Tips for traveling in the UK?

[Second Sun]

Chinese will tell you the truth:

 

[Muu]

Make sure you have your walking license it's not expensive only 5 Egyptian pounds (insha'Allah) but that's only if you're registered to own a pen.

 

[Mr Snrub]

Some of these replies are brilliant.

On a serious point though, I would strongly suggest a trip to the Lake District if you want some brilliant scenery and hiking. It is very touristy in some areas (i.e Bowness or Ambleside) though the high influx of visitors at least means infrastructure/parking/sign posting is of decent quality and plentiful.

Rule of thumb, the further north you go the cheaper things are and (usually) the people are nicer. Londoners and southerns are rude as fuck and a pint of beer is easily £5+.

Also good luck with roundabouts, we even sometimes put little ones within larger ones for no reason other than just to fuck with people:

 

[teriyakiburns]

Also good luck with roundabouts, we even sometimes put little ones within larger ones for no reason other than just to fuck with people:
View attachment 4593664

Oh the magic roundabout's easy. Just look at where you want to go, slam your foot on the accelerator, and scream until you get there.

The Russians allegedly spent years trying to work out if it had been built as a way to confuse their invasion plans.

 

[Clockwork]

Old but topical...

An American Tourist's Advice for Americans Travelling to Britain​

Vocabulary​

The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say "I'd love to come to the pub but I haven't got any goolies." "Quid" is the modern word for what was once called a "shilling" -- the equivalent of seventeen cents American.


Underpants are called "wellies" and friends are called "tossers." If you are fond of someone, you should tell him he is a "great tosser" -- he will be touched. The English are a notoriously demonstrative, tactile people, and if you want to fit in you should hold hands with your acquaintances and tossers when you walk down the street. Public nuzzling and licking are also encouraged, but only between people of the same sex.

Habits​

Ever since their Tory government wholeheartedly embraced full union with Europe, the Brits have been attempting to adopt certain continental customs, such as the large midday meal followed by a two- or three-hour siesta , which they call a "wank." As this is still a fairly new practice in Britain, it is not uncommon for people to oversleep (alarm clocks, alas, do not work there due to the magnetic pull from Greenwich). If you are late for supper, simply apologize and explain that you were having a wank -- everyone will understand and forgive you.

Universities​

University archives and manuscript collections are still governed by quaint medieval rules retained out of respect for tradition; hence patrons are expected to bring to the reading rooms their own ink-pots and a small knife for sharpening their pens. Observing these customs will signal the librarians that you are "in the know" -- one of the inner circle, as it were, for the rules are unwritten and not posted anywhere in the library.


Likewise, it is customary to kiss the librarian on both cheeks when he brings a manuscript you've requested, a practice dating back to the reign of Henry VI. One of the most delightful ways to spend an afternoon in Oxford or Cambridge is gliding gently down the river in one of their flat-bottomed boats, which you propel using a long pole. This is known as "cottaging." Many of the boats (called "yer-I-nals") are privately owned by the colleges, but there are some places that rent them to the public by the hour. Just tell a professor or policeman that you are interested in doing some cottaging and would like to know where the public yerinals are. The poles must be treated with vegetable oil to protect the from the water, so it's a good idea to buy a can of Crisco and have it on you when you ask directions to the yerinals. That way people will know you are an experienced cottager.

Food​

British cuisine enjoys a well deserved reputation as the most sublime gastronomic pleasure available to man. Thanks to today's robust dollar, the American traveller can easily afford to dine out several times a week (rest assured that a British meal is worth interrupting your afternoon wank for). Few foreigners are aware that there are several grades of meat in the UK. The best cuts of meat, like the best bottles of gin, bear Her Majesty's seal, called the British Stamp of Excellence (BSE). When you go to a fine restaurant, tell your waiter you want BSE beef and won't settle for anything less. If he balks at your request, custom dictates that you jerk your head imperiously back and forth while rolling your eyes to show him who is boss. Once the waiter realizes you are a person of discriminating taste, he may offer to let you peruse the restaurant's list of exquisite British wines. If he doesn't, you should order one anyway. The best wine grapes grow on the steep, chalky hillsides of Yorkshire and East Anglia -- try an Ely '84 or Ripon '88 for a rare treat indeed. When the bill for your meal comes it will show a suggested amount. Pay whatever you think is fair, unless you plan to dine there again, in which case you should simply walk out; the restaurant host will understand that he should run a tab for you.


