Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[TrainWreckSpotter]

You can tell he hates the food he just made by the look on his face, even when he claims it's good while dabbing his mouth with a kitchen towel. At least Kay is upfront about the fact that she won't eat her own slop. Poor Lee, though. He'll even give "crooncheh" rice a "thoombs oop" because he loves his mum. Tammy looks like she can't stand being in the same room as Jack.

 

[AnOminous]

You can tell he hates the food he just made by the look on his face, even when he claims it's good while dabbing his mouth with a kitchen towel.

It reminds me of his shitty opening that now has the dog in it, where he darts Hope a look of sheer hatred when she barks, but then for some reason includes this as if it's cute.

 

[Reotardo da Vinci]

I think I have found my favourite Scalfani moment. It’s 1:10 into his Christmas Lasagna video (here). He tries to humbleflex his Italian-American heritage by *accidentally* saying “mutzarell” instead of pronouncing mozzarella like a real human, and apologises for it with a super shit-eating look on his face like he’s just accidentally whipped out his giant sophisticated multicultural tuxedo cock and accidentally revealed that his great grandmother once stood under the same cloud as an Italian immigrant in 1903.



He also says that his grandmother pronounced ricotta as a weird guttural bark like something out of HP Lovecraft: “R’igADD” or something like that. I have no idea why Italian Americans do not know how to pronounce Italian words. Ironic anyway, in that this is exactly how Jack will talk all the time in a couple of years.

 

[rubytintedchix]

No new CWJ video today. No new CWJ video last Friday. What’s going on here?

Narc wounds from the endless ridicule he gets on YouTube?

I guarantee when he comes back he’s going to say “how stressed he’s been” so he can get attention and ass pats on social media hug boxes.

I wonder if we’ll even get a new JOTG tomorrow? Should be low effort, just go out and film himself eating which he loves to do and means he won’t have to cook.

 

[RainwaterDrop]

I think I have found my favourite Scalfani moment. It’s 1:10 into his Christmas Lasagna video (here). He tries to humbleflex his Italian-American heritage by *accidentally* saying “mutzarell” instead of pronouncing mozzarella like a real human, and apologises for it with a super shit-eating look on his face like he’s just accidentally whipped out his giant sophisticated multicultural tuxedo cock and accidentally revealed that his great grandmother once stood under the same cloud as an Italian immigrant in 1903.

He also says that his grandmother pronounced ricotta as a weird guttural bark like something out of HP Lovecraft: “R’igADD” or something like that. I have no idea why Italian Americans do not know how to pronounce Italian words. Ironic anyway, in that this is exactly how Jack will talk all the time in a couple of years.

Honestly, if Jack weren't such an asshole he would be closer to a comedy character in the flesh, he hits so many checkboxes of comedic traits that you would need a special scene showing God creating him by picking a little from every stereotype vial on a lab, then losing his balance and dropping them all there and simply carrying on as usual. If he were a good person, he would probably be YouTube's number one lovable idiot!

 

[Falcon Sebben]

He also says that his grandmother pronounced ricotta as a weird guttural bark like something out of HP Lovecraft: “R’igADD” or something like that. I have no idea why Italian Americans do not know how to pronounce Italian words. Ironic anyway, in that this is exactly how Jack will talk all the time in a couple of years.

Saying "ricot"for ricotta is kinda common in Sicily. Same as saying "gabagol" instead of "capicola" or just "coppa". Totally 100% authentic Jagoff has to show how totally 100% authentic he is by massacring the language. But then he does that for English to so...

 

[captkrisma]

Jack posted up there is a Grunt Style store opening up at Opry Mills. It most likely is where the old GNC store was located, near the Rainforest Cafe.

Spoiler: Small Autistic Rant

I fucking hate Grunt Style. For those that dont know, Grunt Style clothing was made back in 2009 by a "former drill sergeant". That's not an actual job, but a skill identifier, so he's probably a regular infantryman. They make shirts and other clothes with military memes and uber-patriotic shit. The only problem is that no one outside of basic training or our job training wears this shit, and most of us laugh at the new kids that show up to the base wearing it (especially to the clubs MY GOD). Trust me when I say that everyone in the military is patriotic, we wouldn't have joined if we weren't in some aspect, but this shit is dumb and we don't wear it.

The only people that wear Grunt Style are airsoft "I'd join, but im not good at taking orders from someone" wannabes, Stolen Valor "If i didnt serve, then why do i have this shirt?" fucktards, and dudes who were discharged early because they pissed hot for meth or some shit idk.

To put it in perspective, they could have opened up the store in Clarksville. There's a mall there, and it's about 10 minutes of a drive away from Fort Campbell. Instead, they chose Nashville, a good hour and some change away because of the "military adjacent" people listed above.

