Personal Lolcows - Lolcows in your personal life.

[sm0t]

Well, this has been disappointing so far. Big T hasn't showed up to class in two or three weeks now. The last time he did show up was when we were showing the first phase of our portfolio, basically a rough rough draft of what we plan to include in it. For Big T's presentation, rather than any sort of animation or game design demo like what he said he wanted to do, we were treated to chibi Star Wars fan art, or as he put it, "Stah Wahs char'cters that I made to look adorabuhl," as well as video compilations that he made out of gameplay footage of some Naruto game and stock After Effects filters.

When someone asked him about his "game project," he threw his head back and made a loud stress groan while saying "Uuuugh I didn't want to bring my project in because it's such a large fiiiile and I didn't want to crash the computer while waiting for it to looooaaad..." When someone suggested a video playthrough, he acted like it was such a novel concept and that it was what he would do next time we had to present. Too bad he didn't show up since, while we had our work critiqued by curriculum advisors and discussed resumes, cover letters, and interviews in the last couple weeks.

He does have a YouTube channel, but I won't link it here because he puts his real name on all of his uploads. If I find any notable comments I might screenshot them.

 

[SpacePanther]

So. Since finals are over, Lavern sent everyone in our Speech class a lovely message....please remember this is a 40 year old woman.

 

[Pepsi-Cola]

This is a bit of a long story, but I'll try to summarize it as best I can.

Around a year or two ago I was playing TF2 and I started to talk to this dude on the server a little bit. He seemed kind of cool, his voice was a little odd sounding (I'll get to that later) but he was friendly enough. We ended up playing a little bit on the server together and he sent me a friend request on steam, I accepted it because at the time I had no steam friends who played TF2 a lot and I needed someone to buddy up with on servers, so I just sort of went "meh" and accepted it thinking I'd play with him again in the future.

And we did, quite a bit, actually. We were acquainted enough that he started starting conversations with me through steam's private messaging, which is where things started to go very sour...Very quickly, he admitted to me that he was a NEET Neo-Nazi living alone with his mother and sister. He was 23, never had a job, and spent all of his time playing FPS games on his computer (which his mother bought him, btw). Now, here's where most people would've had a little laugh and quickly blocked him, but being the open-minded person I am I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and kept playing with him.

But it only got worse. He told me that he's high-functioning autistic and that's the reason why his voice was so odd sounding. He also told me (in great detail) the fights he would get into with his sister, who loathed and resented him for being a lazy NEET. This one time he told me he got into a huge argument with her because he told her he thought all BLM protestors should be run over by tanks. Oh, and that's another thing, he hated black people and Jews with a passion. He told me on numerous occasions that he thought all North-American blacks should be gassed and he unironically believed that the middle east, especially Israel, should be nuked. He also told me that he often cried himself to sleep because he was circumcised as a baby and couldn't get his foreskin to grow back (he tried to grow his foreskin back numerous times)

At this point, I was just sort of reading his textwalls in amused disbelief. I thought he was nice and stuff so for the most part I just kind of blindly agreed with everything he said (which, in hindsight, I guess is why he decided to PM me specifically so much) but I was starting to get annoyed by it because he mostly stopped playing TF2 and would just send me textwalls about how shitty his life was. I stopped signing into Steam for awhile, mostly because I haven't really had much time to play video games recently, but I decided to log in one day just to check up on things and noticed he had unfriended me on steam. I also noticed I had like 20 unread messages from him in my inbox, all 20 were some variation of "dude I haven't seen you for a while, you there? When do you usually come on, I want to talk to you again".

I guess he just sort of forgot about me at this point, but I won't forget about him and the moments of confused and humorous disbelief he gave me.

