Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[2ndBest]

Pretty good, but the hammer is still in one piece

The cross needs to face backwards as well.

 

[MavisBeaconTeachesSnipin]

I want to add that I'm almost positive the broken hammer was faked for twitter likes. It is extremely unlikely a hammer handle would naturally fracture like that even if used in the fattest stupidest manner. You would expect to see a lot more splinters and cracking running longitudinally up the handle. It is very difficult to cleanly fracture wood perpendicular to the grain like that. And looking at the wood right below the fracture, the handle looks aged and distressed but nowhere near decayed enough that even a strong man could just snap it like that. This is just embarrassing Pat, stop.

Attached the photo for reference, or at least trying my best!View attachment 5019699

I could see a claw hammer snapping at base in this manner if you were levering out a nail, and the hammer was very shitty quality, and the man pulling with all his weight was incredibly fat. but the man would have to be quite fat.

 

[An automatic clown]

He nailed new shiny pieces to old rotted pieces. Definition of putting lipstick on a pig but I don't think Patrick wears lipstick.

 

[Ivan Daniloff]

Just for clarity’s sake his saying, “I bought that hammer yesterday” is Piggy making a joke. He’s trying to create humor by saying something absurd about a clearly weathered hammer. He’s also trying to fuck with that well-meaning commenter a little bit, part of his Twitter big man act.

He’s a big, big, biiiiig man off Twitter, too.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

He nailed new shiny pieces to old rotted pieces. Definition of putting lipstick on a pig but I don't think Patrick wears lipstick.

Seriously. You can tell Niki has given up on Pat because she doesn’t point out to him how retarded this is in the first place. She knows he’s got his mind made up to mine this shambolic “DIY” (that he’s probably paying someone else to do) for Twitter likes.

Just imagine what he looks like standing in his ghetto alley, taking multiple selfies with a broken hammer and “action shots” of misaligned plastic on top of rotting wood. I hope whoever lives within sight of these scenes isn’t missing out on them, even though they’re not capturing footage of them for our enjoyment.

 

[TheOtherSideofMakeBelieve]

As a professional in the art of handymannery, composite boards don't need pilot holes or anything. It does help to use the right screw though, that being these. They're available in multiple colors to match your choice of deckboard and have a cutting tip that moves enough material away in the wood that you're mounting to so that you don't have to worry about splitting and have a smaller head than typical deck screws for treated lumber with the head having the opposite shape of a normal screw. The heads burrow into the composite and lock both the composite and the screw in place, they work really well. I've never known one to come loose or rust through, between the composite and the shape of the head they wedge together so perfectly that water can't get in between the composite and the screw, and the hex drive head is a lot less prone to being damaged than the Phillips heads that the screws he used are so the finish stays intact and thus won't rust either.

I will give Pat the benefit of the doubt and say that he did it himself. I base this on three things:

One, the boards are miscut by a not insignificant margin, I'd estimate by 1/8" to 3/16" each. He took the photo from the side where he lined them up evenly, but if you look at the opposite edge they're visibly off.

Two, as mentioned above and for the reasons stated, the choice of screw, not to mention that several of them were driven at angles that were off by as much as 15-25 degrees, depending on the length of screw that he used, I'll guess 3" and 15 degrees, which I will expound upon in my third point. If you look at them you can see that some edges of the heads are flush while the opposite edge is sticking up. When you're working with wood sometimes the grain of the wood just doesn't want to let you drive a screw straight but in composite there's no grain so it's very easy to drive the screws straight so long as it's something you've had a bit of practice with (and you're not drunk at the time)

Finally, I don't think anyone who does this for a living would have been willing to do this without replacing the existing treated lumber. It's not gone yet but, based on what's visible, it's at the point where it's time to consider replacing it before someone gets hurt. It's definitely not going to last the thirty years that the composite will, or even the ten years that fresh wooden steps would. I'll give it another year or two before issues begin to present themselves. The state of the wood also informs my logic on his choice of screw, that being that 1 5/8" to 2 1/2" screws likely weren't getting enough bite to hold them solidly in place. It's also why he left them a bit proud rather than just overdriving them which would be preferable to leaving them proud, there just wasn't enough meat left in the wood for the screws to pull themselves down any further (if you're screwing into good wood the screws will pull themselves all the way through the deck boards if you want them to). This spot right here is the tell-tale sign.


When those cracks start forming that's the wood letting you know that it's no longer structurally whole. It can still feel perfectly fine but as I've learned over the years you can stomp on a spot like that with all your might to see if it needs replaced and it won't give the tiniest little bit, so just as you think it's fine and walk over it it will give out like it's not even there (especially in Pat's case, though fresh wood may not be enough to prevent this in his situation either)

Just as a final thought, paint isn't the best choice for a deck. Even if that's the look that you want you'd want to go with a solid body stain. It just sticks to treated lumber better than paint does and subsequently holds up to the abuse that walking on it and kicking the kickboards places upon it. It also needs bleached and pressure washed prior to that, the algae/mildew/existing peeling stain/paint that's present will prevent proper adhesion. It also would have been easier to do that prior to replacing the deckboards. You can stain some composite decking so that may be his intent, but basically every composite deck I've worked on/seen has been left untreated as a contrast to the the stained lumber. I'm not saying I've never seen stained composite but I've probably worked on more houses than the average person has seen the inside of and I can't think of a single example in my decades of doing what I do.

