Gretchen Felker-Martin / Micah Elliott Martin / scumbelievable / nonameinanytongue - Transgender media critic, author of MANHUNT, nuclear-grade turbocoomer, FAT, totally does not have a rape fetish

[Terrorist]

He has an eating disorder. He claims 3, one seems to involve starving himself

Congrats to Micah for beating anorexia!

 

[Soggy paper straw]

I am completely retarded, but Micah is still not a good writer

Dreadnought

The book opens with this

Spoiler: text

August 3rd, 1994

It was Leah’s thirteenth birthday

The next chapter opens with

Spoiler: text

December 11th, 1998

So Leah, the protagonist, is about 16 and 4 months old if my math'ing is correct. That does not say much about the other characters since they could be younger or older. They way they are described they all seem to be teens, but given his literary skills who knows.

But fear not! Although the protagonist is slightly older than I initially thought, we still get this

Spoiler: I feel I should be arrested for reading this book

She cried, thinking of Alan’s delicate hands and the soft Cupid’s bow of his upper lip, which had felt like
whipped cream between her teeth when she’d been only fourteen and still in the wrong skin and so fucking hungry

Bonus:
Chapter four is set in October 1998. Unless I have gone completely retarded (which is possible after reading this), that is BEFORE chapter 1. Chapter 5 just starts normally, without any date, so what the fuck happened with the timeline? Is everything after Ch 5 before Ch 1-4? Is Ch 4 in the past? Did Micah not realise?



Most importantly, is he bad at taking criticism or is the book so bad that no one wanted to bother to try to fix it?

@AMHOLIO : That's what I was trying to figure out and I really don't want to know if she has read any of his books. Because if she has I'm sorry.

Don't know about his mother. But I am maybe more interested in those people to whom these are dedicated. For this one is a certain "Sam", who I have seen in his Tumblr (I will include something about her in my review of the book - coming soon!), and seems like a quirky she/they with dark teal hair (back 10 years ago, I think she is one of the friends who are not friends anymore, but will need to confirm)

 

[Soggy paper straw]

A review of Dreadnought : Part 1
I will do a part 2 asap. I am also planning a quick overall review, pulling the more horrifying quotes for the OP. The two detailed reviews can just be linked (or just be in the thread, I don't care - but this feels too detailed for the OP, but want something detailed in this thread because no one else should suffer through this book)

---

Summary from Micah's website

Spoiler: Summary

At the end of the world, three broken girls entrusted with the piloting of biomechanical monstrosities known as Dreadnoughts are all that stand between humanity and annihilation at the hands of the Lilim, a race of monstrous giant women from another world. As sanity and civilization teeter in the balance, Leah, El, and Kelly struggle to reconcile their hated minds and bodies with the perfect engines of destruction with which they must bond to survive.

---

I went into the book without reading the summary. Reading it for the first time, the part about being the end of the world and piloting biomechanical monstrosities became clear 50 pages in. Actually, the thing about the world ending is not clear until the end of the book, about 140 pages of literary horror. Any time there are mentions about the world ending, it is from the POV of one of the angsty teens (aka all of them), so there is nothing that makes the reader translate "Total heat death" to "the world is mostly, definitely, ending, and it is NOT just teens exaggerating".

The protagonist, Leah, is a fat 13 years old in the prologue (just had her birthday 1994). The rest of the book is set sometime while she is 16 (October - December 199.

Micah gifts us with extraordinary writing, painting the characters with amazing vividness and, most importantly, showing that he totally knows how humans work

Spoiler

She scratched at the pimple with a chewed and broken nail. Layers of frayed keratin shifted against her skin, pulling at the tender nail bed beneath. The ache was deep and sweet and all-consuming.

Something that does not easily transpire reading a review with selected quotes is how bad of a writer he genuinely is. I copied quotes as I was reading, but looking back at them, they are not atrocious taken out of context. The issue is that his writing is rife with bad metaphors and unnecessary descriptions. Your brain will just zone out, carried by the flow of the bad writing. James Joyce meets Sophie Labelle.

Spoiler

They took a secure elevator which Hatcher unlocked with a red key she wore around her neck down sixteen floors into the building, listening together to the thrum of the cable and the fading growl of the engine driving it.

The two books by Micah I have read have the same exact ingredients, pieced together to fill however many pages he wants. So be ready for that!
- boring/annoying/mind numbing description
- angsty thoughts worthy of tumblr (it's not introspection because the reader doesn't understand why the characters are doing what they do. Neither does it build a personality for the characters, they remain the stereotypes they are meant to be from the beginning)
- porn-y description of sex, well rape in many cases

Now onto the chapter by chapter review:

---

Prologue
The book opens with Leah going somewhere in this military base. She is accompanied by Hatcher, an older woman who is also a Captain of this organisation. Leah is stressed and she is obsessing with a big pimple on her nose. If you must know (and you must know because I had to read this, so now you must share my disgust), the descriptions of the pimple and thoughts of popping it have a fetishistic vibe.

Spoiler: pimple fetish

It was fat and red and it throbbed in time with her heartbeat

The opening scene is Leah and Hatcher coming into the base from the frozen outside. They have to take off their snow clothes, and this is what just-turned-13-Leah thinks [because Leah is fat and Micah would have sex with her (allegedly)]

Spoiler: Micah, she is 13

She tried as she unbuttoned her overcoat not to look at her own body, thick with bulging folds of flab. Hatcher pretended not to notice as Leah tugged her undershirt, which had ridden up, back down over the lowermost roll of her belly. Pulling her thermal leggings up over that crescent of soft, heavy flesh felt more shameful than squatting to piss in front of the older woman

Let me state the obvious, this is not how a body-conscious 13 yo writes about her own body.

Hatcher takes Leah to the director of the organisation (UNAN marines), they are in a room overseeing this creature thing, that is alive (?). Micah badly brings up that the pilots control these creatures by connecting with them, in some way. Idgaf. Also, my attention is diverted by this:

Spoiler: Again. Micah, she is THIRTEEN

That’s my real body, Leah thought suddenly, her breath quickening. She felt almost hot, though she was dry between her legs.

Explanation: Leah is fat, but the creature is slim. She is obsessed by the creature's body being her "real body"

Leah is deemed too fat by the director who is, SHOCK, her mom!!! Mom tells Leah to lose weight if she wants to become a pilot.


Chapter 1
Time skip - it is now about 3-4 years later. From my retarded calculations, she should be about 16 and 4 months. Leah and other girls are piloting those creatures. The descriptions are shit, and honestly not that important because clearly this is some very weird fetish novel. What is interesting is that they have to enter from a vagina-like cavity and they pilot the monsters from what they refer to as the "womb".

We are introduced to another POV: Kelly. She is fit so Leah hates her. Meanwhile Kelly seems to have a fat fetish and wants to have sex with her.
Oh fyi - Kelly is a ""girl"" , the type with dicks

Spoiler: More fat fetishism

The fat girl undressed with mechanical detachment and shoved her clothes into her locker. Her dimpled thighs pushed at her belly, shifting its soft rolls as she took out her link suit and forced a leg into it. The blood-colored plasticized fabric drew taut, deforming where her fingers dug into its hem. It’s so tight, thought Kelly. Her cheeks felt hot. There’s so much of her
[...]
Elly’s mouth was dry. I want to pin her to the floor and put my hand inside her. I want to knead her belly like fresh dough. I want to—
[...]
She hates me. She wants to kill me. I’m the most disgusting person in the world. I should have raped her because that’s what this feels like now.

Spoiler: Just Kelly being a girl, doing girly things

Kelly forced a hand into her open suit, wincing as her nails scratched at the unwashed and rashy skin of her inner thighs. She was half-hard already, as stiff as she ever got anymore, and whined as she cupped the overheated mess between her legs, pressing against it, two fingers hooked under to probe at her soft pubic hair and wrinkled flesh. She bit her lip. A hot spike of need pushed against the suffocating blanket of the gray fog still pounding over her. It felt like it would tear. She fumbled with it, with the thing, her nameless meat [AN: I can help you with this: it's a DICK], which wept precum against her palm.

Right after, change of scene, moving to Leah's pov to this: "Leah hung weightless in the dreadnought’s flooded
cockpit."

So, in the COCK-pit, Leah is controlling the monster. She is fighting these "lilims" (whatever the fuck they are, whatever reason they have to fight. Who knows?)
This mess of "sexy" and action is what Micah decided would be great

Spoiler: Micah, YWNBAW (you will never be a writer)

Sensory feedback squealed in the wet, crackling crotch of Leah’s mind as the lilim’s claws skittered over her upraised forearm

Shakespeare who?

It smiled at her, writhing under her weight, clawing weakly at her calf with its one good hand. Its other flopped at its side like a landed eel,

Blue blood gushed in steaming torrents out over the pack.

You can feel he wants to try to achieve something with his writing. But it is just so bad.