 

[Rou]

In 2010 or so, Microsoft had their legendary catastrophic E3 conference where they announced the Kinect. I don't want to go too much into detail because I'm sure everyone knows it. The tiger and the little girl, watching Rareware's corpse put on display, etc. At that time, I was on /v/ and everyone was so drunk on the entertainment from the disaster that we decided to riot. Someone found an Xbox fan forum, and we went in to trash it.
I acted as a notorious shitposter, Lanced Jack. I sang the praises of the Japanese consoles over the failures of the West, like how Lanced Jack did when he was on /v/. It was hilarious seeing them take everything I said seriously. Eventually they caught on.

It was extremely A-Loggy but I regret nothing.

 

[Firesharpie]

In 2010 or so, Microsoft had their legendary catastrophic E3 conference where they announced the Kinect. I don't want to go too much into detail because I'm sure everyone knows it. The tiger and the little girl, watching Rareware's corpse put on display, etc. At that time, I was on /v/ and everyone was so drunk on the entertainment from the disaster that we decided to riot. Someone found an Xbox fan forum, and we went in to trash it.
I acted as a notorious shitposter, Lanced Jack. I sang the praises of the Japanese consoles over the failures of the West, like how Lanced Jack did when he was on /v/. It was hilarious seeing them take everything I said seriously. Eventually they caught on.

It was extremely A-Loggy but I regret nothing.

So you're your own personal lolcow...?

 

[knifetruck]

Okay, so, this is a throwback to a previous relationship I had with a girl named K for ~6 months, from mid-2013 to earlyish 2014. Back then, Tumblr was right on the threshold of becoming known as, basically, Lolcow territory.

Spoiler: The full story

My corner of Tumblr was, for the most part, fairly normal. I ran a single-fandom blog, and all I'd do is reblog pictures and funny posts and shit. Sometime, around June or July, I met this girl named K. K, at the time, identified as nonbinary . I didn't really care, and we got along swimmingly: she was involved in most of my interests and we'd stay up all night talking to each other. She was competent at art, too, and not in the 'Tumblr' way. She was actually pretty fucking good at it, although later it would suddenly disappear...

Blah blah, stuff happened. We got into a relationship and it was all happy-happy joyjoy for awhile. There weren't any obvious signs of K's distortion into a Lolcow until about early 2014, in which she admitted she wanted to get into a polygamous relationship with an old friend. This also happened to be on the day of our 6-month anniversary. Being chill, as I was, I agreed, since I was close to the friend and didn't think much would come of it. I never got into a relationship with the old friend, it was only K.

Eventually, the two of us broke up, and we parted ways. We never spoke or heard from each other until late 2014, like, wintertime. During that span of time, K met someone new who also shared a lot of her interests and she got into a polygamous relationship with them, but things ended badly. We, tentatively, talked to each other again but all hopes of a romantic relationship were dashed. But, around this time, K turned into... something.

K basically got wrapped up in Tumblr Special Snowflake. She suddenly had autism and social disorders and multiple personality disorder and identified as fictional characters. Full-blown fictionkin, changing her name to resemble the character, etc, etc. Eventually, after being left out in the cold for her emotions because she found another new shiny friend, I skipped out. I made a very, very temporary blog in which I mentioned I didn't like fictionkin or otherkin, and she sent me an ask why I hated mentally ill people. I promptly left, recognizing shit was going to blow over, and K made a few tweets about how could I be such a piece of shit? ( I didn't use the nickname she knew me by; she correctly assumed it was me. ) After declaring ~how much she didn't care about shitheels like me~, she made her pinned tweet "I want to find the address of very person who hates fictionkin and punch them / shoot them," or something.

To this day, she still identifies as ten-some fictional characters, and IIRC, she still claims she has autism and 'headmates'.

TD;LR: Get in relationship with nice and normal gal.
She gets in a relationship with someone else the day of our anniversary, /shrug.
Break up later, I vanish, shit happens to her, we become friends again.
Suddenly girl is autistic fictionkin with headmates???
I leave and never look back.

