Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Freya]

I think Jack is in one of two places.

NHC Healthcare or American House Hendersonville.

Why these two? I searched Hendersonville TN Nursing and the key Bariatric and these two came up.

I think more than likely he's in the NHC Healthcare. Why? American House promotes things like having a library and Courtyard on their website while NHC Healthcare promotes having Cable TV in their rooms, oh and religious services so its Christian and obviously the cheaper option. No way Tammy or his insurance is paying more than they have too.

but are they top rated and award winning?

 

[Fascist Frederick]

What about eating 12,000+ mg of sodium laden turkey wings?

EDIT:

WE HAVE NEWS. View attachment 4544942

I thought him losing the use of the gud arm would be too good to be true... but this update puts that option on the table. If Jack is now permanently without the use of both arms I will immediately stop wishing death upon him and instead wish for him to break the record for the longest living human in history.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

The Wendigo inside must feast. Who's going to be sneaking him meat and cheese?

The Wendigo, sensing the oncoming demise of it's host, is currently boring it's way through Jack's gunt in order to stockpile energy. Once the fat stores have run dry, it will burst forth from his belly and attach itself to it's next victim.

 

[Padoru]

He plans on being there another  month? Big T needs to go ahead and start fluffing that pillow; a funeral would be cheaper than the medical bills he's about to start racking up.

no he's planning to stay there for another 2 weeks (fat chance on that one with a stroke).

But i definitely second the surprise at him living through literally multiple strokes like this. A family member of mine that was in 100x better health than Jack couldn't even survive one and here he is being the exception to the rule. Now i have to stress i am glad he didn't die but i am equally confused

 

[Throng of Titans]

Jack's like that relative you know that smokes like a chimney and drinks like an Irishman, but lives to 90 and dies of unrelated health issues, except he's a wendigo that devours raw chicken instead of having a normal vice.

 

[ZipDisk]

Sure enough, he downplays it as a stroke instead of second heart attack and doesn't put a number on it.

I used to think the 4th impact shit was oversperg, but now I'm wondering if Jack regularly strokes out, and we just don't hear about it.

I am shocked that Jack is admitting as much as he has, but also, it follows the pattern. We never would have heard about the previous strokes if they were not visibly evident.

Maybe Jack's burger slurper is actually out of commission. He's made Tammy film before.

Be interesting if Jack died March 1st, proving his "I plan to stay here for the rest of the month" literal.

Damn, the rehab reviews are grim. I did get a laugh out of a 2.5 star rehab rating themselves five star.

As to the vacation giveaway thing, that's to entice the greedy. I wonder if the Scalfani's picked that one.

My fucking union tried to soften the bite out of our checks by offering discount movie and theme park tickets.

 

[Tetragrammaton]

What about eating 12,000+ mg of sodium laden turkey wings?

EDIT:

WE HAVE NEWS. View attachment 4544942

sounds to me like the stroke fucked him up big time. especially if he needs to be in rehab. im gonna take a guess and say his arm is not the only thing thats paralyzed now. i wonder how jacks enjoying hospital food. since i have a feeling they are gonna be putting him on some form of diet at least while he is in the hospital.

 

[Adamska]

I wonder if it utterly fucked his speech centers? If it was damaged, then we have three possible futures:

1. He has Broca's Aphasia. If that's the case then he can understand people... well as best as mushbrain can already understand people I should say. Thing is though he won't really be able to say what he exactly wants. If this is the case then he can probably only say things like "Jack. Birria. Lookadat beautiful. Gud." No particles, and just the bare statements, with a lot of verbal pausing.
2. He has Wernicke's Aphasia. This is funny, since he will ramble as much as he does now, but it's all gonna be horseshit that makes no sense. He also won't really understand anything he wants. If he has this fate, expect him to say shit like "On the go for Jack tacos. Have cook for birria meat so gud so that can." Fluent, but it's gonna be rambling horseshit at best. And that's with some therapy.
3. General Aphasia. The worst of both worlds for him and a shame we probably wouldn't get to actually see him gurgle and babble out random grunting words. He'd probably only be able to say shit like "Miitsogud Jack gud want gud meat meat so gud Jack go go meat". Literal fucking garbage.

I actually hope he's so committed to eating out and cheating the IRS in the process he forces Tammy to continue to do Fat on the Go for the writeoffs, just to see a nightmare like that.

 

[captkrisma]

Johns Hopkins University states that a typical hospital stay for strokes is roughly 5-7 days. Jack is spending a goddamn month.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

If this is the case then he can probably only say things like "Jack. Birria. Lookadat beautiful. Gud."

If he has this fate, expect him to say shit like "On the go for Jack tacos. Have cook for birria meat so gud so that can."

He'd probably only be able to say shit like "Miitsogud Jack gud want gud meat meat so gud Jack go go meat". Literal fucking garbage.

So... he'll be completely unscathed?

 

[Tiresome]

sounds to me like the stroke fucked him up big time. especially if he needs to be in rehab. im gonna take a guess and say his arm is not the only thing thats paralyzed now. i wonder how jacks enjoying hospital food. since i have a feeling they are gonna be putting him on some form of diet at least while he is in the hospital.

