Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Scotsman]

The chicken is technically cooked, but that's the least of his problems. It's just a perfect storm of shitty frathouse cooking tips (baked potatoes in a fuckin microwave with a dessert of an entire jar of pre-made cheesecake filling lmao) presented as unironic "cooking" "advice" with an utterly disgusting end result.

I remember Colossal is Crazy said his chicken looked like a “used tampon.”

He was right.

 

[Aunt Carol]

Is Superbowl Sunday going to be what draws Jack out of hiding? "Manly" potlucks, grilling, political sperging and burly athletes--it's all Jack's brand.

 

[Generic Retard]

View attachment 4490252
This abomination. He didn’t even put it on the cake himself, he had to have Tammy slop it on for him.

One uncooked beef liver coming through.

 

[V4L_Penis]

I don't know but I would say that the cheese salad is his most overrated fuck up because it is not a fuck up on his part. For once, he followed the recipe as it was supposed to be done. Now, the recipe is atrocious and nobody in their right mind would say it's "gud" but the atrociousness of it does not come from Jack for once.

We’ve seen Jack fuck up simple recipes in the past by making retarded ingredient substitutions and adding miscellaneous shit to “fix” the food. What are the odds he also Jack’d up the cheese salad?

 

[Tiresome]

We’ve seen Jack fuck up simple recipes in the past by making retarded ingredient substitutions and adding miscellaneous shit to “fix” the food. What are the odds he also Jack’d up the cheese salad?

I actually have to give Jack the benefit on the doubt on this one, I can easily see this being a fully authentic, albeit horrible, 1950s gelatin salad recipe. Literally the only thing I can see him adding to suit his taste would be the American cheese, but it's the defining characteristic of the dish so I suspect it must be original.

 

[L. Ron Hubbard's Cat]

I actually have to give Jack the benefit on the doubt on this one, I can easily see this being a fully authentic, albeit horrible, 1950s gelatin salad recipe. Literally the only thing I can see him adding to suit his taste would be the American cheese, but it's the defining characteristic of the dish so I suspect it must be original.

Agreed. Jack lacks the palate and culinary expertise to "fix" a recipe by adding anything but more sugar, fat, or salt. Extra butter? Yes. Pimentos for flavor and celery for texture? Hahaha, no. It would never occur to him, even if it was appropriate.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

We’ve seen Jack fuck up simple recipes in the past by making retarded ingredient substitutions and adding miscellaneous shit to “fix” the food. What are the odds he also Jack’d up the cheese salad?

That was old Jagoff when he still kinda sorta cared about getting it right. This is after all the guy that did some redos of failures and would listen to his viewers. He fucked up poutine and the Canadians complained so he did a redo of it. He fucked up Yorkshire pudding and when the Brits complained he redid it as well.

But the Party Cheese Salad? I'm guessing it was similar enough to Aunt Myrna's because he seemed to enjoy it.

 

[Shiki Ouji]

So, what is an underrated Jack fuck up? We've seen the cheese salad, and the chicken etc.

While we're waiting for the wendigo's imminent resurrection, here's one of my favorites:

It also features one of his lovers, Lou, who is a character in his own right. The way they play off each other is interesting because it's a lot more relaxed and natural when compared to Jack's more recent lovers, which tend to be fleeting at best. It's nice that during his waste of a life, Jack was able to achieve at least partial success in finding kinship, and perhaps even true love, for that brief moment in time. The zinc poisoning was most certainly worth it.

 

[Rubber Plant]

While we're waiting for the wendigo's imminent resurrection, here's one of my favorites:

It also features one of his lovers, Lou, who is a character in his own right. The way they play off each other is interesting because it's a lot more relaxed and natural when compared to Jack's more recent lovers, which tend to be fleeting at best. It's nice that during his waste of a life, Jack was able to achieve at least partial success in finding kinship, and perhaps even true love, for that brief moment in time. The zinc poisoning was most certainly worth it.