 

[Rudol von Stroheim]

Oh man, my sister is 'pals' (I use the term lightly) with this dude who's a textbook lolcow. The guy is severely overweight but in total denial of it, he never showers or washes so he smells like a corpse, he's got an anime girl (loli) kink and is constantly questioning his sexuality. He's constantly asking my sister out despite her being married. He bugs her all the time while maintaining a 'I'm better than you' attitude. To top EVERYTHING off, we went to a comic con and he was there dressed in a massive fursuit. He kept holding my sister to the point I had to drag her away and then we later spotted him playing Yugioh/ cards or some shit with a bunch of pre-teens, sweating his fat ass off in his chunky bear suit.

Pretty cringe stuff. She sends me his status updates and messages for lulz.

Otherwise, I used to roleplay with a chick on tumblr (innocent stuff; just fandom roleplaying) and despite being around the same age as myself, she'd write like a 14-year-old and somehow managed to turn a late 20s guy into a 12 year old girl. When I called her out (albeit politely because it reached the point I couldn't RP with such terrible storylines/characterisation etc) , she wrote about twenty text posts about how horrible I am. She still tags hate about me now.

Pretty cringe stuff, she threatened to kill herself because her writing was so shitty.

 

[Staffy]

A small one. This last week, my grandfather sent me to one of his clients to pick up some documents. While I was finally there, the client (who is somewhere along late-30's) was throwing a hissy fit on most of his workers. He was shouting non-stop to the point that it's intelligible. Something about missing things which would only make anyone else sigh.

The way the client raged was pretty funny, complete with arm flailing and stomping.

EDIT: Forgot to add that it wasn't the first time that happened. He has to hire other workers very often because of his sudden outbursts.

 

[Melkor]

Okay so I've basically bitched enough about my autistic cousin that I might as well post a story about him here.

Spoiler: The First Chimpout

So this was about two years ago when he came down to visit with his mom. I don't remember why; I just knew it was bad news. So I hid most of my Wii games up in my bedroom because I didn't want him fucking with my game files.

Now, he was 14 at the time. He's also high functioning, but his parents babied him so much growing up that he's a spoiled brat and a fucking gremlin to deal with. He's basically Chris 2.0 in that respect.

Whenever he played video games, he got really into it. As in, he would get super active, jump all over the place, flail his arms around, shit like that. So when it was time for dinner, he would come up from the basement drenched in sweat and smelling nasty.

Anyways, he got tired of playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl all the time on my Wii, and when I told him I got rid of all my other games, he threw a massive fit and tossed the game's package into the waste basket. I told his mom. She told him that if he didn't apologize, he'd be grounded when they got back home and wouldn't be allowed to watch TV for a week.

He never apologized.

Another story because it's equally cringeworthy.

Spoiler: The Fanfiction

The same time he came down to visit, he was watching TV in the basement. I was forced to sleep on the futon down there because I had to relinquish my room for the time being to my aunt and cousin. This didn't bother me so much because I made it clear to my cousin that he wasn't allowed to touch my stuff in my bedroom.

Anyways, so he was watching TV downstairs, and I'd just gotten home from classes for the day and I wanted to relax and play on my DS. I forget what game I was playing, but my cousin interrupted my downtime to make me read a fan fiction he wrote--on paper.

Now, this wouldn't sound so bad, if his handwriting wasn't barely legible. Turns out he was a MLP fan--not necessarily a Brony, cos he didn't want to fuck the ponies (I don't even know if he knows what sex IS). Either way, it made me raise a brow.

I could barely read it. The handwriting was terrible and there were countless spelling errors. I pretended to read through it, but the gist of it was he came to Equestria to save the day and he was heralded as a hero. I think there were some Power Rangers references in there, because he was particularly spergy about Power Rangers.

I told him I could barely read it and suggested he type it up on a computer. He grumbled something under his breath and said, "Yeah, mom told me that too."

Two years later, his handwriting is still awful.

 

[kagayaki]

Okay so I've basically bitched enough about my autistic cousin that I might as well post a story about him here.

Spoiler: The First Chimpout

So this was about two years ago when he came down to visit with his mom. I don't remember why; I just knew it was bad news. So I hid most of my Wii games up in my bedroom because I didn't want him fucking with my game files.

