Patrick Sean Tomlinson / @stealthygeek / "Torque Wheeler" / @RealAutomanic / Kempesh / Padawan v2.5 - "Conservative" sci-fi author with TDS, armed "drunk with anger management issues" and terminated parental rights, actual tough guy, obese, paid Quasi, paid thousands to be repeatedly unbanned from Twitter

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

It's the least likely reality but I'm hoping it's multifaceted:

-The truly fake ones are just that. No call log nothing, just pat being fat

-FD or amberlamps are Patty calling those in. They seem to be less frequent and maybe in his fat retard brain they're less likely to land him in trouble while still having a credible "look the stalker childs!"

-Wellness checks and other police activity are any number of things. The famous recording I'm still not sure if it was a swat or a shots fired response with the wrong address because he's in a shit neighborhood or what, but maybe some of these are Pat getting too drunk and going "Niki do you have ANY understanding of how hard I work to raise money and support, YOUUUU!? DOYOUHAVEANYIDEA?!" I 100% believe all the wellness checks and other random knock-knocks by the police are from neighbors hearing pig squealing and hoping Niki is still alive in her half of the hovel and phoning it in.

TL;Dr other emergency sservices might be pat but the police are because the whole neighborhood is stalker childs sick of Pat's squealing.

 

[Funeral for a Furry]

People argue that Fat isn't clever enough to SWAT himself but we literally have video evidence of him faking harassment against himself.

I think it's more a case of him being able SWAT himself without making it look obvious.
Like that time when he wrote on his own car.

 

[TerminalTryHard]

I think it's more a case of him being able SWAT himself without making it look obvious.
Like that time when he wrote on his own car.

Obvious? Like being SWATTed three times in one day?

 

[Gentlebastard]

What really amazes me is that the person[s?] responsible hasn’t yet screwed up and gotten caught.

Which is why I believe Rick isn't the one responsible for the "swattings", but rather some a-log of his, or neighbors worried about the noises they hear when he comes back from Hooligan's. The (alleged) man can't stop acting like a petulant retard for 5 minutes, and we're supposed to believe he has called nearly 30 anonymous, successful fake swattings on his own ass? Pat is probably becoming paranoid, and sees everyone walking by in a blue shirt as a Racist Transphobic Cop itching to kick down his door.

People argue that Fat isn't clever enough to SWAT himself but we literally have video evidence of him faking harassment against himself.

Once or twice? Sure, why not. Let's give Piggy some credit, he's human after all, despite looking like Bebop's bastard child. What I find hard to believe is him doing it dozens of times without messing up even once, when the "bike vandals" mini-arc proved he has the forethought of a toddler.

 

[Broadside]

Pat isnt gonna do shit who cares

As a rule, I'd advise against pozloading my negholep kiwibro. But the MPD are so fucking inept we could all start legitimately sending him death threats over text with our home addresses attached at this point and nothing would get done.

 

[Vapid_Idiot]

I could not imagine doing a construction project with Patrick. The retard can’t seem to stop posting every minor thing to Twitter. I’m already annoyed by him. Maybe take before and after pics and shut the fuck and get to work Patrick

 

[*sigh*]

Oh good lord the Handyman arc really is starting:

View attachment 5023363
T / A

Now I'm a slightly less fat/retarded person but what would the purpose be of having to dremel several dozen iron nails? How big are we talking? Huge 8-inch nails? Little carpenter nails? What the fuck is this retard cutting besides pepperoni that would wear down the edge so much?

 

[Maude Snew]

It's actually his abandoned daughter calling the police over and over to avenge her real dad Pringles Can Jon. She read what your bitch ass said about him, Fat, and she's out for blood.

 

[TheAmbiguousLurker]

I feel like it has to be Fat swatting himself. After the fifth attempt, the reasons that someone else would be swatting him no longer apply.

 

[Broadside]

27th time now? What the literal fuck is up with you, MPD? Sort this shit out.

Here's an idea, maybe start taking note of where the calls are coming from? I'm sure if you had any brain cells in your fat pig heads you could triangulate 27 FUCKING PHONE INS.

 

[306h4Ge5eJUJ]

Starting to become more and more convinced of my crackpot theory that the PD simply hates Pat and just doesn't care to investigate the culprit. Which would allow even someone as dumb as Pat to swat himself with impunity.

 

[misterduckford]

But he's doing it in her house, she must hear the screams and see him growing fat off of his ghastly "niggeroni." She's guilty as well, I will not budge on this.

I'm certain she's occupying the estranged fathers of the ethnic children, in groups, upstairs so she's quite distracted.

 

[DSP's Tax Lawyer]

27th time now? What the literal fuck is up with you, MPD? Sort this shit out.

Here's an idea, maybe start taking note of where the calls are coming from? I'm sure if you had any brain cells in your fat pig heads you could triangulate 27 FUCKING PHONE INS.
View attachment 5035206

I think the cops have a bingo card among themselves about what things piggy will squeal about when they stop by. And at this point, they are going to keep visiting him until someone gets a bingo

 

[Associate Rick]

But if this is the case, why still the incessant "SWATTing"? It's long gone beyond the point of being funny for anyone supposedly doing it in secret. There's literally only one person trying to gain from the SWATings and it's Pat.

I suspect that it is another barfly or pathetic individual whom knows and hates Fatrick in hooligans.

The calls are coming from inside the house but not from the direction we all thought.

 

[Catch The Rainbow]

MPD and Fatrick, an unstoppable force meets an immovable wall.

 

[Sneedfully and Peacefully]

View attachment 5035680

MPD and Fatrick, an unstoppable force meets an immovable wall.

Doesn't he have a ring camera or whatever like the faggot he is. Can't he just use the microphone and go "CHILD. CHILD, you are not WELCOME child. Do you not understand that I have told you many hundreds of times that we are not killing each other so please leave me alone stalker child MPD." I'm sure the rookies they're sending will get a laugh.

ETA: I'm also assuming that it's common practice for at least the MPD maybe to treat every call no matter how numerous they are for the same location as if it's real (relative to the report, so wellness check vs shots fired), like how fire drills in schools are always supposed to be kind of treated as real so kids learn to take them seriously. Pat doesn't understand that and I'm sure the faggots doing it do.

 

[A Very Big Fish]

View attachment 5035680

MPD and Fatrick, an unstoppable force meets an immovable wall.

Can you imagine if SWAT teams actually went along with notes like that? Any criminal would just hang up a sign like that and when called be like, "Yeah, no officer, everything is a-okay" and then go back to grinding black children into pepperonis.

 

[siegemeister675]

View attachment 5035680

MPD and Fatrick, an unstoppable force meets an immovable wall.

On the bright side maybe if they break in when he's not ready those idiots will realize that every missing black child for the last 10 years in the Milwaukie metro area disappeared thanks to his illegal pepperoni operation, though it's possible they're so racist they know and just don't care.

 

[Ophelia]

I feel like it has to be Fat swatting himself. After the fifth attempt, the reasons that someone else would be swatting him no longer apply.

Could they still apply to a retarded a-log?

 

[I Can Smell My Balls]

I think the funniest thing that could realistically happen next is that fats story gets picked up by CNN or some other big media org. So many people would be introduced to his plight but then they’d immediately see how retarded he is on twitter. We may get some more members who join just because they know fat and want to tell us stories about him. We may get some more totally factual and unbiased articles about the farms. We may even get some insight into how the MPD is handling all of it if they’re put under scrutiny for continually SWATTing a poor innocent pepperoni artisan.

However, we will still never get an admission or acknowledgement of this man’s obesity, so I will do it. He’s fat.