 

[Ophelia]

Handyman blog when?

Hammers aren’t built like they used to be…

Just from watching my dad and grandpa fix things I know Pat is fucking up. Replace the rotten wood, numbskull.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

Handyman blog when?

Hammers aren’t built like they used to be…

What's the pen name?

Handy Planker? So that it can be hammy platter?

 

[LobsterBoy669]

I am not a handyman. Pretty far from it, in fact. Every DIY project I engage with is preceded by, and interrupted several times by, internet searches to make sure I'm doing everything correctly.

Despite that, without consulting the internet, I'd take one look at those steps and know that pretty much the entire thing needs to be replaced. The wood is rotting, Patrick. Rotting wood needs to be replaced, you can't fix it. Attach whatever plastic shit you want, it won't change that.

You should especially be worried about that given your extravagant weight, Patty boy.

 

[Demonstrably Fine]

The Kiwifarms will call this guy Fatrick and then be shocked when he calls them children

 

[Schwarzwald]

What's the pen name?

Handy Planker? So that it can be hammy platter?

Torque Hammer.

"I was conceived in a Maine woodshop in a Devil's threesome after Bob Villa and Tim "The Toolman" Taylor ran a train on my mother on a workbench, then my delivery was handled by Steve Thomas on a pile of sawdust in the dead of winter."

 

[James done did it]

The funniest part is how he wraps up his masculinity in these things, clearly afraid to admit he might not be the best man for the job and just hire someone to do a job for him. I hesitated to believe the fence was his work but this certainly is.

The least manly thing about Pat aside from his big milkers is his inability to be humble. I have no problem paying professionals to do work that I could theoretically do on my house, but in reality would half ass and hate until I got tired of looking at it and hired someone who has done it a thousand times to redo it. But I guess I don't live in a piss encrusted former frat house in a Milwaukee ghetto, and my time actually has value because I have a job other than playing pretend and scamming old people.

 

[Next Task]

I hope innocuous comments like this twist in his heart like a dagger every time behind his ridiculous ""scifi author tough guy every man" facade.

He doesn't have a heart - just fat in the shape of a couple of aortas and atriums.

More seriously, I'd say he doesn't think of himself as having a daughter unless he can use it as a weapon, whether for a pathetic Twitter flap or a passive-aggressive dedication in a book. He doesn't give a shit about Annabelle unless he thinks it makes him look good, and I bet it didn't occur to him to think of her in that tweet until he read it either here or at OnA.

Pat's legally not the father, and as such a great trans ally he will tell you that a couple of official documents is the same as literally rewriting your biology. He's transitioned to not being even a biological father, and society has to reinforce that or they are bigots, child.

 

[Mussolini’s Merkin]

The Kiwifarms will call this guy Fatrick and then be shocked when he calls them children

Wrong again stalker, those are your delusions, he is fat and his name is Rick.

 

[AnOminous]

He’s trying to LARP an Everyman that has to do basic maintenance on his house from time to time. He’s just so fucking dumb and inept that he thinks normal people just break tools as a part of this and have to run to Lowe’s or whatever to get new ones.

I've definitely broken some cheap Chinesium shit, sometimes even while doing something absolutely retarded with it, but I wouldn't post this because "umm I did a little fucky-wucky because I'm a moron" isn't a boast. Also I've never broken a hammer and it seems nearly impossible to break it the way he says. That said, I may be underestimating his stupidity, because he is a genuinely retarded asshole.

I want his explanation of how that happened because if it isn't fake, there was some truly Herculean retardation involved.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

Oh good lord the Handyman arc really is starting:


T / A

Now I'm a slightly less fat/retarded person but what would the purpose be of having to dremel several dozen iron nails? How big are we talking? Huge 8-inch nails? Little carpenter nails? What the fuck is this retard cutting besides pepperoni that would wear down the edge so much?

 

[Associate Rick]

What the fuck is this retard cutting besides pepperoni that would wear down the edge so much?

I suspect he's playing games with his victims, offering them the dremel to cut through their chains, if they can complete the job before Rick finishes texting the stalkerchilds then they are free to go.

 

[AnOminous]

Oh good lord the Handyman arc really is starting:

Pat shrieks "I am an actual man not a pillow-biting homosexual faggot who takes it up the ass!"

 

[Meat Target]

Oh good lord the Handyman arc really is starting:

View attachment 5023363
T / A

Now I'm a slightly less fat/retarded person but what would the purpose be of having to dremel several dozen iron nails? How big are we talking? Huge 8-inch nails? Little carpenter nails? What the fuck is this retard cutting besides pepperoni that would wear down the edge so much?

Could he have been cutting the rotten wood and composite boards with the dremel?

 

[AnOminous]

Could he have been cutting the rotten wood and composite boards with the dremel?

Maybe it's what he used to saw through his hammer.