Now, he was 14 at the time. He's also high functioning, but his parents babied him so much growing up that he's a spoiled brat and a fucking gremlin to deal with. He's basically Chris 2.0 in that respect.

Whenever he played video games, he got really into it. As in, he would get super active, jump all over the place, flail his arms around, shit like that. So when it was time for dinner, he would come up from the basement drenched in sweat and smelling nasty.

Anyways, he got tired of playing Super Smash Bros. Brawl all the time on my Wii, and when I told him I got rid of all my other games, he threw a massive fit and tossed the game's package into the waste basket. I told his mom. She told him that if he didn't apologize, he'd be grounded when they got back home and wouldn't be allowed to watch TV for a week.

He never apologized.

Another story because it's equally cringeworthy.

Spoiler: The Fanfiction

The same time he came down to visit, he was watching TV in the basement. I was forced to sleep on the futon down there because I had to relinquish my room for the time being to my aunt and cousin. This didn't bother me so much because I made it clear to my cousin that he wasn't allowed to touch my stuff in my bedroom.

Anyways, so he was watching TV downstairs, and I'd just gotten home from classes for the day and I wanted to relax and play on my DS. I forget what game I was playing, but my cousin interrupted my downtime to make me read a fan fiction he wrote--on paper.

Now, this wouldn't sound so bad, if his handwriting wasn't barely legible. Turns out he was a MLP fan--not necessarily a Brony, cos he didn't want to fuck the ponies (I don't even know if he knows what sex IS). Either way, it made me raise a brow.

I could barely read it. The handwriting was terrible and there were countless spelling errors. I pretended to read through it, but the gist of it was he came to Equestria to save the day and he was heralded as a hero. I think there were some Power Rangers references in there, because he was particularly spergy about Power Rangers.

I told him I could barely read it and suggested he type it up on a computer. He grumbled something under his breath and said, "Yeah, mom told me that too."

Two years later, his handwriting is still awful.

Does your autistic cousin attend a school?

 

[Melkor]

Does your autistic cousin attend a school?

He's in high school.

Oh speaking of which, another funny story.

He was at school one day and a kid asked him if he had a dollar. He doesn't keep money on him, so his answer was no.

The kid called him a stingy Jew and he slapped the kid. They both got in trouble and got in school suspension.

 

[kagayaki]

Would your cousin be declared legally incompetent upon reaching legal age if he continues to behave the way he is today?

 

[Bakasura]

Okay, I've got another one for ya'll. One of my close friends recently went on a one-time date with a lolcow.

My friend was introduced to this guy via one of her friends, who knew him as an acquaintance. Being single and in search of a boyfriend, my friend agreed to go on a date with this guy who also happened to be single and into 'nerd culture' like my friend. He didn't look gross or like a weirdo, so my friend initially had no reason to expect him to be unpleasant or out of the ordinary. Also, just as a preface, the man in question is 23.

The lols started shortly after they arranged to meet for a minigolf date. Days before the date, before either of them met outside of the internet, he sent her a couple of texts. All of it hentai. Specifically pokemon hentai (one of May fingering herself, the other of James eating out Misty's ass) and one other of some loli-looking girl, who I think was from Naruto, posing naked. This made her mildly uncomfortable, but she laughed it off as just his socially-inept way of trying to show n' tell a dirty joke. A day or so later he sent her a dick pic. He conveniently placed a massive box of condoms next to his strangely misshapen cock. At this point my friend was very uncomfortable, but she was scared to call off the date. The night before the date he sent her a message about how he had just shaved his pubes and that it made his dick feel "airy and free".