It smiled at her, left mandible loose, drool pooling between its small, flat breasts to trickle down over the scrimshaw labyrinth of its hide. Its shining hair cut deep into its throat as it made its sound again, a plaintive whisper she could almost understand. Leah’s shoulders ached and burned. Loose tendrils of the lilim’s mane crawled curious and slow over her wrists

The fight ends. They are back to base, and Leah has to leave the cockpit through a tunnel (vaginal-like fleshy canal). What the fuck, you may think. I understand, but Micah is more interested in reminding the reader of how fat Leah is

Spoiler: She is F-A-T and I would not have sex with her (also, Micah may have forgotten, but she is still 16)

If I have to resize this fucking thing one more time I’m going to start personally counting every calorie you suck in,

Spoiler from a later chapter. Holy shit, she is F-A-T
She has a flashback of her mother taking her to get lipo, and they put her in a gown for morbidly obese patients, and say that they could take a bariatric approach (I think they are implying WLS?), but she would have to lose 50-60 KILOS! (100+ elbees!!)

Also fatlogic - Leah barely eats you guyz!!

Sometimes, when she could force herself to eat at all, she did so in the cradle’s yawning emptiness. Cold soup from a can was easiest.

Chapter 2
Kelly is a he. Let's not forget this. This other girl, El, is a TERF!

Spoiler: Terfy character is terfy

El tried not to stare at the fine hairs on her Adam’s apple as it bobbed with each swallow.

I hope you have a hard time, Kelly, you fucking he-she freak

Oh, but not really terfy. El wants to fuck Kelly, and is jealous of Leah. El loves *her* (Kelly).
But seems to have conflicting thoughts - this is like the character in Manhunt who is a TERF but also wants to fuck transwomen. These women totally exist, you guyz. To make sure we know what a bitch El is, Micah made sure to also give her a restrictive ED, because that is what all Meangirls(tm) have.

Because Micah is a progressive writer and values representation, he makes sure there are some POC characters! Sooooo - let's have a long scene of a Black young boy being tortured while he is "tested" for his affinity to be a pilot to these creatures.

Spoiler: Micah, that is not the insult for POC - we know you have said the no-no word

Come on, the older woman mouthed. Come on, you dirty little faggot

It seems the story is not about action and saving the world, or whatever they were doing. Now it is all about that teen drama! El cannot resist Kelly anymore and she kisses her him. Poor Kelly, does not want skinny meangirl El.

Spoiler: This book cannot decide whether it wants to identify as porn/romance or horror/action

I don’t want that,” Kelly heard herself say as their lips parted. Her voice fluttered, dipping lower, and shame pulled at the pit of her stomach. Her cock stood hard under her skirt, tenting the stained fabric. Making her a liar.

I thought progressives understood that body reactions =/= consent

Spoiler: But anyway, now it's time for the porn

El looked up at her, eyes red and puffy, tears glistening in the hollows of her cheeks. She lunged toward Kelly clumsily and their lips made a seal, saliva mixing in a hungry slurry. The taste of salt. Kelly fell back onto the threadbare cushions as El straddled her. The other girl’s bony pelvis dug into hers. Kelly fought down her revulsion and the tide of apathy beneath it. Tears stung the corners of her eyes as she rolled her hips and slid unfeeling fingers through El’s hair. She felt acutely conscious of the difference in their height, of the respective widths of their shoulders.
I’m going to suck something out of her, Kelly thought in a slow, stupid, syrupy way as El bent, her hair brushing Kelley’s face, and bit her lip. I’m going to spread myself for her like a flower and she’ll rub her body against my quivering secret parts and shed her pollen and I’ll be a real girl, tiny and cute and vulnerable, and the gardens will go back into the earth and everything will be like it was before, or better maybe, and nothing will hurt anymore

Nothing of value happens. Well, not that any of value happens in the whole book.
End of Part 1. Part 2 coming soon.

 

[Soggy paper straw]

A review of Dreadnought : Part 2

Although this second part will cover more chapters, it should be about the same length as part 1. The reason is simple: my brain was so checked out of this book, that I have no idea what happened in the last chapters AND don't care. Soooo, let's get into it!

---

Chapter 3

I realised something: the only good horror Micah can write is what he thinks is porn. The actual horror is extremely bland. There is about 2-3 pages of body horror describing one of these humanoid monsters getting dismembered, people going inside this monster, then being covered in blood and organs. Yet, the monsters are described so badly that all my brain is doing is trying to understand what the fuck is going and trying to build a picture of what these monsters look like.

Micah likes to use big-boy words. They don't help at all to create a more vivid image. I am only horrified at the writing. I am not scared or repulsed by the image. Maybe I would be IF I HAD an image in my head, but I don't, because the description is shit.

Spoiler: What is this?

She had to watch them fumble for the glistening, wormlike umbilicus running from the thing back into the lilim’s guts and take hold of it like a team playing tug-of-war.

Change of scene. In meangirl fashion, El is also attracted to another man, of course older.
I think this description of sex may be worse than the famous "He put his thingy into my you-know-what" (My Immortal, a much better story that I wish I had read again instead of this)

Spoiler: Sexy time, written by Micah

At night she fantasized that he came to her room and lifted her out of her bed in his arms as though she were a baby and her body would spasm and flicker against his, blurring through different positions as she clawed and humped his outline like a randy tomcat

Is he human?

Sometimes he was hard and sharp and she cut herself on him, although she couldn’t really feel it, and blood ran down her thighs and congealed in the sweat-smelling hollows of her groin.

She has a salivation problem. I have read PLENTY of fanfictions less cringy than this.

...she felt a great dramatic surge of love for him as she pressed him back against the door and kissed him, hard. Sour mouth. Teeth clicking. Saliva running down her chin

A sentence starting with "kid" and ending with a hard dick. Way to go Micah!

“Kid,” he whispered, but his voice was soft. He didn’t stop her. She slid her fingers through the wiry thicket of his pubic hair and gripped his stiffening cock.

At this point of the story El is a young girl with body image and sexual experience that is not appropriate for her age. I am not against her having sex with older adults per se. She is fucked up, seeking validation/attention from older men the only way she knows how.
So, of course, Micah writes a sensitive sex scene that gives subtle hints about the older man being ultimately in control; El being ultimately inexperienced despite what she believes; the reader being uncomfortable because they are aware of what is going on...

Spoiler: AHAHAHAHA of course NOT, he writes this instead

“Uh huh,” he grunted, yanking her shirt up and squeezing her right tit so hard that she whimpered without meaning to. She squirmed out of her jumpsuit, kicking it away, and lowered herself onto him, pulling she thought maybe a little too hard on his cock because he grimaced as she guided him into her. She clenched, the walls of her cunt squeezing greedily (AN: you will never convince me this is not written with a porn-y tone), and for an instant she forgot the gnawing hunger pangs in the pit of her stomach, the feverish headache pulsing behind her eyes, even the raw skin above her clit where she’d rubbed too hard the night before.

Change of scene. The hints at the vaginal imagery of these monsters is finally sealed

Spoiler: weird vore fetish-vibe

She knew that somewhere high above the biomech’s insertion slit was open, that its red edges wept in readiness for her, beads of moisture glowing on the lips of that dark wound. Hand over hand she dragged her aching body up the dreadnought’s armored slope. Pits and gashes in the armor gave her just enough purchase to drag herself onward. Gravity clung hard to the softness of her naked body.

There is then an interlude in this chapter.

Spoiler: Just this. This is the whole interlude. Micah. You are a terrible writer.

Fat white maggot writhing silently against a dark foam-board backing, useless blubber speared by a needle around which it curled and uncurled, trying to hide itself.

If anyone who has read the book can tell me if this is referenced later, please message me! I WANT to know what the fuck is going on.

Spoiler: Bonus fat fetish content.

She gripped the doughy crescentof her belly’s nadir hard enough to bruise.

Chapter 4
Kelly receives a letter that he cannot receive vaginoplasty. The mean marines won't allow him to He is too important! No for real. This is a book about teens piloting monsters to fight other monsters, while the world is ending. But vaginoplasty is still a thing. Exactly what I imagine young soldiers fighting in the trenches in WW1 thought about
Of course this is how Kelly responds

Spoiler: YWNBAW

She imagined cutting her wrists.

Because Micah is writing it, that sentence is followed by this

In her mind’s eye the razor slid smoothly through her skin and the parted folds fell back to hang from her arms. Little wings. There was no blood. Lassitude overtook her, pressing her down into the mattress with strands of dyed blue hair—it was getting dark at the roots again—still plastered to her face.

Kelly, you will never be a woman

She looked around her room. Wastebasket full of used tissues. Drafting desk cluttered with embarrassingly horny half-finished sketches. Clothes heaped on the joyless carpet.

We get it Micah. You learned to write from Tumblr.

She sank down against it and let herself cry until there was nothing left to cry about, until everything was the same flat gray color, flavorless and silent and unmoving

At this point of the book, about 60 pages in (HALFWAY, it's not a long book), I had a realisation: I have no clue what is going on. I don't know how the monsters work, nor I am given a reason to care as teen drama and rejected vaginoplasties seem to be where the drama is! I don't know that the world is actually ending and, again, I don't care because I have no interest in any of these characters. They are only fucking each other, they have no goals, not aims, no dreams beside fucking or raping each other. They just move from one scene to the next, without any coherent motivation, as they also don't have personalities beside the most bland archetypes.

Anyway, finally there is some world building. If anyone cares.

Spoiler: I don't

Three thousand miles of taiga, praerie, and broken ice between their little node of heat and life at Terminus Base and the newborn hole in the world in Montreal. A thousand between them and Garden Six at the pole. Lilim crawling into reality on both sides of the ice where Terminus lay nestled.

