The collar extender is here? OH MY GAH!
This is a real Christmas miracle, I was holding my breath for this moment, and I can't believe it is already here. I never thought I could be this happy again, but Hamber managed to make my dreams come true.
The "pantry"... where are the staples? Where is the stockpile to feed her when SHTF? Or if the power goes out for a week? WHY DID SHE GIVE AWAY ALL THE PROTEINS? Good luck making that peanut butter cup last three weeks when the apocalypse comes, gorl.
Amber uses a grabber because she’s short—while the rest of us use a step stool or a step ladder. And now I can’t stop imagining Amber trying to change a lightbulb in a ceiling fixture and the whole thing collapsing under her into a pile of steel shards and blubber.
So I thought of a riddle!
Q. How many AmberLynns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Jade.
Amber uses a grabber because she’s short—while the rest of us use a step stool or a step ladder. And now I can’t stop imagining Amber trying to change a lightbulb in a ceiling fixture and the whole thing collapsing under her into a pile of steel shards and blubber.
So I thought of a riddle!
Q. How many AmberLynns does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Jade.
Amber clearly fell into the HAES rabbit hole from the answers to these questions. So, from now on, asking her any questions that remotely involve her weight or her mobility will be considered fatphobic. What other questions should anyone ask her then? I am drawing a blank. I would not be surprised if this is the teaching of her mental health psychologist. The clinic promotes HAES and alternative mental health treatments. No wonder they are not accepted as legitimate from the medical insurance perspective.
It also shows that she is not even close to being ready to contemplate bariatric surgery and will likely be denied the surgery by any competent surgeon.
Amber's necklace extender came in the mail so she can now wear her ghetto font "B" collar necklace. Which is happy day for me, I love this piece of trash
As a nerd my first thought when she got a "B" necklace I was immediately reminded of Anne Boleyn's famous "B" necklace. (A "B" with three pearls dangling from it, you've seen it in the movies). So, as a natural time waster, I spent a few minutes for days at work doodling the difference between the two iconic women
Btw, anti-grabbers, those things are great for cleaning the hair out of hair traps in the shower. No way I'm sticking my hand in there.
Amber should have Jade decorate her like a Christmas tree. She's big enough to trim, and that's the only way she'd be able to use that word in regards to herself.
Amber clearly fell into the HAES rabbit hole from the answers to these questions. So, from now on, asking her any questions that remotely involve her weight or her mobility will be considered fatphobic. What other questions should anyone ask her then? I am drawing a blank. I would not be surprised if this is the teaching of her mental health psychologist. The clinic promotes HAES and alternative mental health treatments. No wonder they are not accepted as legitimate from the medical insurance perspective.
It also shows that she is not even close to being ready to contemplate bariatric surgery and will likely be denied the surgery by any competent surgeon.
The fact that a 520+ lb woman can still be HAES identified and call others fatphobic is one of the prime examples for why this HAES/Fat Acceptance movement is garbage and will fail. There is no situation anywhere that a 500 lb person is healthy or happy, and the strain and stress they put on the healthcare system and on their friends & family should be reason enough to call them out on their bullshit. You lost your right to respect once you became a 500 lb burden on everyone and everything around you.
It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury; signifying nothing. - William Shakespeare
I didn't know Will was a time traveler and had met Hamber! - Me
SO. I'm watching Crusader Actual's megastream where he's catching with Hamber's vlogmas. He started at day three, and what do we have here on day four? The fucking case of WW snackie things she just had to have to go with her eighty-second round with WW. She had that one single box in yesterday's pantry cleanout. I didn't spot any others prominently in all that garbage yesterday. Fourteen days to go from a giant box of boxes to that lone survivor. I'm thinking I'm amazed, but I know she ate herself through all of them in under a week. That's who she is.
Yesterday, Hamber assured us that today's video would be less boring than her second pantry purge in four months. Do we are ask if she was "being honest" or "gonna tell the truth" or say anything "truthfully"? Ha ha ha. Sucker!
my audience likes to see me eat, big grocery haul, & cleaning my closet vlogmas day 20 - December 20, 2022
Hamber is surprised that we're "now starting with a two!". This is how dating things works, Hamber. The fact that you're amazed tells us that you're well aware you haven't completed a vlogmas in five years, which is about how long most of your viewers have known you. IDGAF about your "good reasons" for not completing any of those years, because those are just excuses.
"Ma'am!" - stop saying this. You are not a sassy black woman or a gay man of any color.
Whines about her eye being irritated, and that's why it's a no/minimal makeup kind of day. What are your reasons for all the other days of no makeup, then? Eh, we'll just say laziness as usual and move on.
More about these fucking earrings a subscriber sent her. You're supposed to put notices about sponsored content prominently somewhere either in the description or in the video. Tsk tsk. These earrings are just as tacky as anything you buy, so I'm guessing it doesn't take much effort to send you more of the same that makes you squeal about how super kyute they are.
