The Cole Smithey Thread

Jerkop In Training said:
one of them became a doctor didn't they?
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Bob: Engineer that traveled around the globe, met foreign people and has a bunch of patents under his belt. Had a vast knowledge and interest of Jazz bands.
Barb: Some gold digger hick that not even her own blood relatives can stand. Also, her main interest is sleeping and hoarding.

Bob's Offspring: One became a doctor, the other we don't know much about. Also Chris.
Barb's Offspring: A pretentious hipster that questions who his father is. Also Chris.

I'd say, while making Chris the lolcow we know and love today was a team effort, I'd assume Bob's offspring performed better overall.
 
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RomanesEuntDomus said:
Bob: Engineer that traveled around the globe, met foreign people and has a bunch of patents under his belt. Had a vast knowledge and interest of Jazz bands.
Barb: Some gold digger hick that not even her own blood relatives can stand. Also, her main interest is sleeping and hoarding.

Bob's Offspring: One became a doctor, the other we don't know much about. Also Chris.
Barb's Offspring: A pretentious hipster that questions who his father is. Also Chris.

I'd say, while making Chris the lolcow we know and love today was a team effort, I'd assume Bob's offspring performed better overall.
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Probably no thanks to him. Divorcing his wife and having an affair with Barb was the first in a long series of mistakes in his life.
 
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Jerkop In Training said:
Everything to do with Barb goes to shit, she is the cause of everything :story:
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Really not much of an exaggeration. Barb is the common thread in all of the misfortune in the Chandler story. Remove Barb, and Bob is just a less-than-ideal dad who's out of touch with the current generation. If he has a child late in life, that child probably grows up stunted but stable.

It's remarkable to think that only a few years ago, Barb was an unknown mystery figure in Christory, who was thought of sympathetically and even fondly. How far we've come...
 
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Marvin said:
Heh, one possibility is to go for the nuclear option: get Chris to do video movie reviews.

I bet a single movie review video on Chris' channel will get more views than all of Cole's videos combined.

I've refrained from actually trying it, mostly because not even I'm that cruel. But I don't know, maybe one day Cole will do something else retarded to attract a lot of ire and my sympathy will melt away.
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There is literally nothing cruel about this. Chris already has higher viewer count than Cole. You are overthinking it.
 
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Subconcious Offense said:
There is literally nothing cruel about this. Chris already has higher viewer count than Cole. You are overthinking it.
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Of course it's cruel. It takes the one thing Cole is proud of in the world and makes his half-brother better at it than he is.

His entire self-worth is based on separating himself from his hick, white trash background and trying to portray himself as the New York hipster he'll never be no matter how many pairs of designer glasses he buys and no matter what facial hair he grows.

You can't know very much about Cole and think that.

(This is why it has to be done.)
 
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Subconcious Offense said:
There is literally nothing cruel about this. Chris already has higher viewer count than Cole. You are overthinking it.
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Heh, well, I mean, if Chris himself, with zero troll involvement, decided to do movie reviews... then yeah, that's not cruel, that's just bad luck for Cole. I'd just feel bad being directly involved with it though.

Like, Cole's a cranky hipster who's really buttmad at his mother for poorly justified reasons. It's more sad than anything to me.

Now, talk to me in a few months when Cole manages to stumble into the spotlight by saying some stupid shit. My opinion might change.
 
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Subconcious Offense said:
There is literally nothing cruel about this. Chris already has higher viewer count than Cole. You are overthinking it.
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Does Cole even look at Chris' videos? I'm almost certain he's actively avoiding the Chandlers. Even if Chris did movie reviews I doubt Cole would watch it, even if linked to it. Plus, he could use "people only watch HIS stuff because it's so bad" (which is correct) "and people don't watch MY stuff because they're afraid of my intellect" (which is not true) as an ego shield.
 
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Marvin said:
Like, Cole's a cranky hipster who's really buttmad at his mother for poorly justified reasons.
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Or, well, "Barb is a shitty mother" is a great reason to be angry at her. But "she won't tell me who my real father is" isn't, because Cole doesn't have reason to believe she's lying, other than that she's an old bitchy whore.
Manly-Chicken said:
Does Cole even look at Chris' videos? I'm almost certain he's actively avoiding the Chandlers. Even if Chris did movie reviews I doubt Cole would watch it, even if linked to it.
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Oh trust me. If Chris started doing movie reviews, Cole would hear about it.
 
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AnOminous said:
Of course it's cruel. It takes the one thing Cole is proud of in the world and makes his half-brother better at it than he is.
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In Cole's eyes he's not only better than Chris, but better than Ebert/Maltin/Kael combined. When he says "the smartest movie critic" he actually means it.

He'll never take Chris reviews seriously in a million years. If they get more views (or make money through youtube partnership), Cole will just think "the Internet is another cesspool like TV and theaters."

Cole's ego is as impenetrable as that of his retarded little brother.
 
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Marvin said:
Heh, well, I mean, if Chris himself, with zero troll involvement, decided to do movie reviews... then yeah, that's not cruel, that's just bad luck for Cole. I'd just feel bad being directly involved with it though.

Like, Cole's a cranky hipster who's really buttmad at his mother for poorly justified reasons. It's more sad than anything to me.

Now, talk to me in a few months when Cole manages to stumble into the spotlight by saying some stupid shit. My opinion might change.
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I'll never understand why you would feel bad pissing off a narcissist after already trolling a retard.
 
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Marvin said:
Heh, well, I mean, if Chris himself, with zero troll involvement, decided to do movie reviews... then yeah, that's not cruel, that's just bad luck for Cole. I'd just feel bad being directly involved with it though.

Like, Cole's a cranky hipster who's really buttmad at his mother for poorly justified reasons. It's more sad than anything to me.

Now, talk to me in a few months when Cole manages to stumble into the spotlight by saying some stupid shit. My opinion might change.
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It's not like Chris doing movie reviews would affect Cole doing his, a good brother shouldn't feel jealous if his special needs sibling makes a quasi-success at anything.

Being a Chandler he'd probally have lots of excuses anyway like "Well Chris is just popular because of trolls and his are reviews nothing like my true and honest professional ones!"
 
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