I have no clue what is going on. I think the final battle has started? I don't give a fuck, and neither does Micah or the editor (if there was one)

Spoiler: Micah. Bad! Bad writer! (The action)

She sat up, the dregs of her dream sloshing in her skull

The alarm light strobed. The ringer shivered bright and dry as a rattlesnake’s tail.

Another action scene that I think is supposed to contain body horror. Again, the only horror is the writing. And this, especially this:

Slick, dark missiles flurried wetly from the sores on the blue lilim’s shoulders. They looked, Kelly thought as they arced toward her through the glittering spiderweb tangle of her HUD, like sperm, like fat black tadpoles wriggling through the air at four hundred feet per second, trailing strings of purplish mucus.

Fun fact! As I noted in my post above, this chapter is set 2 months before chapter 1. I think this is a mistake or it is only that chapter that is set in the "past". But IDK. See? Micah nor the editor care.

Chapter 5 (and the rest*)
*I stopped caring, and forgot to add where chapter ended and started. If anyone cares, just go read the book but don't actually, it's bad.

To inaugurate a new chapter -Pedo fat BDSM sex scene!
Leah and Hatcher. It's long; copying the whole thing here for posterity

Spoiler: Whooo-hoo!

“You did so good, Leah,” Hatcher whispered. The click of one heel against the dormitory floor. Then
the other. Leah, on her hands and knees, stared at the thread- bare sheets. Her belly rested heavily against the mattress. She couldn’t get the voice out of her head. The desperate, broken whine of it scratching at her brainstem.
“What does my good girl want?”
Where is she? the lilim had sobbed as she dug her fingers into its gouting chest and took hold of its breastbone. Where did you take her? And still as she wrenched the shattered bone out through its carapace it had clutched at her and screamed its questions, even as rainbow gore poured from its stammering mouth and its own caustic bile ate through its skin, spurting from its perforated bowels. Where is she where is she where is she.
“I want to be hurt.”
Strips of leather sliding smooth and soft over the shelf of her ass. She shivered, almost panting, fire dripping between her thighs above the dark, discolored skin where they pressed against each other. She imagined parting them for the lilim’s bloody jaws, imagined that red face beneath her and the flat of that black tongue against her cunt. She sucked in a quick breath.
Where is she?
The flogger withdrew.
Where is she?
A sweet white crack of leather against flesh. Ripples swept over her body, as though she were made of cream. She imagined the hot, smooth hardness of the lilim’s teeth against her thighs. The rotting floral miasma of its breath, her soft flesh over its scarred and pitted armor, its fingers digging into the overspilling rolls of her sides. Its voice speaking secrets into her fat pussy. Another crack of the flogger, and another. Pebbles dropped into a pond. She cried out and pulled her fists in toward her chest, the straps that held her to the posts of Hatcher’s bed snapping taut. Soft impact, then vicious, then soft again. Tap, tap, tap.
Teasing little flicks against the backs of her thighs.
She remembered the golden lilim, one arm outstretched into the darkness of a moulin’s mouth, black hair a river of ink on the ice. Did it mean her? Was it asking where her body was? She knew at once it hadn’t, that the red lilim had believed the other alive. She gritted her teeth against a hard stroke across the cleft of her ass. Where is she?
I tore off her head.
I dragged the body back, like Vogel told me.
For parts.
Her eyes opened wide as Hatcher’s next stroke broke skin with a cold, sharp kiss. She remembered the exact moment at which the red lilim’s voice had died. She remembered where her hand had been, not in its heart, not buried in its brain, but in the hollow just above its stomach and between its lungs. Where there should have been nothing at all.
**AN: formatting, including paragraph separation got fucked when I copied this. So this is the one thing that could be my fault if it looks wrong. the rest is all Micah

Spoiler: Micah is still typing with one hand

Kelly could feel her daddy in the room all of a sudden. Not her father, that nebulous person-shaped thing at the dinner table, but her daddy, the cringing animal who came to her on all fours late at night and laid his face in her lap and sniffed like a dog and wept against her bare white thighs which she’d criss-crossed in the years that followed with a razor’s raised and livid kisses. He was right behind her now [...] She imagined Leah dancing like that, her body moving like the tide, rolls undulating, sweat pouring down her soft and rounded shoulders. She imagined crawling to that vision on her hands and knees, the scent of Leah’s cunt thick in her mouth, running her wet tongue over the backs of Leah’s feet, licking at the salt and sweat, and sniffing, sniffing.
Like a dog.

You may have notice I have given up trying to report what is happening. It is confusing, not to powerlevel, but I am not so dumb I cannot read and understand a book. His writing is genuinely mind numbing and bad.

Can someone who has read the book help me? So, there was this attack that was huge. People got injured, a lot of blood, etc.. Then BDSM sex scene (which I am 60% was not a flashback, but could be wrong). Then they have a party with rap music and alcohol? One of the girls is even describing wearing eye-liner? The base they are staying at is also described as something post-apocalyptic. Where is this eyeliner from?

Spoiler: Other bad writing examples

El didn’t care. She let the music convulse her.

Micah. This is not Tumblr. Your writing isn't deep

She let it whip through her body like lightning and explode her molecules in arcs of wild blue flame.

The world building sucks. I know I am a broken record.
So, cancer is a "luxury", but they still offer liposuction, WLS, and vaginoplasties?

They’d taken the feeding tube out a few days ago but he still looked like a waif from a pity-mongering prewar leukemia commercial, oxygen tubes in his nose and deep, waxy bruises under his eyes. Back when they’d had the luxury of worrying about cancer. His oxygen hissed like a snake warning a hiker away from its lair.

Basically every other girl in the base is actually a dude.

Spoiler: The end of the world is coming, yet we are talking about gender feels

Kelly, the TIM, is talking:

“I’m a girl, Janice turned out to be a girl, Chiron told me she was a girl right before she went out on recon and got her guts blasted all over the ice, and I think Alan was too. [...]"

It's funny how it is not clear whether "Janice" is actually a dude or not. Because these characters are just mentioned, with no descriptions mentioning their adam apples, all we have is the context that it is a guy talk about other guys also "turning out to be girls". You cannot have MTF representation unless you make it plenty clear that "woman" has a male body... totally like any other woman. /sperging finished

Spoiler: Aaaaand breastfeeding fetish (with fat fetishism - it's a 2 for 1 deal)

Leah’s weight was painful. It was perfect. She was still drunk in the dream and her head swam as she suckled at one soft, fat breast. It tasted like sweat and sugar. It tasted like fresh milk, warm and sweet. Was there milk? It hurt so badly to be under her. She hoped it never ended

We are in the fifth chapter, there are two left. Micah realised it may be time to do some worldbuilding, and maybe give some explanation on what those lilim things are and why they are all fighting

Spoiler: I would not call it an explanation tho

They’re from another dimension. They came here to kill us, Leah, and we don’t know why. We don’t know why they do anything.

Man, thank you for nothing!

Well, we have some plot now. Does anyone actually care?

Those lilims may be able to talk, and Leah found out. No one else knows, it is a secret kept by the higher ups... because, uh, reasons. Leah is angry and shoots Hatcher, threatening her to force her to show what they take from inside the lilims.

Plot is followed by action! Let's gooooo

Spoiler: Micah, you are killing me. Please.

An encyclopedia-sized chunk of concrete struck the rail near where Michaels stood and made it ring like a church bell.

And back to the porn again. I think it has been a while since he had a scene with some mommy kink, right?

Spoiler: Ugh

All the times I’ve roped you like the pig you are and punished you and called you those little-girl dirty words you think are so vicious. This is how you thank me? I loved you when your own mother wouldn’t. I loved you.

Back to plot. Kind of. And more real horror

Spoiler: Micah does not believe in pretending the girls are actually 500 years old dragons

This is Hatcher, the Captain who is fucking old talking about her life at the military base

I am going to die here in this joyless fucking place after five years of jerking off teenagers with mood disorders

Hatcher tries to explain to Leah about the lilims

Spoiler: But no one, not even Micah, knows what happens. He does not give a single fuck.

People tried it, Leah, when the lilim found our world and we managed to take some of them prisoner.
They tried to fuse with the armor and it did things to them neither of us can imagine. We still don’t understand why.

Like a normal person, Leah thinks this when pointing a gun at her pedo rapist

Spoiler: Fuck you, Micah

She raised the pistol, thinking suddenly of Hatcher’s fist inside her, of her first period and the other woman’s insistence that an orgasm would relieve the cramps

...and Hatcher is dead. Who cares. I'm singing - I WANT TO DRIVE MY CAR INTO A BRIDGE. I DON'T CARE. I HATE IT

What I think happened next is that Leah goes rogue, taking one of the creatures and leaving. She may or may not have sex with a lilim, too. My brain checked out of this novel.

This happens, and honestly, sure. Why not? Not like this world had any logic.
She flies (I think), and then sees a lot of humans, including many trans girls ( OFC!!!)

Spoiler: I did not expect this book could be even more stupid

In a dark place, Leah saw a light and fell down toward it.
As she fell a world unfolded beneath her.
Throngs of women shuffling across a barren plain toward a tower the color of ash, slab-sided and featureless. Red lightning flickering in a haze of cloying summer heat. The ruins of a thousand cities etched by blowing dust hung like mirages on colorless hills, and among those cities, the lilim. Hundreds of them. Golden and violet and carnelian red. They watched the tower in silence. A violet sun hung cold in the barren white sky. At the base of the tower were doors and the women went one by one through them, flowing into the dark- ness in rivers of torn sackcloth and unbound hair.
There were girl-children with them, and transsexuals like Kelly with their big frightened eyes and hunched shoulders. They were crying. All of them were crying. There were scars and open cuts on their arms and thighs and she could see their thoughts and their thoughts were of the lilim, or from the lilim. Perfect bodies dancing in the black infinity of a nightmare spanning billions of minds. Archetypal shadows thrusting at the skin of thought, tearing at their thinkers from within

Spoiler: I don't know anymore. I think this is plot.