Necklace extender! The long one! But it's still short! Did you neglect to specify the "super fatass" style? That necklace remains hideous.
Stupid cheesy phrase on the board. Gift time! Whatever could it be?
Miss "I love cleaneen and organizeen" still has not put away Torrid Mountain. It remains on the sofa, waiting for someone to do something with it. MG,W says it's driving her crazy. Not crazy enough to force Hamber to do anything with it. Such a good influence, though! MG,W would surely have forced Hamber to go to the doctor sooner when she was bleeding out her dainty period hole, but apparently, Torrid Mountain is apparently too heavy a lift.
Anyway, the gift: Hamber needs to fucking learn the value of silence. It's some kind of clothing thing. MG,W declares that she loves the color, and Hamber immediately goes into drama mode. "Do you really? I wasn't sure. I though they would be shorter, blah blah blah. I got her some Teddy Fresh shorts for when summer comes around." Hamber interrupts herself long enough to pick up a tag or something off the floor. Is this where we're supposed to remember all that cleaneen she loves, or is this part of the OCD/OCPD she claims to have? Since she rarely cleans and doesn't have OCD or OCPD, I'm going to say No. It does not matter.
STOP USING THE WORD OBSESSED YOU DING DONGS.
Hamber continuing to rattle on about the shorts. Do you like them? Do they fit? Do you like them? YES, SHE SAYS SHE FUCKING LIKES THEM, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
The kitchen is still a small disaster from yesterday's pantry reorg number whatever. Hamber waves a giant beetus paw at the crap still on the counter, informing us that these are the things they have to take to the homeless shelter. Asks MG,W if they should donate opened packages. Nobody is this stupid. Even Hamber. But nope, gotta get that dopamine hit by asking MG,W about it.
Miss "I love cleaneen" tells us they need to have a "cleaneen molment" because the place is a wreck. They've been saying they were going to mop "for months" and still haven't done so. This is my shocked face.
Random bullshit question. Cockroach in the salad. Hamber laughably claims she wouldn't say anything if it were a friend. Sure, Ham. You squeal your piggy self at lesser things.
And right on cue: grocery haul. Because what's the point of making room in the pantry by throwing half the stuff away if you don't fill it right back up with more shit? She starts naming all the nonsense she's bought, and really, all I see if junk and sugar and salt, with a couple of veg/fruit in there, hidden. She just luffs broccoli and got three "things" of it. The ONE thing she should buy frozen when it's out of season due to a) storage and b) price, she insists on buying fresh. But she's a responsible adult, y'all, just like she socks away 40% of her pay into savings. Taco makings. Two "ground turkeys" because saying x pounds of ground is something that never occurs to her. Sugary breakfast bars. Lettuce. Insists on eating veggie burgers.
Organizing the snack junk into a container. Instead of just leaving them IN THE CONTAINER THEY CAME IN.
GrammarLynn molment: "these ones".
Smelly laundry crap because it's easier to do that than bathe on a regular basis.
Claims to have had an anxiety attack. It's amazing that she can film herself having a supposed breakdown of some kind, yet these anxiety attacks never quite make it on camera.
JFC, she's a fucking slob. Organizeen a one by one area of her closet. Clothes, books, clothes, comic books. She was getting "overwhelmed" when going into her closet. Sure, Ham. Picks up the shit, puts it where it belongs. Junkpile removed. Such cleaneen and organizeen. Wow.
"Avent" calendars. Playdoh. Zzzzzzzzzz.
COTD: Bowl of Melk makes a comment for which there is no context, but is Hamber going to put forth the effort to chase it down inthe comments to see what is under discussion?
Hahahahaha. GFY, haydur. Your dainty goddess barely makes the effort to film and/or edit, and you think she's going to waste her time reading through comments - which give her ang-zieh-tee, shitlord - for the proles? Fa (yes, I said fat) chance.
My question of the day: who has she been watching that says "folks" all the time?
My answer to the question posed at the outset of this recap (which was, is this vlog less boring than the previous one): nope. it's just another kind of boring. WTF happened to the light show?
Threatens to see us in the next one, rolls the retarded outro.
TL;DW/R: Refills the newly organized pantry with more groceries that she'll throw away in four months at the next scheduled pantry implosion hullabaloo. Shows for the nth time that she's a fucking slob, brings out CodependentLynn to make MG,W reassure her (it's a fucking pair of shorts, bitch! How much do you need?), cleans out a tiny corner of the closet, and I bet this whole filming of the cleaning won't last much longer. Will they ever go see the lights, or will Hamber just continue making excuses to run the clock out and avoid having to go somewhere to do something that doesn't involve eating or shopping?
Stay tuned for the answer to that and more. Same fat time. Same fat channel.
Following on myself with an additional question: why the fuck is she saying things twice now? The role of Jimmy Two Times in Goodfellas was filled long ago. Yesterday's pantry cleanout (#19) had "Cue the music folks. Cue the music." She did the same thing in today's (#20). She is also repeating the shit MG,W says.
