going strong and is likely better than the knife sets Jack buys.

I think Myrnas cheese salad is over-represented. I prefer the microwave egg cooker, because it produced "fud" as gross as Jack's personality.

fucking melting chestbursters.

I also like the weird fucking child jack stories we occasionally get, like how his mother was a cheap ner-do-well who fed jack buckets of chicken necks so he wouldn't steal food from his brothers. I hate the "stretching the dollar" stories, but love the weird asides where he reveals childhood was a fucking nightmare for the scalfani boys.

As to the warm salsa, I generally view that as a negative, it means CHEF MIKE is on staff.

 

[Dave.]

Dave - I generally up it to 1.5x speed on youtube to speed things up, but I recently found out I was missing some of the jackisms, like "sturbocks"

A lot of joy I took in Jack vids are gone as he becomes less dexterous. He used to burn himself more, and fuck up more (because he was doing the cooking)

Seeing an arrogant person fuck up and burn themselves is a true joy.

A while back I bought a dollar store santoku, and everyone told me it would be dull within the month.

It's still going strong and is likely better than the knife sets Jack buys.

I think Myrnas cheese salad is over-represented. I prefer the microwave egg cooker, because it produced "fud" as gross as Jack's personality.

fucking melting chestbursters.

I also like the weird fucking child jack stories we occasionally get, like how his mother was a cheap ner-do-well who fed jack buckets of chicken necks so he wouldn't steal food from his brothers. I hate the "stretching the dollar" stories, but love the weird asides where he reveals childhood was a fucking nightmare for the scalfani boys.

As to the warm salsa, I generally view that as a negative, it means CHEF MIKE is on staff.

I think the moments that are genuinely funny are when he fucks up and pours too much seasoning and he says “oops, oh well” and just carries on like it’s just a minor set back. I’m utterly shocked this guy can eat raw chicken and not at least wince a bit while eating it because I’d personally gag if I tasted even a drop of blood in my chicken.

 

[Suburban Bastard]

I think the moments that are genuinely funny are when he fucks up and pours too much seasoning and he says “oops, oh well” and just carries on like it’s just a minor set back. I’m utterly shocked this guy can eat raw chicken and not at least wince a bit while eating it because I’d personally gag if I tasted even a drop of blood in my chicken.

He's been doing this for so long now his taste buds have probably adapted to undercooked meat as the norm.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

He's been doing this for so long now his taste buds have probably adapted to undercooked meat as the norm.

He also usually throws a lot of spices on so Tammy won't eat any of the food. I think Jack really doesn't care about the taste of food or even if it's cooked - he's such a glutton that he will consume anything, and also his ego won't let him admit that he fucked up anything.

 

[Suburban Bastard]

He also usually throws a lot of spices on so Tammy won't eat any of the food. I think Jack really doesn't care about the taste of food or even if it's cooked - he's such a glutton that he will consume anything, and also his ego won't let him admit that he fucked up anything.

Yeah, the amount of food definitely outweighs the importance of taste to him. That's probably also why he frequently complains about food so much on Jack on the Go, either they're not serving him enough, he's looking for an excuse to get free food, or both.