At the moment the sun set the tower broke apart with a sound like thunder. Great chunks of stone calved from the whole and burst against the plain. The women who had not turned back were crushed or swallowed by the dust which rose up in a choking plume. A bright thing rose out of the dust, blood sheeting from its
back and dripping from between its fingers. Faces screamed in its still-molten golden skin, forming and bursting like blisters, and it screamed at the night in a voice like an angel’s trumpet ringing out to wake the dead.

Some incest-vore, because it's not like it can devalue the book or it is shocking at this point.

Spoiler

[AN: She is inside the monster piloting it, and then she gets "absorbed"]

She started to scream as it pushed its way into her womb.
Mommy.

Plot again - There is a "Garden", and the meanies of the military organisation don't want Leah to reach it. Why? Your guess is as good as mine. Then, a confrontation between Leah/creature and a military man happens. Something happens, I don't care.

Spoiler: This also happens (weird porny paragraph)

She stroked Taurus’s head, imagining what it would be like to use a dreadnought only for pleasure, to pry loose the armor at her crotch and dig her fingers into the feathery remnants of her amputated genitals, to press her lips to Taurus’s, to twine her legs through its. It would be like fucking a sex doll. Like letting Hatcher jerk her off. One real person, fucking, one fake thing, just a collection of holes and a vacant expression. She kissed Taurus’s temple and marveled at the cool, sweet hardness of its skin.

Leah gets dragged back to the base. I think. (Does anyone care?)

The end.

THANK GOD

 

[AMHOLIO]

Good job, 10/10 review, sorry you had to read it. I'm almost curious to skim the last chapter myself for slightly more context, but I don't believe I could find any.

I like engaging in long pointless spergout responses so I apologize if this becomes long winded into your thing. Thanks homie.

As a preface:


He likes writing by the seat of his pants and doesn't structure anything, which is why his books are loose connections of ideas from one area to another. I wonder if Manhunt had an actual editor since the worldbuilding happened at the start, and had slightly more coherence in the plot (this is an NGE rip off so at the end it's supposed to be vauge).

For more context for those of you who haven't seen it, Micah is writing a knock off Neon Genesis Evangelion piece, which is surprisingly common in the world of trans writing: both the shit game EXTREME MEATPUNKS FOREVER and the presumably slightly less shit game heaven will be mine are both works written by trans authors about piloting giant mecha with metaphors and shit. Apparently, GoodReads readers described influence from a creator known as Porpentine, full name Porpentine Charity Heartscape (what fucking retard names themselves that? one who's chosen persona is a slimegirl). I tried to look at this person's work but I'm assaulted by colors and shit art on their homepage.


@Jaimas I hate to @ you, but do you know anything about this person? Asking because Rock Paper Shotgun connection this guy has and usually you know more videogame journo shit.

I'm getting off topic. Back to the other influence, the one more people will catch, Neon Genesis Evangelion.

Spoiler: A quick primer on things relevant to this novella

So NGE was a 90s anime where Hideki Anno ended up getting a lot of his issues of depression and mental illness out while the company animating it was on the brink of financial collapse, the last few episodes using cheap as fuck still frames and bare animation because they literally were running out of money. The good news is that the anime did gangbusters, became one of the most important and influential animes of all time, and everyone got their money back and more and Anno successfully went through therapy and used the show as an outlet for issues he had at the time (good for him). The original anime run got a proper conclusion in the form of a tripped out movie & later Anno would write 4 more movies set in an alternate world where he'd rebuild the work, take it apart, and then rebuild it again with a happy ending this time.

Anyway, the point is the original show is set in an alternate world where an explosion happened in the Antartic, causing several natural disasters and the rise of monsters called "angels" to come to earth and destroy things. The series uses biblical iconography but it's 90% flavortext, like how a weeb would use Shinto gods in a surface text knock off of something that was really more of his own worldbuilding. Humans create giant mecha to fight them, these giant mecha being piloted by teens with emotional problems. These mechs are later revealed to be biomechanical, their body comprised of a fusion of steel, "angel", and human parts. You're putting yourself in a giant flesh golem with it's own soul you are ok to connect with, and connect by being inserted into the top of the spine cockpit and submerge in a liquid you can breathe in that connects you to the Eva (which will further be referred to as Tang, orange tang). Micah decided to take it a step further and more sexual by making it the womb instead of the brainstem connection. Teenage drama is a big part of the show, following a world of dysfunctional teens and adults who have hard time making connections with each other and a "porcupine" theory is propsed: humans get close to each other but hurt each other, as if they were porcupines huddling and accieentally stabbing each other for warmth. This is like Micah's book, but actually fleshed out and interesting or at least more developed than anything Micah will ever bother to write.

Anyway, spoilers about the show from here on. It turns out humanity and the angels are closer to each other than fiest thought, both being engineered by an ancient race to populate the planet from the ancient race's souls & DNA. They created 7 seeds of this and spread them out over the galaxy, except to earth which accidentally got 2: Adam and Lilith. Lilin/Lilum are the offspring of the Lilith seed, accidentally crashing into earth at the same time and making the Adam Angels seed dormant until they found said seed in the Antartic and shit blew up and such, thus the reawakening of the Angels and accidental combating of the two lifeforms born from each other. This chaotic neutral survivor mentality of the enemies seems to carry on to other works inspired by it. There's a shady background organization ruling earth who are trying to make angels dead and make humanity merge into tang to create one perfect lifeform free of shitty emotions in a collective sea of tang for their own purposes. They helped build Eva (as Eve was reportedly made from Adam's rib in the bible) to fight the angels so they could do this process. There's a reason that only teens with issues can pilot the mecha, but Grootch never explains why that is in his novel and just rips off the characters and their relationships. Leah's mom is Shinji's dad, everyone has parent issues, there's an older person seen as a bit of a love interest in the anime but its very light and clear that it's a replacement issue that never went further than fantasy for the main characters, there's a shady organization that shits its pants and does nothing and keeps humanity from learning truths about whatever, and this is long and gay and Eva has it's own problems as a work but it earned it's spot unlike Dreadnought which might as well be Hideki Anno's turds after eating an NGE script & playing a shitty text adventure from Porpentine (oh god what if that fuck named himself after the porcupine theory).

If strange world building with a biblical twist, metaphors about human condition and mental illness struggles shown in a series, or giant robots fighting, check out the wiki for more weird worldbuilding or the series for a weird time you might enjoy.

I'm going to guess the reason they're fighting the lilum is because it's a metaphor for society's attack on imperfect and odd looking women who are super powerful in their own way or some shit. One of the big reasons they're there is for monster fucking of course, and then transhumanism element of having perfect body suits the pilots fight the girls in is dysphoria and transhumanism metaphor. The womb part is part of his female body fetish and a horrifying part of a birthing and or vore fetish, and it's teen girls because Eva and because Micah is obsessed with the loss of innocence and sexualization of that point in a human's life, so god help us all.

Anyway addressing some parts:

Something that does not easily transpire reading a review with selected quotes is how bad of a writer he genuinely is. I copied quotes as I was reading, but looking back at them, they are not atrocious taken out of context. The issue is that his writing is rife with bad metaphors and unnecessary descriptions. Your brain will just zone out, carried by the flow of the bad writing. James Joyce meets Sophie Labelle.

This is good comparison. I remember reading some of the copied paragraphs from Manhunt and that's about right. The writing is clunky, Micah doesn't know when to put a basic tell sentence in the middle of his show sentences for contrast. He carries metaphors too far and paints with too hard of a brush if that makes sense. My brain feels like it's been wading through cornstarch with how slow the narrative goes, and the nonexistence of a plot and no reason to fucking care makes it even worse. It's hard to give a shit when you don't know where you're going or what's at stake, intensifying the slowness.

- angsty thoughts worthy of tumblr (it's not introspection because the reader doesn't understand why the characters are doing what they do. Neither does it build a personality for the characters, they remain the stereotypes they are meant to be from the beginning)

Hilariously, some goodreads readers said they totally relate to said characters, which might say more about the reader than the writer.

- porn-y description of sex, well rape in many cases

His desire to make sex art will always keep him niche, and his kinks even nicher amongst the sex is art crowd. Great job.

. They have to take off their snow clothes, and this is what just-turned-13-Leah thinks

Amholio attempts writing:

Oh god, she'd have to change in front of people. It was hard enough to change her clothes in the morning, but at least no one but her saw how her body... her body jiggled and lumped. An uncooked bread loaf with hairs on it. Hiding as much of her body she could hide (not much), she shook and fumbled into her next outfit as fast as she could.
It wasn't fast enough though. She never could be. She was breathing heavily not from exertion that she totally knew the others were judging her for, but from forcing a panic attack down with little success. Everyone stared at her wide eyed, shaking, ugly body as she walked into the next room.

