Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Whaler]

Since he's of sound mind (on a relative scale) they can't force him to do anything. They can invite and encourage him to come to his PT session, but he can just say "No Thanks" and that is that. I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if he was arguing that the lack of food has him too weak to do the therapy or some such shit with them.

It's basically Schrodinger's retarded fat baby at this point. He refuses to do the PT and they can't really make him, but his bills are being paid so the place he's at won't push him anymore than they have to, but because of this, he's going to stay in that place for as long as possible until he can either no longer afford it or his insurance boots him for being a lazy cunt. He, himself, is making this spot in his life a lot worse than it needs to be and his refusal to admit it will be what kills him. He marks every box for "quick death after first stroke" and he doesn't realize how lucky he is to not be dead/nearly vegetative.

 

[Marisa]

If he was an actual Christian, he would look at the mere fact that he survived so many strokes with amazement, a real piece of God's mercy upon him, a chance to do better in His name. Instead, all he does is bitch he is still alive.

he probably thinks the opposite, that god is being unfair to him.
"i eat healthy. i am nice to everyone. i'm a good christian. why is god punishing me like this?"

 

[Staffy]

View attachment 4746128

Isn't it weird how your brain turned into mush?

This is exactly RANDOM-ACCESS HUMOR. How long until he appears in camera, with only a towel and starts disrobing and spazzing out while making autistic noises?

 

[UERISIMILITUDO]

It's hilarious beyond words to see some fat fuck in the hospital for health conditions caused by his gluttony, eating cake and other things he doesn't need, while complaining about it. I can't imagine being this unpleasant if I were in a hospital fucking dying.

Bri will get pregnant and that will be the end. She'll be raising two Scalfatties and being forced to help out Jagoff and Hammy with stuff.

I'm imagining two miniature Jacks waddling around with slurred baby talk, swallowing raw chicken parts whole before they can be stopped. What a disconcerting mental image there.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

he probably thinks the opposite, that god is being unfair to him.
"i eat healthy. i am nice to everyone. i'm a good christian. why is god punishing me like this?"

Either that or he'd convince himself he's the modern-day Job.

 

[VenomPlug]

Chris-Chan has Sonichu, Andrew Dobson has Blue Bear and Jack has this fucking Bitmoji thing. I want to rape it with MG 42.

 

[That Damned Tiger]

Either that or he'd convince himself he's the modern-day Job.

He'll never be Job. Job had a family and friends that wanted to be around him.

 

[Staffy]

Job lost literally everything, like his family, and his house. He only lost his health and the ability to move all limbs and walk. Fatty proclaiming that he's like Job would be peak fake christian delusion.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

He'll never be Job. Job had a family and friends that wanted to be around him.

True, if he's anything Biblical he's the Scapegoat.

 

[Old English Roast Beef]

For Jack's Biblical type, I nominate Eglon the Moabite.

Spoiler: Judges 3:15-25

But when the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for them, Ehud the son of Gera, the Benjaminite, a left-handed man. And the sons of Israel sent tribute by him to Eglon the king of Moab. Now Ehud made himself a sword which had two edges, a cubit in length, and he strapped it on his right thigh under his cloak. Then he presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Eglon was a very fat man. And it came about, when he had finished presenting the tribute, that Ehud sent away the people who had carried the tribute. But he himself turned back from the idols which were at Gilgal, and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” And the king said, “Silence!” And all who were attending him left him. Then Ehud came to him while he was sitting in his cool roof chamber alone. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” And he got up from his seat. Then Ehud reached out with his left hand and took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. The hilt of the sword also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade because he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the refuse came out. Then Ehud went out into the vestibule, and shut the doors of the roof chamber behind him, and locked them.

When he had left, the king’s servants came and looked, and behold, the doors of the roof chamber were locked; and they said, “Undoubtedly he is relieving himself in the cool room.” So they waited until it would have been shameful to wait longer; but behold, he did not open the doors of the roof chamber. So they took the key and opened them, and behold, their master had fallen to the floor dead.

 

[biggacracka]

For Jack's Biblical type, I nominate Eglon the Moabite.

Spoiler: Judges 3:15-25

But when the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for them, Ehud the son of Gera, the Benjaminite, a left-handed man. And the sons of Israel sent tribute by him to Eglon the king of Moab. Now Ehud made himself a sword which had two edges, a cubit in length, and he strapped it on his right thigh under his cloak. Then he presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Eglon was a very fat man. And it came about, when he had finished presenting the tribute, that Ehud sent away the people who had carried the tribute. But he himself turned back from the idols which were at Gilgal, and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” And the king said, “Silence!” And all who were attending him left him. Then Ehud came to him while he was sitting in his cool roof chamber alone. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” And he got up from his seat. Then Ehud reached out with his left hand and took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. The hilt of the sword also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade because he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the refuse came out. Then Ehud went out into the vestibule, and shut the doors of the roof chamber behind him, and locked them.

When he had left, the king’s servants came and looked, and behold, the doors of the roof chamber were locked; and they said, “Undoubtedly he is relieving himself in the cool room.” So they waited until it would have been shameful to wait longer; but behold, he did not open the doors of the roof chamber. So they took the key and opened them, and behold, their master had fallen to the floor dead.
View attachment 4748220

It's funny because Jack is both Ehud and Eglon, as he is dying from his own left hand

 

[AnOminous]

I'm willing to bet a big 5$ that all the staff treat him sarcastically like a big baby, talking in baby voice and shit, and that he's none the wiser and he thinks they actually care about him

I'm thinking of that Panera Bread guy who literally gave him a cookie like he was a crying baby to shut him up.

 

[ZipDisk]

Interesting how Borgs don't affect Jack in any way, but that's what he's raising his blood pressure over.

Spoiler: Butter up that bacon, boy!