The date came a day later and he showed up wearing a pair of those fucking disguise glasses with the big nose and mustache and drove like a maniac in his parent's 20k$ car while laughing, as my friend put it, "like a Batman villain." When they arrived the dude made my friend sit in the car for close to three hours because he wanted her to watch him attempt to solve a rubix cube (which he never managed to solve). When she finally spoke up that she was bored, he told her "then lemme show you my bag of goodies" and pulled out a Naruto hentai doujinshi. He proceeded to show her pictures of Sakura with her legs splayed and asked my friend what she thought. My friend's only comment was, "where the hell is the clit?" as the figure had clearly been drawn by someone who had never seen a real vagina. The date's response was, "um what's a a clit?" At which point my friend said, "forget it, let's just go golfing."

Once at the golf course, date guy proceeded to threaten staff and a bunch of fellow golfers (his excuse was they were old and therefore didn't belong at minigolf), and waste 15 minutes "calculating" how he was going to hit the shot, only to have it hit my friend. He also talked the entire time about his past dates, and how every woman turned him down (gee, I can't imagine why...) and that he hoped my friend would be different.

At one point my friend, trying to be polite and start a friendly conversation, asked him what his favorite music was -- her hope was that maybe he liked rock music and therefore would have some common ground with her -- and he replied that she should never ask him about music as he refuses to listen to anyone else's music but his own. His music does have a small following online of about 500 YT followers, however...it's all covers of videogame music. All of it. He hasn't actually created a single unique piece on his own. And speaking of videogames, he proceeded to get genuinely angry with my friend (who gets moderate motion sickness from 3D games) when she said she didn't play videogames.

After the date was all over she came over to my house to ask advice from my other friends and I about what to do, as she absolutely didn't want to go on another date with this guy, let alone start a serious relationship with him. We were all honest with her and said just tell him outright as there were so many dangerous red flags regarding his behavior, and while we were telling her this, the alert tone on her phone went off. Sure enough it was the guy. His message said how he just couldn't stop "fantasizing about fucking her" and that he absolutely didn't want to take anything slow. She told him she felt very uncomfortable with sex, and he replied, "remember, I'm a virgin too. And there are plenty of other ways we can pleasure each other, such as blowjobs and eating out." She showed me this as it was happening, as well as the hentai + dick pic, and I straight up could hardly believe what I was reading. After the text about blowjobs she opted to ignore him, and about 15-20 minutes later he send a "omg why are u ignoring me???" text.

She has zero intentions of going on a date with him again and for the most part continues to ignore him, but as of yesterday he seems to believe they are in a serious relationship with marriage on the horizon.

 

[Ruin]

Holy shit.

 

[Melkor]

Would your cousin be declared legally incompetent upon reaching legal age if he continues to behave the way he is today?

Probably not. His parents need a wake up call is all.

Doesn't help that his mom is probably going to die from a lung transplant in like 5 or 10 years.

 

[Piga Dgrifm]

The date came a day later and he showed up wearing a pair of those fucking disguise glasses with the big nose and mustache and drove like a maniac in his parent's 20k$ car while laughing, as my friend put it, "like a Batman villain." When they arrived the dude made my friend sit in the car for close to three hours because he wanted her to watch him attempt to solve a rubix cube (which he never managed to solve).

That is the hardest I have laughed all week. What a loon.

 

[Ruin]

All right so we have this guy in my neighborhood that everyone calls Tony the Tard. He sort of looks like pre tomgirl Chris complete with pedo glasses and clown shirts. No one is sure what his exact problem is but he follows people around rambling about various conspiracy theories and perving on underage girls. If that was all I wouldn't bother posting here but Tony has reached legendary status in my city for something really fucked up he did.

Spoiler: animal cruelty

Tony put a cat in a microwave and put the video on Youtube.

 

[Bakasura]

That is the hardest I have laughed all week. What a loon.

I lost my shit with laughter when she told me the story too ahaha. :''') Tbh at first I didn't even believe her, it sounded so absurd, until she showed me the pictures and when my mother (she lives next door to my friend, hence how we met) went "oh my god I saw a guy drive up wearing disguise glasses today. That was the guy [your friend] went on a date with?!"

 

[alex_theman]

Tony put a cat in a microwave and put the video on Youtube

link?

 

[Ruin]

link?

Btfo by YouTube