"I was going to return it."
"You were going to return it?"
"I know you like it more firm."
"Oh. right, I like it more firm."
YES. Are you fucking deaf in addition to being blind and stupid?
"perverse - adjective
Characterized by willful opposition or resistance to what is expected, or reasonable
Willfully opposing or resisting what is expected, or reasonable."
Amber is a perverse person. This trait enables her to survive any and all dispectful comments/insults/scorn/hate year after year.
You want something from her? You'll get the opposite.
Want her to show legs, feet, actual weigh-in no bullshit? You will nvr get it. You want her to stop saying something? You're gonna be inundated with it till you gag. She doesn't care what you think, as long as it's about her.
By now, we should all well know this. Yet, we keep doing the same thing, expecting different results .
I guess it's better than posting 5 legacy videos in a single post, gotta keep Amber in good shape money-wise at least.
DETAILS Pigment dyed and enzyme washed fleece shorts Elastic and hidden flat lace drawcord waistband Side inset pockets and single rear pocket Woven logo dye to match patch on left hem 100% Cotton fleece, 430gsm FIT Unisex regular fit Size Medium: Waist (relaxed): 33" Waist (extended): 42" Hip...
So Amber is now nearly four and a half years older and, if her last weigh-in is to be believed, is several pounds heavier. If showering is truly any easier for her now than before, it's solely due to having a shower with a curtain rather than a glass door.
According to WebMD, kale has 33 calories for every 100 grams/ 1 cup. For Hamberlynn, I'm going to estimate snacktime to be 4500 Calories. So, for that has to be converted to little c calories which is 4,500,000 calories. That comes out to 136,363.63 (repeating, of course) and I'll round that to 136,364 cups of kale which comes out to 71,126 pounds. New England Vegetable Guide lists 12,000 pounds per acre as a good yield, and that comes out to 5.927166 (repeating, again) acres of kale.
By now, we should all well know this. Yet, we keep doing the same thing, expecting different results .
I guess it's better than posting 5 legacy videos in a single post, gotta keep Amber in good shape money-wise at least.
Being 5’2 and weighing the amount of 4 woman causes people to question your capabilities idiot. People ask you this shit because you parade around like being 550 lbs is a cake walk.No one believes you just casually hop in and out the shower daily without it being a painful grueling experience
I always find this particular nonsense to be especially annoying. It's always the same stupid thing:
Amber: "*These* are all the ways that everything is so tough for me because I'm over 500lbs"
Audience: "Amber find all of *these* things tough because she's over 500lbs. What about (task X)?"
Amber "THAT'S FATPHOBIC! NOT ALL FAT PEOPLE ARE THE SAME. I CAN DO *THESE* THINGS JUST LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE!" (of course, while being unable to see that by differentiating fat people from 'normal' people she's being "fatphobic")
Her audience watched her bitch and moan (and gasp and struggle) through the whole pantry tidy, then complain that it took HOURS to do a task that just about everyone else would be able to finish in 20 minutes. Of course they are going to assume that other tasks that take them 20 minutes (showering and washing hair) would take her HOURS or require her to have assistance.
I know it's to force engagement, but it's so annoying how stupid her audience is to keep indulging in this. Every year I ask Santa for a Christmas miracle of them to just CLUE IN and stop engaging on any of her accounts for a while. If they watch the video, no thumbs up/down, no comments, no nothing. Let her freak out and argue with her own socks in the comments (and her reaction to this would be more entertaining then arguing with her about this shit - I promise!) But, alas, 1) her audience is dumber than her, and 2) Santa fucking hates me and all I get is a sack of coal every year.
DETAILS Pigment dyed and enzyme washed fleece shorts Elastic and hidden flat lace drawcord waistband Side inset pockets and single rear pocket Woven logo dye to match patch on left hem 100% Cotton fleece, 430gsm FIT Unisex regular fit Size Medium: Waist (relaxed): 33" Waist (extended): 42" Hip...
of course she'd be a h3h3 shill. this ugly ass overpriced brand is owned by ethan klein's wife, hila.
everything they sell looks like it was designed by bored elementary school children from 1995 using colors solely from a crayola 8 pack.
this was almost a perfect gift for jade francis, as it really captures that arrested development vibe amber likes in her gorlfrands. it's the exact type of clothing an elder millennial would wear who can't come to terms with the fact they're not 15 anymore.
would have been perfect in my opinion if she would have instead chosen something from their super inspired looney tunes collab for that 90's mall nog chic.
too bad they don't make anything in 7xl!
does that mean they're fatphobic?
I ain't watching this shit, but look at that thumbnail in her thumbnail. Wash your hands you degenerate!
Fat Amber has made little references to Nader Elshamy and Debbie-Ann Colbeck in her videos and now she's aligning herself with Ethan Klein?
DesperationLynn just does not care, does she?
vlogmas day 20 - December 20, 2022
