- Joined
- Jun 27, 2014
Special thanks go out to @Dynastia, who encouraged me to work on this particular review, and @hood LOLCOW, who got me the *.rar of the game so I could actually review it. You two rock and without your insight this probably never would have happened.
So, before I begin, I want to get in-depth, for a moment, for how I intend to review this one. I'm getting this one out of the way well in advance because of several reasons: David Gallant is well-known for perusing this forum (and indeed, lately has taken to pulling the Nora Reed maneuver), and is likely hoping that this review absolutely savages him in a way that allows him to extort it to claim victimhood on Twitter. I regret to inform him that this will not be the case. I intend to review this with the same dispassionate analysis I gave to Revolution 60, and I do so for a very specific reason:
David Gallant may have actually given us one hell of a treat in this particular game.
It's a veritable Rosetta Stone; a window into the mindset of the current indie developer clique that's risen to prominence in the last five years, and more than this, an ideal example of why the games they keep making keep failing, both critically and commercially.
And with this in mind, let's begin our descent into madness.
Starting out, we don't get a title sequence; just an audio setting chooser and then we go right into it. If you choose the "No Audio" option, the game essentially tells you that audio is important and you should come back when you're able to hear it. A bit of a weird choice, but I digress. We choose our setting, and we're right in the thick of it - no title screen, no explanation, just a point-and-click interface and this.... Masterpiece.
I speak no hyperbole when I say that this is a perfect image, a great example of a major problem endemic in this batch of "indie" developers. Right out the gate, taking a look at the art style of this game, it looks like an MSPaint drawing - and not a good one, either. In fact, I had @KidKitty time me as I drew the following myself in less than 2 minutes with the line tool, box tool, eraser, and flood fill tool:
I bring this up because it's time to discuss the first big issue with these games, and that's visual style. I'll be getting into this in the follow-up post - it's one symptom of a bigger problem - but hand-drawing something that resembles Myth of the Legendary Warrior does not qualify as a "style." People can tell if something is minimal or even zero effort. If you look at Hackers vs Banksters, you see the same thing - virtually no effort put in whatsoever. Minor/Major has not an ounce of original thought put into it, but looks so much better than this game specifically due to the visual style working. Mermaid Swamp uses stock RPGMaker assets and likewise looks infinitely better. This style - which looks and more importantly feels lazy - is a great bit of insight into the mindset of its creator, as we shall soon see. But we'll come back to this in the post to follow. For now, courage.
After trying to click things randomly, I eventually click the green Square and am given a choice. Lacking any context, I decide to be Standard greeting. Politeness costs nothing and opens doors, after all.
To my surprise, the game has fully-featured voice-acting.
In this game, we're apparently playing as David Gallant himself, and he's on the phone with a client. The client, who appears to be the bastard offspring of Nora Reed and Butt-Head, wants to change his address. I'm given another choice, and I explain security, I guess.
At this point, David explains that he needs to know the Social Insurance Number of the client.
I had no idea what that is.
A Bing search later and I now know it's the Canada-equivalent of a Social Security Number. So I apparently need this for the change-of-address. David enters it into the computer, and it comes back invalid. Accordingly, I tell him such.
I'm actually reminded of this game I played on Newgrounds like 20 years ago, where you had to talk your way out of a ticket from a cop. In fact, that game is still up there, and you can play it now. It's about the same length as this train-wreck and is systemically more engaging.
.....Right, enough stalling, back to the review.
I choose full name. The guy says his name is Bill. Fuck it. First and Last it is. He neglects his middle initial, but I've worked phones before, and fuck it, that's close enough for my tastes. I then get his date of birth. Pretty straightforward so far.
We then ask for Address. We get this out of the way, and then get more security questions. Unfortunately the caller is not cooperating. We elaborate that this is the law. He elaborates on his previous residences, once again mandating that we needle him to get the information we need. This ultimately goes nowhere, and we wind up going for tax information.
This just spirals downwards from here. There's really not a lot to say, the guy just has no information and no real idea of what his account info is. To his credit, David does keep his cool through this for the most part, and eventually the caller runs out of security question options. At this point, David finally tells him what he needs to do, and the caller results to childish name-calling. We're not given the option of "ignore the idiot and hang up," and now we face the first entertaining choice in this entire thing:
I choose the option reminding him that he forgot to hang up. Looking like a dumbass, he does so.
....And the game ends. But not before throwing special thanks to Gallant's myriad buddies in the IGDA/Indiefund camp.
You know, the "this is not a game" accusation gets thrown around a lot on the Internet these days. I've seen it directed at walking simulators, text games, and more recently, crap like Depression Quest, but it's a hard accusation to dodge with this particular game; there's literally nothing of substance here. The game is a predictable ride with no variance and no player interactivity or engagement, with minimal variance allowed.
The asset flips that go on via Steam Greenlight contain more actual gameplay than this does.
