Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[TheCakeIsALie]

2018 was the Big One that paralyzed his right arm (with Jack neglecting PT to make sure it's permanent), but he did have at least one documented stroke prior to that, which Jack promptly ignored because he didn't get immediately killed or crippled by that. He also had a health event even earlier that really sounds like a stroke (which would put him at FOUR STROKES btw), but it was never confirmed because Jack didn't suffer any ill effects from that and he just left the hospital in a huff because the doctors were unable to divine the cause in a single affordable pass.

Also, the salmonella thing is mainly a meme, iirc Jack never actually contracted anything serious from the notoriously undercooked dishes he did.

Appreciate the timeline. Imagine being in your 40s and having a stroke, jeeeeez.

 

[ZipDisk]

Living with Jack takes a hard toll.

Tammy is a hateful, gluttonous cunt in her own right, do not feel sorry for her.

 

[LaughJoke2.0]

Almost all of the men in my paternal line smoked and drank heavily every day of their lives and still lived into their 80s. It's ridiculous what good genes let you get away with.

That's why for the good of the gene pool the Scalfani line must end.

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

Also, the salmonella thing is mainly a meme, iirc Jack never actually contracted anything serious from the notoriously undercooked dishes he did.

Considering how terrible and greasy his diet and lifestyle are, its not beyond the realm of the possible that diarrhea, cramps, gas, and other digestive related symptoms were just dismissed as normal by Jack. With his health being how it is, fever and shit might just be dismissed as "man flu" too. He may not realize that its not normal to be constantly shitting yourself.

 

[ten dollars off]

Did they get rid of their dog, Hope? Also, any updates on the state of Brianna?

 

[AnOminous]

Considering how terrible and greasy his diet and lifestyle are, its not beyond the realm of the possible that diarrhea, cramps, gas, and other digestive related symptoms were just dismissed as normal by Jack. With his health being how it is, fever and shit might just be dismissed as "man flu" too. He may not realize that its not normal to be constantly shitting yourself.

I feel sorry for whatever poor healthcare workers have to clean the shit off this fat bastard's asshole.

If you ever wonder why nursing home workers are so abusive, it's from having to deal with worthless scum like Jackhole.

 

[Marisa]

Considering how terrible and greasy his diet and lifestyle are, its not beyond the realm of the possible that diarrhea, cramps, gas, and other digestive related symptoms were just dismissed as normal by Jack. With his health being how it is, fever and shit might just be dismissed as "man flu" too. He may not realize that its not normal to be constantly shitting yourself.

not to PL too hard, but i had an ex who actually lived like that. he wasn't a deathfat (he was actually very underweight) but he only ate fast food because he was too lazy to even cook ramen. he really thought that it was normal for all shits to be liquid and a race against the clock, so i fully believe jack lives that way as well

 

[p1138]

Considering how terrible and greasy his diet and lifestyle are, its not beyond the realm of the possible that diarrhea, cramps, gas, and other digestive related symptoms were just dismissed as normal by Jack. With his health being how it is, fever and shit might just be dismissed as "man flu" too. He may not realize that its not normal to be constantly shitting yourself.

I've said this before but considering how unhealthy everything from his diet to lack of doing anything is, there is no way he's had anything resembling a normal bowel movement in 20 years. It's probably a constant struggle between constipation and the shits. There is just no possible way it's "normal" and he probably wouldn't know if he did get some mild food poisoning because he couldn't tell the difference.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

Did they get rid of their dog, Hope? Also, any updates on the state of Brianna?

It just occurred to me, has jackoff said anything about Hope through this whole episode? I get pets might not be the highest priority to you right after major medical episode, but he's been on facebook for like a month now right? No mention of how much his pupper might be missing him, or how he's excited to go see her soon? Not even once between all the posts about food? Jack really does just see her as a disposable background object, fucking prick.

I'm still standing by Jack eating Hope until proven otherwise.

 

[toilet_rainbow]

It just occurred to me, has jackoff said anything about Hope through this whole episode? I get pets might not be the highest priority to you right after major medical episode, but he's been on facebook for like a month now right? No mention of how much his pupper might be missing him, or how he's excited to go see her soon? Not even once between all the posts about food? Jack really does just see her as a disposable background object, fucking prick.

I'm still standing by Jack eating Hope until proven otherwise.

Jack despised Hope. Even in his CWJ intro with the dog barking he was visibly pissed. At an imaginary puppy. I really hope that Hope was given to a more loving home, but it's a lolcow with an animal. That situation very rarely ends well for the animal.

I think most of us would miss our pet(s) when we were far from home, as much as we would our family and friends. Jack is not like most people. Hope is not on his radar in his slightest. If he's thought of Qali or even Garrett for longer than five seconds, I'd be surprised. If anything, he appears to miss going to eat Popeyes in the car more than he misses Tammy (when she's not delivering him Popeyes).

 

[Kuritan Deplorable]

and a race against the clock

Now I'm just got a mental image of Jack, halfway through recording an episode. Suddenly, his face freezes, his eyes go wide. All other concerns vacate the Wendigos mind, save one.

Its time.

He begins to waddle at max pace, shouting through the building, an incoherent mix of calls for Tammy and prayers uttered in panic. The waddling has elevated his heartrate, which concerns him. He lives in fear of dying the Elvis way, and prays for any other fate. The monkeys paw continues to curl, but Jack is unaware of how expensive this prayer will end up being. Halfway there, he begins attempting to free himself for what is to come - Efforts are made to pin the dress he calls a shirt up and out of the way under the dead arm, but maintaining the pressure is difficult. The live hand awkwardly fumbles to find the waistband of his pants, buried under the rolls. This uncharacteristic bout of movement unbalances the waddle, which goes wider to compensate. His shoulders are bouncing off the hallway walls, slowing him down. The photos hanging in the corridor, of a smaller Jack and a happy Tammy, from a time long ago, echo something greater lost than just mobility.