Even if you want to jerk off to a fat character (THIRTEEN YEARS OLD EUGH), you can still have third person narration reflect HER thoughts on HER body, not MICAH'S thoughts. Kelly seeing her as beautiful later would strike a great contrast and show how insecure Leah is when people still see her as beautiful. Dipshit.

Leah is deemed too fat by the director who is, SHOCK, her mom!!! Mom tells Leah to lose weight if she wants to become a pilot.

GET IN THE ROBOT SHINJI LEAH

There's an actual reason why the main character is forced by his dad into the mecha when others won't be as successful in NGE, a mother-son bond (long story) between the mecha and him. Grootch tries to do the same with the vagoomba thing but it just doesn't work.

She hates me. She wants to kill me. I’m the most disgusting person in the world. I should have raped her because that’s what this feels like now.

"I should have" instead of "I felt like I have raped her and want to die because of it". This is how GFM/Micah thinks.

She fumbled with it, with the thing, her nameless meat [AN: I can help you with this: it's a DICK

Nameless meat . Unintentionally hilarious.

She is fighting these "lilims" (whatever the fuck they are, whatever reason they have to fight. Who knows?)

Lilums as in children of Lilith who was in popular myth kicked out for not being subservient to Adam and a feminist icon and troon name favorite (I'm an edgy goth girl whomst worships satan!!!). Uhhh women rise up we all become monster fuckers if they live or something idk.

These women totally exist, you guyz.

Out of the 7 billion or so people on this planet, I'm guessing 5 exists. These women are scattered through the world and thus do not make the 99.9999% of TERFs who do not find a Madonna Whore complex like Micah did, first worshiping how mysteriously beautiful they are then rebelling and hating when they would not have sex with him, projecting his small walnut brain of "If I hate someone because they will not fuck me then that's what a lot of TERFensteins feel too". Theory of mind in action, ladies and gentlemen.

Come on, the older woman mouthed.

Stop saying older woman! Just use her name!

I thought progressives understood that body reactions =/= consent

Progressives, not Micah. He's anarchosocialist, there's only consent accidents.

saliva mixing in a hungry slurry

Why did this nigga think this made sense? There's artistic metaphor and then there's autistic metaphor that bends the senses so that it becomes alien to most. This is the later.

. I’m going to spread myself for her like a flower and she’ll rub her body against my quivering secret parts and shed her pollen and I’ll be a real girl, tiny and cute and vulnerable, and the gardens will go back into the earth and everything will be like it was before, or better maybe, and nothing will hurt anymore

AGP the thought process. Also "quivering secret parts"? For a guy with nonstop porn thoughts he sure can't write it. My Immortal was a much better story than this, I knew things happened in it.

Gardens are the shit that lilim create, I'm assuming it's the lilum homes or whatever. Clear allusion to garden of eden and other paradises.

The reason is simple: my brain was so checked out of this book, that I have no idea what happened in the last chapters AND don't care.

This truly is an honest review and I could never begrudge you from your brain trying to be less stupid.

El is also attracted to another man, of course older

Micah likes young people to bed to his will. Or he thinks its the best relation you can have, which is just as bad.

AN: you will never convince me this is not written with a porn-y tone),

Why would anyone?

that its red edges wept in readiness for her

The fuck does this even mean? I know it's trying to cry blood or worse, menstruating, but it really doesn't evoke much aside from confusion. He's trying to stretch his metaphors too far.

. Pits and gashes in the armor gave her just enough purchase to drag herself onward

That's not how you use that word either!

If anyone who has read the book can tell me if this is referenced later, please message me! I WANT to know what the fuck is going on.

"Fat white maggot writhing silently against a dark foam-board backing, useless blubber speared by a needle around which it curled and uncurled, trying to hide itself."

The fat white maggot: it's a child form of a bug, helpless, fat, gross, therefore it's the hero, Leah. White represents innocence, fat represents FAT, but likely means abundance of beauty in the grooch's mind. It is acting like a frightened child object.
Dark foam board backing: blackness, loneliness, cold and uncaring world surrounding her.
Speared by a needle: needle is trapping it. It is something piercing something, like a PENIS piercing a virgin into adulthood or a sperm piercing an egg. It sounds like I'm stretching, but I'll detail it in a second since I went and read the end of the book for myself to calculate what the fuck is going on.

Basically, the maggot represents Leah as a beautiful gross nymph to grootchen, who is pinned down helplessly against the cold uncaring world, forced to wiggle in place and forced to deal with life. It could also represent what's left of humanity soon losing innocence or being helpless or whatever. Idunno, fat.

I have no clue what is going on. I don't know how the monsters work, nor I am given a reason to care as teen drama and rejected vaginoplasties seem to be where the drama is! I don't know that the world is actually ending and, again, I don't care because I have no interest in any of these characters. They are only fucking each other, they have no goals, not aims, no dreams beside fucking or raping each other. They just move from one scene to the next, without any coherent motivation, as they also don't have personalities beside the most bland archetypes.

Again, reading that bland archtypes had people relate to them is funny. It makes me wonder if the people who read the books are also all surface, only connecting with a storm of mental conditions.

dog and wept against her bare white thighs which she’d criss-crossed in the years that followed with a razor’s raised and livid kisses.

911 some douchebag is romanticizing self harm scars AGAIN.

t is confusing, not to powerlevel, but I am not so dumb I cannot read and understand a book. His writing is genuinely mind numbing and bad

You're not, you're just beat by his terrible fucking prose. I read the end and figured out more, I'll detail it in a second. Had I not skipped the previous chapters and did a search to find out what happened to Kelly, I would barely be cognizant of the end too. Even the chapters I read started merging together like humans becoming tang in a giant mess of purple prose.

Man, thank you for nothing!

While a story can benefit from an ambiguous villain, a force of nature, this relies on developing the characters and the plot. This has failed.

This is Hatcher, the Captain who is fucking old talking about her life at the military base

It's darkly comedic. "MAN I SPENT MY LIFE FUCKING RAMONA FLOWER TEENS BECAUSE I CAN'T GET A DATE" sort of pathetic and embarrassing.

Leah gets dragged back to the base. I think. (Does anyone care?)

The end.

I got you, fren: these last chapters are also just hard to fucking read due to how the grootch isn't a good enough writer to make parallel prose and ambiguity work. This shit is nonlinear storytelling mixed in with what's happening, along with metaphors and shit. I reread more than a few paragraphs to get what I was looking at. The problem is you can have surreal shit in prose, but it was as if he was trying to copy the choppy, jumpy, 2 part original ending to NGE where they ran out of budget and it worked better there since images are easier to sort than words. What I'm trying to say is that Micah is not an engaging author and this is his fault for leading his audience to apathy with monotony and extension of metaphors.

So here's what happened in chapters 5/6/7, in addition to the details above.
For whatever reason, Leah goes rouge. Forcing Hatchetjob to let her into the lab and see a previous pilot, she had a realization.


Leah realizes before the reader that the previous pilots were truly merging with the vessels that their mechs are. "The rest of her body" was one of the original dread-thots, and the merging of the dreaded donut body and pilot made her transcend humanity. Leah is realizing she could still connect with her dreaded perfect body on a deep level, literally grow and merge into it, connecting herself to it and having the Dreadnut become her real body. Transition & transhumanism metaphor for gatekeeping done by others and shit.

Anyways, as based Soggy Paper Straws said before me, Billy Hatcher is shot dead. We then move on to female Gendo/Leah's mom, Teresa Breed. Before we go on, Let's review some names:

Leah Breed- biblical name. Known for being not as pretty and not as preferred as her husband's Jacob's love of Rachael, and god gave her many children to make up for Jacob being a dick. Helped Rachael too I think. I'm guessing, but El probably gets her name from RachaEL, setting up rivals.
Teresa Breed - Likely named after Mother Teresa, someone labeled as a saint but was kind of a dick, and the last name screams the theme of BREEEEEEEDING, SEEEEEEEX, BIIIIIIRTH, WOMB!!! Turns out she isn't a good mother.
Hatcher - Hatching eggs. Eggs are born. He*Edit* I reread the text and Hatcher is a She* has sex with teens and hatches them to the world of adulthood and sex. She died and it was a good thing.
Most of the other characters I saw had bible related names. Kelly is the only one I struggle more with: here's an explanation for the root of his name. He was likely named for the war/church connection and possibly a Disney Channel Movie called Cadet Kelly because that was likely playing in Grootch's childhood (I remember it from mine but this could be a stretch). It might be a pointer to Kelly being outside the Jesus system and being traaaans and bucking it.

The mecha are named after zodiac signs, because Micah wants to be a witch. Gemini is Leah's, and it is to infer they are twins who shouldn't be separated or some shit. Idc about the rest. It also makes pagan things (zodiac) fight against lilim from Abrahamic mythology, and might signal that they themselves are not all manmade.

Back to the retarded plot. I looked at the last few mentions of Kelly since I wondered where the fuck he went.

Spoiler: hamfisted connections and death

First he finds this obvious and creepy imagery.

Great, more allusions to Gretchen thinking that necrophilia is sexy. While the gardens never really get explained, I'm assuming they're some half assed garden of eden allusion.

So how does he die? Guess.