He obviously never read or listened too any BBQ books.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

While we're waiting for the wendigo's imminent resurrection, here's one of my favorites:

It also features one of his lovers, Lou, who is a character in his own right. The way they play off each other is interesting because it's a lot more relaxed and natural when compared to Jack's more recent lovers, which tend to be fleeting at best. It's nice that during his waste of a life, Jack was able to achieve at least partial success in finding kinship, and perhaps even true love, for that brief moment in time. The zinc poisoning was most certainly worth it.

Well that was horrifying. The method is fine it's the using a vessel that won't give off toxic fumes when heated like a galvanized trash can will. After all, that's what a Dutch Oven is. Cast iron, you stick it into the coals and then lay the coals over top. But this? You get zinc poisoning.

 

[AnOminous]

While we're waiting for the wendigo's imminent resurrection, here's one of my favorites:

It also features one of his lovers, Lou, who is a character in his own right. The way they play off each other is interesting because it's a lot more relaxed and natural when compared to Jack's more recent lovers, which tend to be fleeting at best. It's nice that during his waste of a life, Jack was able to achieve at least partial success in finding kinship, and perhaps even true love, for that brief moment in time. The zinc poisoning was most certainly worth it.

You can use a non-galvanized can (if those even exist any more) or burn the zinc off beforehand. I'm assuming Jagoff didn't do that because it looks shiny and new.

The results look actually good (and as usual someone else did all the work). The turkey is actually done, because the wendigo didn't take control. Even the burnt part at the top is fine, I don't mind some of that at all.

 

[Skwisgaar Skwigelf]

Spoiler: WARNING THIS POST IS KNOWN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CONTAIN AUTSIM

public string IsJackFat()
{
    return "Yes";
}

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Spoiler: WARNING THIS POST IS KNOWN TO THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA TO CONTAIN AUTSIM

public string IsJackFat()
{
    return "Yes";
}

>returning a boolean value as a string

Spoiler

 

[Fascist Frederick]

>returning a boolean value as a string

Spoiler

View attachment 4510646

It's the programming equivalent to Jack's cooking.

 

[wew lad]

>returning a boolean value as a string

Spoiler

View attachment 4510646

Streetshitter programming practices and object-oriented programming, a match made in heaven.

 

[rubytintedchix]

So the Eagles are winning then, right?

 

[Reotardo da Vinci]

So the Eagles are winning then, right?

View attachment 4511949

That’s actually his shopping list for Tammy, but he fucked it up because he has been ravaged by his own porkery and has to use Siri to type. He actually wants:

KFC x 35
Bagels x 27

 

[Falcon Sebben]

The results look actually good (and as usual someone else did all the work). The turkey is actually done, because the wendigo didn't take control. Even the burnt part at the top is fine, I don't mind some of that at all.

It's just another example that Jagoff Scalfatty is a terrible cook. When it's somebody else doing it it usually turns out fine.

Although he again uses the term "wet" to refer to the meat and needs to say it's "gooshing" juice. The man speaks like a child does.

It's the programming equivalent to Jack's cooking.

Where else but the Orchards will you find coding and Jagoff's cooking in the same thread?

 

[Adamska]

So the Eagles are winning then, right?

View attachment 4511949

Did Jack actually bandwagon on the Chiefs like he did the last few teams? Because if so lol the Birds might win and he'll get angy he didn't back the winners like he loves to do whenever he's reminded of Football existing.

As for why, it's mainly because the QB for the Chiefs got fucked up. It ain't quite over, since Philly is magical in choking sometimes, but it's lookin' like the Eagles have a good shot at getting a second win.

Amusing for me, and more proof Fat Jack can't predict shit for sportsball. This is the fucker who needed to cheat his way into still being one of the worst in his Fantasy League. Had to put players in other roles for their points and ban people with better teams too.

 

[rubytintedchix]