What did Null do to you? - Thread for Null-victims

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glass_houses said:
Null snuck underneath my house and camped out there for at least a week, and left empty baked bean cans everywhere. I had no idea he was there until the vast reserves of sulfurous baked bean gas emitted by his backside built up and seeped into my house proper. I've since been forcefully evacuated by the authorities, who say they're going to eliminate the environmental threat caused by the gas by demolishing my house in a controlled explosion. I've tried to approach Null with the idea of some form of compensation for the loss of my house, and with it, my extensive collection of identical Princess Diana Funkopops, but all he said was, "lol, get rekt", and then ran away very quickly.
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Should have had them on toast.
 
:null: called me out today

This is my story: after I ordered the patches I realized that they probably won't be delivered with the local postal service. UPS, DPD, DHL, and Hermes are fucking retarded and won't deliver packages. They rather bring them to some shady phone shop run by Turkish men who also sell Shishas besides used cell phones. So, every time you hopefully wait at home, waiting for the delivery guy ringing your door bell. But nothing happens. Then, suddenly, later on the evening you receive a mail: "Parcel could not be delivered. Recipient was not at home." You go to your mailbox to check if there's a note so you know where to go. Nope, no note. Nothing. Where is your package then? You have to wait until the tracking site of the company updates and then you see it is in some guy's shop, the guy's name is Yiliriz Üldürüm or some shit. Not only is the shop shady, but the location is shady too. Street is dirty, Muslims everywhere, nothing looks like the place where you live. AND THIS SHIT HAPPENS EVERY FUCKING TIME WITH UPS, DHL, DPD, AND HERMES. Fuck those retards.
So, I quickly opened the online services of the postal service of my country, I used a voucher for 3 months free service which gives me an address that I use for all online shops. The retarded companies deliver the package there, then the postal service of my country picks it up from there and delivers it to me. Which means: I will definitely receive the patches. Because the postal service in my country actual does deliver shit, they ring the bell, they offer tons of other services like dropping the package at your apartment door or delivery on a date you choose or delivering it at your favourite postal office. They are reliable as fuck. I love them.

And Jersh called me out that I wrote "don't fuck up my address Jersh" on the customer note when I ordered the patches and then had to change my delivery address afterwards :sad: I just want my patches to actually arrive. I forgot about UPS and all the other retards. :sad:
 
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I was only nine years old. I loved the Kiwifarms so much, I had all the merchandise. I'd pray to Null every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Kiwi is love", I would say, "Kiwi is life". My dad hears me and calls me a faggot. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion to the Farms. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Null. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is the capital 'I' Internet". He grabs me with his powerful feeder hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Null. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for the Farns. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Null. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Null looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's pizza day". Null leaves through my window. Kiwi is love. Kiwi is life.
 
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We were all trying to save the world from aquatic aliens. Null got so stressed during one battle that he tazed me instead of shooting the fucking aliens.

He seemed to have not remembered what happened after the fight, so when someone else explained what happened, he simply said, "Then he deserved it."
 
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AnOminous said:
Null bit me and he was foaming at the mouth like he had rabies so now I need a series of vaxeems.
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Artists recreation:
Handle-a-Dog-Attack-Step-7-Version-2.jpg
 
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