Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[RollingRock2]

So in addition to only having one functioning limb Jack is also half blind. How long until he's just a talking head with tubes sticking out?
I am sure the patrons of the restaurant on his first return to Jack on the Go will enjoy the sights and sounds of a man with no coordination, one arm, and no useful vision attempt to eat sloppy joes.

 

[TestTubePuppy]

I guess no one ever explained to him what fat and carbs turn to in the system. And no one pointed out the connection of salt with his blood pressure and strokes.

 

[Pig Cups]

Also, where would we be if Jr. had just had a flat tire???

Junior is a retard at a Tee-ball game, so I’m kind of shocked that he proved himself to be reliable. I still think Jack enlisting his help in an emergency is a similar gamble to Tony Soprano doing the same with AJ. You just can’t imagine there *not* being a fuckup at some point in the proceedings.

If someone you care about calls you saying they think they are having a stroke (especially if it is not the first) and asks you to come give them a ride to the ER, please DON'T. Call 911 (or whatever your emergency # is) and have them send an ambulance.

Who knows how many brain cells Jack lost waiting for his kid to recklessly drive 100 mph to pick him up and take him to the ER in lieu of people who ...uh... are actually trained to get there as quickly and safely as possible- not to mention- administer care before arrival.

Maybe Jack was cheaping the fuck out and trying to avoid racking up an ambulance bill? It’s literally the only reason I can think of. If he genuinely thought that he was having a stroke, you’d think the panic would motivate him to dial 911, which is what he should’ve done. If he were to go totally incoherent on the operator, they’d at least have his location. Calling Junior also puts the onus on his shoulders to be smart/quick enough to realize what the fuck is occurring and properly respond, because he probably answered the phone to blubbering nonsense that resembled Ted Kennedy during his brain cancer surgery.

Then again, Patrice O’Neal called his girlfriend instead of 911 when he had the stroke that he eventually died from, so idk…

Come on Jack, we all know what you really meant with that end message.
View attachment 5007010

“glade to be editing”

Jesus Christ.

I guess it’s good that Jack enjoys it so much (you’d never know), because he’s got a lot of it to do.

 

[AnOminous]

I am sure the patrons of the restaurant on his first return to Jack on the Go will enjoy the sights and sounds of a man with no coordination, one arm, and no useful vision attempt to eat sloppy joes.

Someone should recommend a restaurant famous for Sloppy Joes just so we can see this gimped-out blind pig try to eat one while half of it spills out on his shirt and he's gurgling helplessly.

 

[Archie_Kimkicker]

I can't wait to watch TamHam shovel the sandwich into his face the same way Jim Traynor shovels that Alabama blacksnake down her throat.

 

[Whaler]

Someone should recommend a restaurant famous for Sloppy Joes just so we can see this gimped-out blind pig try to eat one while half of it spills out on his shirt and he's gurgling helplessly.

I can imagine the restaurant charging an admittance fee for people to sit down and watch that scene unfold.

 

[Buck Mullet]

If he genuinely thought that he was having a stroke, you’d think the panic would motivate him to dial 911, which is what he should’ve done.

Panic over having a stroke? Jack? It's at least his fourth go round, stroking out has become routine. Motherfucker will causally call his son for a ride to the ER instead of 911, but if you want to see Jack genuinely panic just tell him Arby's is out of roast beef.

 

[EatBeforeYouEat]

"The nutritionals- I know exactly what this is going to tell me, ready? Chicken, fish, fruits and vegetables; stay away from starch. I've been telling you guys that on the cooking show. And I know better."

- Man who does not know better

This fucking guy..

Hilarious that he credited a few days of P90X for his calves. It was the only part of his body with any sort of muscle definition because those calves were constantly being tasked to ambulate his enormous meatball physique around. No wonder those achilles tendons blew out the moment he tried anything more ambitious (5k walk).

 

[Skwisgaar Skwigelf]

And no one pointed out the connection of salt with his blood pressure and strokes.

False. Many people tried to help Jack realize the error of his ways. But they we're labeled as disrespectful haters, ignored, and had their comments deleted. Look at this Jack Vlog where a woman at the drive thru attempts to tell Jack that the Arby's Meat Mountain is too much for one person to eat.

"That's too much!" exclaims the woman. To which Jack replies: "Well you don't eat- I probably won't eat the whole thing." We all know full well Jack had no intention of eating only part of that meat monstrosity, and in the original JOTG video he also says that he's getting two: one for him, one for Cali, and that's also obviously bullshit.

Point is: Jack is in a constant state of denial about what he eats and how much of it he's eating despite being surrounded by a reality that is constantly telling otherwise. Whenever the reality sets in of what he's actually doing he'll lie to himself like this with something like: "Well, I won't eat the whole thing.'" Before proceeding to eat the whole thing. It's why I think the whole wendigo meme has caught on: it's like there's this voice in his head lying to him about the warning signs.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

If someone you care about calls you saying they think they are having a stroke (especially if it is not the first) and asks you to come give them a ride to the ER, please DON'T. Call 911 (or whatever your emergency # is) and have them send an ambulance.