Against all odds, he manages to free his waistband enough and pull it temporarily out enough that he's confident he can draw it down. Finally barging into the bathroom, he lifts the lid while cursing that Tammy will not tolerate the convenience of him leaving it up. Alas, this final action is too much.

Its time.

Desperately, he attempts to turn while dropping his pants, but its too slow. The rotational waddle requires at least four steps, but no sooner than the first has landed, the valley erupts in a furor. His pants, hindered by only being pulled down on one side by one arm, catch at a jaunty angle, neatly bisecting the acidic beam into an "interior" and "Exterior" disaster zone. A trail is painted, fabric is soiled, and by the time that flesh meets porcelain with a foundation-groaning thud, much has escaped, more than he can conceal from Tammy. Jack groans, and curses internally to himself - He'll have to punish Hope for shitting all over the place. He wants to love that dog, he really does, but this is what she does to him. Another month in the harness, that should be punishment enough. One day she'll learn.

Deep in his heart, Jack knows the true cause of todays problems, but the Wendigo clouds his mind and redirects all blame, for the vessel only needs to worry about two emotions - The hunger, and the pleasure of feeding. All else is secondary, and guilt could lead to introspection. Introspection could lead to recognition of the Wendigo. Recognition could lead to reprisal. And reprisal would have to be countered in kind. The Wendigo mulls it over, its influence tickling the masses of cholesteral clotting the veins and arteries towards the brain.

Perhaps this vessel is already in need of reshaping. Removal of unneeded functions.

The Wendigo hungers, for its host this time. The Monkeys paw finishes curling.

 

[Nothing To Say Here]

It just occurred to me, has jackoff said anything about Hope through this whole episode? I get pets might not be the highest priority to you right after major medical episode, but he's been on facebook for like a month now right? No mention of how much his pupper might be missing him, or how he's excited to go see her soon? Not even once between all the posts about food? Jack really does just see her as a disposable background object, fucking prick.

I'm still standing by Jack eating Hope until proven otherwise.

Negative ghostrider. Jack hasn’t or won’t say anything about Hope. He’s a narcissistic sociopath and doesn’t give a shit about anything or anybody other than himself. This whole episode serves one purpose for the fat bag of shit, and that’s to ensure his current debilitated state focuses everyones attention on him and only him. Second only to the goal of focusing the attention on him is using the circumstances in some way to ensure mour meeeeeet is wheeled in front of his fat ass to jam in his gullet.

 

[MS Paint Gigachad]

Jack is literally the only human I have ever seen EXCITED for turkey necks. And I've had filipino friends! They eat some gross shit.

Now, I don't often eat turkey, but I eat chicken necks, I don't get excited for them, but they taste just like chicken wings, bit messier since you have the spine and all its bones, but still quite edible nonetheless. On a related note, chicken feet taste just like regular chicken skin. I also think it's hypocritical to eat the meat off of the rest of the bird and leave behind the neck/feet for reasons, like what makes it so different from the rest?

 

[p1138]

Now, I don't often eat turkey, but I eat chicken necks, I don't get excited for them, but they taste just like chicken wings, bit messier since you have the spine and all its bones, but still quite edible nonetheless. On a related note, chicken feet taste just like regular chicken skin. I also think it's hypocritical to eat the meat off of the rest of the bird and leave behind the neck/feet for reasons, like what makes it so different from the rest?

They're annoying to eat, that's why. I've had chicken feet, the taste was fine but the tiny bones were just annoying. I can't imagine the neck would be much better to deal with.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

That's why for the good of the gene pool the Scalfani line must end.

It is fortunate that Garrett has taken up ladyboys as a hobby and Junior prefers underage teen boys.

 

[LaxerBRO]

View attachment 4862241
Eat before you eat. Meat gud

I will give him that the green beans look disgusting. But that what you get eating yourself into an institution.

 

[Comma]

It's amazing how Jack has been behaving even more infuriatingly obnoxious since the last stroke. Absolutely fucking amazing.

I kinda wish the people who take care of him in the place he's staying at would be able to see how fucking ungrateful and disrespectful he has been towards them. I bet he's all smiles and being the perfect Christian boy in their faces, while burning them to ground on his Facebook.

Abhorrent fucking mongoloid.

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

It's amazing how Jack has been behaving even more infuriatingly obnoxious since the last stroke. Absolutely fucking amazing.

Could be the result of the stroke(s) fucking up his inhibitions. I think an earlier post here documented Jack's pre-stroke presence and he was a lot more pleasant.

 

[Tiresome]

Could be the result of the stroke(s) fucking up his inhibitions. I think an earlier post here documented Jack's pre-stroke presence and he was a lot more pleasant.

He's always been the most thin-skinned bitch even before the first stroke, just look at his early-2000s blog. He's now more angy than ever because he's utterly debilitated and he wants to blame everything but himself.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

It's amazing how Jack has been behaving even more infuriatingly obnoxious since the last stroke. Absolutely fucking amazing.

I kinda wish the people who take care of him in the place he's staying at would be able to see how fucking ungrateful and disrespectful he has been towards them. I bet he's all smiles and being the perfect Christian boy in their faces, while burning them to ground on his Facebook.

Abhorrent fucking mongoloid.

Nah the staff definitely hates him. He's mentioned pushing the call button numerous times for wanting more food. Also I noticed he has posted nothing about the other residents. Usually you would have some sort of interaction, even just going to meals, watching TV, etc. Jack is just literally shitting himself and being in an isolation of his own choosing.