Laughable wikiHow guides

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"I don't know who you are.
But I will find you.
AND I WILL KILL YOU."
 
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wheat pasta said:
http://www.wikihow.com/Make-People-Believe-You're-a-Mermaid-at-School
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This is still my favorite one. It's basically a guide to : "Hey, want pretend you're Darryl Hannah from that old 80's movie Splash?"

Also it really shows how Twilight has affected the high school culture for some girls. Because this guide is essentially how to be Twilight, but mermaids instead of vampires and werewolves.

The other part I love is how the guide is slightly self-aware at how bullshit and stupid actually doing this would be, but not SO self aware that it doesn't just go " You know what? This is stupid. Don't do this, you'll be making a laughing stock of yourself"

Case in point, several of the tips from the guide include these words verbatim:

"
  • Be ready to point it (facts about the ocean) out when others are mistaken but don't make a nuisance of yourself."
"
  • If no one notices your nervousness at the touch of water, don't worry. Gradually, they probably will start to notice it. However, if you add more drama to it, people will think you're a drama queen and/or trying to get attention." -P.S, this entire exercise is solely about getting attention. This tip basically is saying " Hey, we know you're an attention whore, but try not to be too obvious about it"
"
  • Avoid singing too much or people will think you're only trying to show others how good you are. Then, they'll start to ignore, avoid, and/or dislike you."
"
  • Don't go overboard with this and lecture everyone about keeping marine life and the sea safe. Otherwise, people will find you annoying and think that you're only trying to get attention."

And there's a couple more elsewhere in the entry. Look, if a guide is warning you this many times that hey, chances are you are going to look like a complete asshole doing this...then maybe don't do it? There's absolutely no benefit to it. No one is going to seriously believe you're a mermaid. Now, much of the ocean is still unexplored, so we cannot, 100% rule out that mermaids don't exist, but no one is going to buy that one of them has decided to enroll in East Bumblefuck High School in Wisconsin
 
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Kataomoi00 said:
I don't know if this was posted already but:

http://m.wikihow.com/Touch-a-Girl
"How To Touch A Girl"

View attachment 109072
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Look for opportunities to break the touch barrier in a chivalrous way when you are together.
...
Be her knight in shining armor.
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>chivalrous
>knight in shining armor

It's too perfect. :neckbeard:

Edit:
Make a bolder move. If she responded positively to all of the above, make your next move (or risk forever being trapped in the "friend" zone).
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There are no words.
 
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flossman said:
Don't... mermaids want to be in water? I would think that if you're pretending to be one that you'd run to the school's swimming pool, dive in, and never leave.
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No, because they're trying to make people believe they are actually mermaids. And they are going off the plot of "Splash" where a mermaid goes on land and falls in love with Tom Hanks. Thing is, if she gets wet, she turns back to her true form.

That's why they are supposed to act "scared" of water. Because their "secret" would be exposed. It's basically just high school girls wanting to be mysterious to make themselves more alluring. But it adds the Twilight-y bullshit by adding a mythical creature angle
 
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