What’s the best way to handle a screaming child on a flight?

[mister meaner]

Oh god they’ve already started and we haven’t even taken off this is a four hour flight pls help

 

[The Backwards Man]

Scream louder than the baby

 

[JethroTullamore]

Drink.

 

[mister meaner]

Before you all suggest, no, it is not necessary to use my penis right now.

 

[SaltyFantaMan]

What race is the baby?

 

[mister meaner]

What race is the baby?

White

 

[vomitusdeux]

Scream "I have a bomb, nigger" the baby will be too afraid to cry if necessary. And you'll get a new pair of silver bracelets.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

Give the little bastard something to cry about.

 

[Patrick Bait-man]

KICK THAT NIGGER BITCH OFF THE PLANE

 

[Epic Fail Man]

There's a special room for annoying toddlers here.

 

[SaltyFantaMan]

@mister meaner homeboy paid for airplane wifi just to shitpost
Grind never stops

 

[mister meaner]

@mister meaner homeboy paid for airplane wifi just to shitpost
Grind never stops

I have to use a VPN because they have this website blocked lol

The child is no longer crying for now, I think someone used their penis, if necessary.

 

[Agent Abe Caprine]

@mister meaner homeboy paid for airplane wifi just to shitpost
Grind never stops

Today I found out airplanes have wifi. Guess avoiding the molestation stations has made me miss out on something.

 

[Cats]

My mom had an extremely friendly asian colleague who always carried a transformer in her travel bag whenever she flew to Japan or somewhere on business in case a kid began acting up. I met that lady twice, and then for three Christmases afterward (completely out of the blue), she sent me a present...a special edition Future Spawn, Manga Spawn, and finally some really cool large scale fighter jet that I think was from Macross. That lady was fucking awesome and made me actually want to write Thank You cards which I still do to this day if someone sends me anything.

 

[Feefee81093]

I misread flight as fight. So I'm thinking about how to engage one in combat. Children are small. I think if you were to kick it enough like a mare punishing a foul it'd relent. I don't know how to stop the crying. Try shaking it to see if it stops.

 

[Poppavalyim Andropoff]

chloroform

 

[Alligator Alcatraz]

Sometimes plane staff sell ear plugs alongside blankets and pillows.

I use ear plugs and noise canceling headphones for double the noise reduction. Sony WH1000XM3.

 

[Soup Sammiches]

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

 

[Bargain Bin Laden]

Don’t worry, I’m a pro at handling airplane related mishaps

 

[malleusmaleficarum]

OP do you "handle" children regularly? i don't think you're allowed to do that.