TL;DR: Jack's going to buy a whole bunch of "I'm a free Amurrican" shit. He will look like a bag of dicks. I will laugh at him.

 

[ZipDisk]

Tammy looks like she can't stand being in the same room as Jack.

Tammy looks disappointed she didn't die in her sleep last night 99% of the time. The 1% is reminiscing on ScalfaniSlam. Does anyone know what year Jack choked Garret?

GrumpyCat looks cherubic next to TamHam.

 

[AskeDead]

no way i could sit through an entire jack video. i usually just watched the /ck/ webms that got posted all the time or the august the fuck videos. i love myself too much to subject myself to a full video

 

[Just a Humble Farmer]

It's his fucking voice and the way he eats, using all of his face to contort in order to gulp down his "juicy" chicken and other assorted undercooked meats.

 

[semitooth]

 

[Ihatejackscalfani]

Jose's........ the place where Jack Jr had his rehearsal dinner party at. That's pretty fucking trashy.

EDIT: "If the salsa is good everything on the menu is good" - Jack Scalfani

Food looked like shit.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Yippee, another strip mall mexican joint. I wonder if Jack will talk about the Salsa Rule, Birria Tacos, and give it an -A or higher.

 

[Hungry Homeless Handjob]

The couple being filmed is clearly uncomfortable and confused. Jack whips out the camera and Tammy has to tell them to start eating anyway, which isn't a very natural instinct because most people don't like being filmed while eating. I like to imagine J&T play it off before dinner as "oh Jack is going to take a picture of your food before you eat, hope you don't mind haha" and then they get blindsided with full video right as the food comes out & chaos is maximized.

This also isn't the first time that Jack "forgot" to film the ending for a restaurant review (last time was Pacifico's). I think the same thing happened where Jack or Tammy got bitchy -probably because the couple stopped putting up with their shit halfway through the meal - and Jack couldn't use the rest of the film because the mood was too negative. Guess this is another couple the Scalfatties won't be latching on to?

 

[Quixotic Man]

Food looks like passable tex-mex plate of slop. Looks like the most generic thing ever, with absolutely no attempt made at presentation.

I'm sure it was gud, especially for Jack who will eat anything covered in salty sauce and cheese.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

The couple being filmed is clearly uncomfortable and confused. Jack whips out the camera and Tammy has to tell them to start eating anyway, which isn't a very natural instinct because most people don't like being filmed while eating. I like to imagine J&T play it off before dinner as "oh Jack is going to take a picture of your food before you eat, hope you don't mind haha" and then they get blindsided with full video right as the food comes out & chaos is maximized.

This also isn't the first time that Jack "forgot" to film the ending for a restaurant review (last time was Pacifico's). I think the same thing happened where Jack or Tammy got bitchy -probably because the couple stopped putting up with their shit halfway through the meal - and Jack couldn't use the rest of the film because the mood was too negative. Guess this is another couple the Scalfatties won't be latching on to?

The couple was Janette and her boyfriend. Janette seems to be Tammy's friend and has been in a few videos, but in most of them it seems like Jack was reluctantly allowed to tag along. The hastened pace of that segment of video combined with "forgetting to film the ending" again is very curious.

In the ending there is some kind of sore or bruise on Jack's cheek. Anyone know what this might be?

 

[ZipDisk]

That isn't passable, it's senior slop. Most long standing mexican restaurants eventually fall into senior parody, but this is a strip mall shithole.

Gyro king means this is second dinner, or linner! Senior slop is when rosarita beans are too spicy.

I honestly don't get how senior slop places water down the beans, but the flavor is unmistakable, and that texture is spot on.

Tammy looks disgusted by the salsa, but says "gud"

Jarring cuts, I once again urge Jack to fire his editor.

Dinner hostages! This is the last redeeming factor for jack on the go. We know we're not going to get insights from the skullfucki's, their hostages are the nearest thing we will see to reality.

The hostages are literally balling their hands up in discomfort.

Jack yells at Tammy. He will pay for that; it won't be subtle.

The meat is melting because it sat in a crock pot all day. It isn't gud, it's familiar.

Editor fucked up again.

gud gud gud.

gud.

Top Moch.

 

[Reotardo da Vinci]

In the ending there is some kind of sore or bruise on Jack's cheek. Anyone know what this might be?
View attachment 3971040

Judging by how hard it was for him to shove that forkful of mushy meat into his mouth at 3:30, I wouldn’t be surprised if he socked himself in the face in a meal-related accident.

 

[AnOminous]

The couple being filmed is clearly uncomfortable and confused.

I wonder if the people this fat asshole does this to without their permission ever go home and look him up after he tells them he's kind of a big deal online, and soon realize he's a complete fucking retard who is only famous for being a swinish glutton and the worst YouTube chef alive.

 

[ZipDisk]

"Oh thank god we escaped"

Returning guests are fucked in the head.