Indiana Jones & the Dial of Destiny - Using time travel to literally retcon the series

[Commander X]

In a better world, Indiana Jones & The Last Crusade would have been the Last Crusade and the capper on the series.

 

[Commander X]

I'll tell you why I know I am a troubled human. You see, after the last Indy film there is absolutely no question this new one is going to suck, and like the one before it, 5 mins into the film, I knew this already; but while I won't pay a dime to watch this new film I just know that when it lands on TV I'm still going to watch it cause I gotta know.

This is what it means to be human, subjecting ourselves to unpleasant experiences to satisfy our curiosity - it makes us a sick species indeed.

They test screened more than a few different endings and the audiences booed all of them or SO I'VE HEARD. It’s gonna be a colossal pile of trash.

I was a bit worried that the Dial of Destiny would be such an overflowing garbage bag of an excuse for a film that it ushers in an era of IJ4 reappraisals but I can see it has already begun. Look out for a wave of terrible "postive" Letterboxd-style reviews that read like writing from a bad Vertigo comic from the late 90s.

"In Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, the plot was a rollicking vehicle for the visuals, for the innocence and brilliance of youthful perception. Kingdom is a pulpy love letter to the power of the cinema and a reawakening of the mythic imagination in modern times. It is, in a single word, magic."

​

 

[TVB]

@Patrick Bait-man Just because you found some autistic YTbers who liked it doesn't make it a good film.

I am not really going to dive into more of an autistic shitfit over it. Its clear as day to anyone not wearing nostalgia goggles or intentionally being contrarian that Kingdom of the Crystal skull is not just a bad indy film, its a bad film in general.

@Patrick Bait-man it's OK mate, you are allowed to have shit taste, just stop spilling your spaguetti everywhere.

While I don't even watch that much YT, and yes these channels seem like complete and total trash (I still cannot stand video essays), I don't think you should give @Patrick Bait-man a bum rep all because of his own opinion.

 

[Chilson]

While I don't even watch that much YT, and yes these channels seem like complete and total trash (I still cannot stand video essays), I don't think you should give @Patrick Bait-man a bum rep all because of his own opinion.

He can have whatever opinion he wants, but there is a difference in saying "I liked the movie" and "its a good movie". I couldn't care less about the opinion that he likes them, but I won't sit and be told its a good film when it clearly isn't just because he likes it.

I like tons of trash films, but I will never try to defend them as having any quality beyond that they appeal to me or try to explain away their flaws.

 

[Dysnomia]

The name is just so bad. I keep hoping they'd retitle it. Doesn't seem likely. The name alone is making me hate it on principle. It's just so stupid sounding.

 

[WhiskeyJack]

Awwwww, don't dis The Librarians. I have a soft-spot for that show. It may not have had budget but it had a lot of sincerity and it had a pretty solid moral core. The plots and resolutions were actually pretty clever, most of the time.

If we're going to have time travelling archaeologists, I'd a hundred times over take more Librarians than this trash.

Besides, isn’t it canon that Bruce Campbell is the real “Santa Claus” in that show?

It was right up there with Warehouse 13 and Leverage.

 

[Screamer_2]

That's because the entertainment industry has been hellbent on hiring people whose more into fanfiction than actual good storytelling, and then consoomers will praise them until they get forgotten by the public.

One big issue is meant to be that a lot of writers in Hollywood don't read. They just watch stuff. So their influences are way smaller.

 

[The Ugly One]

1. Harrison Ford's acting was good and for his age he did a great job with the film (most of the stunts were performed by him).
2. The fridge scene is always brought up when talking about it, as if over-the-top shit never happened in the original films (i.e much of The Temple of Doom). They're supposed to be reminiscent of classic B-movies; they were never real serious to begin with.
3. I didn't hate Shia LaBeouf, I thought he was fine and had good chemistry with Harrison Ford.
4. This, I can understand. They decided to film solely within the US instead of internationally as they did before, which resulted in using a lot of CGI. I think it generally holds up for the most part, but some scenes definitely haven't aged well (the jungle rope scene). Though it should be noted that there isn't quite as much CGI in the film as you would think there is, even though much of it looks like so.
5. I never had an issue with the pacing.
6. I thought Cate Blanchett was great as Irina Spalko, but she could've used some more screen time.
7. The original Indiana Jones films were based off of the tropes and themes associated with their time period (1930s adventure serials), and Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is no different (set in the 1950s with the height of the Cold War, Russians, and early Sci-Fi of which in this case is aliens).

I agree that most of the complaining about the movie is off base. The original three movies were all kind of hokey cornball movies, which made them fun. The big problem is they made it obvious early on in the movie that the crystal skull was an alien skull, while the characters proceeded to act like they had no clue. Furthermore, "bad guy gets the thing, but is bad, and therefore head-asplodes instead of gaining ultimate power," was the plot of two of the 3 extant films, and while it was already a little too predictable in Last Crusade, doing it again in 4 was just sad. The whole movie was just going through the motions. It wasn't any one thing. It was that you already knew how it was going to end 30 minutes in.

 

[Quarterback Rex Grossman]

Kingdom of the crystal skull will look like a masterpiece in comparison.
In fact, I never thought it was bad at all.

Way better than Raiders of the Lost Ark with its 20 MPH truck chase. God what a boring movie.

 

[Jonah Hill poster]

If anything, it seems that reviving old media from some of America’s favorite fictional heroes does not scream “dial of destiny” to me.

