- Joined
- Feb 20, 2022
That or he himself is a tomato...as in a vegetable, he's a vegetable.
Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
- Thread starter Gentlebastard
- Start date
- Joined
- Feb 25, 2021
- Joined
- Feb 20, 2022
I was about to change it just before you posted. Dumb bitch hour over here.
walkingstickman
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2013
The only thing's that's bothering me is he doesn't have the brain cells to consider adding the mayo as a coating on the bread.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2021
I just noticed that there is nothing in here about him working hard to recover fast and get back to filming. Rather he just mentioned he is in the best facility. I am guessing he figures they will just fix him without any effort on his part and if they don't, it is their fault and an angy Google review.
biggacracka
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Dec 14, 2022
I remember that after the stroke that took his arm, he had great chances of recovering if he did physiotherapy. Instead, Jack said no and prayed Jesus to fix it magically because heavens forbid jack has to actually put efforts into something
- Joined
- Nov 11, 2014
Forgive the off topic historical burger sperging, but if you want to find the person responsible, then Daniel Boulud is probably the chef you want to murder. Around 2000, he had the idea to stuff braised short ribs and foie gras into a burger patty the size of a baseball. This kicked off both the tall burger and expensive, luxury hamburger trends. The thing is massive:
Here’s a video with more info. In it, the chef eats the burger like, you guessed it, a fucking taco.
You may be happy to know that the only US restaurant that serves it has been closed since covid.
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- Joined
- Sep 30, 2020
I looked back in the thread, and it doesn’t look like anyone found and posted this- a valentines greeting from Jack:
3 things:
>Good fucking God, there really exist no other photographs of this woman that can be used, huh? I would think that if you’re going to lovebomb, you’d want to use a photo that makes her look good. Then again, these are the people who decided that^ photo was professional enough to be put on the half-assed marketing collateral for GiveMe Books. And the funniest part of all is that the skyline is a photoshop- the original pic was taken at that July 4th barbecue where Jack was filmed doing that infamous waddle.
>”I did not know that when she said “I do” that it meant this…” I wonder what the “this” is referring to? We can assume that it refers to the stresses of the current predicament, sure, but I’m assuming that it goes deeper this time. Deeper as in toileting being involved. Deeper as in Hammy assisting a crew of burly workers to roll Jack onto his side to change the bedpan. I picture her attempting to calm him like Jane Goodall trying to de-stress a chimp, as he stroke-vocalizes like an expiring warthog.
>Since this was posted prior to the status admitting that he suffered a heart attack and stroke…well,…is there a chance that Tammy wrote and posted this as well? Hear me out, because the consensus is that she DEFINITELY wrote the stroke disclosure. So why not this? Then it’s a question of whether or not Jack specifically requested that she post this on his behalf, or if she posted it herself. If it’s the latter, then could she be fishing for asspats to bring some light to what is surely a shitty and stressful situation? Some sort of self-affirmation routine? Either way, it would demonstrate that she’s as fucked up as Jack, albeit in a different way. I think she posted it- it’s too well-written to be Jack. Ugh, so many questions there…
#EverybodyNeedsATammy
3 things:
>Good fucking God, there really exist no other photographs of this woman that can be used, huh? I would think that if you’re going to lovebomb, you’d want to use a photo that makes her look good. Then again, these are the people who decided that^ photo was professional enough to be put on the half-assed marketing collateral for GiveMe Books. And the funniest part of all is that the skyline is a photoshop- the original pic was taken at that July 4th barbecue where Jack was filmed doing that infamous waddle.
>”I did not know that when she said “I do” that it meant this…” I wonder what the “this” is referring to? We can assume that it refers to the stresses of the current predicament, sure, but I’m assuming that it goes deeper this time. Deeper as in toileting being involved. Deeper as in Hammy assisting a crew of burly workers to roll Jack onto his side to change the bedpan. I picture her attempting to calm him like Jane Goodall trying to de-stress a chimp, as he stroke-vocalizes like an expiring warthog.
>Since this was posted prior to the status admitting that he suffered a heart attack and stroke…well,…is there a chance that Tammy wrote and posted this as well? Hear me out, because the consensus is that she DEFINITELY wrote the stroke disclosure. So why not this? Then it’s a question of whether or not Jack specifically requested that she post this on his behalf, or if she posted it herself. If it’s the latter, then could she be fishing for asspats to bring some light to what is surely a shitty and stressful situation? Some sort of self-affirmation routine? Either way, it would demonstrate that she’s as fucked up as Jack, albeit in a different way. I think she posted it- it’s too well-written to be Jack. Ugh, so many questions there…
#EverybodyNeedsATammy
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2018
I've seen other videos attempting to make the Krabby Patty and Jack gets it wrong. Like many other people who try to cook it try to play around with the idea of the "Secret Formula" while Jack just puts in the order of one episode.