He steps into his dreaddonut and it punches himself in the fucking face . I don't know if it was both him and the dreadnut who decided to unaliven his ass or one or the other, it's kept unclear. It's likely a combined choice as Kelly was suicidal that he was in the post apocalypse and would never be a real woman and would not have fat people fuck him or some shit. Followed by some dislocated thoughts from someone that are supposed to be meaningful but I wasn't following along THAT closely, and then one of the handler's thoughts, Michaels:

Lol troon is cancer. The idea is that these things are powerful and such and humanity is a blip and whatever.

Turns out this guy is also a tard wrangler who fucks the tards he wrangles, ewww.


"I LET GIRLS USE ME" yeah ok Micah, I'm sure.

After that, we're on Teresa's POV, where she is watching a heard of lilim come for the base, but also watching her own daughter go rouge. Teresa tries to stop her by trying to kill the mecha, Gemini, in the cradle hanger, but the power of realizing your true self or some shit makes GeminiLeah unstoppable and they bust out of the shaft. Teresa has thoughts as her child disobeys her orders.

Spoiler: plot twist Leah's unseen dad is a male troon

First, Teresa thinks about how she never loved her child in the first place, and hoped to leave Leah to the rest of the world instead of bringing her to the base or whatever.

Baby and mom parallel, mom problems, etc..

The Nurse with capital N is the base's supercomputer. It drips with tang/the tang equivalent, and these paragraphs imply that Nurse was based off a human named Frida who has now likely become one with it.

Opichicus is a Zodiac sign that was debated on being included a lot and almost never is, I can't remember why. So Mother Teresa is piloting a mech to punch her own daughter in the face. It seems like she also has food issues and takes them out on her daughter or whatever.

Breaking news, I married a troon and it caused my marriage to die.


Garden again another hamfist attempt at keeping knowledge or whatever.

Meanwhile, Leah and her knew found revelation goes out and thinks about another pilot who had a crush on her, Angelica. Leah thinks of the love letter confession Angie wrote to her as Leah rips apart another Lilum, deciding to go and aim for a weird weakspot she found between the lungs and the stomach, and pulls out a tiny humanoid. She then eats it and has the vision.

Spoiler: tripping balls by eating souls

Italic is Leah remembering the love letter.

I'm interpretating it to be the soul. It could also be a merged human within the lilum, but whatever it is, Gretchen jerks off at cannibalism being one of the ultimate carnal merging of flesh.


If I'm not mistaken, this is how Dreadnoughts are formed. Leah says later something that makes me think such.

Leah comes back to the base after learning more on her acid trip. She sees Taurus, someone's mech that idk, and has the thought about fucking it. Then mom bust in on a mech to smack the shit out of her daughter.

Spoiler: the chapter is named mother/daughter if you're wondering

Something to note: it seems like once you bond with a Dreadnought, you WANT to become a woman. The lilum woman part is just too strong and you want to become the superior species or whatever.

Her mother is piloting a giant Kool-aid man. OH YEAAAAAAAH!!!!


Seems like once you achieve peak doughnought,you can regrow things by eating (like Evas iirc).

This is the important monolog by Leah: it seems like lilim are women from another dimension whom humanity has used to make Drednutz,

DREADNOUGHTS MADE OF SOULS OF LILIM! Women used by society, including transwomen, to make donknots. Well goll-y.
It's a protranshumanist narrative where society is keeping people from merging with lilum and becoming higher beings, and those who have achieved enlightenment and freedom and a true body and a superior species. An ubersmench, if you will.

Mother Teresa and Leah damage each other badly enough that they both did. Leah and Teresa are both ripped out of their mecha. El stumbles in with another handler, badly damaged herself from a different fight, and cradles Leah as she dies. Leah seems to have gained similar mutations to the girl who was in the infirmary, becoming one with her mech and only ripped out of the womb of the mech by her mom.

Spoiler: i shit you not

Also, fucking gross Micah.

More womb birth imagery. Become unbirthed to be in a real transhuman body. Ew.

"You're not her" is ambiguous. It was mentioned before but it could be a clue that the girls became different or whatever. IDK. The writing is so drunk that I can't tell who has the parasite coming out of them.
I'm guessing Leah begging for her mom means she's begging to be back into Gemini in an ironic twist, because her biomom didn't care about her. Ew.

Leah dies after tasting the perfect body and beating the shit out of her mom, El cries because everyone she had sex with died and she wants to die too because end of the world. Bleak and retarded. Keep in mind I simplified the structure because there was bouncing back and forth from FOUR different perspectives if you include the love letter. I do not think anyone is stupid for not grasping this the first time around, this book needed an actual fucking editor and not one of his other writing circlejerk friends to read it. It's bad. This book was 0$ and I still am embarrassed for the author writing a shit NGE where becoming mech is the answer and I want my money back.

 

[monstrous bubo]

Jesus fuck. Micah is why mass literacy is not all it’s cracked up to be. If only he were a simple farmboy like his ancestors, working off his puppy fat in the fields. Instead we have a world where he can sit inside and masturbate in multiple ways, while cheap carbs are laid down as blubber to feed him in a famine that never comes.

 

[Soggy paper straw]

I am happy someone read the review! Reading the book was awful and shitting on it was cathartic. I read the book in one go, so that is part of why by the end I was DONE. I knew if I didn't finish it, then I never would open this cursed pdf.

I wonder if Manhunt had an actual editor since the worldbuilding happened at the start, and had slightly more coherence in the plot

Agreed, I did not read Manhunt myself, but from the excerpts, I get there is more plot. Maybe it is also because it is longer so the characters need to do stuff, rather than just sex and fights tied together with the terrible "I am 14 and this is deep and great writing" prose. Imagine the scene where the main rapist characters in Manhunt cook the balls written in the style employed by this book. Manhunt is awful, but it is awful because you understand what is going on (it is still barely logical and with plotholes); while this is like reading Judith Butler. At the end of the page you go - wait, what did I just read?

an explosion happened in the Antartic, causing several natural disasters and the rise of monsters called "angels" to come to earth and destroy things.

So - this would have been useful to know! I know that Evangelion exists as an anime, and this book reminded me of that. HOWEVER - I NEVER watched it. All I know is kids piloting mechas. The "mechas" in this book are animal/alive/made of flesh? and then the humans attach the metal to it? There is a scene where they are soldering metal stuff to it and the creature is bleeding - but I did not catch if it was a repair or the metal was never there.

This novel is a fanfiction of Evangelion, with Mary Sue's with dicks who rape each other. <--- much better summary than the official one.

I'm going to guess the reason they're fighting the lilum is because it's a metaphor for society's attack on imperfect and odd looking women who are super powerful in their own way or some shit. One of the big reasons they're there is for monster fucking of course, and then transhumanism element of having perfect body suits the pilots fight the girls in is dysphoria and transhumanism metaphor.

I did actually google wtf lilims were while reading, and I don't think one is supposed to have to have to read wikipedia to try to understand wtf the characters are in a porn/horror novel. Micah just tries to feel he is so smart by obfuscating... well, everything. It is true postmodernist writing: reality is subjective, language is meaningless and cannot help us make sense of the world.

My brain feels like it's been wading through cornstarch with how slow the narrative goes
[...] Even the chapters I read started merging together like humans becoming tang in a giant mess of purple prose.

Yep - imagine reading the whole book in one go! The times I had to check something again while writing the review, the story made a LOT more sense. But going in without any clue what to expect was jarring. My only goal was "get to the end of the book"

Oh god, she'd have to change in front of people. It was hard enough to change her clothes in the morning, but at least no one but her saw how her body... her body jiggled and lumped. An uncooked bread loaf with hairs on it. Hiding as much of her body she could hide (not much), she shook and fumbled into her next outfit as fast as she could.
It wasn't fast enough though. She never could be. She was breathing heavily not from exertion that she totally knew the others were judging her for, but from forcing a panic attack down with little success. Everyone stared at her wide eyed, shaking, ugly body as she walked into the next room.

A soggy paper straw writes - I tried my best worst

She would have to change in front of people. The thoughts of the endless white expanses of her flesh jiggling and bouncing - her body started to feel hot. Everyone would see the lumpy and uneven skin like that of the crust of milky, sweet white bread made by an inexperienced baker. Her pimple a red mark attracting stares and wonder from onlookers, will the whitish sebum be forcefully eject from its apex? Will it create a mess on her skin, showing to everyone what a dirty girl she was? Little piglet playing in the dirt. She was breathing heavily. Her budding breasts bouncing as she righted herself as she stood up after taking off her boots.

Spoiler: This is deep, u guyz

Please note the inclusion of the metaphor that 1) is really fucking weird and 2) goes on for too long.
Liberal use of technical words. And for the pièce de résistance: she has actually started to take her clothes off, maybe she took everything off already, but all we got from the writer is a jumbled mess of thoughts and porny adjectives.

I now want to never have to think about this awful thing I wrote. I am going to need therapy to cope.

I want to highlight the point that there is a huge difference in how these two paragraphs are written. I see him hiding behind the fact that we are seeing things that are not there. But one does not need to go as far as describing genitals, it can be more subtle than that.

---

(Edit - added this section) In this article Micah talks about including child abuse in media. He writes,

The Shining is an iconic example of the sublimation of mundane child abuse into horror spectacle. This technique refreshes audiences' ability to see child abuse for the terrifying violation it is, to pull it out of modern life's desensitized context and examine it in a void with its gnarled and bloody roots exposed.