Given the length of stay and the likely severity of the event, and provided Tammy doesn't manage to smuggle in the 12,000 excess calories he consumes daily at home, we might end up with a silo-shaped Jack rather than a beach ball for the first time in a while.

 

[Spasticus Autisticus]

I wonder if it utterly fucked his speech centers? If it was damaged, then we have three possible futures:

1. He has Broca's Aphasia. If that's the case then he can understand people... well as best as mushbrain can already understand people I should say. Thing is though he won't really be able to say what he exactly wants. If this is the case then he can probably only say things like "Jack. Birria. Lookadat beautiful. Gud." No particles, and just the bare statements, with a lot of verbal pausing.
2. He has Wernicke's Aphasia. This is funny, since he will ramble as much as he does now, but it's all gonna be horseshit that makes no sense. He also won't really understand anything he wants. If he has this fate, expect him to say shit like "On the go for Jack tacos. Have cook for birria meat so gud so that can." Fluent, but it's gonna be rambling horseshit at best. And that's with some therapy.
3. General Aphasia. The worst of both worlds for him and a shame we probably wouldn't get to actually see him gurgle and babble out random grunting words. He'd probably only be able to say shit like "Miitsogud Jack gud want gud meat meat so gud Jack go go meat". Literal fucking garbage.

I actually hope he's so committed to eating out and cheating the IRS in the process he forces Tammy to continue to do Fat on the Go for the writeoffs, just to see a nightmare like that.

The comedy option: Jack develops Foreign Accent Syndrome and now speaks with a "third-world accent". Extremely unlikely, but as Jack is fond of reminding us, #GodLaughs.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Yeah this all but confirms the suspicions that somebody else was posting as Jagoff immediately after the stroke and talking about doing Food war videos by the end of the month and a F for frank podcast to explain everything. Tammy or Junior were probably in the denial part of the grieving process and assumed that fatass would be back to smashing baconators in no time and downplayed how bad it was.

 

[TestTubePuppy]

Read between the lines... "Not sure when I'll be back to filming," + "I plan to be in the rehab facility for a month." = His YouTube career is probably finished. If he got out of rehab in a month, he'd be back to making videos again if he was OK. He plans to be there for a month because that is the limit of what his insurance will pay for at this point. Jack can't appear on camera because half his face doesn't work now and he drools constantly. The posts are being written for him because he's lost the use of both arms and hands. He's wheelchair bound and slurring his speech for the rest of his days I bet. They'll be wheeling him around with a Jesus saves baseball cap on at the park while he pees himself next.

 

[Fascist Frederick]

They tried to make me go to rehab,
But I said: "MMNMNMOOMOMOMHJJKMGMLFKLKMJLMLD"

 

[Super Hans v2]

The comedy option: Jack develops Foreign Accent Syndrome and now speaks with a "third-world accent". Extremely unlikely, but as Jack is fond of reminding us, #GodLaughs.

Pentacostals like Jack are all into that shit. He could pass off his slurring as some obscure tonal language from the 4th century and become the new lead murder-rapist preacher at his church.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

... we might end up with a silo-shaped Jack rather than a beach ball for the first time in a while ever.

 

[Flesh Ribbons]

On the diet he is most likely on, he will definitely be losing some of that weight. Especially true the longer this goes on.

I wonder how bad he is going to look once he gets out of the hospital?

 

[Pig Cups]

Way to roll a gutterball on your marriage, Hammy.

You earned a for the bowling reference. Jack and Tammy participated in a bowling league at one point, which blessed us with this infamous picture of Jack giving off BTK vibes. Gutterball indeed…

EDIT:

WE HAVE NEWS. View attachment 4544942

No way he wrote this. Jack is probably unable to talk to use speech-to-text, so that’s why Tammy is writing all his posts for him.

The correct punctuation in that penultimate sentence really gives it away:“Thank you for your love, support, and prayers.” Way too manicured for an inarticulate boob like Jack.

Hammy, if you’re trying to sound like your husband as you continue this Jeff Dunham routine…it just ain’t working, sweetheart. Want to sound like Jack? Try writing as if your mother downed a 750 of cheap drugstore vodka every day that she was pregnant with you.

I think Jack is in one of two places.

NHC Healthcare or American House Hendersonville.

Why these two? I searched Hendersonville TN Nursing and the key Bariatric and these two came up.

I think more than likely he's in the NHC Healthcare. Why? American House promotes things like having a library and Courtyard on their website while NHC Healthcare promotes having Cable TV in their rooms, oh and religious services so its Christian and obviously the cheaper option. No way Tammy or his insurance is paying more than they have too.

From their website:

>Stroke is mentioned first
>Food just might be gud

 

[bile demon]

What about eating 12,000+ mg of sodium laden turkey wings?

EDIT:

WE HAVE NEWS. View attachment 4544942

Sounds grim. Time to pour one out for Jack.