2 years on T and having some sort of crisis (you know how it is 
(Redoing this in a way that’s more coherent)
I recently have been having all sorts of frustrations with transition, and I am suddenly doubting my gender identity in a way that seems really out of nowhere, but I can’t seem to stop spiraling.
I am almost 2 years on T. I wanted to be an effeminate guy. I achieved being that. I enjoyed it. But being an effeminate guy makes people like, React to you. You become a spectacle. People would be visibly uncomfortable w me cashing them out at work/avoid coming to my register. So I shaved my head, and now I pass but I’m like. Not enjoying being a guy as much as when I was being feminine.
Suddenly maybe I’m like “maybe I shouldn’t have been a guy. Maybe I should’ve just stayed a cis girl so that I could be feminine safely, and only been a guy at home or with my partner, even though that was unbearable.”
I really liked being a feminine guy. It made me feel really good. But what if I’m wrong and that means I’m really a girl? I was enjoying this and really passionate and happy with my identity, and excited to be alive, but suddenly I’m afraid I’ve done something really dumb and bad by going on T. My internal sense of self is suddenly a disaster. I like? Can’t identify with myself since cutting off my hair. Does this mean I’m a girl??? I don’t know. I hate to live.
(I don’t even feel like I’m that feminine. I have cis guy coworkers my own age who present similarly, and all of my clothes are from the mens section, but for me I was always read as like? Girl but my voice is deep and people would always React when I talked and it made me feel terrible.)
(please don’t yell at me)
EDIT: I think I just gave myself a busted hair cut and want the custies to leave me alone. I don’t think I’m a girl. I think I just like to be hot and I look fucking dumb.

Solves the crisis but I gotta live like this now I guess.