My grandma had some infuriating quirks like that, I shared about it in one of the food threads. You had to "fix your food up right" or she'd throw a bitchfit. I just now remembered that she made me butter up scrambled eggs, something I never did at home, and still regard is a repulsive and wasteful way to add calories.

I am amused that a lot of fast food places are breaking out the stops putting out horrendously gluttonous offerings, and Jack can't film them!
Stew fatty, Stew!

Eglon the Moabite - holy shit that's some good (weird) bible.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

For Jack's Biblical type, I nominate Eglon the Moabite.

Spoiler: Judges 3:15-25

But when the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord, the Lord raised up a deliverer for them, Ehud the son of Gera, the Benjaminite, a left-handed man. And the sons of Israel sent tribute by him to Eglon the king of Moab. Now Ehud made himself a sword which had two edges, a cubit in length, and he strapped it on his right thigh under his cloak. Then he presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab. Now Eglon was a very fat man. And it came about, when he had finished presenting the tribute, that Ehud sent away the people who had carried the tribute. But he himself turned back from the idols which were at Gilgal, and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.” And the king said, “Silence!” And all who were attending him left him. Then Ehud came to him while he was sitting in his cool roof chamber alone. And Ehud said, “I have a message from God for you.” And he got up from his seat. Then Ehud reached out with his left hand and took the sword from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. The hilt of the sword also went in after the blade, and the fat closed over the blade because he did not pull the sword out of his belly; and the refuse came out. Then Ehud went out into the vestibule, and shut the doors of the roof chamber behind him, and locked them.

When he had left, the king’s servants came and looked, and behold, the doors of the roof chamber were locked; and they said, “Undoubtedly he is relieving himself in the cool room.” So they waited until it would have been shameful to wait longer; but behold, he did not open the doors of the roof chamber. So they took the key and opened them, and behold, their master had fallen to the floor dead.
View attachment 4748220

Probably the single most bad-ass scene in the entire Bible.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Leave it to Jack to get assmad about something he can't really consume. And I swear he gives TikTok enough free rent in his head to lease out free server space when it eventually gets banned.

He was all up for TikTok when it first came out and he was trying to recreate recipes found on it like the keto bread that only had three ingredients and he was really excited for it. Except the three ingredients were eggs, tahini and baking powder. To anybody who knows the first thing about cooking could tell you that that couldn't work. And yet he not only tried it and baked it but always did his mushbrain ways afterwards by ooohing and aaaahing over it. He kept saying how great and beautiful it looked you know, like everything he makes even when it looks like absolute shit.

Then he tried it and compared it to chewing on a dirty gym sock. To which you have to ask does he really know what a dirty gym sock tastes like? And I say yes because Jim Traynor would stuff one in Jagoff's mouth at the beginning when he used to rail Hammy and didn't want to hear Jagoff complaining.

Then he complained about TikTok saying it was just girls dancing provocatively to songs. I guess he'd be better if they were hunky men but he needs to hide his homosexuality under a thin veneer of conservatism.

Spoiler: Butter up that bacon, boy!

My grandma had some infuriating quirks like that, I shared about it in one of the food threads. You had to "fix your food up right" or she'd throw a bitchfit. I just now remembered that she made me butter up scrambled eggs, something I never did at home, and still regard is a repulsive and wasteful way to add calories.

I am amused that a lot of fast food places are breaking out the stops putting out horrendously gluttonous offerings, and Jack can't film them!
Stew fatty, Stew!

Everybody's grandmother used loads of butter and grease when making food because that was how they were raised and taught. Of course back in their time you actually worked and walked and did physical labor so you had to eat a lot and those calories from the fats helped to keep you satiated longer. And then they just continued.

 

[Guntanator]

This motherfucker complains about everything. He acts like he's the only patient there that needs their ass wiped. If you rang the nurse for ketchup I hope they told you to get fucked. Where's jr? Why isn't he stepping up to help his ol' pa?

 

[ZipDisk]

They should go the other way, fill a sack with ketchup and mustard packets and just leave it in his room.
That way, if he uses too much, they can punish him by taking it away!

Just looked it up on amazon, a pack of 75 packets is $14.

 

[Nothing To Say Here]

Everybody's grandmother used loads of butter and grease when making food because that was how they were raised and taught. Of course back in their time you actually worked and walked and did physical labor so you had to eat a lot and those calories from the fats helped to keep you satiated longer. And then they just continued.

I find butter in eggs way less appalling than some of other of Jacks faults. It’s a pretty common technique to add butter into proper soft scrambled eggs when talking about higher end (Michelin quality) preparation. Pretty sure it’s got French origins (Escoffier).

Of course I doubt fatty has any idea about this and probably consumes whole sticks of butter in treat from, much like a kid eats a popsicle.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

Everybody's grandmother used loads of butter and grease when making food because that was how they were raised and taught. Of course back in their time you actually worked and walked and did physical labor so you had to eat a lot and those calories from the fats helped to keep you satiated longer. And then they just continued.

I still do this all the time because I practice intermittent fasting with one meal per day most days of the week. The extra fats make a big difference.

Townsends had a video where he made a recipe for scrambled eggs that used a quarter-pound of butter.

 

[Buck Mullet]

View attachment 4747920

Chris-Chan has Sonichu, Andrew Dobson has Blue Bear and Jack has this fucking Bitmoji thing. I want to rape it with MG 42.

Another movie excursion? What's this, the third or fourth? I get being cooped up in a nursing home all day would suck, but there's no way Fatty's not stuffing his face either eating out or at the theater, which totally defeats part of the purpose of being there in the first place, losing some weight along with PT in order to regain some mobility.

Can't wait for the review... "It's gud" probably. Either way, it'll be a review of a movie about retards by a retard.