People make mistakes-even horrible mistakes, but learn to live with it. After many tears and much suffering, they think, well, my horrible ignorance did this to my daughter and I can’t fix it, so all I can do is keep her clean and dry and fed and comfortable and love her, and vow not to make a grievous error like this again. If one is a very good person they might share with others their errors. If they can prevent the same pain in others, shouldn’t that be desired?
But she hasn’t done any of that. Her entire whine with that Shaman or Guru or whatever was how to get over people not liking her, ignoring the “mean people” (us), not get peace with what she directly caused to her daughter.
She’s like a drunk driver who paralyzed somebody but keeps drinking and driving. Or a parent who left their kid in a hot car to die, than has another child and leaves them in a car again, just to pick up something quickly at the store. Lessons unlearned.
It’s ok to appreciate the good days, even when living within a tragedy of your own making. Humans are simply not capable of 24 hour mental suffering: those that do end up killing themselves.
What’s not ok is not understanding there even is a tragedy. I think Robyn has convinced herself this was unavoidable and Luna is better off than we see. She has no guilt and is merely sad that her daughter is disabled, but proud of herself that Luna’s lived longer than expected.
But those seizures are not smiles, she’s not an early or late riser, she likely has no real sleep/wake cycles and yes, it’s lovely that your two year old son wants to help you take the garbage out, but not right after you let him chop ginger with a chefs knife alone. These are, in fact, the most dangerous days of her kids lives but that seems to be unimportant. Trying not to be overprotective is ok, ignoring dangers after experienced such fragility is unacceptable.
These could be the best days of her life, if she ever realized she’d had the bad days, the terrible days of guilt and pain. Her good days should always be tinged with sadness and guilt but one can understand the need for acceptance. With facing the truth comes the understanding that the world is tragic and you are part of that continuum, you made a terrible human mistake that cost somebody everything. Now you go on and pay daily by caring for the child you ruined. You have to get where you understand beauty again. But a person has to pull out of their defenses and really feel.
Robyn can’t do that. She’s about blame and denial. When she looks for spiritual help, her pain is trivial. She cannot face the real pain. It’s almost like her daughters tragedy has become her reality, in that she can’t grow or feel or see.
Sigh, maybe that makes no sense, sorry. Im definitely not on Robyn’s side, just feeling for anybody else who did something tragic and learned from it.