Transportation


Public taxis are subsidized by the Her Majesty's Government. A taxi ride in London costs two pounds, no matter how far you travel. If a taxi driver tries to overcharge you, you should yell "I think not, you charlatan!", then grab the nearest bobby and have the driver arrested. It is rarely necessary to take a taxi, though, since bus drivers are required to make detours at patrons' requests. Just board any bus, pay your fare of thruppence (the heavy gold-colored coins are "pence"), and state your
destination clearly to the driver, e.g.: "Please take me to the British Library." A driver will frequently try to have a bit of harmless fun by pretending he doesn't go to your requested destination. Ignore him, as he is only teasing the American tourist (little does he know you're not so ignorant!).


Speaking of the British Library, you should know that it has recently moved to a new location at Kew. Kew is a small fishing village in Wales. It can be reached by taking the train to Cardiff; once there, ask any local about the complimentary shuttle bus to Kew. (Don't forget that buses are called "prams" in England, and trains are called "bumbershoots"--it's a little confusing at first). Motorcycles are called "lorries" and the hospital, for reasons unknown, is called the "off-license. " It's also very important to know that a "doctor" only means a PhD in England, not a physician. If you want a physician, you must ask for an "MP" (which stands for "master physician").


For those travelling on a shoestring budget, the London Tube may be the most economical way to get about, especially if you are a woman. Chivalry is alive and well in Britain, and ladies still travel for free on the Tube. Simply take some tokens from the baskets at the base of the escalators or on the platforms; you will find one near any of the state-sponsored Tube musicians.


Once on the platform, though, beware! Approaching trains sometimes disturb the large Gappe bats that roost in the tunnels. The Gappes were smuggled into London in the early 19th century by French saboteurs and have proved impossible to exterminate. The announcement "Mind the Gappe!" is a signal that you should grab your hair and look towards the ceiling. Very few people have ever been killed by Gappes, though, and they are considered only a minor drawback to anotherwise excellent means of transportation. (If you have difficulty locating the Tube station, merely follow the signs that say "Subway" and ask one of the full-time attendants where you can catch the bumbershoot.).


One final note: for preferential treatment when you arrive at Heathrow airport, announce that you are a member of Shin Fane (an international Jewish peace organization -- the "shin" stands for "shalom"). As savvy travellers know, this little white lie will assure you priority treatment as you make your way through customs; otherwise you could waste all day in line. You might, in fact, want to ask a customs agent to put a Shin Fane stamp in your passport, as it will expedite things on your return trip.


Bollocks to your mum! ("farewell and good health to your family")

 

[Coelacanth]

Avoid the large cities. They're usually filled with migrants and vomit.

It might be less exciting but the countryside is actually better in the UK. Old trades are being brought back thanks to people realising how shit it is importing crappy goods we can easily make ourselves, so I guarantee there'll be places you can go if you want to learn about smithing, cheesemaking, etc.

It's not for everyone of course, but I'd choose it over somewhere like Londganistan in a heartbeat.

 

[fakemon]

get a netflix subscription because there's fuck all to do there and even netflix is better than their shitty tv

 

[PipTheAlchemist]

get a netflix subscription because there's fuck all to do there and even netflix is better than their shitty tv

>still watching Netdicks in the year 2001 + 22

 

[The Real Me]

As others have said, The Lake District is beautiful and you can probably rent a bicycle out there, the roads are large with both steep hills and long flats, if that's your kind of thing.

 

[D_Tractor]

Learn to drive in less than 3 inches of snow and expect sunlight even in winter. Pitt

sburgh is a God forsaken shithole compared to the UK. You will feel like you are in Monaco.

 

[tasty humane burger]

Random things to visit that you’ll find within an hour of you wherever you are in the UK:
-Cathedrals
-County parks
-Outlet malls
-Old universities
-Weatherspoons (lol)
-Lots of Museums are free in the UK - definitely look to see what’s nearby and take advantage.

Behaviour
-People don’t exaggerate when they say the Brits are obsessed with queuing, we *really* are.
-It may sound obvious but mind your manners… saying please and thank you to servers, retail staff etc goes a long way.
-Tipping isn’t really a big thing here so don’t stress about it.
-Talking vaguely about current events and politics is usually fine. Most people think everyone is a bit of a twat. I wouldn’t recommend giving your views on constitutional issues (Brexit, Scottish Independence, anything to do with Ireland) unless you want to cause chaos.
-Accents can be whack. Every region has its own backwater accent with weird words and quirks. Everyone talks fast. Be warned.