If anything, it just seems like a slow death of trying to replace famous old media with things like this no one bothers to look into the older classics of IJ’s time.

I just have an issue with how the title does not sound like anything that is positively associated with “destiny”.

 

[Uranus Pink]

Way better than Raiders of the Lost Ark with its 20 MPH truck chase. God what a boring movie.

Trucks made in the 1920ies and 1930ies don't have a very high top speed. Moreso on a dirt road which even trucks made from the 1960ies to 2020ies are going to go slow on for safety concerns.

 

[Gog & Magog]

Has anyone made a Dilator of Destiny joke yet?

 

[ShitLurker]

While I don't even watch that much YT, and yes these channels seem like complete and total trash (I still cannot stand video essays), I don't think you should give @Patrick Bait-man a bum rep all because of his own opinion.

Come on, lets not go full "Leave Britney alone", was just being sassy. I enjoy my own share of schlock (I watch anime for fucks sake), and I did read his essay on why Indi 4 is alright, I still disagree heavily and he already flagged me as autistic, so as for as I'm concerned, we are good.

 

[Patrick Bait-man]

Come on, lets not go full "Leave Britney alone", was just being sassy. I enjoy my own share of schlock (I watch anime for fucks sake), and I did read his essay on why Indi 4 is alright, I still disagree heavily and he already flagged me as autistic, so as for as I'm concerned, we are good.

Well at least we're on good terms then; perhaps I went a bit overboard on that post. I think it's a good film, and nothing will change that for me; but if you think it's bad then that's perfectly fine, I just hope it's genuine and not "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull bad because Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

 

[ShitLurker]

Well at least we're on good terms then; perhaps I went a bit overboard on that post. I think it's a good film, and nothing will change that for me; but if you think it's bad then that's perfectly fine, I just hope it's genuine and not "Kingdom of the Crystal Skull bad because Kingdom of the Crystal Skull."

Nah, I have admitted I have a certain appreciation for the prequel trilogy which is pretty much a way to kill any sort of semblance of having taste on internet cred, so it isn't purely from a "people said it's shit therefore it's shit" angle. I really did not enjoy my time with Crystal Skull outside of laughing at things I imagine the movie didn't want me laughing about. I can at least give it that it's a lot more likely to get a rewatch from me than most of the shit that has come out in the last like 10 years or so since for all the faults I believe it has, it at least isn't preachy.

 

[Overly Serious]

Besides, isn’t it canon that Bruce Campbell is the real “Santa Claus” in that show?

It was right up there with Warehouse 13 and Leverage.

A very chad Santa, yes. He actually shifts between different incarnations of Santa which is why at one point they find him drinking in a bar and starting brawls because Odin is the earliest known archetype of the midwinter god-magic-figure.

But anyway, enough of great shows, we're supposed to be talking about a terrible movie. When is this thing out and is there any hope it will bomb enough for the money-men to finally learn their lesson? You'd think there'd be some sort of ratings agency for movie investors. Like S&P but for big budget movies. "I'm afraid that replacing your popular male lead with an unliked woman has downgraded your risk score to CCC".

Or maybe there is. If not, I want to start one.

 

[TVB]

The name is just so bad. I keep hoping they'd retitle it. Doesn't seem likely. The name alone is making me hate it on principle. It's just so stupid sounding.

Even though the movie will explain, it still sounds horrifyingly generic so far. At least the first four sounded clever.

One big issue is meant to be that a lot of writers in Hollywood don't read. They just watch stuff. So their influences are way smaller.

And Hollywood is the same town that hires mental patients. And by that point, they'll have way more money by traveling to Epstein's island.

Has anyone made a Dilator of Destiny joke yet?

You're late to make that joke, nigger.

 

[WhiskeyJack]

A very chad Santa, yes. He actually shifts between different incarnations of Santa which is why at one point they find him drinking in a bar and starting brawls because Odin is the earliest known archetype of the midwinter god-magic-figure.

But anyway, enough of great shows, we're supposed to be talking about a terrible movie. When is this thing out and is there any hope it will bomb enough for the money-men to finally learn their lesson? You'd think there'd be some sort of ratings agency for movie investors. Like S&P but for big budget movies. "I'm afraid that replacing your popular male lead with an unliked woman has downgraded your risk score to CCC".

Or maybe there is. If not, I want to start one.

A lot of films are basically money laundering schemes in disguise or tax dodges. They’re too volatile and expensive to be good investments, especially these days. For all the money the MCU made, they still had to spend a fortune on every film. One flop and the whole investment in multiple films is shot.

 

[TVB]

A lot of films are basically money laundering schemes in disguise or tax dodges. They’re too volatile and expensive to be good investments, especially these days. For all the money the MCU made, they still had to spend a fortune on every film. One flop and the whole investment in multiple films is shot.

Most of Hollywood blockbuster movies are pretty much money laundering schemes. Very noticeable shitty visual effects that age worse than almost anything from the 90s or 2000s, big names roped in, and IPs being revived, among other things.

 

[ShitLurker]

When is this thing out and is there any hope it will bomb enough for the money-men to finally learn their lesson?

After avatar 2 did gangbusters, anything with any sort of branding I don't file as a likely comercial disaster unless there are a lot of flags. Little Niggermaid? I expect that shit to flop hard. Indy? not so much, I can see more than a good chunk of people going just to see of it sucks or not, Last Jedi still made it's money back even though it killed the franchise for the most part (unless I'm remembering wrong).