Why is it more offensive, more taboo to see a child express themselves by claiming their sexual independence than it is to see them murdered or raped? In a way, admitting that a child has an identity, a sexuality, a will of their own, is admitting the deep and fundamental wrongness of taking those things from them. To see a child as an innocent to be shepherded into adulthood by caretakers is to make that child a sort of extension of those caretakers, to remove the child's own wishes and personhood from the equation. Children are vulnerable, fragile, incapable of making good decisions for themselves in many ways, but they are also undoubtedly people in their own right, and whether or not we wish to admit it, many of them discover their sexualities before the world is ready to accept that.

That is true, but children knowing too much about sex is also a sign of CP. THAT is why it is "offensive", or better, why it is tragic and it's "offensive" for this to be treated as something natural and even positive

The anxiety our culture feels at the sexual awakening of its young people and the repression which comes as a consequence of that anxiety leaves children more vulnerable to abuse and predation by adults, not less.

Micah, the societal anxiety at the "sexual awakening of its young" is BECAUSE a young person is more vulnerable to abuse and predation. Now these young people have a new interest in sex, which means they seek it out - thus adding a risk to them being victims.

Horror about child abuse shows us more than the suffering of children [...] The real monster, the thing stained reddest by all the children whose lives are lost or broken beyond repair every day by the brutality of child abuse, is silence. It's looking away. It's deciding that a child's suffering is too white-hot to give a place inside your heart.

Sure Gretchen. But the issue is that what you are writing is not horror. It is written in a erotic manner, not using horror lexicon and pacing. Putting porn into a story that tries to be horror does not make it horror. I want to give enough credits to Micah that he knows the difference between evoking horror vs arousal.

---

Why did this nigga think this made sense? There's artistic metaphor and then there's autistic metaphor that bends the senses so that it becomes alien to most. This is the later.

My favourite is "An encyclopedia-sized chunk of concrete". It makes sense as a metaphor, I have a rough idea of the size of the piece of concrete, but it is so out of context (in the middle of a fight) so it stands out A LOT. It also wakes you up because it is finally a reference to something REAL, concrete (lol).

it really doesn't evoke much aside from confusion. He's trying to stretch his metaphors too far.

You can feel he wants to try to create art, but he fails harder at writing than he does at passing! Which should terrify anyone.

biblical name

Yeah, there is definitely a ham-fisted attempt to make the story deeper with the biblical and motherhood/vaginal/ birthing references. I gave in mentioning the vaginal/birthing stuff because is very fetishistic, but did not want to spend even more neurons on analysing the biblical stuff. Thank you for covering that! (And the later chapters!)

Turns out this guy is also a tard wrangler who fucks the tards he wrangles, ewww.

Btw, I am terrible with names, but I believe he is the guy that El fucked in that extended sex scene about flowers and him being so angular she could cut herself on him (Micah did not put it like that, but idk wtf he meant)

 

[Mayhem]

I knew this fucker cut his teeth on fanfic — he has that overblown, purple style loaded down with angst and unnecessary metaphors that runs constantly through “literary fanfic” that you can find all over AO3. (Not that I would know…)

The above-mentioned troon Porpentine has a thread: https://kiwifarms.net/threads/porpentine-charity-heartscape-dylan-drouin.20246/

Has anyone done a search for this piece in the Neon Genesis Evangeleon sections of Tumblr or AO3? I’m wondering if he published an earlier version of it there.

Also, for a superior version of this type of story, I can recommend “The Girl Who Was Plugged In” by James Tiptree, Jr., who was actually a true and honest woman along with being a very talented writer. There are similar themes but Tiptree is infinitely superior to tranny pedo fetish pornography.

 

[Soggy paper straw]

@Mayhem I also had the nagging feeling he had to have dabbled in fanfiction. I haven't searched these stories, but for those that want to continue the hunt for the fetish AO3 account, suggest also searching for unusual names of characters among other things.

But, I still have something! My fellow autists, here it is! The fanfiction account!
[Edit: I now realize it was found pages ago in the thread! whooops! Sorry!]
https://www.fanfiction.net/~veriform (archive)
Proof: Tumblr post proof

(I have no idea how to archive from ffnet)

I was expecting something more scandalous, but it seems all to be Star Wars fanfiction. The number of comments and favourite ratings seem very low for long the fanfictions are. That says a lot about the quality of his writing if you remove the media bias shoving down everyone throats how stunning and brave Gretchen is

 

[Jaimas]

@AMHOLIO I may know this one, I'll do a deep dive into the Internet Autism Machine when I'm back from work.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Instead we have a world where he can sit inside and masturbate in multiple ways, while cheap carbs are laid down as blubber to feed him in a famine that never comes.

You know, we have multiple parts of the world that avoid that. We could ship him there and say he can enlighten new people about gore and sex as an English teacher to adults, then force him to be in a monastery whether christian or otherwise (Buddhist for most laughs as they are both chaste AND barred from interacting with women as much). Or just send him off to a farm in Russia so he can work his debt to society of writing shitty novels off. As long as both of those don't have children, that is.

HOWEVER - I NEVER watched it.

No problem, someone explained it to me then I did a dive into the wiki a while back. I haven't seen it properly either. I know it more from pop culture osmosis and fortunately learning worldbuilding of it did turn out to not be entirely trival lol. We can't watch or be expected to watch every tv show that comes out!

This novel is a fanfiction of Evangelion, with Mary Sue's with dicks who rape each other. <--- much better summary than the official one.

Perfect, yes! I'd call it an AU because of the changes made, but barely different than that.

Its is true postmodernist writing: reality is subjective, language is meaningless and cannot help us make sense of the world.

Many transfolk seem to prefer writing in this style. I genuinely assume it has something to do with autism or other mental distorting condition and or self centerism since the main gist is a disconnect between reality and the person. It could also be a product of increased terminal onlineness, as you have one life online where you're a respected furry then you leave the digital world and you're back to physical boring reality. It's seen as deeper than it actually is.

There's nothing wrong with surrealism or post modernism. The problem is people go up their own ass and huff their own gas on it and do the same to others.

But one does not need to go as far as describing genitals, it can be more subtle than that.

People with who can't keep it in their pants always try to hide their writing as such. It's not too hard to tell when someone is jerking off.

A soggy paper straw writes - I tried my best worst

Terrible. Perfectly terrible. The only way to improve would to have said heaving bosom like the old fashioned days!

Micah, the societal anxiety at the "sexual awakening of its young" is BECAUSE a young person is more vulnerable to abuse and predation. Now these young people have a new interest in sex, which means they seek it out - thus adding a risk to them being victims.

What do you mean? Teen girls totally go out seducing older men like Michaels, you heard Micah, he's the genius.

I want to give enough credits to Micah that he knows the difference between evoking horror vs arousal.

I'm sure he does, he's just in complete deny everything and accuse the other person mode. When he doesn't he'd justify it in a flimsy way, or even double down like Sophie LaBelle on his take.

My favourite is "An encyclopedia-sized chunk of concrete". It makes sense as a metaphor, I have a rough idea of the size of the piece of concrete, but it is so out of context (in the middle of a fight) so it stands out A LOT. It also wakes you up because it is finally a reference to something REAL, concrete (lol).

Yeah, this is better suited to a school or office. Sharp contrasting metaphors to the scene should be reserved for comedic scenes or for ironic parallels.

Thank you for covering that! (And the later chapters!)

No problem, I needed to see this bullshit first hand to stop my own curiosity.

and him being so angular she could cut herself on him

Too edgy 5me.

knew this fucker cut his teeth on fanfic — he has that overblown, purple style loaded down with angst and unnecessary metaphors that runs constantly through “literary fanfic” that you can find all over AO3. (Not that I would know…)

I've never been happier to avoid modern day lit than I do now. I assume it's mostly the popular lit and not the more mature (as in taxes not sex mature) type of things.

The above-mentioned troon Porpentine has a thread:

Oh my god, it's so old that people are respecting his pronouns. Thank you! I should see if anyone wants to try his games in trans media, lol.

Has anyone done a search for this piece in the Neon Genesis Evangeleon sections of Tumblr or AO3? I’m wondering if he published an earlier version of it there.

Nah, I think it's different enough that it would have to be an AU to qualify as fanfic, he's just lazy and wanted to copy wankfest wholesale while adding sleeze and pro transhumanism.

@AMHOLIO I may know this one, I'll do a deep dive into the Internet Autism Machine when I'm back from work.

Aww thanks, take your time.

 

[mrae]

God, these people are always so predictable. Your skin prickles the more and more you read of them but a small sliver of you might be willing to give them a benefit of the doubt. Depiction is not endorsement and all that. Then they drop a "Children aren't innocent!" screed and you know it's just a matter of time before an FBI agent is walking their hard drive out the door.

No wonder his writing is so terrible, that he openly struggles with plot. He has nothing to say. His writing is half rushing to get to the bits he can describe his various fetishes and half whatever he feels will garner some outrage attention. It's the writing equivalent of smearing shit on the wall.

 

[Soggy paper straw]

"Children aren't innocent"

I have more conservative views about interventions for adults, but I can agree to disagree (nanny state vs protecting the crazies) , what I will judge someone on is safeguarding for children. The second anyone fails to condemn "little girls are kinky" (A. Menon, non-binary extraordinaire with un-fuckable friends), I will be suspicious of them.