Public transport
-Public transport is generally unreliable. Trains are always cancelled and buses are always late. It’s probably better to drive if you have that option.
-Plan ahead if you’re using public transport and give yourself enough time to travel.
-You can buy most bus/train tickets on your phone and in some cases get combined tickets.
-Some buses take “exact change only” and will not refund you if you give them a large note, so keep enough loose change if you plan on paying on the bus.
-Cities are usually fine for taxis but “black cabs” can be expensive, however, most cities do Uber or some other rider sharing platform. Some taxi companies also have their own Uber-like app which is cheaper than just hailing a black cab. If you’re somewhere smaller, taxis may be few and far between so you might need to book a taxi in advanced if you plan on taking one somewhere.


British food
-You probably already know UK food has a bad rep. BUT still recommend you try a “chippy” (fish and chips) at least once.
-Italian restaurants are usually a safe bet for decent food if you don’t wanna go crazy.
-I highly recommend “going for a curry” on more than one occasion. You’ll be able to find decent Indian Restaurants (not a takeaway) pretty easy. Most Indians in the UK are aimed at the Brits so have pretty standard menus with dishes ranging from mega mild to stupidly hot that the fish doesn’t have a flavour. If you’re wanting something more traditional, definitely check the names on reviews (lol) as the more Asian people giving positives reviews, the more “authentic” it’s likely to be (and imo, a lot tastier).
-Another recommendation is to find a really sketchy looking Chinese restaurant (one that seems to be categorised as a restaurant, has furniture but only ever seems to do takeaway) and order takeout. Get on the menu apart from the “European dishes” section. British Chinese food is bonkers but oddly good.

I personally think both London and Edinburgh are overrated but they are fine to do the touristy stuff in. Manchester, Birmingham and Glasgow are cooler cities. Definitely echo others and get yourself to Europe for a few week trips whilst you’re over here. It can usually be cheaper than travelling within the UK.

 

[Fireman Sam]

I'm going back there for work soon also! Except I am a Britbong and so I know how to navigate the social and physical hellscape of being in Britain.
I'm a sheepshagger so I can only really speak in detail for things in Wales.
For sightseeing, you would do well to check out Brecon or Snowdonia in Wales (Snowdonia is cooler, just further up North and in the middle of bumfuck nowhere territory, good luck getting there from the South). If you like climbing mountains, try any of the Welsh Three Peaks. Pen-y-fan is the easiest one and closest to civilization. Cadair Idris is cool because of a huge lake in the middle, and of course, Snowdon which is the largest mountain in Wales but is the most touristy as a result. If you have balls, go up the Watkin path on Snowdon, less travelled because of a scree climb at the end but arguably the most scenic route to the top of the mountain.
Or you can take the train up the mountain to the overpriced cafe like all the normies do.

Scotland has the Highlands and various lochs and shit like that, I haven't personally been there, but it's worth doing some research into because it's beautiful.
England has England which is a huge turn off, but you have the Peak District and the Pennines, and some comfy country pubs scattered about the midlands. Somerset and Gloucestershire is nice. If you want the coast and you're in the South, try Cornwall.

Honorable shout out to the Wye Valley in South West Wales. Very comfy place, landscape isn't as dramatic but there's lots of old ruins and castles dotted all around Britain, Wales in particular. and the Wye Valley walk is apparently quite good if you like walking. There's also the Welsh Coastal path which supposedly goes all around Wales, half of the experience on both trails is learning some neat local lore at the places you're going to. Both may be worth checking out before heading deeper into the country.

Needless to say. Avoid London like the plague, the entire place is a depressing ratrace and need I say more about London? Most cities are kinda shit to be honest, but smaller towns in the countryside are pretty comfy if you're looking for that classic Britbong living in Middle Earth/Harry Potter shit that tourists some times come for.
Really depends where in Britain you'll be staying. Because for such a relatively small country, travelling anywhere is a bitch because we're full and no one will fuck off.

-Another recommendation is to find a really sketchy looking Chinese restaurant (one that seems to be categorised as a restaurant, has furniture but only ever seems to do takeaway) and order takeout. Get on the menu apart from the “European dishes” section. British Chinese food is bonkers but oddly good.

Honestly, the sketchy Chinese restaurant/takeaway that's probably some underground drug/gambling ring is the best shit when it comes to lazy takeout food. Kebabs can be decent after a few pints too, as long as you're not in too sketchy an area.