The fucking giant Tomato slice is absolutely disguting. There are thick tomato slices out there, but Jack might as well be making a tomato sandwich with how large it is.
As a side note, he randomly talks about Spongebob failing and how he didn't think it would work as though he were important. Jack really tried to act like some cartoon industry guy or someone close to Stephen Hillenburg there which was cringeworthy because if I were a viewer who would watch Jack's videos unironically. Why would I care about him being wrong about the success of Spongebob?
Really I think Jack wrote this. If Tammy wrote it, she'd actually put more compliments to herself whereas Jack just writes out how she helped him and treats her as his mommy wife.
- Joined
- Sep 2, 2018
Slightly late and off topic, but if you want some serious sandwich porn, Jack is just not your guy...
You'd think an LGR sandwich would be a desiccated shrink-wrapped husk from 1996.
Weird he built it almost the same as Jack did. But he added fire.
Don't buy sprouts, the field workers shit in the sprouts. Pretty much every sprouts recall is because of fecal matter.
They can't even teach the field workers not to shit in the sprouts, it's like a cultural thing to piss and shit outdoors like an animal.
Weird he built it almost the same as Jack did. But he added fire.
Don't buy sprouts, the field workers shit in the sprouts. Pretty much every sprouts recall is because of fecal matter.
They can't even teach the field workers not to shit in the sprouts, it's like a cultural thing to piss and shit outdoors like an animal.
Jacks Dead Arm
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 31, 2023
I believe Jack wrote that message about Hammy. I also believe a Go Fund Me will be coming out to help rehab our favorite YouTuber.
I am currently watching Jack cook BBQ Ribs in a pressure cooker. He haphazardly tries to open the pressure relief valve while hot steam blows in the direction of his fat face. THEN he takes the lid off and it is not all the way depressurized. I thought these electronic pressure cookers had safety points built in so that couldn't happen? My Farberware model does.
Annnnd a new episode just started and he's talking about awards called Food Jack's? What the fuck was this shit? I didn't watch him for a few years prior to his arm becoming me so I missed a lot. This shit is fascinating, especially watching it now with some of the mannerisms and shit I've learned from you guys. He's baffled by scratches on the Rachel Ray cookware and CLAIMS no metal ever touched the pans. I also see dishwasher spots on them so they've definitely been in the dishwasher, which you should never do. He's now reviewing the plastic utensils and is complaining about warped plastic, which also means he probably put them in the dishwasher.
"We did tons of knives!" He loves the Miracle Blade World Series (?). I cannot stop watching his tight, bulbous gut that's being held in by a Bitmoji emblazoned apron. He's upset that a meme knife set wasn't too quality professional series knives. He's now praising Kitory Warrior Series Chef Knife. "Guuurmen STEEL, oh wow that's so light." Lightweight knives are not too quality. It's actually shocking to see him slightly motivated.
His best product review is the 5 minute red copper that exploded on him due to misuse. Note, best product means "most views."
Sorry for the play by play.
EatBeforeYouEat
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jul 6, 2022
I bet the doctors who treated fatass in the hospital had a laugh at his "healthy lifestyle" and keto larping. With his 3 prior strokes Keto is the last type of diet that would have been recommended for him. That is like a heroin junkie telling you he is gonna kick his drug habit by switching over to percocets.
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2021
I remember back when the diet was becoming popular. I was reading some snarkblog documenting a MLM mommygirlboss blogger. I forget who it was, this was back in 2014? or so, just that she was from Wisconsin with a bunch of kids and a lot of shade and she was a great cow for the time. Anyway, one of the things she did to promote the new healthy lifestyle was to show herself drinking pints of heavy cream straight cuz keto, amirite? That's exactly how I imagine Jack doing keto, except it was probably those half-gallon ones you can get from Sam's Club.
MS Paint Gigachad
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2022
Oh lord. Keto, and by extension carnivore. Full of food horrors, from butter in coffee to itscourtneyluna's "carnivore candy" which is little more than burnt butter. I wanna make a thread on them but keep procrastinating After great procrastination, I made the thread. Check it out in Prospering Grounds!
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- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
True but it's not like Jack can taste anything that isn't grease anyway.
So are we at the end, jackbros? The fact he isn't even seething is pretty concerning.
- Joined
- Jun 23, 2015
Guys it's okay, when the grim reaper comes for Jack, Jack plans on "smart cheating" him.
"Smart cheating" may be my favorite Jack-ism.
"Smart cheating" may be my favorite Jack-ism.
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2014
I just like the height of delusion of Jack thinking anything at all he does is smart.
- Joined
- Jan 23, 2019
But I was just going down the rabbit hole
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2021
Oh yes, the dead, unfunny, YouTube trend of “creating” food from video games/cartoons. Ffs he’s always late to shit