Containment What If?

What if Chris adopted a child?

Said child would end up neglected and subsisting on a meager diet of fast food scraps and roaches caught while wandering through the cavernous expanse of the hoard.

It always kind of weirded me out that Chris wanted a kid so bad. Like, he must realize that he is just flat out not capable of handling that responsibility. He doesn't want a kid. He just wants a pet that is required to love him.
 
Each of the ice cream choices would have a "salty" aftertaste.

What if Chris was a playable character in Overwatch?
He'd think he looks like Tracer, but would actually look more like a pencil-armed Roadhog.

What if Chris and Marjan Sickdick would switch bodies?
 
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What if Chris started a band called "Christine and the Sonees" and made the hit song "Lovequest"?
 
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