Infected Sword Enthusiasts - folded up to a million times!

[Frank_Jaeger]

For as long as I can remember when my mom goes to the local fair without fail she will always go into the building where the vendors set up shop despite never buying anything. Since my teenage years (and probably even now) I have seen an Asian vendor selling cheap weeb junk (presumably bootleg) alongside "katanas" and random ninja "weapons". I've never seen anybody buying the garbage, but they keep setting up shop so someone must be.

As for why katanas, I'll put all my bets on Rurouni Kenshin.

I will fully admit that show is single-handly responsible for sparking my samurai-obsessed phase when I was around 12 or so.
I still have the DVDs.

 

[Lugal]

Varg Vikernes, of Burzum fame, makes weapon videos and has commented on some of these channels before. I thinked he's talked with ThegnThrand. As of yet, Varg has not made a video demonstrating his renowned pocket-knife technique...

 

[Billy_Sama]

Varg Vikernes, of Burzum fame, makes weapon videos and has commented on some of these channels before. I thinked he's talked with ThegnThrand. As of yet, Varg has not made a video demonstrating his renowned pocket-knife technique...

To Varg's credit, he actually used a blade to kill somebody so he does have some creditably that sword weebs can ever dream off.

 

[MarineTrainedTard]

Of fucking course Varg would be a sword-weeb. Of course.

 

[VLAD]

For your consideration - http://dudeswithswords.tumblr.com/

 

[SU 390]

Make fun of them as much as you want but they provide a lively industry for flea market vendors importing cheap swords based on popular anime or Final Fantasy games.

And? It doesn't excuse the fact that they're fucking pathetic.

 

[Billy_Sama]

For your consideration - http://dudeswithswords.tumblr.com/

You forgot my favorite one

Spoiler: Manly swordplay

 

[Secretly Satan]

My god, you can see the autism on his face.

Here's one that I really liked:

There's a short sword being used to keep the cabinet closed. Considering the fact that it's probably a 20$ piece of chinese crap, that's the only practical use it will ever see.

Those poor rats what kind of maniac handles swords (albeit shitty ones) when they are that close to their pets?

 

[Abethedemon]

 

[Warden]

And? It doesn't excuse the fact that they're fucking pathetic.

That post is self-parody, my friend.

 

[MerriedxReldnahc]

I do love claymores and battleaxes but having once held a claymore I am well aware of the fact that I don't have nearly enough upper body strength to properly use one, and also there's not a lot of orcs where I live so I don't really need one. I'd be blowing cash on something exlusively for /edgy selfies.
I want a sgian dubh so bad tho

 

[John Titor]

Does this have to be limited to swords? How about those dipshits who think it's hilarious to shoot random animals with arrows?

 

[Tranhuviya]

Does this have to be limited to swords? How about those dipshits who think it's hilarious to shoot random animals with arrows?

Aw, George, not the livestock...

 

[Mrs Paul]

I keep thinking of this:

(I do have my great-great-grandfather's shillelagh that he brought when he came here from Ireland. I doubt, however, it was ever used as an actual weapon.)

 

[HG 400]

The online sword community has really bloomed in the past ten years. A bit of background on the community is probably helpful-

There are three separate types of sword enthusiasts- Cutters, Collectors and Fencers. And three separate categories of sword- antique/custom/production. As a general rule production swords cost <800 with most being in the 150-500 range. they tend to have a host of minor inaccuracies that add up to blades that are sluggish and unresponsive. They depreciate in value quickly, think of them as the ford ka's of the sword world. Customs and very expensive production blades handle like the originals but cost a fortune and retain their value reasonably well- think a high end mercedes or BMW. Antiques vary wildly in price and quality but are generally the most expensive category and are the only type of sword that appreciates in value- think a classic sports car.

Cutters are those people who buy swords to cut objects in their back gardens and post pictures to youtube, these range from hicks to neckbeards and are all over youtube as part of the United Backyard Cutters or UBC something which began as a youtube channel but has since become almost a subculture within certain sword forums. These people often post videos arguing about historical use of swords, these range from the autistic to the genuinely informative. They almost always use production weapons. This is where most of the 'sharp' autism is.

Collectors typically specialise in antiques although for certain periods will collect high end custom or production models costing $1000+. Their online footprint is small and not really anymore exciting than any niche community revolving round antiques.

Fencers tend to be MMA types and have all the drama and dick measuring one sees in any 'fighting' community although equally a lot of it is context dependant and hard for outsiders to penetrate. They often have this bizarre almost larp like habit of taking autistic concepts like 'chivalry' seriously and tend to use absurd forms of address- 'Hail' 'noble one'
'my lord' etc etc.

Like any hobby expense serves as a gatekeeper keeping the worst of the spergs out of the high end market and the minimal social skills needed to become a decent fencer does the same there. The cringe then happens where the antisocial and the inexpensive meet- Cutters with budget swords. @Dynastia mentioned 'metatron' as the most cringe channel- he is so far wrong. I'll share some of my personal favourites now but there are plenty more out there.