Little girls can be kinky, but that is to say - it is possible they are victiim of CSA and/or were exposed to inappropriate sexual content. It is so creepy to reinforce so much how much kids know who they are or what they want. Are they so much up their asses that forget that Baby Boomer and Gen X grew up during cultural revolutions and do indeed remember being rebellious teens? Or that literally everyone was a child once; Larry from accounting wanted to be a dinosaur or an astronaut once - then he grew up.
It's never "children know what they want" so we should abolish laws to prevent children from getting tattoos.

Going back on topic - from Hatcher own admission, she did have sex with rape the girls before they were 16. So it is in the book that these girls are victim of CSA. He can have them be hypersexual, that is not the problem. The issue is writing like it is a porn.

The only way to improve would to have said heaving bosom like the old fashioned days!

Bosom is old people speak! No one over 16 allowed here! Then again, someone who likes Gretchen...

---

Some comments on the fanfictions describe them as more mature and dark than the movies - I would be curious to know if there is any degeneracy. I have no clue what happens in any Star Wars movies so I won't even attempt.

 

[AMHOLIO]

Does anyone know the origin of this?
View attachment 4925934

C'est Kevvie on youtube.

Someone found a review of manhump, Charlie Kirk commented. I can't archive videos on mobile, would someone like to do it?

 

[Soggy paper straw]

Figured out how to download from ffnet

Ilmaea: A Novel of the Dark Eldar seems to be the mor pervy one, but I only quickly searched for a few key terms in the other ones, so I have no idea. From the few sentences here and there that I read, they seem to be better than the other works he published I am totally trying to convince someone to read / skim through these. Pls

 

[OttoWest]

@gigatard

Dude. His dox is here. If you’re going to reference other Kiwis’ work, it’d be nice to get acknowledgement.

Consider putting those screenshots under spoiler tags. It’ll make for an easier read.

His affair with Nicole Cliffe is worth noting as well.

 

[Need4Sneed]

@gigatard

Dude. His dox is here. If you’re going to reference other Kiwis’ work, it’d be nice to get acknowledgement.

Consider putting those screenshots under spoiler tags. It’ll make for an easier read.

His affair with Nicole Cliffe is worth noting as well.

His birday is the 30th.

 

[suspended animation]

Figured out how to download from ffnet

Ilmaea: A Novel of the Dark Eldar seems to be the mor pervy one, but I only quickly searched for a few key terms in the other ones, so I have no idea. From the few sentences here and there that I read, they seem to be better than the other works he published I am totally trying to convince someone to read / skim through these. Pls

I've read through most of Ilmaea so far. Apparently this is Warhammer 40K fanfic, and I'm not familiar with Warhammer lore, so I may misunderstand some aspects.

So far, this fanfic is mostly intelligible, which is a sad low bar to have. The first issue I have is that the protagonist is introduced as Suth Anax, then halfway through is being called Sut'hnael, with no explanation as to why (I've thrown better books across rooms for lesser transgressions.) The race is Eldar, an elven race, so I was also confused when Suth made a reference to having a reptilian brain.

The Eldar as described are apparently a race of sadomasochistic hedonists who rely on chemical stimulation. There are chemical needles in the carpets and chairs, otherworldly drugs and alcohol everywhere to provide the frequent stimulation they need.

Our protagonist Suth is some sort of slave created in a tank, and destined for that role. Her master chokes to death on her own vomit, and Suth gets high because she's too incompetent to escape. She is discovered in the room with her master's corpse by the "surgeon," some dude who provides pleasurable torture. The surgeon Rasque makes a deal to provide protection and rewards for Suth, if she agrees to become her dead master Linnis and to advocate for the surgeon while in Linnis' place on the Council (some governing body). She is transformed, and has to take some elixir to maintain her new body.

This environment is rife for the type of violent rape that Gretchen adores, but there's only a brief reference to Suth running her hand over her body... it's really fucking tame.

Except for the reference to the elixir, and to some kind of Thirst which is inherent to her race, I'm not running into many elusive metaphors or inappropriate sexual content here.

It's unpleasant to read due to his writing style, but seems to be mostly straightforward fanfiction.

Edit: in the passage about taking the elixir, the surgeon tells Suth to watch her back basically, because there will be others who will try to prevent her from taking the elixir, or mess with it in some way. A very blatant metaphor for HRT.

 

[Soggy paper straw]

I may have found out two more things about dear Gretchen

Micah tried out the name Nadia before settling on Gretchen - God knows why Gretchen was BETTER than Nadia

I found out about this from an album he wrote lyrics for


Edit: found this too
Origin of his new name

Spoiler: Proof

Tumblr results for "Nadia"
Post from sister
Post from friend
Own post
Twitter

Talks about writing lyrics for the album, which is credited to "Nadia"
Album, with Nadia E. F. Martin credited

Spoiler: Lyrics

Mayor of the Year Consciously Endangers His Own Children for Money

It was the weekend of the 4th of July
E F#
And the sun blazed in the clear blue sky
A
and I looked out over the breakers and beaches
A
Children running in the surf
A
Watched by parents and teachers
E
Fourth of July!
F#
Tourists boat in from all over
E
Fourth of July!
F#
Half of our yearly revenue
E F#
I put my hands in the pockets
Of my nautical blazer
E
Squinted into the sunlight
F#
I was blind to danger
A A
But out past the red and white buoys
Of the bay

Death was circling closer
E
On the warm and sunny July day

Fourth of July!
Tourists boat in from all over
Fourth of July!
Half our yearly revenue

An edge of panic lines my calm consideration
Of the waves that break against the beach
On the birthday of our nation
I am deaf to the screams ringing over the water
Little feet beat the sand
Where's my son?
Where's my daughter?

Fourth of July!
Tourists boat in from all over
Fourth of July!
Half our yearly revenue

Afterward once the panic is all over
A little boy I didn't know, dragged out to sea
I stand around in the hospital waiting room
Hair disheveled, pacing aimlessly

They say they're sailing out to kill the monster shark
They need a boat and a pilot and my signature
Before it gets too dark
Oh, Before it gets too dark

I press the pen against
The crisp white paper
My hand shakes as I
Append my name to the form

I'll sign whatever you want me to sign
I'll sign whatever you want me to sign
I'll sign
whatever you want me to sign

---

Martin Hates Boats. Martin Hates Water.

You've heard that I hate boats
And it's true that I hate water
I've got two kids and a lovely wife
I just don't trust the sea at night

I'm Martin Brody
I'm scared of drowning
I don't want to wash up somewhere
Where the waves boom and crash loudly

Sometimes I dream about the tideline
Sometimes I wake up drenched in sweat
I went down under the waves once
It's hard to move on and forget

I'm Martin Brody
I'm scared of drowning
I don't want to wash up somewhere
Where the waves boom and crash loudly

Standing here I'm looking at a shark
Strung up on the dock it's jaws agape
Its teeth drifted apart
I want to tell them all it's safe

We got the right one
The man-eater haunting coves and the bay
But this Hooper guy is saying
The bite marks don't match the victims, hey

I'm Martin Brody
I'm scared of drowning
I don't want to wash up somewhere
Where the waves boom and crash loudly

The shark's still out there
Great big white bastard
I'm not afraid of her
But it's not really her we're after

The Orca leaving from the empty pier
Didn't cause too much commotion
But we'll see how town feels after
We kill the fucking ocean

I'm Martin Brody
Fuck the Atlantic
This shark's a symbol
Of the water
How it fills my soul with panic
I'm going to shoot it.

---

Eleven Hundred Men Went Into the Water...But Only One Fell in Love


We delivered the bomb
To a top-secret base
They were carting it off
To load it onto
The Enola Gay

Pulling away from the concrete pier
I looked back and watched the transport trucks disappear
Into the foliage, between towering trees
The shadows closed in as we motored out
Onto the open sea

(stop)
Oh, salt and blood
Are good enough
For your average sailor lad
But I'm Peter Quint
I feel the need
For a little something more

We sank just off the coast
Hull holed by Japanese torpedoes
Sailors screamed for their mothers
Over the crashing of waves
And the high, rising whine of mosquitoes

Flat sunlight reflecting off of the swells
Grey water swirled around our necks
I felt something brush my leg
(whipser
Skin rough and teeth already red with gore
It seemed I'd seen her there
A hundred times before

Oh, salt and blood
Are good enough
For your average sailor lad
But I'm Peter Quint
I feel the need
For a little something more

It was a day and change before
They sent a boat to pull us out
By then I'd seen her cold black eyes
And she'd bumped me with her snout
Oh,
Eleven hundred men went into the water
But only one of us fell in love

While the other boys were drowning
I hung on to her fin
While the wreck was sinking in the deep
My heart was learning how to swim

Three tons of her, a little less of me
We danced together in the deep blue sea
And when they hauled me out I couldn't help but weep
Eleven hundred men went in

But only one of us fell in love
Only one of us fell in love, love, love
Only one of us fell in love

---

---

Bonus selfies

Spoiler: from Tumblr

Bonus comment

 

[GenderCop]

Great post with updated tweets in the Snakes thread. Micah has decided terfism is just a way for feminist women to abuse children.

Interesting since I think he became a tranny for the same reason. projection!

Luckily nobody will let him near any children since he is walrus sized and a freak.

So he is forced to settle for lil pooners who just look like kids. (in fairness, any female is child-sized next to Micah the walrus) His feet in that last post are the size of a yeti's.

btw, we need to combine these threads--people still posting over there.