Who knows how many brain cells Jack lost waiting for his kid to recklessly drive 100 mph to pick him up and take him to the ER in lieu of people who ...uh... are actually trained to get there as quickly and safely as possible- not to mention- administer care before arrival.

Yeah but that probably saved them $300 or something. That's money that could be better spent on cheeseburgers and ribs. Fatty Doo Doo here is only concerned about whether or not he's going to be able to eat stuff later on. His health is secondary to his desire for fatty foods.

Point is: Jack is in a constant state of denial about what he eats and how much of it he's eating despite being surrounded by a reality that is constantly telling otherwise. Whenever the reality sets in of what he's actually doing he'll lie to himself like this with something like: "Well, I won't eat the whole thing.'" Before proceeding to eat the whole thing. It's why I think the whole wendigo meme has caught on: it's like there's this voice in his head lying to him about the warning signs.

Addicts tend to underestimate how much they're actually taking in. To them it's normal. To anybody outside of their circle, it's abnormal.

Just look at his breakfasts he was bitching about. There was nothing wrong with them other than too much focus on protein and fats. But to Jagoff unless the plate is overflowing with food it's not enough.

 

[Wilhelm Bittrich]

And despite being blind so he can't see it and being literally brain-damaged so he can't understand it, he still sees and "reviews" movies.

Tbh, it doesn't even matter if that fat fuck can see the movies he "reviews" as he can't comprehend movies beyond Hallmark Christmas movies anyway.

 

[Nothing To Say Here]

Jack: “And I hope by Christmas, I won’t be on diabetic medicine anymore!”

Kris Kringle: “How about this nice stroke instead.”

 

[RodgerDodger]

Man a part of his face looks like it’s melting.

You are what you eat. And Jack is 99% Cheese and Lard.

 

[Tiresome]

Whenever the reality sets in of what he's actually doing he'll lie to himself like this with something like: "Well, I won't eat the whole thing.'"

Don't forget "I'll give the rest to the homeless." God-tier level of defensive lie/self-delusion.

Addicts tend to underestimate how much they're actually taking in. To them it's normal. To anybody outside of their circle, it's abnormal.

Very minor PL but my aunt once casually mentioned in a crowded room an incident that happened after her seventh drink before noon. She honestly had no idea why everyone stopped talking to stare at her.

 

[I am Jack's dead arm]

Don't forget "I'll give the rest to the homeless." God-tier level of defensive lie/self-delusion.


Very minor PL but my aunt once casually mentioned in a crowded room an incident that happened after her seventh drink before noon. She honestly had no idea why everyone stopped talking to stare at her.

Even homeless crackheads have standards. If a stranger "offered" me a nasty ass Arby's sandwich with bites and drool on it, I'd tell them to fuck off. If Jack really wanted to help the homeless, he'd give some of his billion kitchen utensils/gadgets to a shelter or not buy mass quantities from Sam's Club and spend the rest on donations for a food pantry. He's a Christian in name only, he just uses the religion to make himself think he's better than he is.

 

[Kermit Jizz]

You are what you eat. And Jack is 99% Cheese and Lard.

That would explain why he is such a salty bitch.

 

[Tiresome]

He's a Christian in name only, he just uses the religion to make himself think he's better than he is.

No better an indication than the gaudy-ass crucifix constantly dangling from Jack's bulging neck. Every time you see a cross necklace that's anything but subtle in size it's a clear sign the wearer is neither a Christian nor a nice person.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

I wonder what percentage of his weight is pure Bacon Up... We need a pie chart or something.

 

[Dave.]

Even homeless crackheads have standards. If a stranger "offered" me a nasty ass Arby's sandwich with bites and drool on it, I'd tell them to fuck off. If Jack really wanted to help the homeless, he'd give some of his billion kitchen utensils/gadgets to a shelter or not buy mass quantities from Sam's Club and spend the rest on donations for a food pantry. He's a Christian in name only, he just uses the religion to make himself think he's better than he is.

For a devout Christian, he’s violated a surprising number of commandments.

With exception to 1, 2, and 6 (I don’t know about 3 and 4).

5. He bears clear hatred for one of his children Garret who he admitted to strangling on a video on the internet.

7. Has lust issues with some men on camera and clearly covets them when he’s out and about with them.

8. Stolen recipes on the internet that he claims are his own original recipes.

9. Lies non-stop about his diet and will constantly stretch the truth to the point where the truth is lost. His diabetes and his symptoms are a good example of this.

10. Jealousy issues with people more famous than him. Church chili video where he’s clearly angry that he lost the competition.

Did I get everything? Has he violated all ten?

 

[Counterfeit Obol]

Did I get everything? Has he violated all ten?

The third commandment can also be interpreted as "Do not use God as an excuse for your shitty behavior." There's a good chance Jack broke that Commandment several times during his rehab arc alone.

If we consider Jack's gluttony as worship, then Commandment 2 (and possibly 1) is thrown out the window.