Spoiler: lynne Thompson

lynne thompson runs Cold Steel Knives. A company known for 'making' affordable swords which while looking nice are invariably overbuilt and poorly harmonised leading to blades which feel clumsy and ungainly. This is amusing when you consider that CS runs an aggressive marketing campaign where their obese, lisping owner chops up pig carcasses to the sound of metal music. For all that he talks about quality the swords are made by a third party in India:

Their channel has hundreds of videos of fat balding men cutting pigs. I'm reasonably sure its a fetish.
.

Spoiler: Thegn Thrand

japanese swords are cheaper than western ones and so naturally there is no shortage of weeaboos with katanas. Thegn is the exception in that he is a very angry american who identifies as a Norse Pagan, has a ponytail, and makes furious videos debunking sword myths. While informative his videos stike this cringey manic tone and his habit of peppering his speech with psudeo norseism like he's thor makes for sometimes painful viewing.

If they dropped the stupid viking shit I'd quite enjoy watching a pair of rednecks fucking about with swords and shit. They also use cheap and nasty production swords but i doubt anyone cares about that. A lot of the stuff they put out is also wrong, interesting but wrong- they are the sword equivalent of that guy down the pub who knows how to get out of paying speeding tickets.

Spoiler: ARMA

john Clements runs a US based fencing school called ARMA he is infamous in the fighting community for an elitist and secretive attitude. He used to be known for a belligerent demeanor which led to several polish and finnish clubs offering to fly him over so they could 'duel' to disprove his theories. he had previously challenged anyone to prove him wrong in practice. The controversy springs from his insistence in using the flat of the blade alone for blocking. he claimed that this is the only historical technique and forbid his club from joining in cross club tournaments. he refused to publish his sources or fight someone from his own club leading to accusations he was afraid and had effectively built a hugbox. In 2010 internal drama resulting from his behaviour leaked out. I'll post what I can find of it here but its been a long time and my memory is fuzzy. I found this remnant on a sword forum:
https://archive.is/8JQTQ


further there is a 6 page thread of nerds bitching about him not being 'knightly' here: https://archive.is/zfA3a

A key point of contention is that Clements published numerous articles on his website decrying the rest of the fencing community as 'children playing a tag game' and was openly contemptible of their work as lacking scholarly merit. ARMA worked from a book that he claimed to have put together from classic histoorical manuals however for years this document was kept private within the club. Eventually he published it and a copy fell into the hands of the Martinez's. Unlike in the USA a living lineage did survive for classic or military fencing in europe- cavalry of both the UK, France , hungary, austria and germany were all expexted to be able to fence in a military context as late as 1918 and later in some areas. Though greatly reduced these schools survived intact until the present day albeit only barely. Mr and Mrs Martinez are from this background and probably the best swordsman and woman in the world. The couple released a scathing review of clements book here: http://www.classicalfencing.com/articles/martinez_review.php
A blow to his reputation from which he never truly recovered.

A widely mocked video of clements is the source of a Fleht of the strehng meme one occasionally sees on Sword forums:

Spoiler: Billy K

I mentioned weeaboos are a problem- few fit the stereotype better than Billy. Obese self described 'badass' and horribly autistic this manchild makes videos of him cutting various objects with his katana. He has a lively and busy youtube channel and for a long time i was sure he was a hoax.

Obv he's talking shite.

For anyone wanting less autistic videos on this stuff Matt Easton @Scholagladiatora is quite good.

Metratron's still more autistic tbh.

 

[HG 400]

To Varg's credit, he actually used a blade to kill somebody so he does have some creditably that sword weebs can ever dream off.

His pocket knife wasn't folded a million times so he's basically a poser.

 

[Mrs Paul]

I kinda wish switch blades were legal. Just because.

 

[Cynical]

As someone who looked into history of the crap a little bit, the way most of these weebs wield these things is all wrong.

Most of these fools can be seen doing crude chopping motions, which most Japanese blades were not designed to do for extended periods, they'd dull fast. Second, most swords were meant as decapitating weapons, not for slicing through bodies and especially armor, as, contrary to what these assholes have gathered from anime, the blades were thin and had poor penetration power on anything thicker than flesh.

The Western sword nuts aren't much better. Western swords were much thicker than their Eastern counterparts since they had more metal on hand, and were meant for being used as bludgeons (if you were using a greatsword, bastard sword, or other similar blade) or for doing a technique called "half swording", which means to thrust the blade at the weak junctures in the armor of a foe.

And, as @AnOminous rightly put it, using pole arms was generally more useful, especially for keeping foes at bay, dismounting them from horses, and made better defensive weapons that required less training and upkeep.

 

[DykesDykesChina]

Spoiler: From DA

http://www.deviantart.com/art/Rccc-2014-D2-111-600947613

 

[Mrs Paul]

Also, most actual swords were pretty heavy, weren't they? You'd need a lot of muscle to actually use them.