But this game's failure segues beautifully into another segment. Follow me into the next post and I'll get right the fuck back into it.
So, before I begin, I want to get in-depth, for a moment, for how I intend to review this one. I'm getting this one out of the way well in advance because of several reasons: David Gallant is well-known for perusing this forum (and indeed, lately has taken to pulling the Nora Reed maneuver), and is likely hoping that this review absolutely savages him in a way that allows him to extort it to claim victimhood on Twitter. I regret to inform him that this will not be the case. I intend to review this with the same dispassionate analysis I gave to Revolution 60, and I do so for a very specific reason:
David Gallant may have actually given us one hell of a treat in this particular game.
It's a veritable Rosetta Stone; a window into the mindset of the current indie developer clique that's risen to prominence in the last five years, and more than this, an ideal example of why the games they keep making keep failing, both critically and commercially.
And with this in mind, let's begin our descent into madness.
Starting out, we don't get a title sequence; just an audio setting chooser and then we go right into it. If you choose the "No Audio" option, the game essentially tells you that audio is important and you should come back when you're able to hear it. A bit of a weird choice, but I digress. We choose our setting, and we're right in the thick of it - no title screen, no explanation, just a point-and-click interface and this.... Masterpiece.
I speak no hyperbole when I say that this is a perfect image, a great example of a major problem endemic in this batch of "indie" developers. Right out the gate, taking a look at the art style of this game, it looks like an MSPaint drawing - and not a good one, either. In fact, I had @KidKitty time me as I drew the following myself in less than 2 minutes with the line tool, box tool, eraser, and flood fill tool:
I bring this up because it's time to discuss the first big issue with these games, and that's visual style. I'll be getting into this in the follow-up post - it's one symptom of a bigger problem - but hand-drawing something that resembles Myth of the Legendary Warrior does not qualify as a "style." People can tell if something is minimal or even zero effort. If you look at Hackers vs Banksters, you see the same thing - virtually no effort put in whatsoever. Minor/Major has not an ounce of original thought put into it, but looks so much better than this game specifically due to the visual style working. Mermaid Swamp uses stock RPGMaker assets and likewise looks infinitely better. This style - which looks and more importantly feels lazy - is a great bit of insight into the mindset of its creator, as we shall soon see. But we'll come back to this in the post to follow. For now, courage.
After trying to click things randomly, I eventually click the green Square and am given a choice. Lacking any context, I decide to be Standard greeting. Politeness costs nothing and opens doors, after all.
To my surprise, the game has fully-featured voice-acting.
In this game, we're apparently playing as David Gallant himself, and he's on the phone with a client. The client, who appears to be the bastard offspring of Nora Reed and Butt-Head, wants to change his address. I'm given another choice, and I explain security, I guess.
At this point, David explains that he needs to know the Social Insurance Number of the client.
I had no idea what that is.
A Bing search later and I now know it's the Canada-equivalent of a Social Security Number. So I apparently need this for the change-of-address. David enters it into the computer, and it comes back invalid. Accordingly, I tell him such.
I'm actually reminded of this game I played on Newgrounds like 20 years ago, where you had to talk your way out of a ticket from a cop. In fact, that game is still up there, and you can play it now. It's about the same length as this train-wreck and is systemically more engaging.
.....Right, enough stalling, back to the review.
I choose full name. The guy says his name is Bill. Fuck it. First and Last it is. He neglects his middle initial, but I've worked phones before, and fuck it, that's close enough for my tastes. I then get his date of birth. Pretty straightforward so far.
We then ask for Address. We get this out of the way, and then get more security questions. Unfortunately the caller is not cooperating. We elaborate that this is the law. He elaborates on his previous residences, once again mandating that we needle him to get the information we need. This ultimately goes nowhere, and we wind up going for tax information.
This just spirals downwards from here. There's really not a lot to say, the guy just has no information and no real idea of what his account info is. To his credit, David does keep his cool through this for the most part, and eventually the caller runs out of security question options. At this point, David finally tells him what he needs to do, and the caller results to childish name-calling. We're not given the option of "ignore the idiot and hang up," and now we face the first entertaining choice in this entire thing:
I choose the option reminding him that he forgot to hang up. Looking like a dumbass, he does so.
....And the game ends. But not before throwing special thanks to Gallant's myriad buddies in the IGDA/Indiefund camp.
You know, the "this is not a game" accusation gets thrown around a lot on the Internet these days. I've seen it directed at walking simulators, text games, and more recently, crap like Depression Quest, but it's a hard accusation to dodge with this particular game; there's literally nothing of substance here. The game is a predictable ride with no variance and no player interactivity or engagement, with minimal variance allowed.
The asset flips that go on via Steam Greenlight contain more actual gameplay than this does.
But this game's failure segues beautifully into another segment. Follow me into the next post and I'll get right the fuck back into it.
