Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[DontEatThat_2.0]

W-wait, so he's not chilling with da family, having a good time? H-he... lied to us?

To be honest the only "family" he holds close to his heart is all the fats that are "hugging" his arteries thus putting him in this situation. #godlaughs

 

[TheCakeIsALie]

No fucking way this text was written by Jack.

Jack won’t be doing much of anything for awhile and who knows what the long term damage is. He may never be able to do certain things again, depending on how bad it is.

 

[FatJacksFatAssTongue]

What are some of Jack's best videos? I'm talking about where he actually nailed the recipe or did a more than serviceable job.

There are none.

 

[Jerry Mouse]

...he is currently warded at Tristar Skyline Medical Center in Nashville.

Damn, so close (only about 2,000 pages too early).

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Oh, nice.

Looking at their website (which still has placeholder text in some spots) it looks like the acute care hospital runs its own acute neuro rehab unit, so after a stroke patient has stabilized they can just be transferred into stroke rehab instead of having to go to a different facility.

One of the hospitals here does the same thing, and it's a really intense rehab program. They're also very in-demand, and thus picky about which patients they'll take: if someone's refusing to work with therapy, if someone would rather whine to be wiped than use their off-hand, if the stroke caused crippling cognitive deficits, if a patient was demented before and now they're demented and hemiplegic, they're not a rehab candidate.

Great post. Like you said, the fact fatass is in an inpatient rehab facility means that he probably isn't a stroked-out vegetable (yet). He must have some functional capacity to be able to get in. I expect him to return to making videos at some point but I am sure his decline will be noticeable and lolworthy like it has been over the past decade really.

 

[AnOminous]

I hope Jack dies.

 

[Jacks Dead Arm]

Great post. Like you said, the fact fatass is in an inpatient rehab facility means that he probably isn't a stroked-out vegetable (yet). He must have some functional capacity to be able to get in. I expect him to return to making videos at some point but I am sure his decline will be noticeable and lolworthy like it has been over the past decade really.

I want to believe he will be back, but it may be the end.

Also, how did I miss this video?

 

[Fascist Frederick]

I want to believe he will be back, but it may be the end.

Also, how did I miss this video?

View attachment 4555685

Ah yes that's a good one, in the beginning: "It's one of my favorite cartoons. It always has been. There's so many good cartoons out there..." Jack basically admitting he does nothing but sit around and watch cartoons all day.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

Ah yes that's a good one, in the beginning: "It's one of my favorite cartoons. It always has been. There's so many good cartoons out there..." Jack basically admitting he does nothing but sit around and watch cartoons all day.

Even Plankton's attempts to replicate the krabby patty formula were better than Jack's.

 

[Super Hans v2]

Ah yes that's a good one, in the beginning: "It's one of my favorite cartoons. It always has been. There's so many good cartoons out there..." Jack basically admitting he does nothing but sit around and watch cartoons all day.

Whoever started this trend of making burgers as tall as your hand should be shot for crimes against food. You shouldn't have to dislocate your jaw (or eat it in a retarded way, like a taco) to get a proper bite.

 

[TV's Adam West]

The wendigo itself can be killed but the evil spirits in the wendigo remain alive and will merely find a new host to possess.
We're just getting started.

 

[Die Oberste Direktive]

What are some of Jack's best videos? I'm talking about where he actually nailed the recipe or did a more than serviceable job.

To honestly answer your question I think he only knows how to make simple sandwiches. All of his tips are basic knowledge and that's the only reason this "tutorial" doesn't suck. I'd eat that sandwich.

 

[ZipDisk]

Even his sandwich video is wrong. You put the vegetables on top or you get a nasty soggy sandwich.
His "barrier" technique is horseshit.
He also uses too much fucking dressing. All you need is a little oil and vinegar.

Guarantee Tammy made Jr's food, Jack eats any food in front of him.

Sandwich goes from bottom, bread, meat, cheese, veggies, condiments, seasoning, bread.

 

[Jacks Dead Arm]

Even his sandwich video is wrong. You put the vegetables on top or you get a nasty soggy sandwich.
His "barrier" technique is horseshit.
He also uses too much fucking dressing. All you need is a little oil and vinegar.

Guarantee Tammy made Jr's food, Jack eats any food in front of him.

Sandwich goes from bottom, bread, meat, cheese, veggies, condiments, seasoning, bread.

His samwish technique was awful. He has good ingredients right in front of him and he messes up the most basic thing. Also, his 9-10 year old son is not eating that samwish. There's no way DJ Cali ate balsamic vinegar.

 

[._.]

Even Plankton's attempts to replicate the krabby patty formula were better than Jack's.

I hate whatever the fuck is going on with that tomato and onion slice. Did he do that thing where he hangs it from the ceiling on a string and swing at it with a Cutco™ knife? Like theres more tomato by weight than patty it looks like.
My dad is terrible at cutting shit especially tomatoes and cuts shit into wedges, because his knives have been 'knife sharpened' enough they dont hold an edge and just smush the tomato so I kinda get it but the onion is in wedges too.

Also I love that he has a 10 minute video on how to make a sandwich with like lunchmeat and deli cheese and just generic store bread. Ive seen a different video on this come up but it had a hook and was like 'How to make restaurant quality sandwiches, Why Jimmy Johns is better' or something.

 

[AnOminous]

I hate whatever the fuck is going on with that tomato and onion slice. Did he do that thing where he hangs it from the ceiling on a string and swing at it with a Cutco™ knife? Like theres more tomato by weight than patty it looks like.

I have to admit to doing that with tomatoes straight from the garden that are still warm from the sun. I will literally put most of a tomato onto a burger, one giant slice on top and one on the bottom.

This is not one of Jack's crimes.

You should obviously remove the tomato slime, though.

There is literally nothing wrong with tomatoes.

 

[ZipDisk]

It was "why are deli sandwiches better" and there are a multitude of reasons, but part of it is that it's wrapped, and the sauce can soak into the sandwich before you eat it.
Other reasons are a fast-food restaurant has access to better ingredients than the grocery store, they can keep their ingredients colder, and they're not going to hold back the way a home cook would.

Same reason burritos and burgers taste better "out". You're not the one doing the cooking.

I managed to replicate a Quiznos sandwich at home, and it took half the tub of shitty Hillshire farms roast beef.
I used to clone recipes just for shits and giggles, and that hobby gets expensive.

As to the crabby patty? He went for presentation. He wanted a fat tomato slice for the thumbnail. That sandwich would be a bitch to eat, but jack's just going to spin it sideways and shove it down his fucking gullet like a seagull.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

I have to admit to doing that with tomatoes straight from the garden that are still warm from the sun. I will literally put most of a tomato onto a burger, one giant slice on top and one on the bottom.

Yeah but those are the best tomatoes. They're ripe and sweet and bursting with flavor. What Jagoff used was one of those hothouse tomatoes that taste like styrofoam.

 

[Tiresome]

Yeah but those are the best tomatoes. They're ripe and sweet and bursting with flavor. What Jagoff used was one of those hothouse tomatoes that taste like styrofoam.

As someone who's always hated raw tomatoes, finding a really good tomato can be really fucking tasty.

 

[Great Scott]

Jack's dying and all you people can think of is tomatoes!